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« ANWR Will Soon Be Open For Business | Main | Wet Hot Mixed-Blood Bitches In Heat!!! »
November 03, 2005

Has Everyone Finished Their Fitzmas Shopping?

I got my dad a new lure and my mom a marble duck. There are still people on the list, though.

And for crying out loud, Festivus is right around the corner!

What do you guys think on the Festivus Pole? I know for tradition it's supposed to be steel, but I'm looking at some lighter, cheaper aluminum models. They're supposed to last longer.

Festivus Memories... from Sue Donhim.

Festivus is so commercialized now. Back when I was a little girl, we were happy with just one pole in the house, we aired our grievances without needing any electronic equipment to record it, and the feat of strength was the strictly traditional pinning of the head of household to the ground.

Of course, the pole was a stripper pole that Mom danced on, the airing of grievances involved my Dad yelling nasty things at Mom, and Mom pinned Dad to the ground afterward for 15 to 20 minutes at a time.

Remember the reason for the season, people!

You know what bugs the shit out of me? Stores start putting up Festivus banners two months before the actual holiday.


posted by Ace at 02:36 PM
Comments



In our household, the airing of grievances takes center stage.

The pole is just an empty formalism.

Posted by: Phinn on November 3, 2005 02:38 PM

Festivus has gotten out of control.
I remember when Feats of Strength was an honest exhibition of fortitude. Before the steroids.

Posted by: lauraw on November 3, 2005 02:45 PM

Confound it, sir, it's always been an aluminum pole! Have you no respect for tradition?

(Control/F on "aluminum" will take you right to that point in the script.)

Posted by: utron on November 3, 2005 02:46 PM

HIJACK ALERT:

Seems that the GAO findings actually show that the election may have been stolen by the Bush Administration ( don't doubt it was).

http://www.rockrivertimes.com/index.pl?cmd=viewstory&cat=2&id=11529

But of course I guess the GAO will be labeled moonbats, etc etc...

Your *cough* dictator *cough cough* President shouldn't be in office.

But I guess you support the idea that voting doesn't count anymore but rather its who can manipulate the win.

Posted by: AlanB on November 3, 2005 02:50 PM

Could somebody please shove an eastern european named Festivus right up Alan's ass?

Posted by: on November 3, 2005 02:52 PM

Festivus is so commercialized now. Back when I was a little girl, we were happy with just one pole in the house, we aired our grievances without needing any electronic equipment to record it, and the feat of strength was the strictly traditional pinning of the head of household to the ground.

Of course, the pole was a stripper pole that Mom danced on, the airing of grievances involved my Dad yelling nasty things at Mom, and Mom pinned Dad to the ground afterward for 15 to 20 minutes at a time.

Remember the reason for the season, people!

Posted by: Sue Dohnim on November 3, 2005 02:55 PM

AnalB, please don't hijack threads. If you can't find a related political thread on this site, post it elsewhere.

Posted by: lauraw on November 3, 2005 02:56 PM

*Sigh*... Well, so much for Festivus.

On the bright side, it looks like Whacking Day has arrived.

Posted by: utron on November 3, 2005 02:56 PM

> Seems that the GAO findings actually show that the election may have been stolen by the Bush Administration

As far as I can tell from that article, the findings also show that there might have been tampering by Democrats, zombies, or clever monkeys. Probably all of the above.

Posted by: Guy T. on November 3, 2005 02:59 PM

I think it's even weaker than that - the GAO report shows that tampering was possible on some systems in some places if administrative checks were not able to catch it.

Posted by: geoff on November 3, 2005 03:01 PM

Democrats, zombies, or clever monkeys

How can you tell the difference?

Posted by: Phinn on November 3, 2005 03:02 PM

Mom pinned Dad to the ground afterward for 15 to 20 minutes at a time.

Is that what your parents told you they were doing when you walked in on them?

Posted by: on November 3, 2005 03:04 PM

I suspect it will be a pretty lean Festivus for ol' Aaron Brown this year.

Posted by: Joe L. on November 3, 2005 03:09 PM

Actually, any 'white' metal will do for the pole, as long as it is of a dull finish. Steel is ok as long as it doesn't show signs of rust. Titanium would be ok if not polished. Yellow metals such as copper or bronze are right out, and under no circumstances should you try to substitute metal with a wodden pole wrapped in reflective mylar, as some used to do in the 60s--mylar is a cousin to tinsel, which is banned from Festivus because it is too distracting.

