| Intermarkets' Privacy Policy Support
Donate to Ace of Spades HQ! Contact
Ace:aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com Buck: buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com CBD: cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com joe mannix: mannix2024 at proton.me MisHum: petmorons at gee mail.com J.J. Sefton: sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com Recent Entries
Daily Tech News 24 June 2026
Tuesday Overnight Open Thread - June 23, 2026 [Doof] It's Too Darned Hot Cafe AGAIN: The BBC Fake-Apologizes For Deliberately Covering Up for "Trans Woman" Who Threatened to Murder Little Girls At School for the Crime of "Misgendering" Woke Prophet James Talarico Is So Convinced of His Chuch of Progressivism Dogma He's Busy Deleting It All From His Website to Snooker Texas Voters North Texas Antifa Cell Members Recieve Combined 450 Years as Sentence for "Protest" Involving Shooting of a Cop in the Neck Politico: Senator Reuben Gallego (Who Fancies Himself a Candidate for President or VP in 2028) Shared a Joint Back Account With His F***buddy Eric Swalwell, Used His Campaign Kitty to Pay for Personal Expenses Under Threat of Anti-Trust Action, Un-American MLB Walks Back Threat to Discipline Players for Daring to Include Biblical References on Their Forced Gay Cosplay Hats Two More Leftwing Incels Charged In Planned UFC Mass Casualty Attack; Another Incel Kills Two People in Montreal So Close to Pride Month? As Chicago Recovers From Bloody "Juneteenth" Violence Leaving Eight Dead and Thirty-Nine Shot, BlacKKK Mayor Brandon Johnson Changes the Topic and Babbles About Anti-Trans Violence That Barely Exists Absent Friends
Captain Whitebread 2026
Jon Ekdahl 2026 Jay Guevara 2025 Jim Sunk New Dawn 2025 Jewells45 2025 Bandersnatch 2024 GnuBreed 2024 Captain Hate 2023 moon_over_vermont 2023 westminsterdogshow 2023 Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022 Dave In Texas 2022 Jesse in D.C. 2022 OregonMuse 2022 redc1c4 2021 Tami 2021 Chavez the Hugo 2020 Ibguy 2020 Rickl 2019 Joffen 2014 AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published.
Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups
Texas MoMe 2026: 10/16/2026-10/17/2026 Corsicana,TX Contact Ben Had for info |
« German Elections Update: Schroeder May Cling To Power |
Main
| Great Moments In Male Stupidty, Part 6,897,884 »
September 18, 2005
Uhhhh...Well, crazy-blog money didn't pan out, so I'm now on to crazy mechanical male "marital aid" money. I'll be the first investor, and second customer. Caution... A link to a US patent application for a sex aid. 350 cycles per minute? This gadget has got some skillz. As Nietzche said, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. Thanks to cutaway. posted by Ace at 04:15 PM
CommentsBeats the crap out of a fifi bag.
Posted by: digitalbrownshirt on September 18, 2005 04:23 PM
Dude I'm telling you the Ace of Spades ™ Lifestyle (Lovestyle) is catching on! Its a real movement! Posted by: Iblis on September 18, 2005 04:26 PM
Many systems have been designed to solve loss of synchronization due to leakage past piston seals. Rephasing ports, needle valves, check valves, bypass valves, pressure relief valves, and pulsators have all been used to get around this problem. What is not apparent in the prior art is that eliminating the pneumatic piston seal also solves the synchronization problem. The reason for this inobviousness is that previous normally constructed diaphragms are unable to tolerate pressure reversals.All I can say is WOW -- I'm an engineer and that is some of the most impressive techno-babble I've ever seen in my life. Posted by: Tony on September 18, 2005 04:36 PM
I wonder if I can still get a patent on my hand? Posted by: harrison on September 18, 2005 04:40 PM
But then I'd have to pay myself royalties... Posted by: harrison on September 18, 2005 04:41 PM
Can I get one with a blender attachment? Posted by: Ted Kennedy on September 18, 2005 04:59 PM
Still won't beat the good old 5hp Shopvac with all the attachments, or so I hear. Posted by: bullwinkle on September 18, 2005 05:33 PM
Why would anyone need a mechanical device to masturbate with, when a dead hooker is cheaper? F'ing engineers, always making things more complex than they have to be. Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on September 18, 2005 05:43 PM
Like, I'm going to pay money for this when I have a fully functional right hand and free internet porn? Erm, I meant to say, when I have Mrs. Michael who's crazy hot form me? Posted by: Michael on September 18, 2005 06:17 PM
And, uh, it's so lifelike! This thing takes the whole 'box' slang to a new level. Posted by: jmflynny on September 18, 2005 07:01 PM
There once was a man named Green Posted by: Rivet_Gun on September 18, 2005 07:09 PM
Is there a solar powered model? Posted by: on September 18, 2005 07:14 PM
Dayam! I have to get one. Ace, always helping-out the common man! Posted by: rdbrewer on September 18, 2005 08:54 PM
How many times a day do you think this guy hears "necessity is the mother of invention"? Posted by: BrewFan on September 18, 2005 09:00 PM
Looks like someone finally got it right. Did you notice that some Swiss attempted an early version? Always the forward thinkers, those Swiss. Posted by: Pigilito on September 19, 2005 03:24 AM
The patent information says: "It is designed to create orgasms in 30 seconds or less, if desired." I guess I'm just too much of a girl, but I don't see that as a GOOD thing. :) Posted by: Kimberly on September 19, 2005 06:23 PM
Post a comment
| The Deplorable Gourmet A Horde-sourced Cookbook [All profits go to charity] Top Headlines
Department of Energy Announces American Nuclear Supply Chain Loans
$17.5B is a good start. Now add two zeroes to that number! [CBD]
It's finally legal for kids to play pinball in South Carolina
It is the end times! [CBD] Paul Sperry
Deport...Deport...Deport The F***ing Lot! A new UK anthem? [Hat Tip: S.E.] [CBD]
Trump: Ukraine War 'Thousands of Miles Away' is 'Nothing to Do' with America Russia isn't threatening to kill Americans! [CBD]
Update to Gavin Newsom Under Investigation story: This investigation was begun under Senor Dementia:
Adam Housley
Teen Driver Tayvin Galanakis Wins Jury Trial Against Officers Who Charged Him With DUI Even After He Blew 0.0 on A Breathalyzer And Passed Sobriety Tests. One Officer Accounted For 72% of All DUI Arrests For That PD [dri]
Days before the woman was stabbed in the neck by a taxpayer-supported Cultural Enrichment Officer, in the same general area, another taxpayer-supported Cultural Enrichment Officer attacked a boy and bloodied his head with a brick.
