Ace, this boy has inadvertently pretty much written your blog for the next two years.

(Speaking pubescently, of course.)

You know what the real crime is? The fact that he was interviewed by Access Hollywood, and they didn't use Pat O'Brien.

Dawson’s Creek star Katie Holmes and Chris Klein, best known for his raunchy American Pie series, were a famously virginal couple for their five-year relationship.

Anyhow, I bet he's great at fantasy football.

Something seems up -- when I mouse over anything, all the text on the entire page is underlined.

Ace, face up to the fact you'll never be half the man Chris Klein is.

All that rage and scorn does little to alter the fact that he'll still get laid 50 trillion times more than you in half his lifespan, Ace.

The funny is back...

By the way, does this cat just "wish" he was Stifler?

You had me at douche-tool.

He's already getting that Crispin Glover look.

It's a shame that such a young man has already lost an inch of his hair line. It makes his beady little eyes all the more . . . beady.

Also from that story: 53% of women would rather kiss Owen Wilson than Luke (47%). My take: Why choose if you don't have to? I tell you, they should have named Bottle Rocket "Hot Toasty Delicious Wilson Brothers Sandwich."
I might have actually bothered to have seen it.

You lost some serious 'alpha heterosexual' cred with that one.

I think Ace just had his Powers Boothe moment.

Alpha-hetero status? Our host?

If he ever had it, it flew right out the window with this barely disguised paen to the one that got away--Chris Klein. Sure, Chris is NOT GAY, as anyone who reads this interview surely knows now. I mean, yeah, he dated a virgin who went on to hook up with a notorious ass-bandit, but Klein? NOT GAY!

Nothing says NOT GAY like dishing out assholian interviews bragging about your success with women. I mean, obviously you have to add the disclaimers about never nailing a co-star because someone could check up on that. And you have to explain that you need your space and shit so you have an excuse for not banging the bar trash that hound your every step. But you're most certainly NOT GAY!

No, our host hates on this guy like Andy the Hysterical Stereotype hates on guys who stay closeted--same thing. Klein is denying who he is, and he's denying Ace in the process. It's sad, is what it is.

I have a simple rule in life-- Every man who is better looking than I am is automatically gay and/or likes gerbils in their tail pipe.

He should have ended the interview with "thanks for the attention, now get outtta my face"

Oh, now that I see the pictures, I know who we're talking about.

Oh yes, he is definitely overcompensating, as spongeworthy has so astutely noted. Look for him to be outed as a tonsil-hockey-playing cock jockey in a couple of years.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the artist formerly known as Chris Klein. Women worship him. Gods want to be like him. I just want him to break his teeth on a frozen shit sandwich.

As Bugs would say, "What a maroon!"

“American Pie” vs “Top Gun”.

Maverick Cruise and just Klein.

All said ….

He's 26. In a famously virginal relationship for 5 years (and the first thing his ex does is get knocked up). Hasn't dated in a year and had a steady girlfriend through high school. Doesn't leave a lot of shagging time for Mr. Quality. Gay.

I have a simple rule in life-- Every man who is better looking than I am is automatically gay and/or likes gerbils in their tail pipe.

He's not good looking unless you are gay.

I think all the blogs shd have "Why Chris Klein Is Gay" contests.

I was pretty darn popular in high school once I got the braces off.

should I take this cheap shot? yes, who am I kidding?

well duh, no more inadvertent scrot nicks.

I was pretty darn popular in high school once I got the braces off.

Polio, eh? That's tough.

I absolutely worship this guy. He has the seductive, overly long face of a young John Kerry. And you just know that somewhere, even as we speak, Chris Klein's publicity agent has got him tied to a chair and is patiently bitch-slapping him into a coma for giving that interview.

Guys, the twinkle-toed fella admitted to having his front teeth knocked out in highschool.

Man, it's like this battle of wills between the angel and the devil on your shoulder, except in his case, it's Gene Simmons vs. Liberace.

Rock Hudson syndrome. Gay, but wants straight leading man roles, or the studio wants him in those roles because he's a pooter magnet.

For the record, I wouldn't mind going shopping with him at all. Definitely easy on the eyes.

Christ, Sue, the guy's so pretty I'd do 'em.

Sure, Sue, you think you'd want to go shopping with him. Just remember that at the end of the day, you'll be cooking the food.

So what you guys are saying is that Katie Holmes is a professional beard.

Beard, fag hag, closet lesbo, Frigidaire. Whatever.

Seems like every girl I meet's one of those things.

As Instapundit would say, Heh.

Seriously, I couldn't be within 10 feet of that guy... I tend to get overly sarcastic and somewhat hurtful when I'm around loud, obnoxious, full-of-themselves sons of ....

And they never seem to get it.

The PR angle on this is what I find hilarious. You know his audience 'sweet spot' is teen girls with 'I hate mean people' bumperstickers.