Posted by: Tom on November 3, 2005 03:12 PM

What bugs me is the people who take away from the sacredness of this holiday by using the abbreviation
Fxvus.

Posted by: polynikes on November 3, 2005 03:25 PM

The fucking secularists want to change the name of the Festivus Break to "MidWinter Pause."

Is nothing sacred?

Posted by: ace on November 3, 2005 03:34 PM

On the bright side, it looks like Whacking Day has arrived.

Ah, yes, Whacking Day . . .

Otherwise known as today.

Posted by: Michael on November 3, 2005 03:54 PM

LOL! Thanks ace! There so much love and Festivus cheer here.

Posted by: Sue Dohnim on November 3, 2005 04:12 PM

"There's"

Loose Festivus shit.

Posted by: Sue Dohnim on November 3, 2005 04:12 PM

Loose Festivus shit.

oh hell that happens every year at our place. Airing of Grievances has just turned into a shit-storm of howling and throwing crap. It's embarrassing.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 3, 2005 04:34 PM

I am so poor that my festivus pole is simply the one I use to play tetherball with in the summer. It is a sad, rusted, slightly bent pole; and yet in the spirit of Festivus, it becomes like a brightly-shining aluminum rod of the Gods. It brings a tear to my eye.

I will air my grievances on the corner of Broadway and Center street this year, as is my custom; the feat of strength will come later, as I wrestle with a burly deputy who is trying to arrest me for disturbing the peace.

Posted by: Monty on November 3, 2005 04:36 PM

a shit-storm of howling and throwing crap

Uh, at the w homestead we call that 'Tuesday.'

Posted by: lauraw on November 3, 2005 04:47 PM

I followed the link, and found a piece about FEMA concentration camps and the like. Where's this stuff about Dieboldburton?

Posted by: Knemon on November 3, 2005 06:40 PM

Huh, you kids with your fancy aluminum poles. When I was a kid, we used to put up a broom handle wrapped in duct tape.

/geezerette

Posted by: Mary in LA on November 3, 2005 08:16 PM

As always your response to evidence is stupidity. I guess you guys haven't seen the latest polls on Bush approval and what not. LOL

Oh yes and him and his staff have such a clue:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/10/29/AR2005102901574.html

NOT!

Posted by: AlanB on November 4, 2005 05:53 AM

> As always your response to evidence is stupidity. I guess you guys haven't seen the latest polls on Bush approval and what not. LOL

Evidence of *what*? The article says that the voting machines could theoretically be tampered with. All right, then, let's use good old cardstock ballots next time, and then all the conspiracy theories will go away, right?

And what on God's green earth do "the latest polls on Bush approval" have to do with anything? I guess I should be glad you accept polls as proof, though, since that will make it much easier for us to slip Intelligent Design into the classroom. MWAH HA HA HA HA!!!


> Oh yes and him and his staff have such a clue:

So, he showed up at a college, and the Secret Service restricted access to the building he was in? CURSE THAT SMIRKING CHIMPY BUSHITLER!!!

Posted by: Guy T. on November 4, 2005 07:55 AM

Our town used to have a beautify Festivus pole right in front of the post office. Goddam ACLU said putting a flag on it was just a "subterfuge."

Posted by: VRWC Agent on November 4, 2005 09:51 PM

"beautiful"

More loose Festivus shit. I'll just go back to the drunken flame war now.

Posted by: VRWC Agent on November 4, 2005 09:52 PM

FRANK'S FESTIVUS: THE FIRST NAME IN FESTIVUS "tm"

presents the one and only festivus pole on the market that meets Frank's original exacting standards for the Festivus Season.

"It's made from aluminum. Very high strength-to-weight ratio."

That's 6 Feet of ALCOA Aluminum.


Several have been donated to members of the armed forces serving overseas (and will actually appreciate the levity), a way to show appreciation for their service and to remind them the importance of being able to celebrate holidays of dubious origin without interference from their mullahs ... seriously I do expect one to show up in Club Gitmo pics soon.

- posting from virginia where we unfortunately just got a new grievance to air this Dec 23rd in the form of governor-elect Tim Kaine.

Posted by: Frank on November 8, 2005 11:16 PM

We celebrate Festivus all year long in my family we always are airing are greivences or pinning each other, also clubing about the face an ass with a aluminum pole.

Posted by: on November 23, 2005 08:02 PM
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