Thats Bartlett's quotes, isn't it. I can't be bothered to look it up.

That's because Jersey is...what's the phrase I'm looking for?

Oh, yeah.

A complete fucking idiot.

Bartlett's Quotes? Isn't that the episode guide for The West Wing?

I was looking through my old version of The Other Greats, Famous Quotations from the Sibling's of Those Who Made History, when I found this:

Pity the man who challenges the heavens, but does not verify that the ground is firmly beneath him. -Cal Jefferson (Thomas Jefferson's brother)

I couldn't help but think of Jersey's unbelievable ignorance of Jefferson when I read this. I mean, the guy's one of our founding fathers and he can't even be bothered to google up a quote?

"Well, we are moving on up. To the East side. To a deluxe apartment in the sky."

- George Jefferson, 1975

I think it was Abraham Lincoln who said, "Jersey is a fucking douche-nozzle. Seriously. I've had bowel movements with more character."

Or maybe it was Oscar Wilde that said it. Or maybe it's that voice in my head that tells me to burn things. The point is, it's a good quote. It's punchy.

Yeah, Warden, a display of ignorance like that is startling.

I bet Jersey isn't even familiar with these other well known Jefferson quotes:

"The price of liberty is totally bitchin'."
----TJ, 1st Inaugural Address

"Would that King George III but give us our freedom, lest we be forced to gank his noob ass."
---TJ, 1st Draft of the Declaration of Independence

"Despite our differences in the past, John Adams is fo' shizzle ma nizzle."
---TJ, Letter to Abigail Adams upon the death of John.

"And upon arriving in Philadelphia, I had but one question upon my mind: Dude, where's my car?"
---TJ, Remembering a visit to Independance Hall.

"The Whigs are whack; The Democratic-Republicans are in the hizzouse!"
---TJ, to Helen Thomas during his First White House Press Conference.

It's staggering what the kids today are oblivious to.

Regretfully, I typically find myself watching something other than Dave these days, because he's become a one-trick pony with his frequent, easy, cheap, and uninformed anti-Bushy swipes. I say "regretfully," because, otherwise, I still think that Letterman is a funny, funny guy.

Ace,

I hereby nominate this thread as the basis of a new contest, to wit: best made-up quotes by famous people. Bonus points for taking a real quote and hilarifying it.

Or as Plato once wrote, "Is this thing in my armpit a zit or a mole? 'Cause it's itching me something fierce."

If there is anything more stupid in the world than an Islamic nut it's a left winger. They claim to be the elite but are actually more than half a bubble off of plum. Most could be legally declared insane. Hey don't take my word for it, read what they post every day.
I agree, most grade school children were smarter than the left wing college grad's, that is til the left wing college grad's were allowed to become teachers. They have dumbed down kindergarden.

You don't scare me Jersey. I've got chunks of guys like you in my stool!

"A biatch saved is a biatch slapped."

-Benjamin Pimpslap Franklin.

"Ask not what deez nuts can do for you, but what you can do for deez nuts."

-JFK

It's high time someone did for Jefferson what Princess Serutan did for Pall-Mauve'Bib.

By the grace of God, and the power of my Pimp Hand, we shall burst forth out of the darkness and into the light again!

"You shouldn't pick on retards--it's just too easy."
-Thomas Jefferson, from The Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom

Okay, I signed my name first. Now step up and do likewise, you no-talent bitches.

Huh huh huh... Hancock. Huh huh huh.

"We shall fuck like the French, we shall fuck on the seas and oceans, we shall fuck them in the ass, we shall fuck them like they is bitchess, we shall fuck them downtown, we shall fuck in the tits and mouths, we shall fuck them while on pills. We will never stop fucking." - Winston "Daddy mack" Churchill

"I was FOR the revolution before I voted against it."

"Life is wasted on the living"- John F. Kennedy

"It's really a shame that all of our troops, except of course dear Cindy Sheehan's son, are Nazi terrorist baby murderers brainwashed by Dear Cheerleader". - Sen John Forbes Heinz-Kerry-Heinz

"I can't believe I ate the whole thing."

G.K. Chesterton

"We just voted to WHAT? You gotta be shittin' me, Pyle. Why the FUCK would we do that?"

"All men, at some early point in their lives, must rid themselves of their paternally fabricated grudges they hold in their hearts and choose between living like men or living like women."

~Nathaniel Thornbridge
(Alexander Hamilton's half-brother-in-law)

"The Era of Big Government is over. The Era of banging Big Interns has just begun!"

---William Jefferson (Heh) Clinton, 1995 State of the Union Address.

"Hey, I think I can see my house from here.......OMIGOD..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Get your ass over there and take that ridge, Pickett. When I want your punk-ass opinion, I'll write it on a piece of paper and shove it up your narrow Irish ass. Now form your lines and get marching! Don't make a fucking maniac out of me!

"Suck me, Hardy."
-Horatio Nelson, Battle of Trafalgar

"The elderly get shirts. That's just the fucking way it is."

-Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Look, McClellan...if you don't get that fucking army moving soon, I'm going to come down there and get medieval on your ass, got it?

What? Do I look like a bitch?

Then why are you fucking me like one?

"All You Need Is Love. And a bulletproof vest."

Feynman: "So you see, the Riemann Zeta function, when factored in the following way, clearly shows that you have to strip naked so I can ride that shit like the Kentucky Derby!"

Cute Young Co-Ed: "Surely you're joking, Mr. Feynman!"

"I believe that the finest characteristic of the American fighting man is his willingness to sacrifice himself for the rights guaranteed to Nazi soldiers by the penumbra of the Bill of Rights. When we finally prove to the enemy that sacrificing our own men to satisfy the whims of those who oppose our intervention in the European theatre of operations is not unthinkable, he will tremble in fear at how we will treat him. Well, at least until he realizes how sweet our POW camps are, but even then, he'll have a second or two of terror, and that's even better than actually 'winning' the so-called war."

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?

Are you not entertained?

Is this not why you are here?

"I regret that I've had but one chance to betray my country so far, so I'm going to see what I can do now to betray it again. - Jane Fondles (Herself)

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And bust a cap in their punk asses.

"Is William F. Buckley gonna have to choke a bitch?"

"Look here, Clanton. My brothers and I just came down here to tell you that Kofi and the rest of the UN posse said that y'alls got until sundown next Tuesday to appeal the resolution mildly condemning you for cattle rustlin', murder, and Zionist agression. If you want to appeal the ruling, you'll need to pick up the necessary paperwork at the County Courthouse between 10 am and 3 pm. Go up to the third floor and tell them you're there about the 'stolen cattle for grub' resolution. And for Chrissake, please stop carrying your guns around in town, would you? You do realize that those guns are just a way for Big Cartridges to profit on your unchecked aggression, don't you? Why don't you just carry knives and bows like our valiant native brothers out on the rez?"

"Fuck this noise. Who needs to conquer France? I'm in the mood for one muthafucka of a St. Crispan's Day kegger. Last one back across the channel has to cook the mutton pies!"

"There were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident."

-George Washington, 1775

"As long as I am President, we will do everything possible to destroy global Islamic terrorism. And if the Democrats don't like it, they can suck my big Texas dick."

~George W. Bush

Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to that Fucker, Osama and his kind.

-Benjamin W. Franklin (no relation to Ben Franklin)

"I pooped a hammer. And a box of 60 watt light bulbs. And some pasta."

"I had a dream. I had a dream I fucked every white woman I could get my black hands on. Damn, what a dream."

~Rev. Dr. Martin L. King Jr.

(Too crass?)

George, I saw that.

You might want to lay low for a while.

Whenever I see an erring man, I say to myself I have also erred; when I see a lustful man I say to myself, so was I once; and in this way I feel kinship with everyone in the world and feel that I cannot be happy without the humblest of us being happy . . . except that fucker who shot me, may he burn in hell. – Mahatma Gandhi

"To be or not to be? Signs point to 'not to be'."

"Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt!"

George, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

Non-cooperation with evil is a sacred duty. Especially if by 'non-cooperation' you mean 'blast them straight to Hell.'

-Tony Gandhi, Cumberland Farms

Violent means will give violent freedom. BOOYAHHH!

-Franklin Delano Gandhi, 7-11

"Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. Especially Simon. He can't keep his hands off his monkey." -- Jesus Christ, MATTHEW 26:41

War is hella crazy.

No! No! Oh God O.J. No!

"If my esteemed colleague from Rhode Island will take a second to look at the resolution being considered, he will see that all his base, as a matter of fact, DO belong to us."

To all:

Ignorant free speech often works against the speaker. That is one of several reasons why it must be given rein instead of suppressed.

-Anna Quindlen (June 13, 1993)

And from now on Kent, stop playing with yourself.

"There are no differences except differences of degree between different degrees of difference and no difference" -- Al Gore summing up the difference between Liberals and Leftists

[Aside: You know a thread's good when you blog the comments and not the item.]

"Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure that my brother Bobby will always get my sloppy seconds."

--John F. Kennedy, Inaugural Address

"That whole thing between the Germans & the Jews? Fuck it, the whole thing was a eight-year spark off. We had some fun together and went our separate ways. Are we still friends? Yes. Do we talk? No.

"I don't placate. Oh, wait..."

--Neville Chamberlain

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning....smells like victory!'-

"I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille."

--Cindy Sheehan

"Oh I don't know. Thirty isn't really that many. I know a whole shitload of dudes who've got thirty. And one hundred? Baby, I am NOT from Havana. A bruthas gotta have some "me" time, know what I mean? Hmmmm, let's go with seventy-two. That was the number on my old high school camel-jockey jersey. Let's go with seventy-two."