A 'Manhattan Project' assembling our nations top Scientists could not have created an interview more capable of alienating that audience than that Elle piece.

Anbd it's not like he had career arc to spare. He's playing second fiddle in a Ryan Reynolds gone in a week assfest with TV movies next up. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

There's something wrong with his eyes. I wonder if he has a verson of that Drosophila eyeless gene; or maybe a matching teeny, squinty beet-brain and a cranium full of mostly fluid. Mostly..

He's playing second fiddle in a Ryan Reynolds gone in a week assfest with TV movies next up.

In fairness, I think Ryan Reynolds is, improbably enough, turning out to be a passable actor.

He was great in Blade III, and good in The Amityville Horror.

Well, producers apparently agree with you on Reynolds cause the guy keeps getting movies based on lousy box office and lousy movies.

I read something on Ain't it Cool or such where people apparantly belive the guy is gonna either be huge or a cultural punch line. With his comedy track recordm, how can it not be the latter? Van Wilder, that "TGIF" waiter movie (with your buddy Dane Cook) and that latest one with Klein?

But returning to Klein. That guy used to be the 'next big thing.' Given lead in Rollerball, in a Farally brothers comedy... Now, in a Reynolds comedy and his drawing power is considered so low, he's only in its ads for a microsecond. Something very, very bad happened to his career. Maybe it was Rollerball, but I wonder if word hasn't gotten out on his lousy personality.

I think all the blogs shd have "Why Chris Klein Is Gay" contests.

Posted by at December 6, 2005 10:13 AM

Am I the only one thinking along these lines..........

CHRIS KLEIN IS GAY, BECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY CHENEY WANTS IT!

Oh man, I've GOT to get help.

Blade III was good and so, in its way, was Amityville Horror.

I don't think he's going to be a star, but he'll be one of those B-level guys who appear in the better low-to-mid-budget genre pictures.

C'mon. Klein's personality is no lousier than that of any other guy in Hollywood. Frankly, I admire him for his candor. We all know alpha males think this way; he just happens to be one of the few willing to cop to it. Good for him.

Hey, nothing wrong with that, ace. Maybe if he hones his "second banana" skills he'll become the second coming of John Candy - the ultimate comedy wingman.

At the current rate Hollywood is recycling its movies and making belated sequels
- I look for Chris Klein to star in "Remo Williams: The Adventure Continues" in 2007.

Gee, nice to know your life idols are really talentedless actors in their 20s.

Speaking of H-Wood, I've always thought Harry Knowles was an idiot, but it turns out he's a bit of an a-hole as well:

http://www.aint*it*cool.com/display.cgi?id=21942 (# added so this can pass the comment filter)

This guy's view of Republicans is about as childish as his writing style.

Sorry, last was me.

I look for Chris Klein to star in "Remo Williams: The Adventure Continues" in 2007.

No way. No one attempts to top perfection.

Dude, he took a guy's diamond-chip-tooth and carved out an X in bullet proof glass and then used his head as a battering ram to smash through it.

Where do you go from there?

I'll grant you, Klein's actions may be no worse than any other Hollywood male's, but that personality is defeinitely worse.

Yeah, were I in his position I would be cutting a pussy trail so far and wide, I'd be like the pussy 'Lewis and Clark.' What dude wouldn't? but I'd at least have the good sense to get down on my knees and say a prayer each night to God, thanking him that my pussy cup runneth over.

And, I'd have the good sense to play 'sweet' in my public appearance. If you're a producer, who you think the teenie set's gonna be crushing over after Elle. Klein or Hartnett (or anyone else)?

This guy's pure cocksmoke. And it sure looks like it was there before he hit Hollywood.

That's not a bad idea BumperStickerist.

Maybe we should compile a "Top 10 roles Chris Klien will be landing in the next 5 years" list.

I can see him cast as "Bus Station Pickup/Victim number 5" in the A&E Biography of John Wayne Gacy's life.

Yeah, I don't get praising Klein for his "honesty."

A billionaire might be quite honest when he says, as George Soros did, that he's effectively a God on Earth, but he's still an asshole for saying it.

There are two levels of assholish narcissism.

1, you think you're a God.

2, you not only think you're a God, but you're comfortable enough in that assessment to obnoxiously, obliviously proclaim it.

Allah's right that most in Hollywood are at level 1. But only a select few are so taken with themselves they can't restrain themselves from telling the world how great they are.

I can see him cast as "Bus Station Pickup/Victim number 5" in the A&E Biography of John Wayne Gacy's life.

lol!
[Apologies to the real victim # 5, of course. ]

Is Allah really saying that, given Brett Favre and Terrell Owens, he really appreciates Owens' "honesty" over Favre's false modesty?

Honesty is often refreshing, but sometimes it's just obnoxious.

Chris Klein appeared on the Rosie O'Donnell Show.

