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« Wrap Sheet: Tookie Williams | Main | No Joke: Al Sharpton In Talks For Sitcom »
December 02, 2005

Dick Van Patten Eats Dog Food

He says his new "celebrity" endorsed puppy chow is good enough for human consumption, and he proves it himself.

Big deal. Dick Cheney eats a goulash made from broken glass, spent antifreeze, and liquified animal waste. And he's not even being paid for his endorsement.

He's just doing his part to end world pollution.


posted by Ace at 06:09 PM
Comments



Boy, this whole Cheney thing really has legs, doesn't it?

Posted by: Monty on December 2, 2005 06:17 PM

My dad used to give me a dog biscuit once in a while. They weren't great, but they weren't bad.

Discover dog biscuits all over again... for the very first time.

Posted by: Guy T. on December 2, 2005 07:04 PM

Gosh Ace - wherever did you find THAT story?

Posted by: Bill from INDC on December 2, 2005 07:16 PM

No big deal. If you feed your dog prime rib, medium rare, with mushroom sauce and mashed potatoes, the idea of "fit for human consumption" doesn't seem like much of a stretch.

Posted by: Sobek on December 2, 2005 07:22 PM

I bet the Hobo Chili and the Chinese Takeout don't even have real hobos or Chinese in them.

Dick Cheney will NOT stand for this loose shit.

Posted by: Trouble's Braids on December 2, 2005 07:22 PM

I used to eat something called Doggie Donuts. They were little multicolored biscuits shaped like donuts. For dogs.

Why did I do this? Dick Cheney told me that children in Africa would love to eat Doggie Donuts, and I believed him.

Posted by: ace on December 2, 2005 07:25 PM

Cheney also invented 'milk-bones'.
However, he didn't intend for his 'milk-bone' to be consumed just by dogs...
In the end, he just rolled with it.

Posted by: Uncle Jefe on December 2, 2005 07:29 PM

Actually, Bill, I've had that window open up on my computer all day. I got it from Lucianne or Free Republic.

But yes, reading your post (you keep an eye on that referrer list, huh?) did prompt me to finally put it up.

To make amends, I've linked Dorkafork's bit about US military "propaganda."

Posted by: ace on December 2, 2005 07:37 PM

I'm still just amazed at you finding that story, Ace! What a find! Where could you have possibly found it?!

I mean, Dick Van Patten?

Posted by: Bill from INDC on December 2, 2005 07:38 PM

;-)

Posted by: Bill from INDC on December 2, 2005 07:38 PM

Ya know, I actually played blackjack at the same table with Van Patten a while back. Once, he got dealt a five and a three, and when the dealer asked him if wanted another card, Dick just said "No, eight is enough."

Thank you everybody - I'm here all week!

Posted by: Enas Yorl on December 2, 2005 09:33 PM

"Dick Van Patten's Natural Balance Eatables for Dogs" is puppies! It's puppies!!!

Posted by: CleverNameHere on December 3, 2005 01:20 AM

Check out a doggie cookbook called "Bone Appetite". Add a little salt and they are gourmet recepies for people. Yummy!

Posted by: rabidfox on December 3, 2005 11:55 AM
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Funniest thing I've read about the Virginia mess. Back when they were hustling the referendum through the assembly both Senators, Warner and Kaine, advised them to go slow and play by the rules. Louise Lucas said she respected them but didn't need advice from the "cuck chair" in the corner. The gerrymandering was overturned and Louise is heading for the big house. Edward G. Robinson voice "where's your cuck now?"
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Chris
@chriswithans

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"Ahhhhh ahh I put my career on the line for Louise Lucas and Jay Jones thinking they'd vault me into presidential contention and we ended up costing Democrats 20 House seats and unleashing a Reverse Dobbs ahhhhh ahhh"
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Something is wrong as I hold you near
Somebody else holds your heart, yeah
You turn to me with your icy tears
And then it's raining, feels like it's raining
"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.
Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over
"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)
No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.
Now they've lost 84%.
Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.
Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...
The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.


Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.
(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.


Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party
STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
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REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.
Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
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