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October 07, 2005

Stupid Product Alert

I love my gardening catalogues. Gardener's Supply is one of my favorites.

But every once in a while, they hit a clunker.
Tell me, people; what loves to make its home in your airy, well-built woodpile? What is the reason you hold firewood at arm's length when you bring it inside in the wintertime?
Yeah. Bugs.

It is nice to have a roaring fire in the winter. But when you gather wood from your yard, you generally load it in some kind of hand-held tote. The nice thing about these totes is that you can feel anything crawling up onto your hand, shake it off into the snow, and then do the obligatory heebie-jeebie dance.

Behold The Black Widow bridge..

The photo inset from my paper catalogue shows that the straps feed from the bottom of the carrier, and cross in the middle of your back. That's a nice touch. It provides easy access to the back of your neck for the spectrum of vermin that make their homes in woodpiles.

The woman in the picture looks so happy. Probably because they took the pic in Spring and just split the wood that morning, so she knows she's safe.

posted by LauraW. at 10:01 PM

Comments

Or maybe she's just very fond of those little red hourglasses.

Btw, if you only find them in woodpiles, you are lucky. Despite weekly (or even daily) spraying, those lovely little critters love the mailboxes in my neighborhood. Gathering one's snail-spam and bills (along with the rare hoped-for letter) has become an adventure.

Posted by: Kathy K on October 7, 2005 10:32 PM

We have those asian lady beetles here that hibernate in my wood pile. They're cute little ladybug looking things except THEY BITE! And when you crush them THEY STINK!

Posted by: BrewFan on October 7, 2005 10:39 PM

Well, clearly they need a cuddle.

Posted by: lauraw on October 7, 2005 10:56 PM

Uh, does gaedening really fit in with the rest of the Ace of Spades LifestyleTM?

Posted by: Sean M. on October 8, 2005 02:08 AM

Sean:

To make the trademark symbol in HTML, like AOSHQ Lifestyle™, you put the word "trade" between an ampersand and a semicolon immediately after "Lifestyle."

Posted by: on October 8, 2005 02:36 AM

In an Ace of Spades HQ exclusive, we see photographic evidence of a woman who has successfully chanced a spring awakening!

Posted by: Jack M. on October 8, 2005 04:17 AM

Thank you, Mysterious Stranger™!

Posted by: Sean M. on October 8, 2005 05:24 AM

snow.

what's that?

Posted by: Dave in Texas on October 8, 2005 07:45 AM

CE for Southern drivers.

Posted by: lauraw on October 8, 2005 09:17 AM

Uh, does gaedening really fit in with the rest of the Ace of Spades LifestyleTM?

Yep. And gardening does too. If you're growing the right plants, that is.

Posted by: BrewFan on October 8, 2005 10:01 AM

Ah. Indoor gardening. Gotcha.

Posted by: Gromulin on October 8, 2005 11:30 AM

Its not what you'd think.
Unless you'd think that the space under his kitchen sink is carpeted with hallucinogenic fungus. Then you'd be right.

Posted by: lauraw on October 8, 2005 12:26 PM

I have to learn to photoshop.
Just want to cover her with huge spiders.

Posted by: lauraw on October 8, 2005 01:01 PM

Or have one gigantic set of mandibles emerging up from the log carrier.

Posted by: lauraw on October 8, 2005 01:02 PM

If you want a heebie jeebie dance -have new management for apartment complex upgrade property with cucharacha infested pinestraw-Turn on lights to go out on balcony-see large bugs with 2 inch naughties asking for a damn sandwich-hear Twilight Zone music in background-look for Rod Serling.

I couldn't sleep at all last night...............

Posted by: from the south on October 8, 2005 03:29 PM

It's more fun watching the Yorkie tear up the mice that call the woodpile home. She gets about 2/3 a week.

Posted by: MCPO Airdale on October 8, 2005 04:04 PM

Black widows? I don't get any of the fun critters - only earwigs. Yuk.

BTW, Gardeners Supply's 26'-square nets stopped the thefts of the tree rats (aka squirrels) from my garden. Those socialist rodents couldn't couldn't help themselves to to my tomatoes and pears: I got to eat them instead. Another victory for private property!

Posted by: Brown Line on October 8, 2005 07:03 PM

Critters taking/ruining my stuff wouldn't bother me if they paid the property tax.

Posted by: lauraw on October 8, 2005 08:29 PM

STUPID BURGLAR ALERT

Posted by: Purple Avenger on October 8, 2005 08:39 PM

God I hate the tree rats. I killed bunches of them with my pellet rifle to keep them out of my peach tree (it was becoming an obsession), to no avail. They kept coming out of a nearby park.

What really pisses me off is that they eat the ripe side of a half-ripe peach, and the rest falls to the ground and is wasted.

Posted by: Michael on October 9, 2005 09:33 PM

that woman looks just like that teacher gaoled for having sex with the 14 yo boy...Mary something?

Posted by: Anita on October 10, 2005 01:07 AM

She is using wood to keep her house warm and very happy about it she dont regret having wood heat and is probibly one who tells the tree huggers to get a life and not be so darn stupid

Posted by: spurwing plover on October 10, 2005 09:22 PM

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Few people remember that Norm MacDonald began his career as a ventriloquist
MacDonald's old partner Adam Egot revealed that MacDonald repurposed a bit with one of his ventriloquist dolls -- that he was a "bad guy" who "didn't believe the Holocaust happened" -- for the Norm MacDonald show, in which he claimed Egot didn't believe in the Holocaust.

Funniest thing I've read about the Virginia mess. Back when they were hustling the referendum through the assembly both Senators, Warner and Kaine, advised them to go slow and play by the rules. Louise Lucas said she respected them but didn't need advice from the "cuck chair" in the corner. The gerrymandering was overturned and Louise is heading for the big house. Edward G. Robinson voice "where's your cuck now?"
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I posted his post on twitter and it's gotten 25K views so far. Thanks, Smell the Glove

Chris
@chriswithans

"Ahhhhh ahh I put my career on the line for Louise Lucas and Jay Jones thinking they'd vault me into presidential contention and we ended up costing Democrats 20 House seats and unleashing a Reverse Dobbs ahhhhh ahhh"

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click That Sums Up the Democrat Communist Party Today
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TJM wonders about world building in stories, mostly The Hunger Games

"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.

Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.

Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"

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