(none of this is to say I'm not up for ironically worshipping the dude ala O'Brien. but just to be clear, I'd pistol whip the fucker if the opportunity presented itself.)

Sue wrote:
For the record, I wouldn't mind going shopping with him at all. Definitely easy on the eyes.

Be sure to call him "Daddy", though.

So he's saying he'd cry for a guy? Is that what he's saying, what you're implying? Cuz that's hot.

Good point, ace -

Based on the interview in Elle, Chris Klein is nothing if not a confident heterosexual.

Picking up where the previous movie left off, Chris could play the lead in 'Rustler's Rhapsody 2: Get A-Long Little Doggie"

And, I'd have the good sense to play 'sweet' in my public appearance.

So, you would be a secret p- r ick. And that is suppose to be a step up to a moral high ground?

Russ from Winterset,

I'm pretty sure that "honing his 'second banana' skills" will put him solidly on the gay porn path.

-And, I'd have the good sense to play 'sweet' in my public appearance.

So, you would be a secret p- r ick

Hate the game, Josie, not the playah.

(and yeah, i know that's tired, but i couldn't resist)

Is Allah really saying that, given Brett Favre and Terrell Owens, he really appreciates Owens' "honesty" over Favre's false modesty?

Are you really saying that you acknowledge that Favre's modesty is false, yet you give him credit for it anyway? "Lie to me, Brett; I want to believe the lie. Even though, er, I really don't."

Heartfelt modesty is great. Bragging is fine -- provided you can back it up, a la Muhammad Ali. You might come off as a dick, but you earn respect for being able to walk the walk. False modesty is the weakest of the three because you're secretly a dick, but without the balls to put your money where your mouth is.

As for this:

I'd at least have the good sense to get down on my knees and say a prayer each night to God, thanking him that my pussy cup runneth over.

Karol and I have had some interesting e-mail exchanges lately about male confidence and how it makes the ladies slobber (sez Karol). Reading your response, Reo, it occurs to me that maybe one of the reasons Klein gets so much ass* is because he takes it for granted. He's not thanking God because he thinks God has nothing to do with it. It's all him. Chicks dig that, if you believe Karol.

* Other possible reasons: good looks, millions in the bank.

Oh yeah, i absolutely believe dickish self confidence is a turn on for chicks (though maybe more in short term mate selection than long term.)

And yeah, my beef with Klein ain't somuch he's got the opportunity to sleep around at will (though if you catch me in a reflective mood, i might say that sorta 'Cheapens the soul' or something gooey like that) but exactly that he doesn't have false modesty.

Bragging is fine -- provided you can back it up, a la Muhammad Ali. In this age of touchdown dances with cell phones and such, I am firmly against this notion. I loathe this 'street swagger' mentality (evenif the chickas dig)

Where does my loathing come from? Maybe Klein is just like T.O. in that he's doing na end zone celebration over his competitors. His 'pussy fortune' (the result of fame, money and good looks) too much rubbed in my face - a competitor simply because we share the same sex.

That's not how decent, honorable competitors play the game. And that shit rankles me.

"Lie to me, Brett; I want to believe the lie. Even though, er, I really don't."

Of course I don't believe it. I just don't want Brett Favre telling me how awesome he is.

10 Roles for Chris Klein -

1: Arthur - The Early Years: CK and Micael Caine star in this prequel to the 1980s classics.

2: The Amazing Mr. Limpet - In this retelling of the 1960s classic, Christopher Klein becomes an animated fish - but no wimpy glasses wearing fish he. Mister Limpet enlists in the Navy and is soon on the front lines in the war on terror, using his fishy skills to stop the bad guys and win the hears, minds, and panties of those at home.

3 : Winter on BrokeBack Mountain: CK shares a bunk with fellow cowboys during the winter.

4: The Three Day Blow - This modern interpretation of the Hemingway classic short story tells of two men who share a cabin during a three day storm.

5: Valley Forge - Chris Klein shares a cabin with Revolutionary war soldiers during the winter of 1775. Heath Ledger reprises his role as a revolutionary war soldier.

6: Outland - Chris Klein shares a cabin on a space outpost with his fellow ore miners in this remake of a sci-fi classic.

7: Dat Bitch- A retelling of Louisa May Alcott's "Little Women" from the viewpoint of John Brooke. 'Rosencrantz and Guildernstern' meet Alcott.

8. The Taking of Pelham - 1-2-3: Retelling and update of the 1970s terrorist thriller in which a New York subway train is overtaken by terrorists. CK plays the lead terrorist, the focus of the movie is less on the actual incident but more of a psychological drama of what happens when strong men are forced to spend a great deal of time together alone in a confined space.

