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September 10, 2005

British Jagoff: Easier To Shoot People Than "Make Them Tea"

From The Sun, Saturday, Sept 10 2005, by Jeremy Clarkson. It's not on their website; it's been typed up and sent to me:

Hollywood has taught America that the military can solve anything. It's full of chisel-jawed heroes who never leave a man on the field and never fail to get the job done. So they'd have New Orleans sorted out in a jiffy.
Unfortunately, on the street you've got some poor, starving sould helping themselves to a packet of food from a ruined, deserted supermarket. And as a result, finding themselves being blown to pieces by a helicopter gunship. With the none-too-bright soldiers urged on by their illiterate political masters, the poor and needy never stood a chance. It's easier and much more fun to shoot someone than make them a cup of tea.

Especially if they're black.

Make tea, not war.

Some guy named Greg wants to know:

I'm just curious - I've been following the whole disaster, and I didn't hear about the helicopter gunships killing civilians. did that really happen???? IF NOT, shouldn't someone point this out?

Nah, forget it, he's rolling.

I like how the mindset of a British ponce works. "What these poor souls really need," it seems to them, "is a nice hot cup of darjeeling."

GENERAL HONORE (firing a helicopter's mounted machine gun like a madman at scattering black folks): If they run when you shoot at them, they're looters. If they stand -- they're well-trained looters.

(begins shooting at women and children)

GENERAL HONORE: Whoo-hoo! Get some! Get some!

PRIVATE JOKER: How can you shoot at women and children?

GENERAL HONORE: Easy. You just don't lead them so much. Hahahahaha.

Eh, 90% of anti-Americanism is just a passive-aggressive way for the speaker to convince himself he's superior to someone he actually feels kinda inferior to.

I'm going to start doing my part.

You're Better Than Me

Seriously, you are. You're sooooo smart and cultured. And you... you make tea for black people. I just can't even comprehend such a race-healing gesture.

And those accents! God, I love your accent. It makes me as moist as the sponge in the corner of the bathtub.

You're the best, Jeremy. You, Nigel, Simon, the whole rest of the gang. You're seriously way better than I am.

Now please stop being such an idiotic asshole. Thank you.

posted by Ace at 12:46 PM

Comments

Ah, quoting from Full Metal Jacket. Nice.

All that's missing is the quotes from Apocalypse Now and Platoon and we've hit the trifecta.

I just love the smell of napalm in the morning...

Posted by: lawhawk on September 10, 2005 12:55 PM

Tea or Killin'? Killin' or tea?

No contest there.

Posted by: Silk on September 10, 2005 01:05 PM

You all take a good look at this lump of shit. Remember what it looks like. You fuck up in a firefight... and I goddamn guarantee you a trip out of the bush - in a body bag! Out here, assholes, you keep your shit wired tight at all times! And that goes for you, shit-for-brains. You don't sleep on no fuckin' ambush! And the next sum'bitch I catch coppin Z's in the bush, I'm personally gonna take an interest in seein' him suffer. I shit you not. Doc, tag him and bag him!

Posted by: Dave in Texas on September 10, 2005 01:07 PM

"It's easier and much more fun to shoot someone than make them a cup of tea.

Especially if they're black."

It's also easier and much more fun to nuke a crappy country, then put out their still smolering corpses by urinating on them afterward than to listen to their assinine remarks about a country that's had to continually save their asses.

Especially if their English

Posted by: Billy D on September 10, 2005 01:09 PM

Holy crap. The Sun is a CONSERVATIVE newspaper. Just imagine what the lib rags are spewing.

Posted by: brendan on September 10, 2005 02:19 PM

Ah, yes. Reminds me of a quote whose source unfortunately I can't recall, but goes something like this: "From which part of Europe do you come, the part whose asses we kicked or the part whose asses we saved?

Posted by: NRAYee on September 10, 2005 02:23 PM

He goes wrong right from the first sentence of that excerpt:

"Hollywood has taught America that the military can solve anything. "

Yes, HOLLYWOOD has taught us that. And not, you know, history.

Posted by: ilyka on September 10, 2005 03:04 PM

Please, God, don't let that be Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear fame. I really enjoy the show, and if it is, man, I'm really gonna start questioning just how full of shit he must be from now on.

I do notice a lot of anti-American hyperbole in his comments, but he did fall in love with the Ford GT enough to buy one. I remember in his test of the pre-production car he made some crazy-ass comment like...

...'in Detroit, one of the most dangerous places one earth'...

...or soemthing like it. Guy must not get out much.

Posted by: mooseman on September 10, 2005 03:06 PM

And these same holywood idiots are comming out with a movie LORD OF WAR with its gun play what a bunch of hypotcrits and they at the same time support gun control

Posted by: killdeer on September 10, 2005 04:17 PM

I'm afraid it must be, mooseman. I know of no other, and he does make the occasional snide anti-American aside. This is seriously going to dampen my enjoyment of Top Gear, as well.

Posted by: S. Weasel on September 10, 2005 04:41 PM

After the subway bombings, we were all Londoners, for a while. Now, we're ready to hate them again.

"It's easier and much more fun to shoot someone than make them a cup of tea.

Especially if they're black."

Big talk coming from a country with (as P.J. O'Rourke once pointed out) "nineteenth century plumbing and an eighteenth century social class sytem."

And, as Otto said in "A Fish Called Wanda": "Do you know where England would be without the good old U.S.A? It would be the smallest colony in the Soviet Union."

Really, though, I don't think this "cup of tea" bullshit is any more indicative of the average Brit than the Village Idiot--er, Village Voice--is of the average New Yorker.

The Brits are our Allies, first last and always.
And as for the subway bombings? It's not the first time fascists bombed London.

Didn't work then, either, did it?

Posted by: Shawn on September 10, 2005 06:34 PM

Concerning General Honore, the final proof of the utter idiocy of the remarks attributed to Jeremy Clarkson may be found on the web page of "Southern Digest:
http://tinyurl.com/95g62
---
SU produces top generals

"... largest historically black college system in the country. Southern [University] has produced nine generals – more than any other HBCU – and scores of members of the officer corps since the ROTC program began in 1948.
[among them]
"Maj. Gen. Russell Honore. Honore is involved in homeland security as the commander of the standing joint force in Norfolk, Va. On Aug. 1, he returned to Southern to be commencement speaker for the summer graduates.
---
General Honore is African-American and Clarkson's comments, if they are indeed his, are revolting beyond words.

Posted by: on September 10, 2005 10:27 PM