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January 09, 2006

Chris Klein Romance Watch

He's so over his ex-fiancee he has to announce his new crushes in the tabloids:

He says, "Charlize Theron (leaves me tongue-tied). I've met her a few times now and she's always left me completely lost for words.
"She's wonderful and so beautiful."

Chris Klein? Tongue tied? The devil you say.

I like how the writer had to (paraphrase) The Eloquent One's words about being tongue-tied. He probably was speaking pubescently and made no sense at all there.

What a lucky woman Charlize Theron is. What woman doesn't want to date a male-ish version of the Alien Borg Queen from Star Trek: Insurrection?

Update: I'm over her, I mean honestly, I'm like sooooo totally over her, I barely ever think about her, ever, except that I can't seem to stop talking about her:

We get it, Chris Klein. You've moved on from your days with Katie Holmes.
Still, the "American Pie" actor can't seem to keep from publicly pining about his former relationship with Tom Cruise's baby's momma.

After telling "Access Hollywood" in November that he wasn't bitter and had moved on, Klein, 26, told himself the same thing recently on AP Radio:

"It's a time that I'll always look back with … fondness, but her and I have moved on."

I'd feel bad for him if he didn't have this thing going on that's working for him.

A lot of the women in Hollywood need a Daddy. And they call him "Daddy," because they're hungry.

But Katie Holmes doesn't. Not hungry. And maybe she needed a little more placating.

Not Gay: The A-Man thinks Holmes was a beard. How the hell does a man so embarrassingly pine for a woman, publicly no less, if he's gay?

Is the A-Man suggesting that Klein is actually smart enough to cover up one embarrassing secret with another fake embarrassing secret?

Surely he can't be suggesting that.

The A-Man, natch.

posted by Ace at 03:29 PM

Comments

Presumably this means she's an 8-10.

But is she so hot that he'd be willing to placate? That is the question.

Posted by: Allah on January 9, 2006 03:34 PM

Enjoy the show. I'll be here all week.

Posted by: Open Tags on January 9, 2006 03:34 PM

Hey, thanks for the attention, but get out of my face.

Posted by: Charlize Theron on January 9, 2006 03:42 PM

Allah,

I guess we'll just have to wait until CT is on her priod, and she starts retraining water. When she asks CK if she's looking good, his answer will reveal whether he placates or not.

Posted by: Jack M. on January 9, 2006 03:47 PM

I'd crawl naked on my hands and knees though a desert of broken glass just to rest in the shadow of the truck that takes her panties to the laundry.

I think I've said enough.

Posted by: harrison on January 9, 2006 03:49 PM

BUZZ! Wrong answer...there is no "Alien Borg Queen from Star Trek: Insurrection." The "Borg Queen" was in Star Trek: First Contact.

And thanks for ruining the movie for me.

Posted by: jwr2 on January 9, 2006 03:53 PM

I wanna know what the fuck's up with Tony Blair's wig? Look like he's been wondering about Mary too much.

Posted by: Madfish Willie on January 9, 2006 03:56 PM

tongue tied? i thought all he has to say is "hello". what's so damn hard about that? alpha-heterosexual my ass

Posted by: ramms on January 9, 2006 03:57 PM

Curse my lack of typing skills!!!

"Priod" is in fact "Period". Otherwise, it would seem CT was riding around in a goofy hybrid automobile or something.

"Retraining" is in fact "retaining".

I blame Bush, and Spurwing Plover, for these obvious errors.

Posted by: Jack M. on January 9, 2006 03:57 PM

Ace's choice of photos captures Klein's fagginess nicely. But check this out, courtesy of today's Google News search.

No way this dude's straight. Katie Holmes = professional beard.

Posted by: Allah on January 9, 2006 03:58 PM

C'mon, Jack-- shouldn't you blame the Joooooos?

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on January 9, 2006 03:58 PM

Theron is not that attractive, IMO. On top of it, she's kind of a weepy liberal, which is uber-unattractive.

Who cares about Chris Klein anyway?