9. Robinson Crusoe - CK and Jamie Foxx star in this modern retelling of the classic children's story. Scholars agree that, in real life, Robinson Crusoe would be Friday's bitch in about six minutes. This updated story tells the 'real' tale from the perspective of two men sharing an island together, what likely happened, and why Robinson could not tell England about his many enjoyable months of being tea-bagged by Friday or the way he tried to avoid being rescued.

10. Bath House: San Francisco 1974 - CK stars as 'Mitch' the self-proclaimed Queen of Steam in this two hour period piece. See Mitch move from a fish out of water in a world not of his making to a fish perfectly at home.

I don't agree that all modesty is false. By definition modesty implies that you are mindful of your prowess in a certain area but for reasons of good taste you don't throw it in everyones face. Is Farve a great QB? Of course. Does he know it? Pretty hard not to when people are saying he may be among the best ever and he has the stats to back it up. But what makes him cool in my eyes is that he doesn't feel the need to yank his own crank. I don't see that as false modesty at all, just classy.

Ali was sort of a unique case. A lot of his bravado was shtick and most people understood that. It was fun to play along with him and it worked cause he won. T.O. is just an ass who has alienated virtually all his teamates and the public with his mouth and "respect me" crap. No mean feat given his talent.

There is only one reason Klein is getting a lot, if he is in fact. He certainly didn't get any for the 5 years he was with Katie (the years 20-25 should have been his prime and he shot 0 for Katie) and he claims that he has been keeping it to himself since that break up. The only reason he may be getting any is cause he's got cash. Which can buy you lots of confidence.

The Chris Klein piece bugs me on so many different levels that I'd probably need flow charts to explain it, but my central beef isn't that he's a man-slut, or even a boastful, confident man-slut. It's that he's such a jerk.

Chris Klein don't cook. Chris Klein don't play music. Chris Klein don't offer emotional support. Hell, Chris Klein don't even placate. And his conversational skills speak for themselves, as it were. It's like his face and his dick are reason enough for him to be, well, a complete dick. Bragging about getting laid is kind of tacky. Bragging about your total lack of decent personal qualities is taking the game to a whole new level.

Of course Klein is USDA grade A ringmeat. But Ace, you're saying a lie is better than the truth, as long as it sounds better?! Maybe this is part of your plan to launch a lefty blog to rake in the crazy blog money like Atrios? I don't know you anymore, MAN! AND YOU WERE ONE OF THE GREAT ONES! sob. Do snap out of it. You've gone and made me agree with Allah; and it's not just for the virgins. Later peeps.

It's not just men who benefit from self-confidence, Allah, that's my advice to women too. And, yeah, Klein's millions, good looks and fame may have something to do with why he's so confident.

Bragging about your total lack of decent personal qualities is taking the game to a whole new level.

You nailed it utron.
Also I think he overstates his inherent screw-worthiness.
I don't believe for a second he hasn't had to feign having a decent personality, to get some girls in the sack.

I feel sorry for the girls that were dazzled, but sorrier for the ones who were fooled.

-and as far as braggadocio goes, this is worse than being an exceptional athlete who has let it go to his head. There's something less inherently degrading to your 'opponents' there.

and I thought I had impressive character flaws.

pfffft.

It's not just men who benefit from self-confidence, Allah, that's my advice to women too. And, yeah, Klein's millions, good looks and fame may have something to do with why he's so confident.

Confident? Talk is cheap. As soon as things start not going his way, you'll see hi for the needy, neurotic person he really is. He's not that good looking. What good looks he had peaked. He's not a very good actor. What kind of roles is he going to get in a couple of years? He's not very smart. I doubt he can write. He better book in advance with his therapist because he will need it.

What good looks he had peaked.

So what your saying is that a man's looks start heading south after 25? I'm mortified.

Is it just me or does he kinda remind you of Mr. Garrison?

So what your saying is that a man's looks start heading south after 25? I'm mortified.

That can't be right.
I've known a few men who were real goofy looking when they were younger, but age made them attractive somehow.

So what your saying is that a man's looks start heading south after 25?

His sure did and will continue to do so. He makes his living off his looks. While many men and women get better looking with age, he sure isn't one of them. And when his looks are gone, what will he have to fall back on? His acting talent? Bwah!!

And do you want to tell me with a straight face that this guy doesn't need people telling him how good looking he is and that he is a "genius" 24/7? They love to call each other "genius" in Hollywood. Someone scratches their ass unscripted in a scene and he is a "genius."

I just did a google image search. He's already starting to wear a toupee. I'm sure he spends many an hour a day trying not to lose any more hair. Baldness is a real turnoff to teen girls.

but age made them attractive somehow.

I have heard beer can do that too.

The only complaint I have with the "alpha male" argument is that it would require me to accept that Chris Klein is one and, well, no. Clearly no. The guy lost a who-would-you-rather-kiss contest to a gay ninja monkey, number one, and number two, Andrea's right: Halfway to Crispin Glover already. That ain't alpha.