"Dude, I don't know why we're putting this much effort into this particular sura. It's not as if anyone is actually going to believe any of this, right? I mean, come on: virgins? I could see someone getting a chubby over seventy-two al-Hooters girls, or seventy-two "aspiring actresses" with silicone sacks, but virgins? Dude, if they're not good enough for their brothers and cousins, why should I be the one to break them in? Fuck this, I'm hungry. Wanna split an order of chitlins?"

"The economy is going to tank....this year! Yeah, the depression is coming! Halliburton! Quagmire! Oh, Heath, shake that thang!"-Paul Krugman in "Brokeback Mountain"

"Wow, I'm totalled. Hey Mary Jo, can you drive tonight? My kidneys are literally swimming in scotch right now."

"God does not play dice with nature. Dick Cheney does."
- Albert Einstein

"Dammit Robbie, I'm not going to tell you this again. This car ain't moving until you fasten your seat belt. What, do you think you're unbreakable, little man? OK then, if you break every freakin' bone in your body in an accident, don't come crying to me."

"Don't worry baby. It'll fit. Just relax and breathe deeply. Let it slide in slowly."

Hook em Horns

-- Thomas Jefferson

"Suck my dick."

--Ron Jeremy

"A turkey + every pot = crazy delicious"

-- Franklin Roosevelt

"Religion is the opium of the masses. So, let's get doped up!" - Mahmoud Ahmadinezhad.

"Arbeit macht frei." - President of the Islamic Republic of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinezhad, to the Israeli Knesset on the august occasion of Yom haAtzmaut.

"Keshmakesham: daastaane zendagiye Mahmud Ahmadinezhaad." ("My Struggle: The Story of the Life of Mahmoud Ahmadinezhad.")

Edit as necessary.

"That's one small step for man, one giant--HOLY COW, Mr. Cheney!"

Neil Armstrong

"Little River Band is my favorite music group."

~Dave in Texas

yeah we won, but only because we scored an illegitimate touchdown. -- Mack Brown

"How do you like these nut crackers?"

~Sum Yung Girl

yeah, Young's knee was down. But the interception they took away from Texas inside the 20 gave USC 7 points. I call it a wash.

-- Thomas Jefferson

"Many people fail to appreciate the subtle artistry of Spanky and Our Gang."

~Bart

"Okay, I know I leaked highly classified info to the media and compromised national security, but I would now like to follow established legal channels and report to Congress on those questionable programs, with the "whistleblower" protections that those channels offer."

--NSA whistleblower, Russ Tice... no, seriously.

"Bart, Spanky and Our Gang sucks! Now, The Association really kicks ass. Just like we kicked USC's ass.

So what if the frickin' knee was down. Young would have run it in on the next play. "

I am proud to know all the words to ABBA's Dancing Queen.

Doh!
Michael said that.

Hmm... maybe not the leaker... or even a leaker. It's hard to say from that article, I guess, but I'm sure the JD will be looking into the guy.

"Damn it, will you guys stop handing my ass to me already?" -- Jersey

Young would have run it in on the next play

Aggie Trey needed a hug or something.

Don't leave any shiny things laying around.

I hate it when people post in my name. Good night, you assholes. I'm going to fall asleep to the tunes of Grand Funk Railroad.

"Dave, I know it was you who posted as Michael, too."

~Bart

I don't post as Michael. That's placating.

I don't placate.

What. The. Fuck. Just. Happened?

~Pete Caroll

Dave, you're such a pussy. Only pussies listen to the Little River Band. Real men, like me, appreciate the soulful rythms of the 5th Dimension.

Well, sometimes I do placate. But only when I'm crying in my beer because I'm listening to California Dreamin' by the Mama & the Papas and it makes me so sad, and my wife starts to bitch-slap me and tells me to stop acting like such a queer.

Okay, Sandy, very funny. Posting like me under "Monty" and "Dave."

Ha ha.

Bart, I will not tolerate you posting in the name of other commenters. If you keep this up, I'm going to ban your pansie little ass.

Not Sandy.

All fake posts referring to insipid bands were me, along with Ace post above.

Sandy the Relentless.

No way, man. I'm innocent.

Really, this is me. Sandy is innocent. I just started goofing when Bart brought up the Little River Band.

All fake posts referring to insipid bands were me, along with Ace post above.

Heh... you are a pansie. You ratted yourself out in the very next post. Awesome.

Sandy is innocent.

I've even got an alibi. The pizza delivery boy can vouch for me.

Give it up, Sandy. We all know Michael is neither clever nor funny.

Spurwing Plover, you rascal, you!

Oh, you're going to drag Spurwing into this? Hasn't he been through enough?

"Shoes and free speech are overrated. A true democracy can tolerate limits on both."

~Lipstick's feet, Toes Jefferson

Jeez, guys. You see this? This is why we can't have nice threads. And (bravely holding back a sob), you wouldn't even let me keep a pet Marxist! Now you clean this mess up pronto and start making up some fake but accurate quotes or I'll get Michael to start regaling y'all with Batman quotes!

