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August 10, 2005

Page Six Claims Kim Richards Had No Movie Credits; Legions of Horny Old Dudes Jump To Disagree

August 9, 2005 -- FANS of Paris Hilton's aunt, Kim Richards, responded by the dozens when we reported she didn't have any movie credits. Though mainly known for her work on sitcoms "Nanny and the Professor" (1970) with Juliet Mills and "Hello Larry" (1979) with McLean Stevenson, the younger sister of Kathy Hilton has appeared in several movies, including "Tuff Turf" (1985) with James Spader. One reader said, "I'll admit she wasn't exactly Nicole Kidman, but a lot of guys around my age [44] still remember Kim from that movie, gorgeous, dressed in red high heels, black stockings, and with blond hair down to her waist. As hot as it gets."

Preach it brother. And don't forget her awkward coquettishness in Escape From Witch Mountain.

Kidding! Well, kinda. Look, I had a crush on her at an appropriate age (you know, when I was like seven), and those early crushes never really go away.

Which isn't the same as saying that I want to have sex with a ten year old.

I mean, I still have that wistful, pounding-heart flushed feeling when I think about Tanner in the Bad News Bears. Ohhhhh... Tanner. A perfect blend of puckish insouciance and virulent racism, all wrapped up in one adorable little blonde tightbody package.

Thanks to Temple of Jennifer, who has lots of good nasty ranting as usual, including Howard Dean: Insightful Liberal Warrior or Highly Functioning Retard?

Which seems like a good question.

Obligatory Kim Richards Tuff Turf cheesecake after the jump.

"I'm not a whore! I'm not a whore! I... I just think they dress nice."

posted by Ace at 12:11 PM

Comments

And don't forget "No Deposit, No Return"!!!

Posted by: JFH on August 10, 2005 12:53 PM

And for a "legal" learing point of view, the classic "Meatballs II'

Posted by: JFH on August 10, 2005 12:56 PM

I don't have a "Kim Richards" problem... I can quit commenting about her any time I want (I'm only 43 so I couldn't be the reader that wrote in)

Posted by: JFH on August 10, 2005 01:04 PM

Kim Richards is Paris Hilton's aunt? Then I guess I respect her for bearing her shame with a certain quiet dignity. That, and for being something of a fox.

Posted by: utron on August 10, 2005 01:26 PM

Assault on Precinct 13 - BLAM!

Kim gets it right between the eyes.

Posted by: Bill from INDC on August 10, 2005 01:56 PM

I had totally forgotten about Kim Richards being in Witch Mountain. Even more surprised to find that she's Paris Hilton's aunt. Kim musta got the hot gene while Paris got the skank gene.

Posted by: Monty on August 10, 2005 02:08 PM

Monty, I'm a little disappointed in you. Sure, she's a skank, or plays one on TV. But she definitely got the Hot gene, no question.

To find out Page Six made an error, and one of this magnitude, is like having your entire life exposed as a petty, useless sham.

Posted by: spongeworthy on August 10, 2005 02:28 PM

spongeworthy:

Paris Hilton is not hot. Not. Hot she is not. Definitely, definitely not.

Reasons:

1. Butterface.
2. No boobies to speak of.
3. Perpetually-stoned look even when not stoned.
4. Not the attractive "You can talk me into anything!" stupid, but a truly bone-deep stupid that could degenerate into psychotic rage at the drop of a hat.
5. Owns a chihuahua named Tinkerbelle. 'Nuff said.
6. Legs like baseball bats.
7. Lotta hard miles on the chassis, and upkeep hasn't been the best. Promises lots of maintenance problems over the ownership period.

Sorry, spongeworthy, but she's a grade-A skankotron.

Posted by: Monty on August 10, 2005 02:56 PM

Sorry, Monty, but Paris is hot. Dumber than my intestinal parasites and morally despicable, I admit, but hot nevertheless. Some of us like the praying-mantis look. I'd do her, as long as we had a strict agreement that she wouldn't say one single word during the entire encounter. Also, that damned yappy little rodent of hers would have to be in another room.

Posted by: utron on August 10, 2005 03:02 PM

Hey, we're supposed to be talking about the HOT Kim Richards, not other women... Who is this Paris Hilton y'all keep talking about?

Posted by: JFH on August 10, 2005 03:16 PM

utron:

Sex with Paris brings a certain phrase to mind: "throwing a hotdog down a hallway". Strap a board to your ass lest you fall in, my good man. And make sure your unit is well-protected at all times -- who knows what kind of biohazards lurk in those noisome depths?

