Great, another lame retirement skit. How many shirts do we have to buy to end this one? Just tell us up front and we'll get it over with.

Ah yes, Bill "Unless you count links to LGF and Powerline during Rathergate, I've never really written anything worth reading" Ardolino.

I love his righteously indignant, all-knowing response to the question about whether or not the segment in question was scripted: "This is standard procedure, in many interviews, I assure you." Who knew our good friend Bill was such a veteran of the radio biz?

Wow. An amateur who's just starting out and should be cut all the slack he needs, one second; a seasoned veteran who knows all the tricks the next. Take one position, switch to another if and when it looks more advantageous, no need for consistency - now let me see, whom could that possibly remind me of? My poor li'l head is jes' spinnin' here.

Or it would be, if I cared. I think we need a new term to characterize people whose opinions are usually acceptable (of course, exceptions exist; cf Terri debate) but, due to their personal or social behavior, we'd still prefer to keep at a plausible distance.

How about "Stunted-Hawk-Who-Shits-In-Nest?"

how long before bill strolls in here to tell everyone just how sophisticated what he's laying down is? you all just dont get it. and he will monitor every comment thread in the blogosphere to make sure he lets you know

The past couple of months made me realize how I disagree with and dislike libertarians. I'm all for trying to limit big government, but jeesh!

As to blog funk, ace, it's Spring and you have a lot on your mind with the upcoming radio show. Maybe, all you need is some "fun."

Of course, Brak! And meanwhile Jeff will post other blogs' comment threads on his site so he can insert those adorably snide little remarks of his own.

It's odd, but lately, whenever I see their names in close proximity I get the unnerving sense that some kind of junior high melodrama is imminent.

Inexplicable. Absolutely inexplicable.

There certainly does seem to be a surplus of petty backbiting.

The negativity doesn't so much bother me. What I'm tired of is just having to follow this shit because I feel vaguely obligated to at least know whose side I'm on.

We need some sort of "Spot the asshole in this scenario" java applet or something, so every in-fighting controversy of the day is accompanied by a clear indication of which side is being the unreasonable 'tard.

Or, hell, I suppose I could just ignore it...

The Java applet isn't a bad idea. Though I doubt I'd even notice the pettiness if it weren't all so bloody boring, incompetently executed, and seemingly neverending on top of that.

If you're determined to be a nasty catcalling little bitch you have a responsibility to be smart, funny, and concise, goddamn it.

Larry Jones,

Glad you liked my stuff during Rathergate, thanks for the compliment.

Now this:

I love his righteously indignant, all-knowing response to the question about whether or not the segment in question was scripted: "This is standard procedure, in many interviews, I assure you." Who knew our good friend Bill was such a veteran of the radio biz?

In that comment, when I said "This is standard procedure, in many interviews, I assure you." I was

a. Specifically referring to the fact that interview "questions" are written down before an interview.

b. Being all ironical and stuff. You know, a smart-ass. Like - "of course interview questions are written down beforehand, you ignorant, slope-headed retard."

Now, you also being an ignorant, slope-headed retard, however, not only now quote it out of context, but can't even discern the sarcasm.

Which deserves an extra-special award, in my book. With star stickers and a big colorful hat.

You done good Larr, you done good.

how long before bill strolls in here

3, 2, 1 ...

I just don't like people quoting me out of context. I also like rattling the cages over here, since a great number of you are bizarrely hyper-aggressive, and thus master flamewarriors.

Especially that Megan. ooh she gets my cockles all heated up with her red, hot invective. Mmmmmmmmmm.

I like how a guy who goes out of his way to attack commenters on somebody else's website refers to everyone else as hyperagressive. That's precious.

Here's a great formula for humor -

Tell a joke.
A sizeable portion of the audience doesn't laugh.
Explain joke (It's NPR, dammit!)
Same portion of audience still doesn't get it (they listen to Rightalk probably because they don't listen to NPR).
Insult audience. Tell them they'd be better of not listening or listening to something else more on 'their level'.
Hilarity ensues.

"I like how a guy who goes out of his way to attack commenters on somebody else's website refers to everyone else as hyperagressive"

Lol. Truer words have never been spoken.

Here's a solution to all this negativity: don't listen to the show (the vast majority of you don't, anyway, because it sucks, we suck, we're unfunny, blah blah blah), don't comment on the show (particularly if you haven't heard it), and Ace? Don't link to other people who comment about the show just to stir shit up.

