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« German Elections Update: Schroeder May Cling To Power | Main | Great Moments In Male Stupidty, Part 6,897,884 »
September 18, 2005

Uhhhh...

Well, crazy-blog money didn't pan out, so I'm now on to crazy mechanical male "marital aid" money. I'll be the first investor, and second customer.

Caution... A link to a US patent application for a sex aid.

350 cycles per minute? This gadget has got some skillz.

As Nietzche said, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

Thanks to cutaway.


posted by Ace at 04:15 PM
Comments



Beats the crap out of a fifi bag.


Note: It's a California prison slang word for a device used in self gratification. I used to work with a lot of ex-cons.

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt on September 18, 2005 04:23 PM

Dude I'm telling you the Ace of Spades ™ Lifestyle (Lovestyle) is catching on! Its a real movement!

Posted by: Iblis on September 18, 2005 04:26 PM
Many systems have been designed to solve loss of synchronization due to leakage past piston seals. Rephasing ports, needle valves, check valves, bypass valves, pressure relief valves, and pulsators have all been used to get around this problem. What is not apparent in the prior art is that eliminating the pneumatic piston seal also solves the synchronization problem. The reason for this inobviousness is that previous normally constructed diaphragms are unable to tolerate pressure reversals.
All I can say is WOW -- I'm an engineer and that is some of the most impressive techno-babble I've ever seen in my life.
Posted by: Tony on September 18, 2005 04:36 PM

I wonder if I can still get a patent on my hand?

Posted by: harrison on September 18, 2005 04:40 PM

But then I'd have to pay myself royalties...

Posted by: harrison on September 18, 2005 04:41 PM

Can I get one with a blender attachment?

Posted by: Ted Kennedy on September 18, 2005 04:59 PM

Still won't beat the good old 5hp Shopvac with all the attachments, or so I hear.

Posted by: bullwinkle on September 18, 2005 05:33 PM

Why would anyone need a mechanical device to masturbate with, when a dead hooker is cheaper?

F'ing engineers, always making things more complex than they have to be.

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on September 18, 2005 05:43 PM

Like, I'm going to pay money for this when I have a fully functional right hand and free internet porn?

Erm, I meant to say, when I have Mrs. Michael who's crazy hot form me?

Posted by: Michael on September 18, 2005 06:17 PM

And, uh, it's so lifelike!

This thing takes the whole 'box' slang to a new level.

Posted by: jmflynny on September 18, 2005 07:01 PM

There once was a man named Green
who invented a jerkoff machine
the damn thing broke
on the 33rd stroke
and mashed his balls into cream

Posted by: Rivet_Gun on September 18, 2005 07:09 PM

Is there a solar powered model?

Posted by: on September 18, 2005 07:14 PM

Dayam! I have to get one. Ace, always helping-out the common man!

Posted by: rdbrewer on September 18, 2005 08:54 PM

How many times a day do you think this guy hears "necessity is the mother of invention"?

Posted by: BrewFan on September 18, 2005 09:00 PM

Looks like someone finally got it right. Did you notice that some Swiss attempted an early version? Always the forward thinkers, those Swiss.

Posted by: Pigilito on September 19, 2005 03:24 AM

The patent information says:

"It is designed to create orgasms in 30 seconds or less, if desired."

I guess I'm just too much of a girl, but I don't see that as a GOOD thing. :)

Posted by: Kimberly on September 19, 2005 06:23 PM
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