I agree with Karol about the confidence issue, but again, I'm not accepting that Klein actually has any. There's authentic confidence, and then there's putting up a big tough front to fake confidence, and I'm putting Klein in the latter camp, at least partly because the last guy I knew who sounded exactly like him turned out to be hopelessly impotent.

I don't tolerate that at all.

Hmm. I got a bit confused here. It seemed like a number of the men were back pedaling. But what is happening is that a number are bashing Klein for being a p-rick while in the Derby thread, bashing women for failing to remain perfect & perky (while their own balls go south).

Oy vey. I certainly wasn't bashing any woman. Pointing out that the female form, just like the male form, is at its physical peak for most in their early to mid 20's isn't bashing. Its a fact.

I don't back pedal and I sure as hell don't placate.

But what is happening is that a number are bashing Klein for being a p-rick

While simultaneously loving some of his lines. AoS HQ readers are nothing if not nuanced.

while in the Derby thread, bashing women for failing to remain perfect & perky (while their own balls go south).

I don't know if I'd say "bashing". They're just discussing Derby's comment, and the effects of aging on people of both genders, and so on.

It can be a heated discussion, because the subject of physical beauty is sensitive and inherently unfair. And, quite often, hilarious.

"Placate" is my new word for the day. Just decided. Excuse me while I go use it in a sentence...

I think the good question is "would I hang out with this guy?"

Hell no. But that's just me.

There was very little discussing, if any at all, as to the effects of aging on people of both genders.

It can be a heated discussion, because the subject of physical beauty is sensitive and inherently unfair. And, quite often, hilarious.

Not hilarious when it is always so one sided and it crops up repeatedly. What is hilarious is the fact that the people who find Chris Klein the most attractive on this website seem to be men. What is even more hilarious is that the men who have the least to offer expect so much from women. And, no, it's a cop out to claim that you can't attract women b/c you are not super rich. But, hey if they want to keep jerking off to old Olson Twins pixs and wait for their 12 y/o to come in, so be it.

Placate, is that the same as tea-bagging?

At this point in the comment thread, I am faced with two choices.

I can join in and add to the piling on of Chris Klein. Or, I can point out the obvious: Ace and Reo are preparing us for their coming out announcement.

Wha chu talkin' bout, Bart?

I'm talking about the Gay Theme that has saturated the blog for the past few weeks.
Threads about Gayness. Threads about Andrew Sullivan. Threads about how awfully macho Chris Klein is and how he's not cute at all, what a jerk, he's such, he'th thuch a man, be better keep all that tethtostherone in check.

I never thought I'd see the day when men are criticizing another man for being A MAN.

Oh, my heart aches.

Placate, is that the same as tea-bagging

It is. And now that my balls are sagging so low I don't even have to squat to give one. Bonus.

But, hey if they want to keep jerking off to old Olson Twins pixs and wait for their 12 y/o to come in, so be it.

Wait, wait, WAIT: Someone's bringing the man-hate in this thread, and it's NOT ME?

Back off, AnonyBitch. You don't want any of this, now. I got this fat-man-hating-dyke thing down cold and that's the way I like it.

Not hilarious when it is always so one sided and it crops up repeatedly.

Many a truth is said in jest? Look, I don't know what to tell you. Probably some of the posters here really would bother you in real life. But a lot of it is just harmless joking. Being tasteless for the sake of being tasteless, that sort of thing.

It's one-sided because there are more men than women here.

What is even more hilarious is that the men who have the least to offer expect so much from women. And, no, it's a cop out to claim that you can't attract women b/c you are not super rich.

Laughing at Chris Klein's lines ("I don't placate") is really a different matter from actually having high expectations of women.

Personally, although it sounds like a cheezy line, the truth is that my main requirements for a girlfriend/wife are that she's nice and has a compatible sense of humor. Really, any ordinary woman who I get along with well can be attractive to me.

Does that mean I can't laugh at the Chris Klein interview?

A little confidence is attractive in a man. Too much confidence--especially the unjustified kind--is just hilarious.

And I agree: often the men who offer the least claim to expect the most from women.

Because they aren't gay, and they aren't lonely, horny heterosexual guys. No. They're dudes with standards.

Back off, AnonyBitch. You don't want any of this, now. I got this fat-man-hating-dyke thing down cold and that's the way I like it.

But are you wearing real plaid flannel?

I'm talking about the Gay Theme that has saturated the blog for the past few weeks.

You've noticed that, too, huh? It's become the Ace of Spades Gay Lifestyle HQ.

I can join in and add to the piling on of Chris Klein. Or, I can point out the obvious: Ace and Reo are preparing us for their coming out announcement.

I still think they are brothers. Probably twins, too, (if you are into that sort of thing. )

I thought I'd be going out on a limb here but I think Ilyka and Attila Girl got my back.