I mean, do you really want to get into an internet pissing match? So you don't like my "thinky" (or gimmicky, or unfunny, or amateurish, or derivative, or precious, or what havy you) "humor." Fine. Just say so and be done with it. This is fucking super tedious.

Uggghhhh...

You know, I pimped that particular blow-up as real, and I think I owe it to my audience to reveal that the sketch in question wasn't real. Otherwise I'm sort of complicit in the deception, aren't I?

I didn't quote from the article. Just linked it.

And... let's be honest. For all this talk about a pissing contest, I seem to be pissing a lot less than either you or Bill.

I have no idea why the two of you decided to put me on your shit-list, but don't sit there and pretend that I'm starting this.

Whenever either of you asked for a link, I gave it to you, without question. I never said a bad word about either of you.

And since Terri Schiavo, you've both come a little bit unhinged, because you're angry that you were on the conservatively-incorrect side of the issue or whatever you wanjt to call it.

That's a deal you have with your readers, not me. I went out of my way -- a DOZEN TIMES -- to say that there are people of goodwill who disagree on this, and that we shouldn't get disagreeable just because we disagree, and that you and Bill were "good guys," etc.

But you're both on this holier-than-thou "we're agnostic libertarians and not hacks like these other kneejerk shitheels" kick, and it grows wearisome.

I was talking up Terri Schiavo before I even began blogging, guys.

PS, go talk smack about me on your blogs.

See how long it takes me to come in there and argue about it.

It will take... forever. Because I don't give a shit.

Jeff G, I'm sorry you're part of this, but Bill's response has been basically 'You don't get the NPR reference? How far do you have your head up you ass?". I'm not an NPR

A lot of people haven't found it funny. A lot of commentary has been made saying so. You two may be laughing it up on the inside, but some of us are a little put out.

I hope you continue to do your show and get enjoyment out of it. I'm sure you have enough listeners who get your show and appreciate it, the loss of me as a listener isn't going to break your desire to ramble on. But as for me, I have better things to use my time for than a show that has a host who insults me and expects me to continue spending my time.

Stupid submit button....

That should read
"I am not an NPR listener"

and

"expects me to continue spending my time listening to his show".

"Here's a solution to all this negativity: don't listen to the show (the vast majority of you don't, anyway, because it sucks, we suck, we're unfunny, blah blah blah), don't comment on the show (particularly if you haven't heard it), and...[d]on't link to other people who comment about the show just to stir shit up."

Take your own advice, ya whiny bastard. If you can't handle the ribbing from us interweb e-knights, then don't read it. Crikey.

By the way, I sympathized a bit with your predicament, because I too had to walk a fine line when I accidentally blundered into a "retirement" prank.

Audiences don't like having jokes played on them... I knew that from South Park, and I did everything I could to let people know that I was goofing around.

But still, some people were pissed off.

And that's why I say I'm retiring again in this post-- to draw attention to the fact that I myself "lied" or at least pranked, however you want to say it.

It's irony, Jeff. You may think this was some sort of hard shot at you, but really, it was as soft a blow as I could have landed.

****
update: Another moment of unabashed pragmatism

When I want to read the narcissistic rantings of a whiny, hypersensitive ninny, I'll read Andrew Sullivan, thank you very much.

Protein Wisdom: Andrew Sullivan Minus the Traffic, Name Recognition, and Buttsex.

>Here's a solution to all this negativity:

Won't work

>don't listen to the show (the vast majority of you don't, anyway, because it sucks, we suck, we're unfunny, blah blah blah), don't comment on the show (particularly if you haven't heard it),

Won't work 'cause you can't control people to that extent.

>and Ace? Don't link to other people who comment about the show just to stir shit up.

Won't work 'cause you can't control Ace to that extent.

>I mean, do you really want to get into an internet pissing match? So you don't like my "thinky" (or gimmicky, or unfunny, or amateurish, or derivative, or precious, or what havy you) "humor." Fine. Just say so and be done with it.

Just like you can't control who finds you funny, you can't control what anyone says about you.

All you can do is control your own response. If a bunch of people misunderstand you, you'd best (1) ignore them or (2) publish a statement explaining the "joke". Then put the controversy behind you. There's really nothing more you need to do or can do.

> This is fucking super tedious.

'Cause you're drawing it out, fuelling it. Move on and don't look back. If someone brings it up, glaze over, act like you don't know what they're talking about and change the subject.

>See how long it takes me to come in there and argue about it.