Ok, people, it's time for me to intervene. I've checked the IP addresses, and all the fake posts have been made by that cock-sucker Brewfan, whose favorite song is Tiny Dancer by Elton John.

BTW, Ace, when do we got the promised winners of the Loose Shit category in the Bad Poetry Contest?

Cuz, y'know, my Ode to Ogden Nash was certainly some loose shit.

"We're not gonna take it. No. We ain't gonna take it. We're not gonna take it anymore."

"The guys get togas."

"Did I really say 'I regret that I have but one life to give for my country?' Because instead of 'life,' I meant to say '30 hours of community service.'"

"Bitch set me up."

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new circle-jerk, conceived while fantasizing bbeck's tits, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are entitled to an occasional blowjob and a check from the government if they don't feel like working.

Now we are engaged in a great blogospheric flame-war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for the dirty little man-whore called Spurwing Plover. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

Who's Jersey?

I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you.

Thomas Jefferson to Sally Hemings, Monticello 1789

"I have many leatherbound books, and my palladian plantation house smells of rich mahogany."

"Say Billy, have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

George S. Patton to General Montgomerry during the North African Campaign.

Jesus saves. But Esposito scores on the rebound.

-- Thomas Cosell Jefferson

"You've got to get up to get down." - Coolio

Texas has a lot of electrical votes.

Yogi Berra Jefferson

"Be taking my ass to Pleasure Town."

We shall fight them on the beaches; we shall fight them on the landing grounds; we shall fight them in the fields and the villages; we shall fight them at the all-you-can-eat potato bars; we shall fight them at the stinky little pub on Hawthorne street where the publican looks like a disspated, fat Disraeli; we shall fight them near Miss Timmons' house, where the stench from her fifteen cats will waft over them; we shall fight them at the tobacconists', where my favorite cigars recently went up four and fivepence, and taste like dogshit, leading me to think that they are now using an inferior leaf; we shall fight them in the grotty toilet near the Baker street Underground station. But we shall never surrender!

"I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party. "

-William Jefferson Clinton, 1995

I get up. And nothing gets me down.

-- Thomas Jefferson

I have returned! I--

--aw, man! I just stepped in dog crap! Who lets a dog crap on a goddam beach, I ask you? Private, gimme a stick or something so I can scrape it off. Shit! These are brand new shoes, too. What the hell was this dog eating? It's like frigging glue!

I'll tell you something -- when I was running the Philippines, dogs didn't filthy up my beaches.

"I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly... "

-bbeck

Methinks you're full of it, but I could be wrong, it's not out of the question.

Thomas Jefferson when told by Sally Hemings that he was the father of her baby.

It does not take sharp eyes to see the sun and the moon, nor does it take sharp ears to hear the thunderclap. Wisdom is not obvious. You must see the subtle, notice the hidden, and slice like a fucking hammer to be victorious.

Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"JERSEY" ?
You're kidding, right? I see that word and my brain autoresponds "Slap the bastard."

I never inhaled, but I did suck.

~ Wllliam Jefferson Clinton

When one door of happiness closes another opens; but the next person who goes around closing doors without telling me is going to get fucking shanked.

Helen Keller (1880 - 1968)

Houston, before I get out of the lander, I want you to tell Aldrin to quit farting and then venting it into the O2 supply. I've been smelling his ass-gas for the past two days, and I'm sick of it. Oh, and he's so casual about it! So innocent! "Gee whiz, Neil, it's not me! Must be a malfunctioning heater coil!" Well, this shit has got to stop. My head's been aching from this fart-stench and that meatball paste shit I had for lunch is starting to repeat on me. I don't wanna get out on the Moon, do my "one small step for man" speech, and then barf into my helmet, ya know? So tell Aldrin to knock it off!

Eagle out.

You let one of them move in and then there goes the whole friggin neighborhood

Chief Sitting Bull, just before the Battle of Little Bighorn

Houston, Neil's been accusing me of farting ever since we left Earth, but he's lying. I mean, Jesus, we don't even have a decent bean-dip or frozen burrito here! And that so-called "turkey surprise" paste was a surprise all right -- it surprised me with the shits! You try shitting in a zero-gee environment with a fecal-containment bag taped to your ass!

But anyway, Neil is just being a pain in the ass. Plus, he keeps touching me. Tell him to quit it!

Eagle out.

I slept EVERYWHERE. - George Washington

"What is Good? To crush your enemies, drive them before you and hear the lamentations of their women"--Dick Cheney.

Neil and Buzz, you both better knock it off or we're going to turn the capsule around and come straight home! Collins has been sulking all along that he called "shotgun" but had to stay in the orbiter anyway, so we're this close to just saying the hell with it!

Now behave yourselves!

Jesus Christ, next year we're just going to stay home.

Cry "Havoc!" and let slip the dogs of the negotiation process, economic sanctions, and letting the inspectors do their jobs!

Get your hands off me, you damned dirty ape!

"I've got a 12 inch tongue and I can breathe through my fuckin ears!"

