Have Pixy Misa look into this program.

It works beautifully and stops a few hundred spam trackbacks and comments a day on my site.

So, if I called you a fucking talentless hack butt-pirate Dago who steals all his material from his commenters, would that get me banned?

Just curious.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

P.S. I have no idea if you're Italian, but given how much of a little whiny bitchy you are, I figured you for a greasy wop, with you wifebeater and slicked-back hair.

Then again, you could be a bloody drunken Mick, too. You see where I'm going with this? Do you?

Geez, Dave. Comments like that, people are going to figure you're a beer-swilling, 'shrinkage' plagued Kraut with nothing but vitriol for those of other races and plans for world domination.

Either that, or you're one of those pasty-faced Limeys with the boring food and the funny accents.

Hey, I take umbrage at that remark. For the record, I'm a highly-intelligent, militarily-competent Polish-American.

*NOBODY* ever makes fun of the Poles.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Hi. I’m Sherman Dinwiddie Higgenbotham, Monkey Lincoln’s attorney. My client, Monkey Lincoln, informs me he has had little success in posting today, and thinks he might have been unjustly banned.

Actually, what he said to me was, "Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves; and, under a just God, ooh ooh ooh AAAAH AAAAH AAAAH!!!” Then he began throwing feces at me. But the gist of it was, he feels he’s being unjustly singled out for lots of “FORBIDDEN” and “INTERNAL SERVER ERROR” messages.

You must cease and desist in your efforts to silence my client, Monkey Lincoln.

We patiently await your response.

Thank you,

Sherman Dinwiddie Higganbotham

Which brings me to a Frequently Asked Question-- Have I been banned?

Isn't that a bit narcisstic of the person asking the question?

Anyway, it's akin to the dreaded question, "Are you mad at me?" No! Now, shut the fuck up!

"...I figured you for a greasy wop, with you wifebeater and slicked-back hair."

Dave - when discussing Italians, especially of the NYC/NJ/Philly variety, guinea-tee is the preferred usage ;-)

So, if I called you a fucking talentless hack butt-pirate Dago who steals all his material from...

Ummm, I resemble that remark!

I would very much appreciate more precision in your banning decisions. How are we to know how to get banned? I've always wanted to be banned from some site, but others always get there first.

So, if I called you a fucking talentless hack butt-pirate Dago who steals all his material from...

No, Dave, that comment can't get you banned for libel. Legally, libelous statements, no matter how offensive, must be false.

(And you cleverly protected yourself from liability if Ace is not Italian.)

Now, Ace, if were to call Dave a sychophantic Polack nancy boy bachelor who can't get a girlfriend because the chicks are turned of by that shitty crown molding in his bathroom before they even get sick of his personality -- would that get me banned?

No, Ace, you can't ban Michael. If he can't spend time here, Mrs. Michael will have no time to boink the pool boy!

who can't get a girlfriend because the chicks are turned of by that shitty crown molding in his bathroom

I think I might actually ban Michael, just because of how fucking lame that put-down was.

Wow. Making fun of the crown molding in his bathroom.

As Indiana Jones would say, "Now you're getting nasty."

What are you, some kind of homo or somethin'?

john,

If you want to get banned this is the place for you. All you have to do is leave a comment along the lines of "Bill, I think you should apologize..." and ZAP!, you're outta there!

Lipstick,

lol!

ace, wasn't Dave doing the carpentry?

If so, attacking a man's woodworking skills is simply beyond the pale. I am heartsick at such gob-smacking vile-ness.

ace, wasn't Dave doing the carpentry?

Yes, he was. And he was whining about his difficulties using a miter box, hence my flame truly was gob-smackingly vile and not lame.

In fact, my money says Dave at Garfield Ridge is curled up in a fetal position on his newly tiled bathroom floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

Brewfan:

I waited a couple of weeks for Bill to calm down and then I actually sent him a polite email in which I requested readmission on condition that I never try to be funny on his site again. Never heard from him.

Holy shit, Michael, you got banned there too? I thought I had ban-inducing skills. Obviously not.

If I haven't been banned, than why can't I comment here any more?

Is it just because I can't spell then?

(Thought I'd save Michael the trouble)

"Never heard from him"

There is no doubt in my mind you're better off as a result.

You ever get bored enough that you go to Ace's sitemeter, look at the world map, and keep hitting refresh to see where his hits are coming from. Like, in the last minute he's gotten pinged from (roughly) San Diego, Boston, and Silicon Valley.

Michael, that's pretty frickin' bored.

ROFL Sherman!

Slublog - thanks, but SpamLookup only works for MT 3.1 (and later) and we're stuck on MT 2.6 for the moment. I'm working on various ways of solving the problem, up to and including tactical nuclear strikes on the spammers.

Nice blog.I like this.
Paul
http://www.sify.com

BrewFan: And for goodness sakes, don't even think about asking him to "wake up"....he reportedly banned his alarm clock one morning.

Slublog - thanks, but SpamLookup only works for MT 3.1 (and later) and we're stuck on MT 2.6 for the moment. I'm working on various ways of solving the problem, up to and including tactical nuclear strikes on the spammers.

That's too bad. Tactical nukes are a completely workable option, as well.