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December 03, 2005
What Do You Get For The Man Who Has Everything Except A Creepy Animatronic Chimpanzee Head?Well, you could get him a nice port. Or, perhaps, a creepy animatronic chimpanzee head. Watch the video, as Disgruntle Us advises. It's disturbing. I'm thinking about getting Dave from Garfield Ridge one of these just to give him chronic night-terrors resulting in a schizophrenic break. It's hard to type "It's old" in a straightjacket. posted by Ace at 03:34 PM
Commentsare you kidding me? No one likes this link? Not even Dave? Posted by: ace on December 3, 2005 05:39 PM
After that man got his testicles and face eaten off by a chimp, no thank you. Posted by: on December 3, 2005 05:43 PM
I loved that story, Josie. It had all the elements of a perfect storm. California couple with a extraordinary love for exotic for animals throw a birthday party for a chimpanzee. What could possibly go wrong? Posted by: Bart on December 3, 2005 05:55 PM
Yeah, Ace, it pretty much sucks balls. And not in a good way. Posted by: Don Carne on December 3, 2005 06:29 PM
Ace, I *do* like the link-- I was just away from the computer asking a stray girl in a parking garage to help me load a couch in my panel van. She was *very* helpful, thank you. Cheers, Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on December 3, 2005 08:00 PM
From the web page: When you leave your chimp, use the controller to put him in "Guard" mode — ready for anything to trip his sensors: When someone enters the room (for example), your "Alive" Chimpanzee will begin whatever series of actions and vocalizations you programmed. Sounds like fun, yes?Uh... no? Posted by: sandy burger on December 3, 2005 09:24 PM
You're really disturbed by that? Cripes, you guys are pansies.
Posted by: El Conquistadore on December 3, 2005 11:53 PM
Mount it on the back of one of these: http://www.sharperimage.com/us/en/catalog/productview.jhtml?sku=IR110 and we are talking serious entertainment if there is a cat in the house.
Posted by: B Moe on December 4, 2005 12:48 AM
You know what? I'd rather have sex with this animatronic chimp head, than have sex with Angelina Jolie. You know why? Because this chimp head is a guy. Cause I'm not GAY, that's why. So ha! Posted by: Michelle on December 4, 2005 07:54 PM
Michelle, you are cracking me up. Posted by: on December 4, 2005 07:58 PM
Gawd, I hope it's not the case of the lady doth protest too much. If I keep it up, y'all are going to think I'm GAY. I do love Bush, though. Posted by: Michelle on December 4, 2005 08:17 PM
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| The Deplorable Gourmet A Horde-sourced Cookbook [All profits go to charity] Top Headlines
Few people remember that Norm MacDonald began his career as a ventriloquist
MacDonald's old partner Adam Egot revealed that MacDonald repurposed a bit with one of his ventriloquist dolls -- that he was a "bad guy" who "didn't believe the Holocaust happened" -- for the Norm MacDonald show, in which he claimed Egot didn't believe in the Holocaust. Funniest thing I've read about the Virginia mess. Back when they were hustling the referendum through the assembly both Senators, Warner and Kaine, advised them to go slow and play by the rules. Louise Lucas said she respected them but didn't need advice from the "cuck chair" in the corner. The gerrymandering was overturned and Louise is heading for the big house. Edward G. Robinson voice "where's your cuck now?" I posted his post on twitter and it's gotten 25K views so far. Thanks, Smell the Glove Chris
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click That Sums Up the Democrat Communist Party Today
Something is wrong as I hold you near Somebody else holds your heart, yeah You turn to me with your icy tears And then it's raining, feels like it's raining
"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source" Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held. Basil the Great
"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)
No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.
Only a cult does this.
Now they've lost 84%.
Annunziata Rees-Mogg Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.
Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...
The British Patriot Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing. Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult. Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending. (((Dan Hodges))) Nick Lowles
STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98. Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years. Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45 Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%. I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens. REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.
Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs. Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.
Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:
![]() That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time. I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"
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