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September 14, 2005

Cybersex Gone Bad

Come on, can't a woman ask for a little hot cyber without some weisenheimer ruining everything?

Funny stuff (Not really safe for work).

When a friend and I first discovered INTERNET, we went to some AOL chatroom called "The Dungeon." See, "The Dungeon." You can imagine the comedic possibilities.

I don't have an actual transcript of the session, but to the best of my recollection, it went like this:

ME: hey, what's up
MARK: wanna talk?
ME: I'm in the Dungeon, what do you think?
MARK: gwm 37
ME: I'm male too
MARK: What race?
ME: elf
ME: I'm 422 years old, just coming into my sexual peak
MARK: Okay...
MARK: Whatever.
MARK: brown hair, brown eyes, with a swimmer's build
ME: I have gray eyes and have well-built arms because I train so much with my Elvish longsword
MARK: how big is your "longsword"?
ME: About three and half feet.
MARK: hahahaha, that's pretty big
ME: I get no complaints
MARK: no complaints from me, lol
ME: It depends if you count the hilt, I never know if I'm supposed to. Is that just cheating?
MARK: I'm taking out my c*ck now...
ME: I'm casting Bigby's Grasping Hand

etc. The scam didn't go on for much longer. He was really trying to, umm, pleasure himself throughout this nonesense, but eventually grew impatient and demanded "What's with all this elf shit?" Then he went away.

Thanks to Lance.

posted by Ace at 01:55 PM

Comments

Could somebody please find ace a girlfriend?

Posted by: on September 14, 2005 02:21 PM

Hahahahaha

Hilarious, Ace

In a similar vein (from the same guy as the one quoted at that link, it looks like):

http://www.bash.org/?104383

Possibly nsfw

Bash.org is a repository of a lot of similar good stuff from cyberchat transcripts, most of it definitely nsfw:

http://www.bash.org/?top

Posted by: Si on September 14, 2005 02:25 PM

No, of course you don't count the hilt. You can only shove the sword in up to the hilt. It's the blade that matters. Although I suppose longswrods are only for chopping.

Posted by: Missing the point on September 14, 2005 02:30 PM

(Oh sorry, that first link I posted was already linked off the bamapachyderm piece with lots of other stuff)

Posted by: Si on September 14, 2005 02:46 PM

"Bigby's Grasping Hand "

Dammit Ace, spit warning, will ya?

Oh, wait, you never give those, what am I thinking?

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on September 14, 2005 03:14 PM

I trusted you!

Posted by: MARK on September 14, 2005 03:32 PM

Damn, now I'm ashamed I didn't find it on Bash first.

Nice longsword, Ace. ;-)

Posted by: Beth on September 14, 2005 04:18 PM

You really ought to check out http://www.baiting.org. These guys sign into AIM and let guys think that they're really 12-year-old chicks. They're incredibly embarrassing and cruel to the pedophiles.

What makes it better is that they never solicit "sexy chat" from anyone -- they get others to IM them first. Hence, baiting.

Posted by: Matt on September 14, 2005 05:07 PM

There's just nothing like the Ace O' Spades ™ lifestyle, now is there?

Posted by: Iblis on September 14, 2005 05:21 PM

Huh. I just don't get it. Am I too normal?

Whatever happened to romantic poetry?

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle on September 14, 2005 06:53 PM

Dave,

I'll ask you SINCE ACE NEVER ANSWERS ME.

What is "Bigby's Grasping Hand?"

I want to laugh/spit too...;-)

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle on September 14, 2005 06:55 PM

RWS: D&D joke. 'Bigby's _____ Hand/Fist' were a series of high-level magic spells in AD&D. You know, the whole elf/longsword business...?

Posted by: someone on September 14, 2005 07:00 PM

ah...thanks 'someone.'

One day someone will have to explain geek sex to me. I'm guessing y'all are GREAT at role playing.....;-)

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle on September 14, 2005 07:07 PM

I'm betting you started typing "Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!" and he thought you were done.

Posted by: johnd01 on September 14, 2005 07:26 PM

Huh. I just don't get it. Am I too normal?

YES, YOU ARE!

How many times do I have to tell you this. You're not really suited for the Ace O' Spades Lifestyle™. Flee, Fair Flower of Southern Womanhood.

Posted by: Michael on September 14, 2005 09:23 PM

I think there is some serious anti-normalism going here.

I may sue.

If I could just found out who Ace is, then I would definitly sue.

Posted by: rightwingsparkle on September 14, 2005 09:39 PM

RWS, sweetheart-- sorry, didn't see you asking me the question on this thread.

But yeah, like someone said.

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on September 14, 2005 09:43 PM

At least one of the conversations posted there was, I think, from here: http://www.fugly.com/frameset.html?http://www.fugly.com/victims/~mainFrame
I especially liked victim "Mactrucker2000."

Posted by: Alex on September 15, 2005 02:18 AM