What is the UK Regime's plan for protecting the citizens from the savage criminals they've foisted on the populace? They offer NONE. They do, however, have a plan for protecting the savage criminals from the citizens: The citizens must STAY CALM and not get angry and not share videos of citizens being attacked by savage criminals. The public keeps saying "protect us from the foreign savages you have imported against our wishes and over our objections" and the UK branch of The Regime keeps proposing plans to protect the foreign savages from the public. Soclose to what the public is demanding, just, you know, the complete opposite. Just a thought: Maybe you wouldn't have to worry about the public attacking the savage criminals if you actually introduced a plan to protect the public from the savage criminals. Maybe they wouldn't feel as if it was necessary for them to protect the public through self-help.
Courtney Subramiam, one of the "journalists" who "previewed" her questions for the decrepit and demented Biden so that he could "answer" it with a pre-scripted response, rewarded by promotion to president of the White House Press Corps
Bonchie You know what's really terrible? There are Daily Signal reporters in the press room. That's the Real Scandal Here!
English racist garbage-person who's on the wrong side of history warns the corrupt Regime that the people cannot take much more of this -- and won't take much more of this
The English have rebelled before.
You might think that movie critics by nature are effeminate and bitchy, but, did you know that grass is green and red peppers are red?
Recent Comments
Miklos IS the boob:
"It does now...
Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia)
..."
m: "Doof. You outdone yourself. Great ONT! ..." jim (in Kalifornia): "459 A search indicates not a single use of the ter ..." Currently unbanned Miklos: "A search indicates not a single use of the term "b ..." Skip: "Its that time again ..." bravokilo: "TikTok isn't an issue. Any data that can be gather ..." boat rental Miami: "Have you ever considered creating an e-book or gue ..." Amber Heard: "455 Man. I go watch some car chase videos and come ..." Reforger: "Man. I go watch some car chase videos and come bac ..." exodus 21:22-25: "Aipac sets fire to millions of dollars in NYC to n ..." jim (in Kalifornia): "44 If you give Batman an enema and touch his wiene ..." jim (in Kalifornia): "39 Haole frak Batman! That IS definitely an awk ..." Bloggers in Arms
RI Red's Blog! Behind The Black CutJibNewsletter The Pipeline Second City Cop Talk Of The Town with Steve Noxon Belmont Club Chicago Boyz Cold Fury Da Goddess Daily Pundit Dawn Eden Day by Day (Cartoon) EduWonk Enter Stage Right The Epoch Times Grim's Hall Victor Davis Hanson Hugh Hewitt IMAO Instapundit JihadWatch Kausfiles Lileks/The Bleat Memeorandum (Metablog) Outside the Beltway Patterico's Pontifications The People's Cube Powerline RedState Reliapundit Viking Pundit WizBang Some Humorous Asides
Kaboom!
Thanksgivingmanship: How to Deal With Your Spoiled Stupid Leftist Adultbrat Relatives Who Have Spent Three Months Reading Slate and Vox Learning How to Deal With You You're Fired! Donald Trump Grills the 2004 Democrat Candidates and Operatives on Their Election Loss Bizarrely I had a perfect Donald Trump voice going in 2004 and then literally never used it again, even when he was running for president. A Eulogy In Advance for Former Lincoln Project Associate and Noted Twitter Pestilence Tom Nichols Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: If You Touch My Sandwich One More Time, I Will Fvcking Kill You Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: I Must Eat Jim Acosta Special Guest Blogger Tom Friedman: We Need to Talk About What My Egyptian Cab Driver Told Me About Globalization Shortly Before He Began to Murder Me Special Guest Blogger Bernard Henri-Levy: I rise in defense of my very good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Note: Later events actually proved Dominique Strauss-Kahn completely innocent. The piece is still funny though -- if you pretend, for five minutes, that he was guilty. The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility The Dowd-O-Matic! The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Archives
|