First words Dick Cheney ever spoke to Lynne

Posted by Neil Armstrong at January 5, 2006 10:17 AM
Posted by Buzz Aldrin at January 5, 2006 10:26 AM

In my opinion, these two win. I almost wet myself reading them.

Go tell the Spartans,
Jersey guy,
That here, amazed at your ignorance,
We laugh and laugh.

Wiseassides 568 BC

I once killed a man, just because he spelled Weekawken wrong.

--Aaron Burr (in a letter to Thomas Jefferson)

Very small world - I once met Dumas Malone and his sister lived next door when I was a kid.

"One if by land, two if by sea?" What kind of stupid fucking code is that? Ever hear of a little invention called a quill pen and a piece of fucking paper? Idiots! I'm surrounded by frikin' idiots!

Yo, Sam Adams: hook a brother up with a forty!

"Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better”

ODub, upon learning of the bakers dozen concept, 4/3/98

Here's an off the wall one:

What ever rightly done, however humble, took way too fucking long to do.

Henry Royce (yeah- that Rolls Royce)

"We adore titles and heredities in our hearts and ridicule them with our mouths. This is our democratic privilege. GET OUT THE BUSHES!"

-Samuel Clemens

"It burns! It burns!"

"By the Power of Grayskull... I have the power!" -- Jesus of Nazareth, immediately before turning water into wine.

Seasons don't fear the reaper. They fear Dick Cheney.

What the fuck is this?

(Dick Cheney, while watching Brokeback Mountain)

I will show you fear
In a handful of dust
I will show you Captain Crunch
In a bowlful of milk
I will show you a rind of fat
Rimming a very tasty steak
I will show you my junk
If you will show me yours

"Oh God, I could be bound in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not for that fucking asshole in the window."

(JFK)

"C'est une trap!"

"It is better to be loved than feared, if you cannot be both."

When my elephants move, they slice like fucking hammers.

"The power to destroy a world is nothing compared to the power of my dick." Lord Dick Cheney

"Where's the beef?"

-- Upton Sinclair

"I cannot tell a lie. I like big butts." -- George Washington

Boy, what a pack of howling assholes.

Since everybody appears to be so familiar with Thomas Jefferson's quote: "Free speech is overrated, but not overtly so."

Maybe they can provide a verfiable link to such a quote.

And, by the way, I did say in a previous posting that "I've been wrong before, etc."

"Gosh!! I can't believe how dumb the American people are. I mean, who in their right minds would elect a stupid little twit like me to run the show?"
George W. Bush, every day since the first inauguration.

Actually, I'm a mouth-breathing retard and was just trying to get a rise out of everyone. I'm sorry. I'm thirty-five and live in my grandmonther's basement. My job at the Sizzler barely pays enough to cover my Earthlink bill, much less my pr0n habit. As you can see, I have very little to live for. I apologize to one and all for the noxious, pointless, mind-numbingly dumb things I have said here and swear never to befoul this website again with my braindead ramblings.

Talk about gutless.

Now you're resorting to using my moniker to trash me?

Oh, and I'm still wating for that link to the Thomas Jefferson quote everybody says they know all about.

...wait. That was harsh. You'll have to forgive me -- I quit taking my bipolar meds because (as I said before) my job at the Sizzler doesn't pay much. It was either Hustler or my meds, and...well, you know how it is.

Thomas Jefferson liked skanky naked chicks too, you know.

Don't judge me!

Dave in Texas,

When you say: "See what I'm saying? Jersey can't even go into Bartlett's Familiar Quotations (available on-line, of course) to find a few choice Thomas Jefferson quotes that virtually every schoolboy knows."

And if it's soooooo easy to find, why not provide a link to the actual quote?

And if it's soooooo easy to find, why not provide a link to the actual quote?

Let me clarify this: due to excessive masturbation over the years, I have carpal tunnel like you would. not. believe. I'm actually classed as "disabled" by the state (which as you might guess causes problems at my Sizzler job -- washing dishes with my condition ain't no picnic!). The point is, I have a hard time doing this "googling" thing you are all talking about; I can barely muster the strength to comment in my posts. My poor hands are curled into dick-shaped funnels, which makes typing very difficult!

Have pity on a poor man!

My name is Monty, but I use Jersey 'cause I'm a gutless little weiner,

Where's the link to the quote, numbnut?

In a clumsy effort to sabotage Iran's nuclear program, the CIA in 2004 intentionally handed Tehran some bomb designs laced with a hidden flaw that U.S. officials hoped would doom any weapon made from them, according to a new book about the U.S. intelligence agency.

But the Iranians were tipped to the scheme by the Russian defector hired by the CIA to deliver the plans and may have gleaned scientific information useful for designing a bomb, writes New York Times reporter James Risen in "State of War: The Secret History of the CIA and the Bush Administration."

David Albright, a former weapons inspector for the IAEA, agreed with the other expert that the plans could have shaved many years off Iran's nuclear effort.

