Narrgh! That be the Phantom!

I am so looking forward to the Pirates of the Caribean sequel.

Naargh!

I would think Aquaman would be more suited for the job.

still pirates operating in the South China Sea?

ACE have you reading Joseph Conrad again?

ACE as been listening to Jack Armstrong, All American Boy again.

Aquaman -- for years a pussy -- was given Thor-like locks and a beard and an amputated arm to butch him up.

But they've pussified him again anyway... now he just seems to care about protecting the oceans from pollution. And, occasionally, invading the evil polluting land-dwelling world to save utopian Atlantis.

He's too interested in progressive social justice and environmentalism to trouble himself with mere piracy.*

*Note: I really have no f'n' idea what I'm talking about here. This is a sort of feeling I've picked up, but I gotta say, I never read Aquaman and don't really intend to. Even if he is now tricked out with a cool harpoon for a prosthetic arm.

Yes, they're all pernicious little ferrets.

Read a great book on this subject a couple of years ago. I think it was Dangerous Waters. I sorta thought they would have done more to beef up security on those boats by now. I remember the book made the point that the oil companies were spending more on security for their gas stations than they were for their supertankers.

Cool harpoon ACE? (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

I refuse to romanitcize modern pirates one iota. It's a major source of funding for the Indonesian/Philipine arms of Al Quaida.

Associating these guys with Jack Sparrow is like associating a crackhead carjacker with Robin Hood.

So ace are you trying to say aquaman would only bother with butt pirates?

Yes, I think its safe to say the Aquman rides the Hershey highway. And apparently is into that Dolphin lovin' too.

aaarrr, lots o pirates still out there...

Pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now"

"Well, ok, but what about that hook? "What happened to your hand?"

"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight.
My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over.
I looked up and one of them shit in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird shit

"It was my first day with the hook."

I refuse to romanitcize modern pirates one iota. It's a major source of funding for the Indonesian/Philipine arms of Al Quaida.

Associating these guys with Jack Sparrow is like associating a crackhead carjacker with Robin Hood.

Come on, man. I'm not defending piracy, for crying out loud.

Naaaargh! Ye be tellin' the joke all wrong!

Pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Arrgh, I aint seen ya in a squid's age mate. What happen'd to ya? To be sure, ya look terrible."

"Naargh, what do yer mean?" said the pirate, "I feels fine."

"Aargh, what about yer wooden leg? Ye didn't have that before."

"Arr, well then , we were in a battle and me leg got hit wit a cannon ball, but I be right as rain now."

"Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happen'd to yer hand?"

"Arr, we was in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight.
Me hand was cut off. I got fitted wit' a hook. I be fine, naargh."

"Arrgh, what about de eye patch?"

"Naaaargh, one day we was at sea and a flock o birds flew over. I looked up and one of d'em shit in me eye."

"Ya're kidding," said the bartender, "yer couldn't lose an eye just from some bird shit

"Naaaaaarrrgh, it were me first day wit' the hook."

I am shocked and offended by these so-called jokes which are actually thinly-veiled slurs about the disabled.

The suffering and fundamental difficulties that a double-amputee experiences while learning to get along in this world (which is designed for the able-bodied) deserves to be handled seriously, and is nothing to make light of.

Lets see YOU lose a couple of limbs, asshole.
You make me sick.

--and don't get me started on that insulting exaggerated accent. You elitist son of a bitch.

?

Naaaarrrgh!

Come over to me wench and wisper yer objections in me ear.

I may be a son of a bitch, but that be an accident o' birth. But you me lady....

That offends me too.

Terry of Terry and the Pirates fought piracy, press gangs, opium lords, and other SE Asia stereotypes, right?

Seem to recall he went up against a Dragon Lady/Queen of the Pirates, too...

Arrr!

And well ye should be, as offendin' be what I wer' doin'.

Now come over an' let me offend ye some more, naargh.

Just for you, VonK, as long as you insist on affecting that ridiculous accent:

The Pirate Name Generator

(And yes, I know it's old.)

Piracy in Asia presents a significant problem, and much of it is related to Islamic terrorism. The Straits of Malacca present one of the least-discussed pressure points in the terror war.

Narrgh! Ye can call me Stutterin' Harley Cutler!

In fact I really just love to talk like a pirate, I'm not sure why. Every year I look forward to "Talk Like a Pirate Day" on September 19th.

Naargh!

did you know that the term 'son of a gun' is an old nautical slur?

...and being "three sheets to the wind" also comes from sailing jargon of that period...

Yep, and Yep. Read the Hornblower series as a lad and the Aubrey/Maturin series as an adult.

Though 'son of a gun' be not so much of an insult as it be a perlite way o' describin' a mate's parentage.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. Bartender says, "Hey buddy, ya know ya gotta steering wheel sticking out of your pants?" Pirate replies, "Arrggghh! Aye. It's drivin' me nuts!"

Hey, my pirate first name is Tax Evadin'

I like that!

Pirates invented barbecue. Pirates good folks for that. Lay off the pirates.

Nearrrh. If'n ye wants t' track the newfangled parrotless pirates of the Sou' China Sea, yer man be Eagle1, over at yon Eaglespeak saloon. E been tracken em fer many a turn, many a turn. Garrr. My link'll take ye thar.

Aaarrgh! I'm now known as "Machete" Carlos Slaughter.

How did the name generator know to pick a hispanic name since I'm hispanic?

Racial profiling!

Naaargh! I be Cap'n Thomas Mowhawk, mateys.

How come nobody else wants to talk about pirates or play the pirate name game? Come on pirates are fun to talk about.

Fine.

(slouching off, big "L" branded on forehead)

sniff

This report of a modern pirate attack on 2 sailboats, on 8 March 2005, is a good read. Ends well too.

http://www.noonsite.com/Members/doina/R2005-03-14-1

I tried out the name generator, and apparently my piratin' name be "Bloody Bill Cash", which be passing odd, since I don't recall tellin' that scurvy generator that William be my middle name.

Gaaarrrr!

Pirate Juliana the Parrotless?

I'm so using that at Gasparilla next year.

Well, me maiden name were Paraplegic Jane Bellamy, but me married name now be Cap'n Gertrude Knockboots!

Garrr! Avast ye scurvy dogs!

I tell you.

Cap'n Gertrude Knockboots has a certain...sweet lyrical quality...I jut may change my nick.