PDF? Ye dork. It's SPF.

maybe Ace spends his time by the pool working with Adobe Acrobat documents on a laptop, instead of sunscreen

Yeah they're cute until they eat you. I'm not sure what's the worse encounter: Bear, mountain lion, or a face eating chimp. Take your pick, cuz we got them all in SoCal.

140 lbs? Maybe just its head.

I'll go with number 4.

My wife wants to buy a house in the country, but I'm trying to talk her out of it. There are friggin' bears out there, after all.

I've seen "The Edge."

She doesn't look like she needed to be tranquilized.

Are you kidding me?!? That thing's a maneater.

It's in the eyes.

Geez, Andew Sullivan is living in the hills and trespassing in random suburban pools?

Well if I was relaxing in the pool after a long hot day pounding the pavement, you'd definitely need to shoot me with a dart to get me out of there.

If that bear ain't at least 450 lbs, I'll shave her ass.

First, they crush your head. Then they drag you off a bit so they can relax while enjoying your entrails. What's left of you they bury and snack on later.

"It looks like it's possibly in heat,"

Ewwwww.....hope they drained the pool. Or at least re-chlorinated heavily.

One of my neighbors has a 140 pound bear. It's called a rottweiler.

Now would one of you lazy photoshoppers get busy and put a Mai Tai by her paw?

They're cute until they attack, but they're very cute when in rug form (my uncle shot a black bear last fall, and WOW, what a nice accessory...and me a Target-ized dame!).

Honestly, not only is she in heat, I think that she watches WAAAAAAAAY too many episodes of "The Bachelor" and "Bachelorette."

The face is cute. The 2" claws are not.

A female in heat. A pool. The San Fernando Valley. Yep, it has all the makings of a porn movie.

That was so cute... did you see her little paw resting on the edge? I can just picture red nailpolish on it and one of those pretty tropical drinks with the little colorful umbrella in her paw. Designer's sun glasses to top it off.

And... and... where in the world is Mr. Bear??!!!

You see, males of all kinds are a disappointment... ;-)

Mr. Bear probably went to see the Star Wars flick for the 8th moronic time or was playing with some stupid video game, like Civilization of the Forest... instead of being where he should be... falling in love and making a splash by the pool...

Nah. While Mr. Geek Bear is watching SW for the 8th time, Mr. Pool Cleaner Bear shows up. And then that cheezy chunka chunka chunka music begins to play. And Ms. Cutey Bear asks him to rub sunblock all over her sensitive body - especially her nipples, all ten of them. . . . chunka chunka chunka . . .

kiddo... she wouldn't do that, because she has more of a brain than the Pool Cleaner Bear, who flunked out of 2nd grade, and that's why he's nothing but a Pool Cleaner with no soul, nor heart, just a moronic porn brain. So the minute cheesy music started playing, Ms. Cutey Bear (with brains and taste) would tell Pool Cleaner to go get a life - and better taste in music. Ms. Cutey doesn't want stupid heartless morons even close to her, much less touching her body, which means all this moronic Pool Cleaner Bear can get is Trailler Trash overweight Racoons, in curlers .

So she will just have to get a suntan alone until some worthwhile Mr. Bear with a big heart materializes.