Many a truth is said in jest? Look, I don't know what to tell you. Probably some of the posters here really would bother you in real life. But a lot of it is just harmless joking. Being tasteless for the sake of being tasteless, that sort of thing.

Your dick is small. Just joking! :)
Your dick is small. Just joking! :)
Your dick is small. Just joking! :)
Your dick is small. Just joking! :)
You can only use the jest get out of jail free card so many times. In real life, I, and most of the women here, would run as fast away from some of the posters here as we would a Chris Klein. It's always harmless when you aren't bearing the brunt of it. I mean really, look at the number of threads and comments. Again, people can write what they want but others can call them dickheads for it, too. Oh, wait, that's unfair! Why? I'm just joking. :)

It's one-sided because there are more men than women here.

Right. And there are so few women making disparaging remarks back to the men why are you and others so defensive when they do?

Laughing at Chris Klein's lines ("I don't placate") is really a different matter from actually having high expectations of women.

There are a lot of threads and comments going on besides the Klein thread. And please, don't try to tell me that most here find Klein funny because he is a dickhead. They think he is funny because he is insulting to women.

Personally, although it sounds like a cheezy line, the truth is that my main requirements for a girlfriend/wife are that she's nice and has a compatible sense of humor. Really, any ordinary woman who I get along with well can be attractive to me.

Uh, if you haven't figured it out yet, not too many female posters are laughing as hard as you guys.

Does that mean I can't laugh at the Chris Klein interview?

Sure. But does that mean I can't laugh at the losers who find Chris Klein funny because he treats women like dirt and they are secretly envious?

Sing it, Norma Rae!

But are you wearing real plaid flannel?

Honey, I'm wearing real plaid flannel boxer shorts (I take a 46 waist, if anyone's feeling Christmasy). It's the only way to keep the dough from rising too high, you know what I'm saying?

Ah, I'm a moron--of course you do.

Yours in matriarchy,

Your dick is small. Just joking! :)

Hey, I can't argue with the truth! (Guys like me console ourselves by believing that we use it well. Keep lying to us, ladies! Indulge the fantasy!)

And there are so few women making disparaging remarks back to the men why are you and others so defensive when they do?

Defensive? Moi? Surely you jest.

They think he is funny because he is insulting to women.

You know, I do think there's some truth to that.

But it's not 100%. It's not as clear cut as you seem to think.

The fact is, there is a bit of a gender divide in human nature. Guys sometimes like to talk bad about women, and women sometimes like to talk bad about men. (Comediennes do it all the time; please don't pretend otherwise.) Is it wrong? Probably. Certainly, over-indulging such silliness can become sexism/misogyny.

But honestly, a lot of it is just laughing at how over-the-top the interview was. Much like that miraculous Paul Anka rant, which this same crowd laughed at, for many of the same reasons, even though gender had nothing to do with it.

Sure. But does that mean I can't laugh at the losers who find Chris Klein funny because he treats women like dirt and they are secretly envious?

Please do! Refraining would be placating, and that's not the way we roll around here. And you'll get bonus points from me if you make it funny.

They think he is funny because he is insulting to women.
You know, I do think there's some truth to that.
But it's not 100%. It's not as clear cut as you seem to think.

I wrote most, not 100% and it seems clear to me.

The fact is, there is a bit of a gender divide in human nature. Guys sometimes like to talk bad about women, and women sometimes like to talk bad about men. (Comediennes do it all the time; please don't pretend otherwise.) Is it wrong? Probably. Certainly, over-indulging such silliness can become sexism/misogyny.

A lot of guys like to talk bad about women a lot. And please don't tell me the schtick of some female comedian compares to the out and out misogyny that men pretend is acceptable. I'd have to be Andrea Dworkin to match most of the comments I read.

But honestly, a lot of it is just laughing at how over-the-top the interview was.

No, most of it was getting off on the slagging of women in general.

Please do! Refraining would be placating, and that's not the way we roll around here. And you'll get bonus points from me if you make it funny.

You want funny talk to Michelle, Andrea, Ilyka, and Attila Girl, et. al.

Quick, Derbyshire, cover your eyes! (NSFW)

A feminist and a homo in a fight. This should be interesting.
Watch the fingernails, girls.

A feminist and a homo in a fight.

Now there's an idea . . . you know what this thread needs? That's right:

ACE/ALLAH SLASH FICTION.

Watch the fingernails, girls.

I bit mine all off watching a particularly nerve-wracking sporting event. Homo's got an unfair advantage for this one.

I'm talking about the Gay Theme that has saturated the blog for the past few weeks.
Threads about Gayness. Threads about Andrew Sullivan. Threads about how awfully macho Chris Klein is and how he's not cute at all, what a jerk, he's such, he'th thuch a man, be better keep all that tethtostherone in check.

I never thought I'd see the day when men are criticizing another man for being A MAN

God, what a one trick pony you are.

