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July 20, 2005

Quick, I Need Another Way To Say "Extraordinary Circumtances!"

GOP and the City surveys the various ways the MSM can say "super double-secret conservative" in relation to Judge Roberts.

I guess it's a fair cop, though. Either the guy is conservative or he isn't. The conservative judicial faithful like myself are happy about the nomination because we assume, based on what we know, that he's conservative; I guess we can't rap the MSM too badly for agreeing with that assessment.

I like the way the Seattle Times describes him... as a "confimable conservative." The bestest sort of conservative of all.

Meanwhile... An unknown commenter looks at the Kosmonauts' reactions to the nomination, as first reported by Confederate Yankee, and finds them, as usual, nasty, brutish, and hopelessly ill-informed:

Did You Catch His Wife When Roberts thanked his family, he mentioned his son, Jack...Roberts' wife's face fell. It was like a poker tell. I think we should research Jack. by mayan on Tue Jul 19th, 2005 at 13:13:01 PDT
interesting observation wonder if anything will come of it... by storme on Tue Jul 19th, 2005 at 13:19:01 PDT

He's probably gay Of course, this is how ridiculous rumors get started, but extreme conservatives seem to have a lot of homosexual children...by Geotpf on Tue Jul 19th, 2005 at 13:19:08 PDT

The unknown commenter responds:

God, these people are clueless. I don't know if Roberts' wife's face fell. "It was like a poker tell." I doubt it. There might have been a slightly raised eyebrow when Jack, who is all of 5 years old, decided to do a little impromtu dance during the announcement.

Well, maybe he's too young to express any sort of sexual interest, straight or gay, but there must be some dirt we can dig up on this five-year-old.

Rumors are flying in DC that when the kid sees a cookie, "he goes absolutely ape-shit." Seriously, he's worse than pre-diet Cookie Monster. I'm telling you, I wouldn't want to be between that kid and a Fig Newton; you'd be taking your life into your hands. He's like a pre-pubescent Teddy Kennedy-- someone's going to wind up dead because of this kid's killer-crazy Newton habit.

Update: Confederate Yankee says the kid in question is four, not five.

Which, if my experience is any guide, is generally the time one first "experiments" a bit with homosexuality. And Play-Doh.

posted by Ace at 11:38 AM

Comments

For a second, I thought you were talking about Oliver W.

Posted by: Rocketeer on July 20, 2005 11:44 AM

I heard that on Halloween he stayed up late eating candy and threw up in the middle of the night.

Posted by: lauraw on July 20, 2005 11:45 AM

I heard he always tells his mom he can watch horror movies "because they don't scare [him]," but he's a goddamn liar.

Posted by: ace on July 20, 2005 11:51 AM

That's not what I've heard.

My sources tell me this kid has a crayon habit like you wouldn't believe. Scarfs them down like candy.

Worse, he steals them from other kids.

Posted by: Slublog on July 20, 2005 11:55 AM

I think I saw him on a float in the gay pride parade. Of course hes gay, look at how he fusses over his little baby-gap outfit. Total drama queen. I'm sure we can dig up a gay lover from his past if we sift through some his past play-date partners. That nasty little queen, how can he turn his back on his gay brothers and sisters. Fith the power!

Posted by: Marty on July 20, 2005 11:56 AM

Just as long as no one gets between him and his Elmo, we'll be fine. Otherwise, we will witness a drunken spree that would do Teddy K. proud.

Posted by: lawhawk on July 20, 2005 11:57 AM

He eats paste.

End. of. Story.

Posted by: lauraw on July 20, 2005 11:57 AM

Yes, all of the libs now want to paint a 5 year old boy as gay.

Because God knows nobody on Kos' site could be mistaken for being gay.

Posted by: MikeSC on July 20, 2005 11:58 AM

Ann Coulter has written a critical piece on this nomination that you can find at her website
anncoulter.org.

I can see why liberals and leftists can despise her because I am a huge fan and she just pissed me off with this sarcastic crap.

