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December 07, 2005

An Open Letter to Dictators

Please, excuse me, but I feel that an open letter stands the best chance of making it past your cronies and yes men, those toadies too afraid to tell you what you need to hear.

Let me start off by asking you a simple question. What is wrong with this picture? (putting aside the checkered-head lunatic in the background)

I’m sure some of you are saying “Well, it’s obvious. Where’s the tie?”

Sure, a dictator has to look good AND convey formality. But the casual look has its merits. Much like the software CEO who comes to work in jeans and a turtleneck, a causal look can signal you’re above the rules. You’re in control, but not uptight about it.

Also, the suit-no-tie is a clean look. Even if you’re an old fuddy-duddy, think about it for casual Friday round the compound/palace. Just putting it out there as an option.

But that’s not my beef. Try again.

“Aha, the medals! Where are the medals? Without mine, I’m naked.”

True, but you can’t really fault Saddam here. Captivity and all that. While I agree with the general sentiment that ‘if you can’t wear rows and rows of flashy gold medals, what the point of awarding yourself them anyway?’ I would caution aginst excess. There comes, very early in the medals game, a point of diminishing returns.

But that’s not it either. No. My beef is with the finger.

“The finger?” you ask. Yes, the finger. Or rather, it’s elevation. Its placement. Nothing signals, “I am a ridiculous third-rate dictator” like the finger above the head. E.g:

You know who can pull off that look? Comic book super-villains and visitors from the future traveling with dire warnings we must change our ways. Forgive me, but regardless what your cronies tell you, you are neither.

“But, Hitler…..” Sure, we all remember the shots of Adolph mid-speech, finger above head. But that was a different age, one more receptive to dramatic gestures and “Fatherlands’ and all that. Just more romance in the air. Men wore hats. We live in a different era, one where irony abounds, big-time.

T.V has changed everything. As with the Shakespearean stage-legend making the transition to film, the new medium cries to you ‘less is more.’ The gestures that were perfectly fine, even necessary, to convey fear to the back of the stadium are, on the intimacy of the small screen, overbroad, and, frankly, hammy.

But not just hammy. Crazy. They recall Frank Costazna (a character from an older U.S. sitcom given to irrational outburst.) And a 'Frank Costanza' does not rule nations.

Don’t believe me? Try this simple test. Go to your children and forcefully say these words: “I am your father and I command you to clean your room!” The result: One clean room, coming right up.

Now wait two weeks, let the roomy dirty itself as is the course with children, and repeat those same words. This time, finger aloft. A clean room is not forthcoming. Giggles and eye-rolls are.

I am not kidding. Try it. (If you have no kids, thy this on some of your advisors. Get them liquored up first. Just remember, after they laugh, have them killed.)

Now why do you think the nation you have under your boot (just primed for a light-hearted chuckle at your expense) is gonna respond any differently?

A regime can withstand many things. Eye-rolling is not one of them.

So what’s a dictator to do? A good rule of thumb, or should I say, rule of finger (ha, ha. little joke, there) is to keep your digits below ear level. Once the finger starts to creep above the top of the ear, the crazy starts to accumulate. Work at it. Practice in the mirror. Case in point: Kruschev.

The message here? “I run a country with an iron fist and I AM NOT CRAZY!”

Someone needed to tell you.

posted by Dr. Reo Symes at 03:35 PM

Comments

Of course, Kruschev's restrained use of the finger was usually only a precursor to his taking off his shoe and banging it on the podium for emphasis.

Posted by: Alex on December 7, 2005 03:45 PM

Excellent tip.

When gesturing at or below the jawline, an extended finger adds power. Above the jawline, a clenched fist signals unimaginable horrors in store.

Remember it with this catchy ditty:

Close your fist above your ear
To make your foes quake with fear.
Pointing up into the sky
Makes them giggle like they're high.
Until you make the streets flow red with the blood of the Joooooooos.

Posted by: Pompous on December 7, 2005 03:49 PM

Is Saddam using hair dye? I swear he is.

Posted by: on December 7, 2005 03:54 PM

taking off his shoe and banging it on the podium for emphasis

"We will bury you!"

Yeah, that had sane and stable written all over it...

Posted by: sandy burger on December 7, 2005 03:56 PM

What is wrong with this picture?

No handcuffs

Posted by: max on December 7, 2005 04:05 PM

Handcuffs hell; no stun belt and duct tape is more like it.

Posted by: Alex on December 7, 2005 04:10 PM

That dude in the back looks like he's giving a South-Central-style shout-out to his homie for keepin' it real.

Posted by: Monty on December 7, 2005 04:15 PM

Reminds me of Rock Paper Saddam.

Its not old Dave - Its Classic. Like Jennifer Anistons tits.