Posted by: Monty on August 10, 2005 03:24 PM

Well, she's way too skinny for me (way way too skinny). And her legs need some shape to them, sure.

But I'm not so sure she's as dumb as she acts and she does have excellent skin and great smoldering bedroom eyes.

Boobs? Eh. Important to some. Not me.

Where you get that upkeep business defeats me. I thought that's all these rich twits did, spend ferocious cash to repair the damage from last night's face-busting oral-service-while-smoking-Newports adventure.

Or exfoliation and dermabrasion to remove the stench of Euro-greaseball grope-banging or something. Sure, they live hard but they have the resources, baby.

Posted by: spongeworthy on August 10, 2005 03:27 PM

Which isn't the same as saying that I want to have sex with a ten year old.

I vaguely remember you saying that you did, ace. Oh, wait, no you didn't. It was with a eight year old. Sorry.

Posted by: on August 10, 2005 03:27 PM

What idiots. Kim was in a plethora of movies from 1970 to 1990. The girl was a serious super star. In fact, she was the 3rd hottest actress in 1978. Right behind Kristy McNichol and Tatum O'neal. In fact, even with the emergence of Brooke Shields she remained in the top 5 among teen actresses until the emergence of The Brat Pack. A group Kim would have been a part of if not for Trent's suicide.

Posted by: Jonathan on October 9, 2005 12:22 PM

As ackward as this might sound, her niece has turned Kim into a never forget name. Even though she never lived up to her potential due to the sadness of Trent's suicide, she will always be remembered thanks to Paris and her anticts. And let's not forget that Kim does have 3 daughters that could all be actresses. Her oldest daughter and child Brooke Brinson is hanging out a lot with Cousins Paris and Nikki. At 19 has the looks and brains to carry on the Kim Richards image. However, the real surprise to audience members will probably come from Kim's youngest of 4 children Kimberly Johnson.

Posted by: Jonathan on October 9, 2005 12:26 PM

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Whoops! I posted about Dan Goldman losing the NY congressional primary. He might do that, but it won't be tonight -- the primary isn't held until June 23.

One race to keep an eye on: the Levi's heir nepo baby and egregious "Designated Liar" Dan Goldman -- one of the Democrats from a safe district Democrats send out to spread their most indefensible lies -- may actually lose his lower Manhattan/Brooklyn set due to, get this, antisemitism in the Democrat primary electorate.
Antisemitism? In the anti-Nazi Democrat Party? Sounds crazy, I know, but apparently the anti-Nazi Party wants to eliminate Jews.

Henry Rosoff
@HenryRosoff

🚨EXCLUSIVE POLL:

Brad Lander is 34-pts ahead of Congressman Dan Goldman with #NY10 Democratic Primary voters. @ZohranKMamdani is backing the former Comptroller.

@bradlander: 57%

@danielsgoldman: 23%

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Oh my Totenkopf Tattoo, that is a DRUBBING!
I'm usually very anti-antisemitism but if the Communist Antisemite Jihadists can pull this one off, Go Communist Antisemite Jihadists, Go!

Democrat Senator Rueben Gallego, who served his wife with divorce papers when she was nine months pregnant so that he could marry his side-piece, counsels us that we should not judge Graham Platner for his infidelity because these things are personal matters, Racists:

Sahil Kapur
@sahilkapur

Sen. Ruben Gallego, D-Ariz., on Platner: "We know that Graham has lived not your typical political experience. He's been very clear and open with his wife, and they worked through whatever they worked through. At the end of the day, this man has had 60 more town halls than Susan Collins has. He's winning the polls, he's willing to accept that he has grown as a person, and I think we should accept that."

Gallego says the drip-drip of revelations won't harm Platner's campaign.

"I think you guys are all in a bubble here right now. The drip, drip that's actually happening is Americans are really, really hurt the fact that gas is still high, food is still high, they can't buy a home, you can't afford rent. They're not going to care about text messages and everything else like that that happened years ago, especially when it was worked out between spouses."

I like that he says that it's okay that Graham Platner sexted 12 different women within months of marrying the woman to sponge off her because he wasn't then "living a political life" -- the clear meaning being, "We all cheat, we just don't cheat when we're running for office, and he didn't know he was running for office when he was sending dicpics to half the women he ran into."
Except he was running: His own wife turned the sexts over to his campaign.
And obviously Reuben Gallego didn't let his "political life" get in the way of his extramarital dating life:

Podcast: CBD goes solo in a short segment...talking about Iran, the nativist issues surrounding Reform and Restore in the UK, and the delicious pain of an imploding Democrat Party, courtesy of Talerico and Platner!

TJM ranks all of John Ford's films. All of them. TJM is very tired.

Funny -- if you don't mind clicking on TikTok. "Amy.Pranks.22" set up an AI scam-call screener which replies to a foreign scammer trying to get her bank information with Trumpian bluster. This might be fake because I don't see how a program can respond in real time, but it's funny.

Food Thread Pizza Dough Recipe

The ULA rocket just launched
Thanks to Joyenz
The rocket's enormous engines are fueled by "the volcanic heterosexual lust between James Talarico and his Neighbor With a Uterus 'girlfriend'"
I hope Amazon's rocket works better than the Amazon Prime app does as far as allowing people to watch the black and white version of "Spider-Noir"

From the CA Post:

Spencer Pratt is now Karen Bass' biggest headache.

A bombshell California Post poll conducted with McLaughlin & Associates shows the reality TV star-turned-mayoral candidate has surged to a statistical tie with the incumbent mayor.

And voters blame homelessness, affordability and the direction of Los Angeles as the reason for turning on Bass.

Pratt now leads the field with 30.1% support, compared with 29.5% for Bass, setting up a razor-thin race heading into next week's primary.

Socialist councilwoman Nithya Raman sits in third place at 23.4%.

Thanks to beckster

Just like "Spartacus" Corey Booker, now that James Talarico is running for a higher office, he unveils his previously-unknown "girlfriend" and hooboy, it just so happens she used to work for him, and, get this, likes to "dance the night away" at gay bars
Gee I wonder where they might have met
Oh and she's a vegan
When Corey Booker needed a "girlfriend," he conjured up known LGBTQ activist Rosario Dawson. How convenient that when these guys need a girlfriend to show off to the normies that just happen to find an activist with a strong history of and interest in Supporting Gay Men
But seriously, this James Talarico romance with a Neighbor with a Uterus is a love story for the ages. The passion of their lovemaking is hotter than a blue star with a core of Primordial Sex Atoms created in the Big Bang

"Journalists" are all drunks, criminals, sex-pests, and liars, exhibit #25,239,331

And just like that, #PunchANazi became Punch a Ballot for a Nazi

Was the "transatlantic accent" favored by stage and screen actors of the 40s and 50s "fake"? This linguist says no, it was a real accent

"Teen" charged with five counts of attempted murder after attempting to run down police officers with his car in yet another "teen takeover" permitted by woke racist incompetent Chicago mayor Brandon Johnson
Johnson's response to the "teen takeovers" of streets and businesses that he refuses to make arrests to stop is to go after social media companies for not deleting messages to coordinate the "teen takeovers." Um, they're supposed to find these messages and delete them in real time?
It makes no sense but he has to offer an "alternative" plan to just arresting lawbreakers -- which he absolutely refuses to do, saying we "can't arrest our way out" of rampant crime.

The Babylon Bee's crack AI team uses AI crack to simulate the first woman president

TJM explores the world of John Ford movies.

Future Tucker Carlson guest James Talarico:

James Talarico
@jamestalarico

Black Americans in a church.

Mexican Americans in a store.

Asian Americans in a spa.

Radicalized white men are the greatest domestic terrorist threat in our country.

He's referring to three mass attacks committed by white men in, oh, the past six or eight years. There were a huge number of mass shootings and bombings he had to skip over to cherry pick three committed by white men. Which kind of makes me think that "white men" are not the greatest terrorist threat in our country.
No, I doubt he'll be a guest on Tucker Carlson. The only thing that Tucker clings to that he claims makes him "conservative" is a palpable hatred of gays. Any time there's a communist enslaving their population and executing dissenters and conservatives, Tucker praises that dictator by saying "at least he represses the homos!"

Podcast: CBD and J.J. Sefton discuss the newest iteration of the Iranian negotiations, with the hope that the President will stick to his guns and get rid of the nuclear material, Minneapolis mayor Frey is scum, and an idiot, Artificial Intelligence, and more!

Polls close in Texas at 7pm local (8pm for the East Coast). Vote the RINO out.

TJM celebrates Memorial Day the only way he knows how.