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November 18, 2005

Update On Guy Who Cut Off His Mangerines In Tribute To Winning Rugby Team

This guy.

A recap:

Geoffrey Huish, 31, performed the impromptu self-surgery in February when his beloved Wales beat world champions England.
After performing the deed, Mr Huish put his severed anatomy in a bag and took them to his local social club to show fellow fans.

Why'd he do it? Well, he's still not really sure.

A rugby fan who cut out his testicles with wire cutters to mark a Wales victory is at a loss to explain why he did it.

He's also at a loss to reproduce by natural means.

You know, we all have silly ideas like this. "If I get this promotion, I'll burn down the office just to show how much I appreciate it." Or, "Jesus, this coffee is so good I think I'll stick my hand into this industrial saw and maim myself." Or, "I really love it when the leaves turn color. I love the autumn so much that, damnit, I'm going to sell myself into degrading Thai gay prostitution and then wind up getting slashed to death under a bridge abutment."

The only thing separating him from a lot of us is follow-through. And for that he should be praised.

posted by Ace at 10:36 AM

Comments

Well I for one am quite relieved that this fucktard has removed his ability to reproduce.

Yet he says he wants to have children, so maybe he'll adopt. Yeah, right.

I am sitting here, still in some sort of amazement, thinking about being so screwed in the head that a guy takes a dull set of wire cutters and slowly, over a span of ten minutes, cuts off his own nuts.

I barely snipped my bag with a pair of sharp scissors one time doing some 'maintenance' and damned near threw up.

Posted by: compos mentis on November 18, 2005 10:49 AM

Compos "Poopy-pants" Mentis trims his bush. With scissors.

Wow. More and more material for the next flame war.

Posted by: ace on November 18, 2005 10:55 AM

So in other words nothing new happened, no new information, they just wanted another bite at this story to fill up dead tree space.

It's a nice object lesson, however, that a reporter couldn't bring himself to suggest the answer of "extreme mental illness" that 99.9% of the readership would arrive at, objectivity and what not.

The other 00.1% know that you're not supposed to cut them off when your teams wins, you'rs supposed to cut one off, shuck it out of the casing, sew it back in with the other one, and use the casing to make a handy change purse with your team logo branded on it.

I mean, duh..

Posted by: Tom on November 18, 2005 10:58 AM

When I read the guy's first-person account of his denuttification, you couldn't have uncrossed my legs with the jaws of life. Sure, this idiot gets mad props for removing himself from the gene pool, but I really, really don't want to hear about the specifics.

Fair warning: if it turns out that rugby's Number-One Fan made a video of the procedure (at this point, I'm not ruling anything out) and anyone "helpfully" provides a link to said video, then I will find that person. And they will regret it.

Posted by: utron on November 18, 2005 10:59 AM

Sometimes you just have to say "what the fuck." He clearly did . . .

Posted by: Sharkman on November 18, 2005 11:04 AM

Trimmed. Not trims. It was several years back and it was the first and last damned time a pair of scissors has been anywhere near my package.

And I could say that I had tea bagged your mother and she wouldn't let go so I threatened to trim her moustache but got myself instead.

Truth is I was having a vasectomy and needed to knock down the rough before I could shave the fairway, so to speak.

Posted by: compos mentis on November 18, 2005 11:10 AM

Truth is I was having a vasectomy and needed to knock down the rough before I could shave the fairway, so to speak.

My wife offered to do the pre-op shave for me. I took one look at the razor nick on her knee, and said "thanks honey, I got it".

No effing way the hand that rocked the cradle was getting anywhere near the twins with a razor.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 18, 2005 11:20 AM

"So I started hacking away at my tackle."

I'd like to say something funny here, but . . . whew, I . . . um . . . speechless.

Posted by: adolfo velasquez on November 18, 2005 11:20 AM

Friday flamewar time
Ace calls Compos poopy pants
Prepare for battle!!

Posted by: compos mentis on November 18, 2005 11:24 AM

Am I the only one that thinks this guy is a lock for this year's Darwin Awards?

