Oh, man. He's in dire need of a disfiguring car accident of somesort.

Admirable, but he's still not in the same league as Johnny Fairplay.

This man is my hero. How many beautiful women treat every man they have a relationship with like sh*t? This guy rules.

99.9% of men would not have the stones to say that stuff in an interview. He is not "playing the role" or "perpatrating a fraud." That brother is just keepin it real.

Don't hate the player, ....blah blah blah.

That's just the way Chris Klein rolls...

Oh, wait. It's THAT guy? From American Pie?

I take it all back. He sucks.

I guess it's cause I've always hated narcicists but....that asshole is really disturbing.

I mean......he's just another fuckin' actor, for pete' sake.

In fairness, he was great in Rollerball.

That was unspeakably awesome.

All right, in two weeks or so, we do Cool Facts About Chris Klein.

Oh...my...goodness

Just, uhh, curious... what's Dr. Symes doing reading a Chris Klein interview in Elle?

Even Harvey Feirstein says, "That's really gay, man."

Even Harvey Feirstein says, "That's really gay, man."

Yeah, and the dude from the ratman video thinks it's "kinda faggy."

what's Dr. Symes doing reading a Chris Klein interview in Elle?

My journeys on behalf of this organization take me to exotic locales. What can I say.

Seriously, this has Anka-type potential as a running joke.

"I want to be nice and be like, 'Wow, thanks for the attention. But get out of my face.' "

Are you kidding me?

Chris Klein is a dork.

Talking straight to women is great. Sleeping with beautiful women is loads of fun. But thinking you're a bad-ass because you've gotten rich by being a pretty performer is just annoying. The guy is just a Hollywood film actor, and not a particularly good one at that.

I have more admiration for friggin' bloggers than I do for this guy, seriously.

(Sorry to rain on your parade, but raining on parades is what I do best.)

Crap! This isn't a parody!? I can't believe this thing is real. I think Allah is right...much potential from this Casanova.

I'm going to work some of these into my active vocabulary.

"Thanks for the attention, but get out of my face."

I think pretty much all a man needs to say is "thanks for the attention, but get out of my face," "that's how I roll," "don't make a fucking maniac out of me," and "you have to pretend to be into Betsy."

If you're saying more than that, you're not truly a man.

We are all going to miss the really funny part of this, though. You see, there are tons of women out there whose panties get all moist when a man treats them the way this guy treats women. They are going to get all irate that he said the things he said, and never make the connection that they are the women he is talking about. And then they'll go bar crawling and go home with some guy who treats them just like Klein would have.

An old roommate of mine had a girlfriend who was this ultra-leftist, feminist, sociology major type. She was perpetually unemployed, living out of his bed, and he treated her like crap. He and I would even discuss this phenomenon (in appropriately vague) terms right in front of her, and she never made the connection that she was one of those women who fell all over themselves to get crapped on left and right by men. It was hi-effing-larious.

All right, in two weeks or so, we do Cool Facts About Chris Klein.

For some reason I don't see Chris Klein's cock playing as big a role as Dick Cheney's did.

anon- or just really, really, sad.

Don't get me wrong: I'd love to treat women the way Chris Klein does -- or, as I call him, "CK Money" -- but I can't get away with it.

I'm not shocked by this behavior; I'm envious. And I'm annoyed at the unfairness. This expressionless mannequin says "Suck me, beautiful" in a very overrated teenage tit comedy and this is the way he gets to roll?

Did Jonas Salk get to roll like this? Of course not.

What a pansey!

You sure the reporter didn't trick him into thinking this was the Maxim interview?

yeah, being good looking beats everything, except being rich. And if you are good looking, chances are you can get rich too.

I've seen this sort of feminine behavior with some of my friends, it would be an interesting topic, who are dumber around good looking people, men or women?

Good for you Klein!

ace - who says you can't roll like that...i'm sure if you just tried...

Well, I don't know how the ladies will react to this interview, but I'm all twitterpated now. I hope he's in the next issue of Tiger Beat.

Despite what he said, you know her engagement to Cruise is fucking with his head. He got alpha-dogged -- big time.

By the way: I only date 8 to 10s.

Unfortunately, I'm a 2.

I never had a 10, but once I did get two 5's.

(Old joke, yeah, so what.)

Two 5s?

I don't do pity fucks. I don't. I don't placate.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't all lovey-dovey 'n shit.

When I was done, I was all like, "Thanks for the attention, but now get out of my face."