Posted by: Atomic "You dont know Tiger Hand"Amish on December 7, 2005 04:27 PM

Auditions for the new spokesman for Midas?

"I will NOT pay a lot for this muffler!"

Posted by: Bart on December 7, 2005 04:33 PM

Dr.,

What about the pocket square? Too foppish?

Posted by: ATM on December 7, 2005 04:41 PM

I am the Lorax!

J'accuse all you Jews!
(I'm also in charge of the Brown Bar-bo-loots
who played in the shade in their Bar-bo-loot suits.
and happily lived, eating Truffula Fruits)

Posted by: SarahW on December 7, 2005 04:44 PM

That's what I love about this place. It's so free form that a good Ace rant can turn into a picture captioning contest in a snap.

Posted by: Sue Dohnim on December 7, 2005 04:46 PM

"Da plane!"
"Da Plane!"

"Da plane, boss, carrying the evil American agents."

Posted by: Bart on December 7, 2005 04:51 PM

This is hilarious theater, but I can't help but worry a bit that Shouty Saddam is inspiring a bunch of Middle Easterners into a "Free OJ!" kind of mentality.

Posted by: Steve in Houston on December 7, 2005 04:51 PM

but I can't help but worry a bit that Shouty Saddam is inspiring a bunch of Middle Easterners into a "Free OJ!" kind of mentality

I agree, but I think it's healthy. They need to confront that mentality in their midst, anyhow, and they might as well do it in a situation that is as black-and-white as possible.

Posted by: SJKevin on December 7, 2005 04:54 PM

I am the Lorax!

Brilliant. Just brilliant.

Posted by: DeeDaGo on December 7, 2005 04:54 PM

Reo,

You're looking at the wrong hand. Look at the left hand and tell me who he reminds you of.

Answer here: http://www.colossusblog.com/mt/archives/001308.html

You know, except substitute the Koran for the Necronomicon . . .

Posted by: The Colossus on December 7, 2005 04:56 PM

SERENITY NOW!!!!!

Posted by: ken on December 7, 2005 04:57 PM

The pocket square presents the same dilemma to dictators and corporate managers alike.

One the one hand, it's a lovely touch. The white line of the square setting off and recalling the white of the shirt in much the same fashion as the 1/4" of peeking shirt cuff. Elegant.

Note: those matching tie/square sets. Always a mistake. Too 'studied' and, frankly, fey. The square must be white. (an excpetion is made for Idi amin who, I believe had a leopard print square matching his little hat. Idi pulled it off. But that's Idi, he can bring togehter any outfit. Some dictators just got it.)

The mark against squares it that they are toomuch an affectation, like a man wearing a fedore today. If you're a young guy, it's hard ot wear one wihtout looking all "Hey, I'm wearing a pocket square. Just like Dad! I'm retro hip"

Use your own discretion as to whether you can pull it off.

As a final note, the fold is terribly important. The square-ended fold is devastating. The multi-point and puff, absolutely ridiculous. The triangle, somewhere in between.

Again, use your better judgment.

Posted by: Dr. Reo Symes on December 7, 2005 04:58 PM

That dude in the back looks like he's giving a South-Central-style shout-out to his homie for keepin' it real.

You mean like General T.A.C.O.?

Posted by: on December 7, 2005 05:00 PM

I prefer the guy off to their right, in the black & white towel - he's got this expression going like, "oh $#%, these idiots are gonna get me shot... why didn't I run to Syria when I had the chance?"

Posted by: Jeff on December 7, 2005 05:19 PM

What is wrong with this picture?

Saddam Hussein is alive, it seems.

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! on December 7, 2005 06:36 PM

Doing the Dean howl double time!

Posted by: spaceman on December 7, 2005 07:14 PM

Saddam's tie is in the picture. He used it tie his boxers on Ramsi Clark head.

Posted by: Stephen Macklin on December 7, 2005 07:51 PM

You know the best part of the Krushchev picture? The caption that reads "At a Moscow party".
Cause, man, he just looks like he is just grooving on the good tunes and good times.

Posted by: Alex_fs on December 7, 2005 08:48 PM

Doc, very good catch with the body-language.

Posted by: lauraw on December 7, 2005 09:34 PM

Thanks, Ms. L.

Posted by: Dr. Reo Symes on December 7, 2005 09:38 PM

Don't sweat Saddam's missing tie. He'll soon have one - made of the finest hemp.