Posted by: Dman on July 20, 2005 11:58 AM

I don't even like the term "conservative" when applied to a judge, unless it refers to the judge's temperment with regards to interpretation of the law.

The media and people on the right and left really confuse the issue when they talk about "liberal" and "conservative" judges the same way they would talk about Congressmen or Presidents.

The judge's personal politics shouldn't matter. The only thing that matters is whether they are going to faithfully interpret the statutes and the Constitution.

The real tragedy is that the only people you find these days willing to do that also happen to be politically conservative (which only further confuses what it means to be a "conservative judge").

Posted by: Russell Wardlow on July 20, 2005 11:59 AM

Happy to help out Ace.

extraordinary circumstances = any Bush SCOTUS nominee.

Chuck Schumer already defined it for you.

I hear the Roberts kid plays with dolls and likes mom's makeup. End of story.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on July 20, 2005 12:03 PM

I'm off my meds this morning so probably shouldn't post--although why not, everyone on the left has been in this place for years...but I gotta ask, how can a normal human being (read, not a tinfoil liberal) put up with this shit any longer? I got into an argument yesterday with a liberal who gets her hard news from Wikipedia and the Daily Show.

In other words, what do you do when you're at the feel-like-slitting-throats stage? Advice please, ace.

Posted by: dulce on July 20, 2005 12:25 PM

Valu-rite vodka and klonopin.

Posted by: lauraw on July 20, 2005 12:34 PM

Dulce,

I guess take Nixon's advice. They only win if you hate them.

And keep in mind: it's only politics.

Posted by: ace on July 20, 2005 12:35 PM

I think the best thing to do when you're fed up is what we're doing here - pure mockery.

It's fun and it pisses them off.

This 'investigate the kid' story is infuriating, sure, but it's also funny as hell and reveals just how far into the fever swamps these morons have sunk.

Posted by: Slublog on July 20, 2005 12:57 PM

By the way, on this kid's crayon habit...he only eats the light-colored ones.

And the paste he eats? White.

I'm seeing a pattern.

Posted by: Slublog on July 20, 2005 01:00 PM

I heard from a reliable source that "Jack" (if that's even his real name) gets fussy late in the afternoon and has a spotty record when it comes to putting his toys away.

Oh, and a DUI.

Posted by: Sean M. on July 20, 2005 01:10 PM

'fussy.' Heh. Good way to put it.

Posted by: lauraw on July 20, 2005 01:16 PM

I heard that he watches a big purple dinosaur on TV and dances along to its songs in nothing but a pair of underoos.

Also, he eats Fruit Loops.

C'mon, you just can't get anymore homo than that. The kid is certifiable F-A-G.

/Kos mode

Posted by: The Warden on July 20, 2005 01:17 PM

I say we hand the kid a rattlesnake. If he talks to it and the snake kills a NYTimes reporter, he's obviously a Dark Wizard. Plus we have one less NYTimes reporter. If it kills the kid, then never mind.

Posted by: Bob Hawkins on July 20, 2005 01:33 PM

Yeah, 4 and 5 year olds all dance around, so that doesn't make him gay.
But the way that he danced...
I almost swooned.
I thought it was Jennifer Beals in Flashdance all over again...
They could be onto something...

Posted by: Uncle Jefe on July 20, 2005 01:50 PM

And he danced in short pants.

Oh yeah, there's reason to worry about this kid.

Posted by: Slublog on July 20, 2005 01:57 PM

Oh, those are cute pictures! This is way too funny. What's wrong with a little
impromptu interpretative dance titled, In Honor of One's Father Being Nominated to the USSC?

Posted by: on July 20, 2005 02:18 PM

This is the funniest comment thread I've read in a while. Kudos to all the jokers. :)

They only win if you hate them.

Really? Man, I'd think I was doing something wrong it they didn't hate me.