Albright, now president of the Institute for Science and International Security in Washington, said. "I don't quite understand the purpose of it, why you would want to hand something like this to the Iranians. It's unlikely to work."

According to the book, the CIA effort to sabotage Iran's nuclear effort came on the heels of another massive intelligence failure, in which a CIA officer mistakenly sent an Iranian agent a trove of information that could help identify nearly every one of the spy agency's undercover operatives in Iran.

Jersey, you should properly cite your material.

And, you'll make a good pet for geoff if you can stop shitting inside the house.

Bart (and I hope to God you're not a Simpson)

Can you read?

This is included in the article:
James Risen in "State of War: The Secret History of the CIA and the Bush Administration."

And if you're referring to this board as a "house," I disagree. Hovel would be a more accurate term.

Well, it's been an hour now and still no link to verify Dave in Texas's Thomas Jefferson quote claim.

And you can bet your ass that it will never show.

Lying liars and the lies they tell.

Yes, thank you. That's all I wanted -- a citation for your source.

It's all about integrity here at Ace of Spades HQ. Do you know what I mean about Integrity?
We take accuracy very seriously, you know. After all, we're not CBS. No fake documents; we don't roll like that.

Here I am -- minding my own business -- and some fucking troll named Jersey (who, as I understand it, is a Sizzler employee who lives with his grandma and has onanistic tendencies) is accusing me of impersonating him. The gall! The cheek!

Oh, and Jersey: it's wiener, not weiner. Remember: i before e, except after c. But then, they teach that after sixth grade, and you had already dropped out by then.... Consider this a free tutorial.

And, you'll make a good pet for geoff if you can stop shitting inside the house.

But is he a marxist? Oh well, if he's going to cite actual sources and all, I guess it wouldn't hurt to let him inside . . .

The Risen book quote is interesting. I think it's a common sentiment here that the CIA should be torn down and rebuilt or combined with another agency. A very difficult task, of course, but I would have liked to have seen Bush capitalize on the 9/11 Commission's conclusions to really do some housecleaning.

"Well, it's been an hour now and still no link to verify Dave in Texas's Thomas Jefferson quote claim." - Jersey

Let me try to help. It wasn't a "quote claim", it was a series of words placed within quotation marks, with Thomas Jefferson's name typed 2 lines down. Nothing less, and nothing more.

D in T may use AOL, but he doesn't go around 'claiming' quotes.

You know, after the George Washington "Big Butts!" quote, this thread really denigrated.

max,
Oh, please...don't even try.

He said it was a quote and I've had any number of people chastise me for not accepting it as such or for not being able to source it.

If he was lying to begin with, and got caught, why doesn't he or any of the other chickenshits on this board just own up to it?

Throwing out inane quotes as a joke or representing them as a joke is fine, but if you're using something you say is an actual quote to shore up an argument or make a point, you should be able to verify it, throw out some bullshit comments implying that the person who's challenged the validity is some kind of moron.

All I can say it this: Many, but not all of the people on this board can sure dish it out, but they're not real keen on having it thrown back at 'em. Any kind of direct challenge and they immediately shift into the wise-ass mode or criticism of the party who's taken them to task.

I think that if you're going to talk the talk, then you should have the guts to walk the walk, otherwise, what's the fucking point?

Jersey,

If you're too fucking lazy to look up the relevant quote, that's your business. Don't blame other people for not wanting to waste time doing your work for you.

And if you think the blog is so low-class, why hang out here? Fuck off and spend your time somewhere else! Do us all a favor!

Monty (it's nice to see you're using your own name again):

Of course I've tried to look it up, you fucking dolt.

It doesn't exist, you fucking dolt.

He was lying, you fucking dolt.

Don't believe me, you fucking dolt?

Then back up your fucking dolt buddy and provide the sourcing that should be easy to find, that is, if the quote was actually true, but it isn't, you fucking dolt.

As for the blog, and whether I post or not, that's what free speech is all about.

Look it up, you fucking dolt.

geoff,
You really want to know about the Iraqi situation?

Pick up Packer's new book, "The Assassin's Gate."

"Free speech is reserved for those who fought for it."

~Alexander Hamilton

Just a note to Monty:
Geeee, thanks for the correction on my typo, but if that's all you've got, you're in big trouble, Dude.

Jersey, thou doth cut me to the quick! Your rapier wit, your rhetorical brilliance, your Socratic sophistication has left my defenses in tatters! I am bereft! I cry gevalt! Gevalt! Who shall save me from the diamond-hard brilliance of Jersey's devastatic rhetorical attacks?

Bart,
And that's exactly what I'm doing.

Jersey:

Thanks for the recommendation - I might give it a try if time permits. In the meantime, you ought to seriously consider the possibility that this entire thread has been concocted as a paean to your credulity.

Bart,

Jersey is evidently unaware that "free speech" applies to government censorship of private speech, not speech between individuals. But then he's obviously a retard, so it doesn't surprise me.