You think this is how a man acts? I don't. This is how a BOY behaves. I haven't seen this kind of overcompensation since high school.

Ace/Allah?

Which one is the feminist and which one the homo?

Oh the horror.
Oh the humanity.

You didn't get the memo, Warden? The memo about the thing called humor?

A lot of guys like to talk bad about women a lot. And please don't tell me the schtick of some female comedian compares to the out and out misogyny that men pretend is acceptable.

That men pretend is acceptable, or that some men pretend is acceptable?

I'm not denying the existence of misogyny. But I think that you're mistaking some offensive humor for something it's not.

You need to remember that you're dealing with a very weird web community here. Seriously. AoS consists almost entirely of republicans. Some are atheists, some are fundamentalists Christians, a few are gays and lesbians, some have serious fatherhood/sexuality issues (but I'm not gonna name names), many are married, quite a few are single straight guys. They just had over 1000 comments in a thread about Dick Cheney, most of which was jokes about Dick Cheney having gay sex. On a republican web site. Try and fathom that. Really.

I honestly think that you're just kinduv missing the joke. I'm not sure how to convince you otherwise. After all, like they say, bigotry is hard to define, but you know it when you see it. But it's also a serious accusation. And I think you should look at the Paul Anka stuff, the Pat O'Brian stuff, and (most popular of all) the paradoxical Dick Cheney stuff and then ask yourself honestly if maybe you're just being misled in some cases by how friggin' weird it is here.

placater.

Ace/Allah?

Which one is the feminist and which one the homo?

Dirty bastard. Talk about a Hobbesian choice.

Okay, gun to my head: I'm the feminist.

Hey! I need to call the other women in here (hi Ilyka, Attila, anonymous).

What the fuck do you guys see in Chris Klein, anyway? IS it a gay thing? I don't get it. He's about as appealing as...I dunno, a homely-looking dickhead with no personality, brains, or manners. His mother's probably a real piece of work, too, to have raised a loser like that.

Ditto what the others said, confidence is one thing (as opposed to a lack thereof), but that kind of crap he spouts is just ridiculous. There's NOTHING attractive about it. Don't take tips from a guy like that, Allah. It is possible to have healthy self-confidence AND humility at the same time. Or maybe I'm overestimating some people.

(No flannel here, I wear fur and diamonds that I bought for MYSELF.) ;-)

His mother's probably a real piece of work, too, to have raised a loser like that.

Good point. So say you are the [cough] lucky woman who gets him to settle down and start placating once in awhile. Now you've got to deal with someone who you know has to be the world's biggest bitchmonster--your mother-in-law. She's calling him up every day shrieking, "Chris! Chrissy! At the end of your day, is she the one cooking your food, Chrissy? Are your stools firm and regular? Make her check them. You know I don't trust that woman. Don't placate, Chrissy! She's got to bring something to the table, and it better contain enough fiber and vitamins. Listen to your mother!"

Fuck that. No one's that pretty.

Anonymous girl, these guys are not misogynists.

These are the guys who will hold the door open for you, and help your mom carry heavy things into the house.

There is no harm intended in their occasional swagger and bluster when they are among friends.

They're just men being men.

Don't tell me you don't talk shit with other women from time to time that at least abstractly denigrates men, if not personally.

Okay, gun to my head: I'm the feminist.

I'm the pitcher and Ace is the catcher.

And that's one wide catcher's mitt he's sporting there, believe you me.

Beth, I said in the first CK thread that I think Klein is bragging here to cover up some hurt from his break-up with Katie Holmes. Ace disagrees, but if you look at CK's snide remark about fantasy football when asked about Holmes's engagement to Cruise, it's pretty clear. He was with her for five years and then she dumped him for the alpha of alphas, so he had to deal with heartbreak and a blow to his masculinity. I think he's talking smack partly as a way of (over)compensating for those wounds.

That said, the only thing I found offensive in the interview was his crack about talking to women when they're on their periods. The rest of it, the bragging, is actually pretty typical of alpha-male attitudes in my experience; Klein's only sin was in admitting it, but personally, I have more respect for someone who's upfront about that sort of thing than someone who feigns humility and then turns into the smell-my-finger guy later in the locker room. At least with Klein, everyone knows where he stands.

Of course, actual humility would be preferable to either, but we are talking about alphas here.

Alpha of alphas? Holmes dumped Klein for a wee gay guy. So much for that theory.

Don't tell me you don't talk shit with other women from time to time that at least abstractly denigrates men, if not personally.

That reminds me. How many of these chicks that Klein has bedded down go bragging about it to their girlfriends the morning after? How many of the ones he nailed at TCU have regaled chums with stories of his prowess or endowment (or lack thereof) since he became a movie star?

Sex-related boasting is a two-way street.

Holmes dumped Klein for a wee gay guy.

A wee, spastic, insane gay guy. Talk about your crushing blow from which you may never recover without a whole lotta therapy.

