As Ron Burgundy once said, "It's science."

Here's an idea, ladies: instead of telling us stuff, write it across your boobies with a water-soluble marker and ask us to come and lick it off. We'll still ignore it, of course, but...well, there's the boobie part which might lead to other good stuff. So for us, it's a win-win thing. And there's always the possiblity that we'll remember the message long enough to act on it. But if not...eh. It's not like it was important anyway.

I think it is an instinctual male reaction that other male voices are precieved as a potential threat and must be listened to first. The sound of another male voice is naturally more aggressive and threatening in animals too. And there is a shrapness and piercing clarity to female and childrens voices' that can be heard and deciphered easier, especially at distances when male voices tend to muddy. I've always thought that these voices are naturally this way for danger and distress calls.

"And then we would have sat around, scratching our balls with primative ball-scratching devices made from mastodon tusks, thinking, "Damn, I sure do miss the boobies."

Ace, you are as erudite as a young William F. Buckley, Jr. Or George Will -- he was just writing about ball-scratchers and boobies the other day.

A wife should call to him from the other room, 'Honey? I'm making myself a sandwich, would you like one?'
If he doesn't respond, she should make her sandwich and walk in there and eat it.

He will see the sandwich and desire it. He will be momentarily shocked by her lack of of manners.

But in the back of his mind he will remember having heard,

"Blah blah? Blah blah murmur blah blah blah mwah blah blah mumble?"

And that is how you train them.

Lauraw - It is a mark of a long term relationship where you can discern the meat of the gals conversation from the prattle.

"So I was with Joanie blah blah..............(4 minutes pass) ....and that was what my day at the mall was like after work and at work there was this amazing thing my friend Ruth you know Ruth.......blah blah blah ...(5 minutes later) ....and thats the end of all the details on how Ruth got in that situation. And dinner with Scott and Liz will be Wednesday instead of ....blah blah blah. (interesting repeat of Jose Canseco having ball bounce off his head....funny) I couldn't believe the last electric bill because......(3 minutes pass). "

Then a commercial comes on, enabling a reply.

"So dinner at Scott's? Kids coming? Need to bring a dish or some wine/beer???"

A man with refined listening abilities merely has a highly functioning prattle filter and "gets" the 10 seconds of important stuff it takes a woman 15 minutes to say.

I'm sorry Laura, did you say something?

You know how much I hate agreeing with you, Cedarford old thing, but that's 100% on target. I can listen to my wife with a tenth of an ear and half a dozen brain cells, allowing me to read reports, watch TV, and contemplate what I'm going to have to drink tonight while refilling my lighter, and I'll still get the gist of what she's been talking about for the last half hour. Easily. Usually it boils down to about three or four one-sentence items of concrete and relevant information.

Well, let's all pause a moment and take a deep breath. Cedarford commented, he was funny, he sounded actually like a human being, and he said absolutely nothing about the Jews.

OK, Cedarford, knock that shit off and get back to your normal self. You can do that once in awhile (your Japanese sailor love-doll story, for example, was hilarious), but not too often. People will start getting the impression that you're actually a normal person, and all the fun will stop.

Don't let me down.

You can do that once in awhile (your Japanese sailor love-doll story, for example, was hilarious), but not too often. People will start getting the impression that you're actually a normal person, and all the fun will stop.

Dude! That's how we know it's not Ace just doing another 'character'-

Ace doesn't write that well... :o)

Michael,

I'll bet you brought home a *lot* of stray animals when you were a youngster. Did your mom let you keep them all?

Cedarford:

Maybe that sounded a little harsh. If so, I'm sorry. Of course, you're perfectly welcome to comment here as a normal person. Just use a different name and IP address, OK?

Brewfan:

Have I told you to eat me in the last week? I'm losing track. If not, eat me.

Something tells me Cedarford snuck into Michael's bedroom and left a pod on his nightstand.

"Have I told you to eat me in the last week? I'm losing track. If not, eat me."

Now, now. No need to get testy. I'm just observing you are obsessed with redeeming the unredeemable. You're that bright-eyed dreamer that lives Bobby Kennedy's words about "seeing things as they can be and asking 'why not?'". In short, I've decided you're likely a much better person then I am.

Or you're retarded. Either one.

*laughing remembering Jose Canseco letting a ball bounce off his head*

it just figures he was playing for the Rangers when he did that.