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« Young Boys Wankdorf erection relief | Main | First-Hand Reportage: Cheap Lighters Can Explode »
August 04, 2005

EU Considers Banning Beer-Garden Wenches' Cleavage

The St. Pauli Girl was not available for comment.

Ridiculous. What the hell business is it of the EU if a Bavarian beer-whore wants to wear a plunging neckline? If a Swiss ale-trollop wants to show some decollatage, who's the victim, exactly? If some low-rent zaftig lager-slut working the Reeperbahn wants to put her filthy pillows up for exhibition and critique, what concern is it to some Brussels half-a-fag?

This is fascism, my friends. And I mean the bad kind of fascism, not the fun kind where we get to seize all of Sean Penn's property and exile him to an Alaskan re-education camp on the grounds that he starred in I Am Sam with subversive intent and full willful knowlege that it sucked ass.


posted by Ace at 02:29 PM
Comments



There are certain outrages up with which I shall not put. And one of those things is my privilege -- no, by damn, my right! -- to see a barmaid's untrammeled sweater-ponies swaying gently to and fro as she serves up my brew of choice. If America stands for anything, it stands for ripe cleavage, by God!

Let us make boobage the core of what separates us from the namby-pamby nanny-state EU.

Posted by: Monty on August 4, 2005 02:37 PM

I knew this was right up your alley.

Posted by: Lanceredstaterant on August 4, 2005 02:38 PM

They can have my St. Pauli Girl's breasts when they pry them from my cold dead fingers!

Posted by: J. Wilde on August 4, 2005 02:54 PM

They must be sharing legislators with Canada. The ones who banned miss universe.

Posted by: Kevin on August 4, 2005 02:58 PM

Doesn't surpirse me at all coming from Europe, which is more liberal every day. And you are right, it is Fascism.

Liberalism leads to Fascism: remember, Hitler was the head of the NAZI party, which was the National Socialist Party.

Posted by: Justin on August 4, 2005 02:59 PM

Now tell me again, why is the European Union's constitution failing?

Posted by: Sevenmeds on August 4, 2005 03:10 PM

Amen brothers!! I say we start our own club to show those EU ninnies what real men want! We could call it Funbags for Fermentation! or Brothers for Bazooms n Beer!

Posted by: compos mentis on August 4, 2005 03:28 PM

And don't forget, Ace, that St. Pauli is Hamburg's red-light district. So that gal on the bottle may well be serving her customers more than beer. By the Eternal, if we let the Europeans get away with this, then the terrorists really will have won!

Posted by: Brown Line on August 4, 2005 03:35 PM

Actually, if you take time to read the entire article, it talks about being able to comply with the regulations by RUBBING some CREME on the barmaid's EXPOSED SKIN AREAS.

Those sneaky bastards...

Posted by: Dogstar on August 4, 2005 03:39 PM

Gentlemen, the EU may be doing the world a favor by sparing us the hairy cleavage of women from certain European countries.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck on August 4, 2005 03:44 PM

Yeah, but we're using beer goggles to sample said cleavackles.

So it's all goode.

Plus, an extra bonus, if the CREME part is true.

Posted by: Dogstar on August 4, 2005 03:48 PM

In the interst of a PC smackdown, this is just another example of how our gays are so much cooler than their gays. After all, our gays want to get married and be committed to each other, and theirs are trying to use legal tactics to hide the competittion.

Posted by: Defense Guy on August 4, 2005 04:01 PM

Ah, Dogstar, always lookin' on the bright side. :)

Well, all I know is that I only get to wear my cleavage-exposing wench outfit when I'm being "dorky," according to Ace. It just seems out of place everywhere else.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck on August 4, 2005 04:29 PM

It just seems out of place everywhere else.

NO IT IS NOT!

Posted by: Michael on August 4, 2005 04:37 PM

Michael, well, I was referring to PUBLIC places.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck on August 4, 2005 04:44 PM

bbeck:

I think we can all agree that there is no possible place, public or private, where a luscious expanse of female cleavage is not appropriate.

