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« Bahraini Feminist Tees Off On Islamic Pedophilia, Subjugation of Women | Main | Four Arrested In Connection With Big Explosives Theft »
December 29, 2005

Suspected DU Poster Arrested

When I say "suspected," I just mean that I suspect he's a DU'er:

Lower Paxton Twp. police said that when they arrived to investigate the disturbance, they found [Curtis] Lofton standing stark naked in the snow.

Lofton was charged with aggravated assault involving a police officer, resisting arrest, open lewdness, possession of a small amount of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia and unlawful possession of the prescription drug oxycodone.

According to court papers, when Lofton was asked if he was okay, he responded, "No, I am ... crazy, and I need a menthol cigarette."

He gets to the point without a lot of excess verbiage. 1, I'm a lunatic, 2, I really need a Kool. Logorrhea is not among his afflictions.

When asked where he lived and why he was naked, Lofton is alleged to have said that he was "Jesus Christ" and that the officer must be "God," court papers say.

A scuffle broke out between the two men during which Lofton is alleged to have hit the officer over the head with a long plastic toy trumpet which he scooped up from nearby.

The officer used his pepper spray on Lofton, at first to no avail. Then a cursing Lofton advised the officer that "'Jesus' is now blind," court papers say.

Just when you don't think he could get any crazier, he starts bonking cops over the head with a plastic trumpet. Always end on a high note.


posted by Ace at 04:03 PM
Comments



"Basically, he had some mental health issues that hopefully are in remission. I don't think it affects his ability to be a French teacher and it wasn't school-related, so we're hoping we can get him back to work,"
Now that's funny.
Posted by: Slublog on December 29, 2005 04:05 PM

I don't think it affects his ability to be a French teacher...

I assume they're referring to his ability to teach in France?

Posted by: utron on December 29, 2005 04:08 PM

I thought the god-complex was a strong indicator of Republicanism.

Posted by: tubino on December 29, 2005 04:18 PM

you thought, you thought, you though eight things tonight. I gave you a list you give me back half a fucking list.

Posted by: Mr. Paul Anka on December 29, 2005 04:26 PM

I hate it when Jesus and God fight. And when they fight with toys, that makes it even worse.

I could use a Kool myself by the way.

Posted by: The Colossus on December 29, 2005 04:30 PM

You dirty unbelievers will feel the wrath soon...
Did you not read that there were trumpets??!!
Trumpets always herald the arrival of the Messiah!
I'm thinking that perhaps the archangel Gabriel dropped that there for Jesus to use in his epic struggle with the policeman of the apocolypse...

Posted by: Uncle Jefe on December 29, 2005 04:42 PM

Hey, is that really tubby, or toobeano?
It's either idiotic or a good parody, but it's hard to tell the difference...
He must still be celebrating Fitzmas, what with the 'illegal' 'warrantless' activities of late...
What day of Fitzmas are those associated with?

Posted by: Uncle Jefe on December 29, 2005 04:47 PM

" I just mean that I suspect he's a DU'er:"

Doubtful.
It looks as if he's been in Rush's medicine cabinet.

Posted by: MyPetGloat on December 29, 2005 05:40 PM

"Lower Paxton Twp. police ... found [Curtis] Lofton standing stark naked in the snow.

"Lofton was charged with ... possession of a small amount of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia and unlawful possession of the prescription drug oxycodone."

Okayyy: Where did the naked man hide all this stuff?

Or maybe I don't want to know.

Posted by: Rittenhouse on December 29, 2005 05:49 PM

Rit, I'm guessing they searched his car or home if he was near it. I don't know what "probable cause" means but I heard the phrase once on The Mask, and on that authority it sounds like the cops are in the right here.

Posted by: David Ross on December 29, 2005 08:16 PM

"Jesus is now blind should" be one of your new go to lines.

Posted by: Brad on December 30, 2005 12:27 AM

Is this another one of these wacko nut cases? whats on his mind anyway?

Posted by: spurwing plover on December 30, 2005 10:12 AM
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