Posted by: Brown Line on December 7, 2005 11:03 PM

The finger makes me think of Saturday Night Live

Posted by: MoI on December 8, 2005 07:25 AM

Why dont he just take off his shoe and bang it on the podium

Posted by: spurwing plover on December 8, 2005 10:33 AM

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Top Headlines

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Teen Driver Tayvin Galanakis Wins Jury Trial Against Officers Who Charged Him With DUI Even After He Blew 0.0 on A Breathalyzer And Passed Sobriety Tests. One Officer Accounted For 72% of All DUI Arrests For That PD [dri]

Days before the woman was stabbed in the neck by a taxpayer-supported Cultural Enrichment Officer, in the same general area, another taxpayer-supported Cultural Enrichment Officer attacked a boy and bloodied his head with a brick.
What is the UK Regime's plan for protecting the citizens from the savage criminals they've foisted on the populace? They offer NONE. They do, however, have a plan for protecting the savage criminals from the citizens: The citizens must STAY CALM and not get angry and not share videos of citizens being attacked by savage criminals.
The public keeps saying "protect us from the foreign savages you have imported against our wishes and over our objections" and the UK branch of The Regime keeps proposing plans to protect the foreign savages from the public. Soclose to what the public is demanding, just, you know, the complete opposite.
Just a thought: Maybe you wouldn't have to worry about the public attacking the savage criminals if you actually introduced a plan to protect the public from the savage criminals. Maybe they wouldn't feel as if it was necessary for them to protect the public through self-help.

Courtney Subramiam, one of the "journalists" who "previewed" her questions for the decrepit and demented Biden so that he could "answer" it with a pre-scripted response, rewarded by promotion to president of the White House Press Corps

Bonchie
@bonchieredstate

hahahahaha

This is the lady who gave her question to Biden beforehand, and he had it written verbatim in his notes with her picture.

You know what's really terrible? There are Daily Signal reporters in the press room. That's the Real Scandal Here!

English racist garbage-person who's on the wrong side of history warns the corrupt Regime that the people cannot take much more of this -- and won't take much more of this
The English have rebelled before.

All of the various Bob Dylans
by Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd

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I like the throwback AOL style of the ad.

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It happens in all the blue states, but WA and Seattle will be different! [CBD]

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VOTE JEFF CARTER FOR NV STATE TREASURER!
[CBD]

Mary Margaret Olohan
@MaryMargOlohan

NEW: Five FBI employees were fired today over the infamous Richmond Catholic memo on "radical traditionalist Catholics," FBI source confirms to @realDailyWire.

Oof. Reviewers do not like Scary Movie 6. The criticism I keep hearing is that the movie mistakes a reference for an actual joke. The movie (they say) keeps Key Jangling a reference to another movie (or some other pop culture ephemera) and you expect there to be a joke but nope, the Key Jangle was the joke. Other reviewers say that the promise that "no lines will be uncrossed" is a fake-out, and that the movie is bland and inoffensively corporate.

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Whoops! I posted about Dan Goldman losing the NY congressional primary. He might do that, but it won't be tonight -- the primary isn't held until June 23.

One race to keep an eye on: the Levi's heir nepo baby and egregious "Designated Liar" Dan Goldman -- one of the Democrats from a safe district Democrats send out to spread their most indefensible lies -- may actually lose his lower Manhattan/Brooklyn set due to, get this, antisemitism in the Democrat primary electorate.
Antisemitism? In the anti-Nazi Democrat Party? Sounds crazy, I know, but apparently the anti-Nazi Party wants to eliminate Jews.

Henry Rosoff
@HenryRosoff

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Oh my Totenkopf Tattoo, that is a DRUBBING!
I'm usually very anti-antisemitism but if the Communist Antisemite Jihadists can pull this one off, Go Communist Antisemite Jihadists, Go!

Democrat Senator Rueben Gallego, who served his wife with divorce papers when she was nine months pregnant so that he could marry his side-piece, counsels us that we should not judge Graham Platner for his infidelity because these things are personal matters, Racists:

Sahil Kapur
@sahilkapur

Sen. Ruben Gallego, D-Ariz., on Platner: "We know that Graham has lived not your typical political experience. He's been very clear and open with his wife, and they worked through whatever they worked through. At the end of the day, this man has had 60 more town halls than Susan Collins has. He's winning the polls, he's willing to accept that he has grown as a person, and I think we should accept that."

Gallego says the drip-drip of revelations won't harm Platner's campaign.

"I think you guys are all in a bubble here right now. The drip, drip that's actually happening is Americans are really, really hurt the fact that gas is still high, food is still high, they can't buy a home, you can't afford rent. They're not going to care about text messages and everything else like that that happened years ago, especially when it was worked out between spouses."

I like that he says that it's okay that Graham Platner sexted 12 different women within months of marrying the woman to sponge off her because he wasn't then "living a political life" -- the clear meaning being, "We all cheat, we just don't cheat when we're running for office, and he didn't know he was running for office when he was sending dicpics to half the women he ran into."
Except he was running: His own wife turned the sexts over to his campaign.
And obviously Reuben Gallego didn't let his "political life" get in the way of his extramarital dating life: