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August 16, 2005

"Breaking News"

Madonna has broken several bones by falling off a horse while celebrating her birthday.

Madonna, mounting a horse, celebrating birthday.

Just make the joke yourself.

For those who want something more explicitly spelled out.

posted by Tanker at 05:36 PM

Comments

I applaud her efforts at being the "point of the sword" in the fast growing "cross-species diversity movement".

Just because animals have different DNA doesn't mean we should practice exclusion against them WRT all those nifty things people do.

Madonna is in the vanguard of the struggle against DNA discrimination!

Posted by: tony on August 16, 2005 05:47 PM

That pic reminded me of Madeline Albright. Woof! Catherine the Great?

Posted by: compos mentis on August 16, 2005 05:57 PM

The horse was quoted as saying "No,sir. I don't like it. Not one bit."

Posted by: Gromulin on August 16, 2005 06:07 PM

Off topic:

It looks like Mark Steyn's initial reaction to the shooting of that unfortunate Brazilian guy on the London tube may have been right:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,22989-1738370,00.html

Ugh. There will be the wrong kind of witch-hunt in response to this, of course. But still. That poor guy braved the terrorists only to be killed by the cops. They didn't do it on purpose, obviously. But the UK needs to get its head straight about the use of force and the appropriate strategies to counter terrorism. This is not good at all. :(

Posted by: on August 16, 2005 06:15 PM

She looke like she fell on her face.

Posted by: 72 VOIGINS on August 16, 2005 06:17 PM

Madonna's accident is even more ironic, considering "Like a Virgin" was loosely based on Catherine the Great's 1763 hit "Like a German."

Posted by: Hubris on August 16, 2005 06:19 PM

I question the timing.

Posted by: The Ugly American on August 16, 2005 06:33 PM

That rabbit story is effed up.

Posted by: fat kid on August 16, 2005 06:39 PM

That rabbit story is effed up.

Seriously. On any number of different levels. I mean, have you ever tried to pick up a rabbit and had it start kicking? And have you seen the claws on their hind feet? I think trying to pork a porcupine would be only slightly less dangerous.

Besides, I thought New Zealanders only shagged sheep.

Posted by: Alex on August 16, 2005 07:00 PM

I was reading something the other day that PETA does not object to bestiality so long as the animal enjoys it. I was a bit surprised by their position.

Posted by: on August 16, 2005 07:25 PM

Heh heh. You said "position."

Posted by: Sobek on August 16, 2005 07:36 PM

I don't think the "spelled out" link is fair ... unlike the rabbits and the so called gentleman, I strongly suspect that Madonna could accomodate the horse.

Posted by: sixstringbook on August 16, 2005 07:37 PM

how'd would you know if they enjoyed it, and how do you know they don't like being made into hamburgers? Those could be kinky moos of exctasy

Posted by: MechaSheep on August 16, 2005 07:38 PM

Geez, and all I was thinking during reading the Madonna story was "Cmon Chris Reeve, no whammies, buck!"

Posted by: Dave@ on August 16, 2005 07:44 PM

You know what they say about sex with rabbits?
Feels like chicken!

Posted by: Tanker on August 16, 2005 08:16 PM

Madonna, mounting a horse, celebrating birthday.

I hope the horse is all right.

Posted by: Master of None on August 16, 2005 08:18 PM

I guess she wouldn't take neigh for an answer.

Posted by: guinsPen on August 16, 2005 09:30 PM

Heh heh. You said "position."

Here's another: The favorite position being "behind."

Posted by: on August 16, 2005 09:36 PM

Madonna was heard to say, "Is it because I'm a lesbian?"

Posted by: NickS on August 16, 2005 09:49 PM

yuk to both.

Posted by: erp on August 16, 2005 10:25 PM

I was reading something the other day that PETA does not object to bestiality so long as the animal enjoys it. I was a bit surprised by their position.

What position does the animal enjoy it?

Seriously. You need to find me that quote!!

Posted by: ferrethouse on August 16, 2005 11:08 PM

He said position, that was good! People Enjoying Terrible Acts!! poor bunny, the shame it has to endure now. As for madonna I guess Guy aint the biggest man for the job afterall and now the horse is scarred for life as well .

Posted by: bakocraig on August 16, 2005 11:42 PM

Cher-er-er-er-nobyl!

Posted by: The Warden on August 17, 2005 03:07 AM

That pic reminded me of Madeline Albright. Woof!

Compos mentos

Great post, but in the future please refrain from using the term woof as an epithet, for in doggy language it is the highest form of praise. In a New Yorker cartoon I've had for many years two big dogs are standing on the street as a female poodle passes by while one says to the other: Woof! Woof! To coin a phrase.

The "material girl" may be stinking rich, but there are some things money just can't buy, like youth and beauty. And it's as obvious as the doggie puss on her face.

I just saw The Wedding Crashers and Rachael McAadms is the most beautiful woman I've seen in years. Now that's a Triple Woof!

Posted by: 72 dogs on August 17, 2005 10:38 AM

I blame Madonna's broken bones on Bush's illegal war.

Posted by: Moonbat Reflexive Reaction Generator on August 17, 2005 10:39 AM

This probably goes up there with her former hit song. "Like It, Sturgeon?"

Posted by: Mikey on August 17, 2005 10:56 AM

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What? Skeleton of the most famous Musketeer, D'Artagnan, possibly discovered in Dutch church closet.
Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)*

Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown.
The Gascon nobleman inspired Alexandre Dumas's hero in "The Three Musketeers" in the 19th century, a character now known worldwide thanks to the novel and numerous film adaptations.
D'Artagnan was killed during the siege of Maastricht in 1673, and there is a statue honoring the musketeer in the city. His final resting place has remained a mystery ever since.

A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask).
* Oh, I should mention, Dumas says all this, about finding the names in an old book, in the prologue to his novel. But authors lie a lot. They frequently present fictions as based on historic fact. The twist is, he was actually telling the truth here. At least about these four musketeers having actually existed and served under Louis XIV.
Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.

A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR.
Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him.
LOTR is a very long story. Fifteen hundred pages or so. The Hobbit is relatively short and very punchy and easy to read. If you don't like The Hobbit, you can skip out on LOTR. If you do like it, you'll be primed to read LOTR.
Oh, I should say: The Hobbit is written as if it's for children, but one of those smart children's stories that are also for adults. Don't worry, there's also real fighting and violence and horror in it, too.
LOTR is written for adults. (It's said that Tolkien wrote both for his children, but LOTR was written 17 years later, when his children were adults.) Some might not like The Hobbit due to its sometimes frivolous tone. Me, I love it. I find it constantly amusing. Both are really good but there is a starkly different tone to both. LOTR is epic, grand, and serious, about a world war, The Hobbit is light and breezy, and about a heist. Though a heist that culminates in a war for the spoils.

The Hobbit Challenge: Read two more chapters. I didn't have much time. Bilbo got the ring.
I noticed a continuity problem. Maybe. Now, as of the time of The Hobbit, it was unknown that this magic ring was in fact a Ring of Power, and it was doubly unknown that it was the Ring of Power, the Master Ring that controlled the others.
But the narrator -- who we will learn in LOTR was none of than Bilbo himself, who wrote the book as "There and Back Again" -- says this about Gollum's ring:
"But who knows how Gollum had come by that present [the Ring], ages ago in the old days when such rings were still at large in the world? Perhaps even the Master who ruled them could not have said."
In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power."
I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron.
Now I don't remember when Bilbo wrote the Hobbit. In the movie, he shows Frodo the book in Rivendell, and I guess he wrote it after he left the Shire. I guess he might have added in the part about the ring being a ring of power created by "the Master" after Gandalf appraised him of his research into the ring.
I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do.
But I had no memory of the ring being suggested to be The Ring so early in the tale.

Finish the job, Mr. President!
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Podcast: Sefton and CBD talk about how would a peace treaty with Iran work, Democrats defending murderers and rapists, The GOP vs. Dem bench for 2028, composting bodies? And more!

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Tomorrow is March 25th, "Tolkien Reading Day," because March 25th is the day when the Ring is destroyed in the book. I think I'm going to start the Hobbit tomorrow and read all four books this time.
The only bad part of the trilogy are the Frodo/Sam chapters in The Two Towers. They're repetitive, slow, and mostly about the weather and terrain. But most everything else is good. Weirdly, the Frodo-Sam chapters in Return of the King are exciting and action-packed and among the best in the trilogy. (Though the chapters with everyone else in Return of the King get pretty slow again. Mostly people talking about marching towards war, and then marching towards war.)

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[Hat Tip: Diogenes] [CBD]

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US decimation of Iran's ICBM forces is due to Space Force's instant detection of launches -- and the launchers' hiding places -- and rapid counter-attack via missiles
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“robert mueller just died,” trump wrote in a truth social post on march 21. “good, i’m glad he’s dead. he can no longer hurt innocent people! president donald j. trump.”

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