I love Jersey's logic, too: check out his phrasing. "I can't find it, so it doesn't exist!" Whereas it should probably be, "I'm too lazy and/or dumb to find it, ergo I will assume it doesn't exist!"

He also seems to be completely unaware of the fact that this thread has been one long running joke at his expense. Funny or sad? Um...funny. Definitely.

The following is an excerpt from a review of (Fudge) Packer's aforementioned book, from Amazon.com:

How did the U.S. get stuck in a quagmire in the Middle East?

So, thanks but no thanks.

Best. Thread. Eveh.
-Thomas Jefferson

This was one of the greatest threads in American history until it was derailed by some asshole named Jersey. I declare that this thread shall regain its former greatness and bring honor upon the Republic once more!

In the meantime, you ought to seriously consider the possibility that this entire thread has been concocted as a paean to your credulity.

Nah.

Is that possible?

Nah.

Cuz, I thought Jersey was kicking your butts. I mean, he was just whupping your asses, considering you couldn't give him the link he demanded. He made you guys look like a bunch of ignorant retards, thereby proving the intellectual inferiority of conservatives. Oh yeah!

BTW, Jersey, the link you demanded is here.

I fear all we have done is waken a sleeping giant and filled him with fast-food burritos and soft-shell tacos.

Monty, have you ever played fetch with a dog? Of course you have. And I'm sure you have pretended to throw the tennis ball, and yet the happy pooch ran after it anyway. Then the doggy came back and again you pretended to throw the ball. What did the doggy do?

See where I'm going with this?
We can throw that imaginary ball for the rest of our lives and our panting puppy will run to fetch it.

"What, you think just cause a guy's the Messiah he can't start some shit?!"

Jesus driving out the moneylenders (Matthew 21:13)

We can throw that imaginary ball for the rest of our lives and our panting puppy will run to fetch it.

Yeah, but I enjoy playing fetch with the dog....

Thomas Jefferson to Sally H___

"What cha goin do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?"

LOOK IT UP JERSEY . GOOGLE IT!

Good God, here we are, literally 4 hours since I've even posted a comment...and you idiots are STILL huffing and puffing, spewing out inane rebuttals and sending little kisses to one another about...little ol' me.

I'd feel honored, except for the fact that, with the exception of one or two at most, if any of you people had a brain larger than a titmouse I'd be amazed.

Here's a suggestion you all might want to consider:

Get a fucking life.

I'd feel honored, except for the fact that, with the exception of one or two at most, if any of you people had a brain larger than a titmouse I'd be amazed.

If you have an ounce of decency, you will not identify anyone as an "exception" with a brain larger than a titmouse. For Pete's sake, man, have mercy. You could ruin that person's reputation on ths blog.

Get a fucking life.

I had to laugh out loud at that one!

Here's some doofus whose stupidity has been the wellspring for an entire thread celebrating just how dumb and clueless he is; he drops in every so often to assure us that he is smarter than we are while still being basically unable to demostrate any evidence of such intelligence; and then he posts a squalid little shot at like two in the morning informing us that we have no lives. (While most of us are probably sleeping the sleep of the righteous with our wife/boyfriend/transgendered thai hooker.)

Jersey, thy very essence resonates with cluelessness. I'm afraid I'm going to have to apply the "Tubino Rule" to you as well from here on out -- I will never reply directly to you again. There are better targets to use my ammo on.

Monty,
Well, thank you, Monty...if that is your real name...but I hope not, I mean, who names their kid "Monty?" (do you always have a big white tennis sweater dangling over your shoulders?)

But, back to your inane posting (if there were any other kind).

You say I've become "the wellspring for an entire thread"...then follow up saying I'M "dumb and clueless"??

Montgomery, YOU & YOUR fellow Bush sycophants are the dolts who have been following me around like a cluster of brainless lemmings (there must be at least 75+ postings relating to little ol' me!!)...so really, WHO are really the "dumb and clueless" ones throughout this thread?

And you only get one guess.

Aw, don't pay any attention to Jerksey. His ass is probably still sore from that Jay Leno thing. He's bound to be a little irritable.

Hi Jersey,

Hey, you know I did misspell "Weehawken".

Try it with the "w" instead of the "u".

Sorry about that..

Dogpile's really a better search engine than Google because you get a search of four or five different search engines with just one entry.

So that might help also.

See what I mean?

You morons are still thoroughly intrigued by little ol' me!!

Oh, and Dave...by now, even your buddies know your Jefferson quote was total bullshit (although they'll never admit it, much like our president), but her'e a question for little ol' you:

Why don't you have the balls to admit you were lying through your teeth...if you actually have teeth?

You can't possibly be that gutless.

Here, Dave...and the rest of you dispsticks:

http://www.positiveatheism.org/hist/quotes/jefferson.htm

Here, Dave...and the rest of you dispsticks:

http://etext.virginia.edu/jefferson/quotations/jeffcont.htm

D in T may use aol (shudder), but he doesn't lie. He made a joke in the comments section of Ace and Allah's blog, and when he caught a troll taking it seriously he played the joke out, as did the rest of us.