Posted by: rho on January 9, 2006 04:01 PM

Charliz Theron and Chris Klein would have to go to SOUTH AFDRICA to get merried and then have SOME KIDS

Posted by: spurwing Dave in Texas on January 9, 2006 04:04 PM

Allah the link to the pic you posted of Chris Klein looks like a young Kevin Spacey and we know how that turned out.

Posted by: JackStraw on January 9, 2006 04:12 PM

"Theron is not that attractive, IMO. On top of it, she's kind of a weepy liberal, which is uber-unattractive."

rho,
I don't want to TALK to her.

Posted by: harrison on January 9, 2006 04:15 PM

Ever since I saw Theron in Monster, I keep thinking: "That's how she looks at 6AM before the guys in the makeup truck get to her." Give her ten years and a slowly-degrading movie career, and she wouldn't need any makeup to star in that movie. (Plus Christina Ricci looks like some freaky big-headed troll-doll. Seriously: even a lesbian would have some second thoughts about that huge meaty head Ricci carries around.)

Posted by: Monty on January 9, 2006 04:15 PM

Nah, I don't blame the joooos for much of anything.

That's not the way I roll.

Remember when I posted my "Proud Friend of Israel" button on "All Along the Blogtower" and dedicated it to Cedarford?

Of course you don't.

But I do. It was the only time that SOB ever came over to troll, lol. Man, he was pissed off. I got about a 4 comment streak (about 4,000 words) explaining how I was a neo-con tool and liked to "take it" from my Zionist Masters.

Good times. Good times.

Posted by: Jack M. on January 9, 2006 04:17 PM

Ricci's got nothing on that Helena Bonjovi Carter chick. Me and my gal call her "Blockhead."

John Paul Jones is 60?

Posted by: John on January 9, 2006 04:19 PM

I blame the Jooos. . . for great cooking. Seriously, have you ever had yourself good knish? To die for.

BTW, I miss Cedarford. With the new laws in BushHitler's America, we could've thrown him in jail for his behavior here at Ace of Spades HQ.

That woulda been nifty.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on January 9, 2006 04:21 PM

Monty, you spend time looking at Ricci's *head*? You wearing a neck brace or something?

Although, admittedly, Ricci does have that Stewie head of hers. . .

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on January 9, 2006 04:27 PM

How the hell does a man so embarrassingly pine for a woman, publicly no less, if he's gay?

Anyone else remember Rosie O'Donnell's enormous crush on Tom Cruise?

Posted by: Gene on January 9, 2006 04:29 PM

Man, we're not even two weeks into January, and we've had--what? Maybe six stories featuring the Alpha Male Heterosexual?

I predict that 2006 will be the Year of Chris Klein. Which, needless to say, will be very exciting.

Posted by: utron on January 9, 2006 04:32 PM

Monty, you spend time looking at Ricci's *head*? You wearing a neck brace or something?

Oh, I'm not saying I wouldn't ride that mare like Secretariat if the occasion arose; I just think she has a freakishly huge noggin. Now Thora Birch...oh, man. Don't get me started; it makes me feel like a dirty old man. I'm like twice her age.

Posted by: Monty on January 9, 2006 04:46 PM

I'm sure this is a stupid question... by WTF is a "professional beard"?

Posted by: Madfish Willie on January 9, 2006 05:01 PM

WTF is a "professional beard"?

I'm guessing it's a woman who is paid (or compensated materially in some way) to be a closeted gay man's partner.

Posted by: Sue Dohnim on January 9, 2006 05:09 PM

madfish - a beard that gets him more acting jobs

Posted by: SarahW on January 9, 2006 05:11 PM

Or in the context of Allah's comment, a woman who makes a living by serially partnering up with gay men to maintain the men's facade of alpha-hetero manguy.

Posted by: Sue Dohnim on January 9, 2006 05:16 PM

I'd crawl naked on my hands and knees though a desert of broken glass just to rest in the shadow of the truck that takes her panties to the laundry.