Male ass-crack cleavage, on the other hand, should be punishable by a fine and possible imprisonment.

Posted by: Monty on August 4, 2005 04:51 PM

This may be a dumb technical question, but just how much solar exposure do you get in Germany in October (and especially at night)?

Posted by: Ron on August 4, 2005 05:04 PM

Ace, if you were a responsible blogger you would give us some pictures of said barmaids in order to allow your readers to make a fully informed decision.

Posted by: JeffK on August 4, 2005 05:21 PM

Ah, yes, the Munich barmaids!

I remember one evening at the Matthaeser Bier Stadt. I was amazed at the ability of these 'young maids' to weave through a crowd while holding 4 or 5 mugs of beer (That's liter mugs, each of which is about 3-4 lb. of glass, plus weight of beer) in each 'dainty' little paw. That's somewhere around 25 lb in each hand, balanced perfectly to avoid spillage while moving. I was young(er) and in great shape and I would not have attempted it once, don't even think of doing it all night, every night.

Did I mention just how much decolletage it takes to balance 50 lb. of glass and beer? Let's just say that after 10+ years in Germany, I am still waiting to meet the St. Pauli girl and not her cousin, Bertha.

Happy fantasies, guys.

Posted by: on August 4, 2005 06:49 PM

The real irony here is that Europeans are all into the topless beaches and sweaty disco sex, and tend to consider Americans prudish.

I'll be throwing this one back in their teeth, believe me.

Posted by: See-Dub on August 4, 2005 07:58 PM

anonymous, you don't have to be big to be strong, when you're a woman.

I have guys lugging 80 lb machinery on a cart into my place quite regularly, only to see little bitty me pick it right up and put it on the scale. I think it 'bout shrivels their little packages up when they see that.

And I ain't no scary musclebound chickie.
It's just what you get used to.

Posted by: lauraw on August 4, 2005 09:06 PM

lauraw,

Sorry about the 'anonymous'. I had my info in, but forgot that when I preview on this site it goes away when I return to the edit screen.

You're right that small can be strong. But most of the 'small' beer servers I ever met on that side of the pond worked smaller venues, like gasthauser, where it was glasses down the bar or a tray to the table. The Bier Stadt was kind of a year round preview of Oktoberfest. There were two beer halls, each of which seated 5,000 and had a band. The crowd was mostly local and the beer flowed hard and heavy. The servers stayed very busy and were quite nice, but definitely of good Bavarian farmer stock. They held there own quite nicely with the clientele.

Of course, when things got hairy, there were the bouncers. Saw that floor show, too, and redoubled my efforts to be polite. Kind of like barrels with white shirts that wouldn't button at the collar, and real hard fists moving real fast. It was a good show while it lasted, but it didn't last long.

Posted by: Dave on August 4, 2005 09:31 PM

And I ain't no scary musclebound chickie.
It's just what you get used to.

I'll never be, your beast of burden, my back is broad, but it's a hurtin

Posted by: Dave in Texas on August 4, 2005 09:36 PM

If our knees bent the other way, running would be ugly.

Posted by: lauraw on August 5, 2005 09:28 AM

I don't suppose it's a workable arrangement unless you're a four legged critter (I was thinking about this while the puppy was running around the house like a maniac last night). Sure gives em a spring tho.

I'm thinking about this way too much.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on August 5, 2005 09:50 AM

Don't birds have the same thing?
They're two legged.

Posted by: lauraw on August 5, 2005 09:58 AM

good point

Posted by: Dave in Texas on August 5, 2005 11:04 AM

zpdhogbwqnpyawzbrabpeipyavskzecqxwlupresrrjhyafmgn
link http://ujkfhif.ydfyiuw.com

Posted by: ylkdnct on October 13, 2005 08:45 PM
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