That's right. That's the way you handle it: be firm. It's like, when a woman isn't feeling good about herself and you combine that with her period, eventually she'll ask you if you like her body.

You have to say no.

Yeah, like when I was getting out of the spark-off with those two 5's, I just said "fuck it," and then I drove my car into their fucking fat asses. They rolled up on my windshield like TJ Hookers.

Are we still friends? Absolutely. Do we talk? No.

But if you ask them, they'll all say, "Things ended on good terms."

I always make it a point to end on good terms. Last week I was hanging around the local high school and I ran into these two eleventh-graders with whom I had this thing going on last year. Momentarily awkward but then they warmed up. Because we ended on good terms.

It's an expensive school, full of daddy's little girls. I liked it when they called me Daddy. And they did, too, because they were all hungry.

Yeah, I dig 11th graders. I like making eye contact across the room. At that moment they realize it's not a Paul Metzler situation. It's a predator-prey situation.

I grew into myself fairly late. I was about three years old when I started getting some action, kissing and blow jobs, mostly, from a six-year-old.

And she was hot, too.

Well played. Most three-year-olds don't know how to handle that situation; they turn into control freaks. You have to give her enough credit to let her take the reins once in a while.

But if it's a two-week spark-off, fuck it. Have a blast and fizzle out. It can be just as fun.

Well, I had a policy I wouldn't date girls in my own kindergarten class; it complicates things. So some of the girls I did fingerpainting with, your Mindy Shipowitczs, your Heather MacIntires, your Missy DoCarmo's-- they're the ones that got away.

When I was in kindergarten, this one loser used to bring cookies from home and give them to the girls in exchange for letting him look up their dresses.

I don't need food to impress, man. It's a flash of a smile and a nice conversation. And at the end of the day, she's cooking the food.

And by "the food," I of course mean "my balls."

Yeah, I had a girl like that. But she had a growth spurt and put on an inch and about four pounds.

I'm not tolerant of that at all.

I have no problems with a guy like that.

I mean they can stop a bullet for me anytime.

I just don't want them using my oxygen in the meantime.

CHRIS KLEIN: I've been lucky enough that I don't need music for that.

For the rest of us, there's always this album. Smooth lovin', baby. Smooth lovin'.

Don't be a hater, BRD. Be a playa.

Or at least live vicariously through one. That's what I do.

What do I do to impress women? Nothing, I don't need to impress, man. Just a flash of a smile and some nice conversation.

Like, "Hello." That always works for me.

Despite what he said, you know her engagement to Cruise is fucking with his head. He got alpha-dogged -- big time.

Dude, AoS-worthy lines aside, this whole interview is just oozing the hurt. The guy probably cried himself to sleep that night. (Or else, you know, got drunk and banged some beautiful aspiring actress and then treated her like crap. Either/or.)

Dude, AoS-worthy lines aside, this whole interview is just oozing the hurt.

Agreed. Totally.

This dude lost his girl to Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise. Not only did he get alpha-dogged, he got alpha-dogged by a guy who's (a) gay or (b) insane or (c) both. He might as well put his nuts in a glass jar and just hand them over to Katie Holmes.

Also, who knew that the most Stiffler-like guy among the "American Pie" crew was Chris Klein?

You guys wish. He's not hurt.

Duh, there's only room for one true love in his life, and he's never leaving himself.

And, yeah, Stifler's the cool guy in real life, and this jackass is Stifler.

Except Stifler was funny.

Also, who knew that the most Stiffler-like guy among the "American Pie" crew was Chris Klein?

He he. Yeah. But when you stop and think about it, if you hadn't ever seen those movies or heard anything about them, but were shown pictures of all the actors and asked which one this interview belonged to, you'd almost certainly pick Chris Klein.

You guys wish. He's not hurt.

While giving this interview, he was imagining his ex-fiancee reading it, and he was hoping that it was twisting a knife in her heart. In the immortal words of Cory Hart: "I ain't missing you at all."

He's hurt. C'mon. He admits he doesn't talk to Holmes anymore and couldn't even muster well wishes when the interviewer asked him about the engagement. That fantasy-football crack screams heartbreak.

Can Chris Klein find his way back to happiness by banging a dazzling array of hot Hollywood snatch? Time will tell.

That was John Waite, not Corey Hart.

Nope. As they say, nothing helps you get over the last one like the next one, and, bragging aside, I don't doubt he can score an awful lot.