They can win the Hate war all they want. Just as long as we get to win the elections.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck on July 20, 2005 02:18 PM

From Slu's link, it appears the kids wearing seersucker. That doesn't mean he's gay yet, but the only reason a Mom gets her boy up in seersucker is if she wants to get her hair blued for free, if you follow.

The Mom looks like Mandy Pepperidge.

Posted by: spongey-non-grata on July 20, 2005 02:24 PM

seersucker eh? well, if there's one of those little owls embroidered on the left pocket, you know what THAT means.

daaa da da da. da-da. da-da.

"Can't touch this"

Posted by: Dave in Texas on July 20, 2005 02:27 PM

hmmmm. Seersucker? Little owls? I think some people are projecting.

Posted by: on July 20, 2005 02:34 PM

Kid's got flair.

Posted by: Ray Midge on July 20, 2005 02:35 PM

He does know how to move to the left, followed by move to the right . . .

Posted by: on July 20, 2005 02:38 PM

Here's the dance video courtesy of RightPundit
Link

Posted by: on July 20, 2005 02:55 PM

God-DAYUM what a shameless little poofter.

But you know, he is so good to his mother.

Posted by: lauraw on July 20, 2005 03:49 PM

of course I can dance of course I can dance
I'm sure I can dance, I'm sure I can dance..
I can dance

I can dance
I really hit the floor
ah feels good
look at me dancin'

I did a two-step, quick-step and a bossa nova
a little Victor Silvester, and a Rudy Valentino
you should a seen me movin', right across the floor
hand me down my tuxedo, next week I'm comin' back for more

Posted by: Jack Roberts on July 20, 2005 09:56 PM

Did you see Josephine's reaction, hiding behind mom.
It was like, "You stupid bastard, your capering will doom us all" !

Posted by: jj shaka on July 20, 2005 10:08 PM

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What? Skeleton of the most famous Musketeer, D'Artagnan, possibly discovered in Dutch church closet.
Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)*

Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown.
The Gascon nobleman inspired Alexandre Dumas's hero in "The Three Musketeers" in the 19th century, a character now known worldwide thanks to the novel and numerous film adaptations.
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A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask).
* Oh, I should mention, Dumas says all this, about finding the names in an old book, in the prologue to his novel. But authors lie a lot. They frequently present fictions as based on historic fact. The twist is, he was actually telling the truth here. At least about these four musketeers having actually existed and served under Louis XIV.
Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.

A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR.
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Oh, I should say: The Hobbit is written as if it's for children, but one of those smart children's stories that are also for adults. Don't worry, there's also real fighting and violence and horror in it, too.
LOTR is written for adults. (It's said that Tolkien wrote both for his children, but LOTR was written 17 years later, when his children were adults.) Some might not like The Hobbit due to its sometimes frivolous tone. Me, I love it. I find it constantly amusing. Both are really good but there is a starkly different tone to both. LOTR is epic, grand, and serious, about a world war, The Hobbit is light and breezy, and about a heist. Though a heist that culminates in a war for the spoils.

The Hobbit Challenge: Read two more chapters. I didn't have much time. Bilbo got the ring.
I noticed a continuity problem. Maybe. Now, as of the time of The Hobbit, it was unknown that this magic ring was in fact a Ring of Power, and it was doubly unknown that it was the Ring of Power, the Master Ring that controlled the others.
But the narrator -- who we will learn in LOTR was none of than Bilbo himself, who wrote the book as "There and Back Again" -- says this about Gollum's ring:
"But who knows how Gollum had come by that present [the Ring], ages ago in the old days when such rings were still at large in the world? Perhaps even the Master who ruled them could not have said."
In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power."
I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron.
Now I don't remember when Bilbo wrote the Hobbit. In the movie, he shows Frodo the book in Rivendell, and I guess he wrote it after he left the Shire. I guess he might have added in the part about the ring being a ring of power created by "the Master" after Gandalf appraised him of his research into the ring.
I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do.
But I had no memory of the ring being suggested to be The Ring so early in the tale.

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