Ace of Spades HQ

« Four Arrested In Connection With Big Explosives Theft | Main | Holy Raging Boner, Batman! »

December 29, 2005

Brokeback Lagoon: Woman Marries Dolphin

"I don't know how to quit you," she sobs

Okay, this is almost certainly a hoax, but it's goofy enough that we can pretend it's real for the moment.

An unusual wedding ceremony was held in the southern resort town of Eilat on Wednesday, as Sharon Tendler, a 41-years-old Jewish millionaire from London married her beloved Cindy, a 35-years-old dolphin, Israel's leading newspaper Yedioth Ahronoth reported Thursday. The groom, a resident of the Eilat dolphin reef, met Tendler 15 years ago, when she first visited the resort. The British rock concert producer took a liking to the dolphin and has made a habit of traveling to Eilat two or three times a year and spending time with her underwater sweetheart. "The peace and tranquility underwater, and his love, would calm me down," the excited bride said after the wedding.
...

Cindy, escorted by his fellow best-men dolphins, swam over to Tendler and she hugged him, whispered sweet nothings in his ear, and kissed him in front of the cheering crowd.

After the ceremony was sealed with some mackerels, Tendler was tossed into the water by her friends so that she could swim with her new husband.

"I'm the happiest girl on earth," the bride said as she chocked back tears of emotion. "I made a dream come true, and I am not a pervert," she stressed.

Of course you're not. You're just marrying Flipper. Nothing weird about that.

Except that it's a female dolphin. Sickie.

Now, here's where it pretty much screams "hoax," if you weren't already suspicious:

Tendler said she and her newly wed husband will probably spend their wedding night bowling.

Thanks to utron.

posted by Ace at 04:33 PM

Comments

uh...wow.

that was sure better than necking otters.

Posted by: MacStansbury on December 29, 2005 04:56 PM

so I guess this is the "slippery slope" everyone was warning about.

Posted by: Alex_fs on December 29, 2005 05:05 PM

Well, now at least we know what happened to Cindy Sheehan.

Posted by: Bithead on December 29, 2005 05:20 PM

Nah, it's really Mr. Limpet.

Posted by: Phil Smith on December 29, 2005 05:26 PM

Just two words: BOTTLE NOSE. Thats all Im saying.

Posted by: wally on December 29, 2005 07:35 PM

But how do you get rid of that fish smell?

Posted by: Dolphin on December 29, 2005 07:38 PM

It brings to mind Flipper's tragic last words;

"I'm NOT a tuna!!!"

Posted by: Bithead on December 29, 2005 07:52 PM

I knew what would happen if you spend too much time in wacko groups like GREENPEACE

Posted by: spurwing plover on December 29, 2005 09:00 PM

The biggest question with these interspecies marriages. How do you raise the children?

Posted by: Walrus on December 29, 2005 11:42 PM

Dolphin love is not new here, pal. It's the in thing.

My Dolphin Haiku

Do a dolphin, pal,
You will slice like a hammer,
... A fucking hammer

you'll see.

Posted by: kobekko on December 30, 2005 02:07 AM

I just wanna say may everything goes well for them in future.

Posted by: ashley on December 30, 2005 07:57 AM

You know, if the woman and the dolphin are happy, who gives a flying fig? It's a free country and people (and, er, fish) should be free to do as they please! C'est la vie!

But what really gets my goat about this is that they plan to spend their wedding night "bowling"!

Fish or marine mammals or whatever DO NOT BELONG IN A BOWLING ALLEY!

They get the floor all slimey and they take for-freakin-ever to bowl a single frame. Plus all that high-pitch dolphin laughing is really distracting for other bowlers!

Dolphins in the damn Bowl America! What has this world come to?

Posted by: Red Jode on December 30, 2005 09:39 AM

The odd thing -- well, one of the odd things -- is that Cindy is referred to with the male pronoun, so presumably she is a male dolphin.

Yes, this is a flippery flope.

Posted by: Attila (Pillage Idiot) on December 30, 2005 11:27 AM

I smell an Academy-award-nod film comin' for this one. Two flippers up.

Posted by: Patchy Jeans the Pirate on December 30, 2005 06:34 PM

Um, hate to rain on the parade here, but it appears to be real (for the most part). I just saw a story on the wedding on Fox News on Friday (12/30) morning. No, there was no mention of bowling. Yes, they mentioned it was named "Cindy". And, yes, there was VIDEO from the ceremony!

WTF!?!?

Posted by: Joe Ego on December 30, 2005 06:40 PM

What happens if they want a divorce? How would the dolphin sign the papers?

Posted by: Anne Salter on December 31, 2005 05:41 PM

Who was the best man AQUAMAN?

Posted by: spurwing plover on January 1, 2006 02:18 PM

Oh good geez!

It is, apparently, true.

The article is on the Fox News site now.

Posted by: jmflynny on January 3, 2006 10:44 PM