You still don't get it, so I'll put it in bold

He made a joke

and one of trolliest trolls of all time took the unintended bait and D in T and others kept throwing chum on the waters.

Even the most credulous (non-troll) reader might have realized that this was a joke either when (i) he saw a whole thread dedicated to him or when he read the 2nd post in that thread, which I will quote so you don't have to scroll up:

That's because Jersey is...what's the phrase I'm looking for?

Oh, yeah.

A complete fucking idiot.

Posted by Lee Atwater at January 4, 2006 09:46 PM

Oh, I'm intrigued by you, all right, Jersey. In fact, I find you totally sexy. Drop me an e-mail and maybe we could hook up.

I don't post here anymore, fags!

PLV--Fuck off.

You still can't find it Jersey?

Wow. I would have thought it would be pretty easy. I don't have on online reference, but if I get some time later today I'll see what I can find. I actually copied it out of one of my college history books, Stuff Jefferson Said, 3rd. edition. You might be able to find it on Amazon. Here, try "www.amazon.com" and search on "Stuff Jefferson Said".

I'll bet there's a newer version in publication now, so leave out "3rd edition"

max,
How long has Dave been poking your ass? Is it serious or can Proud Vet join in...you know, kind of like a menage a dolt.

And I hate to keep saying it, but...here I am again...you idiots just can't let go.

C'mon, girls...get a fucking life...or...a job would be a change of pace.

I can only find a reference from Jefferson's Secret Letters to Sally H. Apparently, he was going to meet her at some kind of clothing factory. I guess the speech could have been given enroute.

"Turn left at Weehawken. Sharp right at South Stitch."

Dave,
We ALL know you never went to college.

Just read some of your inane postings.

High School, maybe...college...get real.

Oh, and thinaks for keeping me alive and kicking on the thread...this may turn into a lifetime of pimping the living shit out of you and your right wing buddies.

Hey hey, I'm on your side, Jersey. I hate these Republifags as much as you do.

Now, I've lubed up my bunghole and I'm all set for you...

Or do you prefer to catch? Either way is cool with me.

Proud Liberal Vet,

It's rather difficult to imagine you being on "my side" when you post the following:

"Oh, I'm intrigued by you, all right, Jersey. In fact, I find you totally sexy. Drop me an e-mail and maybe we could hook up."

Unless of course, you mean...really being on "my" side...and we both know that ain't happening soon.

Jersey,

I don't 'poke' aol users, nor does anyone I know. In fact I don't personally know any aol users. Gotta have some standards.

max

PS - PLV may also be a joke. Just saying, in case you get all worked up again.

thinaks for keeping me alive and kicking on the thread

Jersey, you are very welcome.

Jersey, those goofy bastards at Ace of Spades are about the best thing I've got going.

Bart,
Has the show been cancelled? Hard to believe, considering it's the longest running comedy on the air.

Say hello to whole family for me.

Why doesn't it suprise me that Jersey knows everything there is to know about the Simpsons.

BrewFan,
As an obviosly loyal wingnut on this blog, I wouldn't expect you to know that the Simpsons was conceived by and is wrtten by some of the very top comedy writers in Hollywood. Sam Simon being one of the more influential...and also one of the main writers for Taxi, Cheers and many other shows.

I guess, because it's an animated show, you seem to think it's just for kids.

Maybe if you took the time to actually watch it, you'd see that there is always a very family-oriented them to each episode.

Jersey,

As a Simpsons expert you have, no doubt, an incredible depth of knolwedge regarding their utterances.

Whoever could forget these choice quotes:

"The first amendment is overrated, although not overtly so."
---Mayor Quimby to Homer, Season 2

"As a good leftist, I embrace Buddhism. Because the fat man-god reminds me of Ted Kennedy."
---Lisa to the Dhali Lama, Season 6

"Don't have a cow, man. Just because I'm voiced by a woman doesn't mean I swing Jersey's way."
---Bart to Milhouse, Season 8

"Forescore and seven years ago, our forefathers brought forth a nation conceived in liberty and donuts."
---Homer to Marge, Season 7

"Ask not what your Krusty can do for you, ask what you can do for your Krusty."
---Krusty to Sideshow Bob, Season 3

"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have experienced the sweet, sweet pleasure of the poo-diddely pooter."
---Ned Flanders on the Death of Marge. Season 14.

Don't believe these are real quotes? I suggest you google them.

Jack...Off,
Uh, it's an animated comedy show, Dude. The characters you see don't really exist...they're just cartoons.

You don't like it...don't watch it.

Oh, and thanks for keeping Jersey alive and well on the thread.

Oh, man, this is fun. Not as much fun as Jersey and I could have with just the two of us, if you catch my drift.

And I'm not a joke, you fags!

"Be dialin' people, limited edition, Mark Maquire rookie card. LIMITED EDITION, now on flexpay."

- Don West.