But Klein, the would-be alpha male? Talk to a therapist? Come on, are you crazy? The man does not placate! It's not his job to babysit! No mere head-shrinker deserves to know him completely!

Which means we can look forward to possibly decades of gems like these interviews. I, for one, am content. All is well in the universe. God's in his heaven. The stores of comedy are very full up indeed.

You didn't get the memo, Warden? The memo about the thing called humor?

The one that read homo homo homo gay homo gay homo queer homo gay homo rebelling against your father gay homo?

Yeah, I got it. Just didn't think it was all that funny.

Holmes dumped Klein for a wee gay guy.

A wee gay guy whom 75% of women would rather kiss than Chris Klein, who works in the same field as Klein and has achieved a kind of success that CK will never even approach.

He's been emasculated. As such, his bragging is the equivalent of a guy with a small dick going out to buy a Porsche.

Incidentally, can anyone recommend a good used Porsche dealer? I'd like a Targa, something classic, or something with a really big dick.

All that shit-talking from CK is probably just that--shit-talking. I'll bet there are a ton of vapid dingbats who wouldn't mind being lied about for the sole reason that he's a celebrity (one whom I couldn't place until his ugly mugshot was posted here).
Problem is, there's just too damn many stupid people on this planet. Male and female. I'm not excusing his fucktardation, I'm just saying he's stupid and so are his women, real or imaginary.

Yes, Allah, I'd rather know up front too. I still think the guy is reprehensible, no matter what his excuse is (Katie Holmes, whatever). Maybe she just dumped him because he's a douchebag, and he still hasn't figured it out. I doubt that a guy who's used to celebrity attention is introspective enough to get a clue.

Whoa, a thread about feminism. Ilyka must be here!

Seriously, did that fake guy blog ever happen?

Allah, the admiring comments you and Ace put up early in these threads were pretty out there.

They guy is every virginal locker room blowhard you ever knew as a kid, cranked up to 11 and juiced with steroidal levels of neuroses. Anyone who can't see the joy in playing off that stuff is missing some major funny.

we can look forward to possibly decades of gems like these interviews. I, for one, am content.

Amen, sister.

Now you've got to deal with someone who you know has to be the world's biggest bitchmonster--your mother-in-law.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and the divorce papers). DON'T get me started. This thread WILL quickly degenerate into a female-bashing thread, and I'll be leading the charge, as long as we're talking mothers-in-law. Goddamn evil piece of bitchfuck.

Whoa, a thread about feminism. Ilyka must be here!

And Ilyka didn't start the shit this time. Which is why Ilyka's actually feeling a little teensy tiny bit irritated that whoever did doesn't have the balls to put her name to it.

Figuratively speaking.

Don't hate on the fat-man-hating-dyke unless she hates on you first. That's just bad manners.

Goddamn evil piece of bitchfuck.

The Force is strong with this one.

someone -- The only "admiring" comment I've made about CK is that I appreciate his candor. If people are going to think the way he does, they should at least be honest about it. He is.

I did say in the first CK thread that the interview was "awesome," and so it is -- as a source of comic material. Quote:

Seriously, this has Anka-type potential as a running joke.

"I want to be nice and be like, 'Wow, thanks for the attention. But get out of my face.' "

Are you kidding me?

Posted by: Allah on December 4, 2005 11:39 PM

Not sure what's so "out there" about that.

evil piece of bitchfuck

Ooh, consider that stolen. It's definitely got a ring to it.

"I'm talking about the Gay Theme that has saturated the blog for the past few weeks. "

The past few *weeks?*

*

And, ace, it's Hobson's choice, not Hobbesian choice. I'm pretty sure.
(If I'm wrong, that'll make two incorrect "corrections" I've pedantically made tonight. So I hope I'm right).

Yeahp.

http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/archive/2000/01/31.html

Oh, great. I killed another thread.

Yes, you certainly did. Nitpickers generally do.

Either talk about how much you admire Klein's honesty, or . . . don't be the kid in elementary school who, every time the teacher said something about "tomorrow" on a Friday, piped up, "But teacher, tomorrow's Saturday!"

No one ever liked that kid.

Oh, great. I killed another thread.

You bastard!

No, you killed the Goddamned Evil Piece of Bitchfuck.

Hehehehe

STG, that just kinda popped out. You'd be surprised how vile things can get when I think of my EX-mother-in-law or my ex-worse half.

Chris Klein and John Derbyshire are my two favorite people this week.

Yes, Bart, but that's only because you hate your mother.

Gee thanks for that phrase, Beth, now I'll have to suppress the urge to utter that everytime that evil piece of bitchfuck comes over and spends a week making sure her "precious little boy" is being taken care of. A precious little boy who's 42 fucking years old.

What am I saying, I'll be the evil piece of bitchfuck for my sons soon enough.