Ummm...no. That sort of devotion is to be reserved only for the female Singularity herself, Mélissa Theuriau.

Behold, thy work day is at an end!

Posted by: Fred on January 9, 2006 05:19 PM

Hmm. I wonder how many people pegged Karol for a beard when she went to see a certain film with a couple of guys a few weeks ago.

Posted by: shawn on January 9, 2006 05:29 PM

Thanks Sue & Sarah

I kind of thought so, but couldn't figger out what was the connection to the word "beard", as I know there has just got to be some smart-ass, juvenile reason to use that particular word.

Posted by: Madfish Willie on January 9, 2006 05:30 PM

hehe... Just clicked over to the link - that guy looks like PeeWee - no wonder he needs a beard!

Posted by: Madfish Willie on January 9, 2006 05:33 PM

"That sort of devotion is to be reserved only for the female Singularity herself, Mélissa Theuriau."

Fine. Works for me. I'm pretty easy.

Posted by: harrison on January 9, 2006 06:13 PM

Man, what does it say about you when Tom Cruise knocks up your beard?

Posted by: Sortelli on January 9, 2006 06:29 PM

Man, what does it say about you when Tom Cruise knocks up your beard?

Nothing good, homes. Nothing good. Which is why Klein has taken his show on the road to show what a stud he is. I mean, whether he's gay or straight hardly matters: Tom "Xenu Will Eat All of You" Cruise knocked up his old lady! I'll bet Klein curled up in a corner and cried like a little girl when he heard that. Gay or straight: that's gotta burn.

Posted by: Monty on January 9, 2006 06:36 PM

Especially after that long sexless relationship they had going, too. I mean, daaaaaymn. Girl tells him she's gotta wait until marriage, and then Tom Cruise comes along . . .

Posted by: Sortelli on January 9, 2006 08:47 PM

The borg queen isa liberal just listen to everything the borg say the borgs are liberal

Posted by: spurwing plover on January 9, 2006 09:45 PM

Anyone dissing the Borg Queen needs to check out Ghost Story and appreciate a fine redheaded lass.

Posted by: epobirs on January 10, 2006 01:21 AM

Thanks Fred - that hit the spot.

Posted by: geoff on January 10, 2006 01:30 AM

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Top Headlines

"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.

Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.

Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"

Hamas is Humiliating Trump's 'Board of Peace'
[Hat Tip: TC] [CBD]

Tucker Carlson is pretty sure Trump is a wizard

Ted Turner Dies At 87 [CBD]

Podcast: Starting a new season, CBD and Sefton discuss their personal journeys to conservative principles, is Nick Shirley the beginning of a trend?, Iran trying to reignite the war, the Left attacks itself, even on "Best Guitarist" lists, and more!

TJM definitively ranks the films of Billy Wilder, like Some Like It Hot

TJM talks about Billy Wilder

Democrat Congresswoman Sara Jacobs cites Me-Again Kelly, Cavernous Nostrils, Alex Jones and Tuq'r Qarlson as proof that concerns about Trump's mental health are "bipartisan"
As Bonchie from Red State says: Know the op when you see it.

Leftists who have been drawing Frankendistricts for decades are suddenly upset about Republican line-drawing
Socialist usurper Obama cut commercials urging Virginians to vote for the bizarre "lobster" gerrymander -- but now says gerrymanders are so racist you guys
Obama is complaining about the new Louisiana map -- but here's the thing, the new map has much more compact and rational borders than the old racial gerrymander map
Pete Bootyjudge is whining too. But here's the Illinois gerrymander he supports.

Big Bonus! Under the new Florida congressional map, Debbie Wasserman Schultz will probably lose her seat
And she can't even go on The View because she's ugly a clump of stranger's hair in the bath-drain

Podcast: CBD and Sefton Charge the Democrats with fomenting violence against the nation with their rhetoric, Virginia redistricting going down the tubes? Trump's bully pulpit is not censorship, Lee Zeldin is a star, J.B. Pritzker is an idiot, and more!