Posted by: HayZeus on November 18, 2005 11:56 AM

What's a Friday at Ace of Spades HQ without a little genital mutilation? :)

Posted by: on November 18, 2005 02:19 PM

"I really love it when the leaves turn color. I love the autumn so much that, damnit, I'm going to sell myself into degrading Thai gay prostitution and then wind up getting slashed to death under a bridge abutment."

It's amazing how every day, I learn new things about the Ace o' SpadesTM lifestyle.

Posted by: OregonMuse on November 18, 2005 04:48 PM

Wait a minute. Testing, testingTM. Does this superscript thing work?

Posted by: OregonMuse on November 18, 2005 04:50 PM

No, I guess it doesn't. Hey ace, your blog is broken.

Posted by: OregonMuse on November 18, 2005 04:50 PM

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He means they tried to prove the signal was caused by things other than dimethyl sulfide but they could not.

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Good rickroll

What? Skeleton of the most famous Musketeer, D'Artagnan, possibly discovered in Dutch church closet.
Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)*

Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown.
The Gascon nobleman inspired Alexandre Dumas's hero in "The Three Musketeers" in the 19th century, a character now known worldwide thanks to the novel and numerous film adaptations.
D'Artagnan was killed during the siege of Maastricht in 1673, and there is a statue honoring the musketeer in the city. His final resting place has remained a mystery ever since.

A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask).
* Oh, I should mention, Dumas says all this, about finding the names in an old book, in the prologue to his novel. But authors lie a lot. They frequently present fictions as based on historic fact. The twist is, he was actually telling the truth here. At least about these four musketeers having actually existed and served under Louis XIV.
Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.

A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR.
Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him.
LOTR is a very long story. Fifteen hundred pages or so. The Hobbit is relatively short and very punchy and easy to read. If you don't like The Hobbit, you can skip out on LOTR. If you do like it, you'll be primed to read LOTR.
Oh, I should say: The Hobbit is written as if it's for children, but one of those smart children's stories that are also for adults. Don't worry, there's also real fighting and violence and horror in it, too.
LOTR is written for adults. (It's said that Tolkien wrote both for his children, but LOTR was written 17 years later, when his children were adults.) Some might not like The Hobbit due to its sometimes frivolous tone. Me, I love it. I find it constantly amusing. Both are really good but there is a starkly different tone to both. LOTR is epic, grand, and serious, about a world war, The Hobbit is light and breezy, and about a heist. Though a heist that culminates in a war for the spoils.

The Hobbit Challenge: Read two more chapters. I didn't have much time. Bilbo got the ring.
I noticed a continuity problem. Maybe. Now, as of the time of The Hobbit, it was unknown that this magic ring was in fact a Ring of Power, and it was doubly unknown that it was the Ring of Power, the Master Ring that controlled the others.
But the narrator -- who we will learn in LOTR was none of than Bilbo himself, who wrote the book as "There and Back Again" -- says this about Gollum's ring:
"But who knows how Gollum had come by that present [the Ring], ages ago in the old days when such rings were still at large in the world? Perhaps even the Master who ruled them could not have said."
In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power."
I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron.
Now I don't remember when Bilbo wrote the Hobbit. In the movie, he shows Frodo the book in Rivendell, and I guess he wrote it after he left the Shire. I guess he might have added in the part about the ring being a ring of power created by "the Master" after Gandalf appraised him of his research into the ring.
I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do.
But I had no memory of the ring being suggested to be The Ring so early in the tale.

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Tomorrow is March 25th, "Tolkien Reading Day," because March 25th is the day when the Ring is destroyed in the book. I think I'm going to start the Hobbit tomorrow and read all four books this time.
The only bad part of the trilogy are the Frodo/Sam chapters in The Two Towers. They're repetitive, slow, and mostly about the weather and terrain. But most everything else is good. Weirdly, the Frodo-Sam chapters in Return of the King are exciting and action-packed and among the best in the trilogy. (Though the chapters with everyone else in Return of the King get pretty slow again. Mostly people talking about marching towards war, and then marching towards war.)

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[Hat Tip: Diogenes] [CBD]