Besides, Katie Holmes isn't really cute as an adult.

And, for that matter, neither is Klein. As a pretty boy he got work, but he doesn't seem to be doing too well as a pretty man.

Not a lot of big pictures coming up. His latest is a TV movie.

He'll be working in gay porn in ten years.

Okay, yeah, that demonstrates some resentment and ill-feeling.

But isn't that normal? What relationship ends with people really on good terms? People offer well-wishes and "I hope she's happy's" as a way to disguise pain, too.

I really don't think he's all broken-hearted. The chick ain't that cute anymore.

As Chris would say, "I'm not tolerant of that at all."

yeah corey hart was sunglasses at night, sandy.

Can Chris Klein find his way back to happiness by banging a dazzling array of hot Hollywood snatch? Time will tell.

That poor, poor man. Godspeed, Chris Klein. Godspeed.

Sorry about the 80's loose shit. I wasn't thinking clearly. I was all choked up thinking of Chris' plight.

He'll be working in gay porn in ten years.

C'mon Ace, we're talking about alpha heterosexual Chris Klein here.

You know, I don't think rock actually swings. Two different genres, Anka, you magnificent bastard.

Ace, that exchange between you and Allah and the middle of this thread . . . Wow. I blew some cheerios out of my nose.

Yeah Adolpho.. I'm with ya.

Reading their exchange I was having visions of the knife fight fom Michael Jackson's "Beat it" video. You know - the one between a "tough" Michael Jackson and a swarthy gang leader...

Only I'm not sure which one is Ace and which one is Allah.

Either way, I'm betting they both wear red zippered jackets. I think it's pretty safe to say that...

Not only did he get alpha-dogged, he got alpha-dogged by a guy who's (a) gay or (b) insane or (c) both. He might as well put his nuts in a glass jar and just hand them over to Katie Holmes.

Don't forget (d) short. Gay, insane, and short. Like Prince, only paler. Tom Cruise, the Pale Prince.

Reading their exchange I was having visions of the knife fight fom Michael Jackson's "Beat it" video. You know - the one between a "tough" Michael Jackson and a swarthy gang leader... Only I'm not sure which one is Ace and which one is Allah.

Gee, Grendel, you can't make them look anymore gay than that.

p.s.: Allah's the tall one and Ace is the muscular one (4 years of high school football and snapping towels after each game).

I have a friend who's a Hollywood face jock--he had a regular role on Dallas and was on soaps for years--and going out with him was a trip. I always got the Ugly One and she was still better than I could have done on my own.

I love how CK describes complimenting a woman as "placating" her. Like it makes you some sort of Chamberlain surrender monkey.

He's given us a rich vein of comedy gold here. It will take years to exploit all of this.

I love how CK describes complimenting a woman as "placating" her.

I think he just learned that word.

I only date 8 to 10s.

He lost it here. Or maybe before but here the train is completely off the tracks.

Katie Holmes is an 8 only in his world. And she dumped him for a 5'6" version of L. Ron Hubbard. We have women in my town who would turn down Katie for girl on girl action.

This clown's so full of himself he's oozing out his own mouth and asshole, though it's impossible to tell which is which. All he needs is a big, red rubber nose to complete the ensemble.

I'm surprised CK doesn't refer to himself in the third person.

.

I am reminded of Wayans' abusive clown character.

You gained two pounds and got your period?! Whap! Homey don't play dat!

"If you assembled all the women you've ever slept with in a room, what would they say about you"

I was hoping for "There isn't a room big enough for that."

So Katie moved on from Mr. "I don't placate" to Mr. "Don't be glib." Does this mean she's only attracted to guys who overuse SAT vocabulary? That's just preposterous. (PREPOSTEROUS, Katie. PREPOSTEROUS.)

Chris Klein sucked me off in a NYC cab in 1999 on the way back from a Phish show.

"Alpha" my ass.

This thread is classic. One of the best since the Pat o'brien thing.

Are you cool with it if a woman you like gains a few pounds?

CK: I'm not tolerant of that at all.

haha

There comes a moment in this interview in which you simply cannot believe what you are reading. And then for the rest you just laugh uncontrolably...

What a complete jackass.

Wow. I come to Ace ofSpades for the learning experiences.
I never even heard of this dorkwad and now... thanks to Prof. Ace.... i really know him well, for the proctological orifice he really is.
He's a Nobody who has been jilted by another Nobody for a Has Been. The boy is bitter.