Exactly.

Are we choosing up sides?

Finally, a game I won't get picked last at!

I'd like to avoid the whole thing.

In case anyone is wondering, this is not a put-on; there is bad blood here. Why, I don't know.

Or I guess I do; Bill and Jeff don't like the fact that a lot of commenters here rag on them, and they attribute all that to me, I guess, because I'm "allowing" it. (Altho I did offer to Jeff to request that no more intrablog flames go on here; he declined.)

I pick my enemies carefully. Currently it's Drudge.

I really would rather avoid the whole Wacky Blog Feud deal. It seems low-rent to me and not only makes all parties look bad -- as they say, even if you come in first at the Special Olympics, you're still a retard -- and it gives the MSM reason to call the blogosphere what they suspect it is, an electronic version of high-school with slam-books and notes passed between "Best Friends Forever."

So, anyway, it is my strong preference that all this drama and bullshit just stop, no matter who started it. If everyone wants to say I started it, that's fine. Let's just stop it.

Bill, just cuz I like you so much, some free advice.

It's not a funny schtick.

"I like how a guy who goes out of his way to attack commenters on somebody else's website refers to everyone else as hyperagressive"

Joe, what's even funnier is that this comes from a guy trying to make poisonous ambushed seem comedic.

ha-ha it is so funny,
ho-ho it is to laugh.

When egos grow, pissing matches follow.

That's why I stay here with Ace. The man has no f'n pride.

Well, I get the distinct impression of there being some brittleness on the part of Jeff and Bill over this. They're getting tried of people calling their show lame and are lashing out instead of taking it in stride.

Jeff's thing is to always strike the ironically bemused stance, but here the act is wearing thin.

Hadn't seen your comment ace.

It's your bandwidth. Consider me shutted up.

Hello, e-friend.

BTW: this really sums up better what I think about this:

[P]eople declaring that they were "betrayed" by this "hoax" need to lighten up and realize that sometimes bad jokes are just bad jokes.

At the same time, folks like Jeff, Bill and Michele would probably do well to stop sniggering like self-superior junior highschoolers at every person who didn't recognize the comic genius of a string of profanity.

Full Disclosure: I listened to the interview. Figured it was a joke, but didn't get it. Wasn't offended or outraged. Didn't get it. Wrote it off as one of the many kinds of humor with which my funny center just doesn't click.

hobgoblin,

I'm not asking that commenters refrain from saying whatever they like, really.

Altho I would say: nothing is really helped by this stuff being posted here. If people want to rag on Jeff and Bill, it seems that it's probably most efficient to do it at their sites, rather than force them to respond here. I think part of what's bothering them is that they both feel the need to respond here, which they consider unfriendly territory.

My post was more about ending this stupid Bill-Jeff-Ace bullshit, not really about telling readers to cool it out.

Ace,

gotcha. But I'll still stand down in any even, b/c it's really pointless.

The only reason I comment here is b/c it is like home. I can mess the place up, talk too loud, drink too much, get inordinately pissy about stupid shit, and not pay a dime. I'm gonna start calling you "dad" soon.

And I'd take this up with Bill at his site (until he banninated me at any rate), if only he had a comment process that didn't involve scripts and cookies and lots of other b.s. that I'm not opening my system for. Guess that would be too much for ol' tough-as-nails-Ardolino, though.

I've got no real problem with Jeff over this useless shit (and have said as much on his site), as he's only trying to explain and defend himself (in a non-belittling fashion). He's not (actively) lording it over the pathetic droolers who aren't "enlightened" enough to get teh joke, like some others. (See, "enlightened" was a joke about the libertarians, see how funny tedious jokes are?)

Anyway, at the risk of Bill savaging me for saying good on ya, ace, good on ya for trying to rise above the bile of anonymous internet interactions.

Altho I would say: nothing is really helped by this stuff being posted here. If people want to rag on Jeff and Bill, it seems that it's probably most efficient to do it at their sites, rather than force them to respond here. I think part of what's bothering them is that they both feel the need to respond here, which they consider unfriendly territory.

There you go.

And for what it's worth, there was no bad blood between us before all this. At least none that I knew of. So there doesn't have to be any now.

But you had already noted the "hoax" in the several updates to your original post on the matter. So linking to Hawkins seemed to me like an effort to carry it on.

If I was wrong, I apologize. And I will dutifully forgive all the ugly shit people have said about me above as just more in a long list of commenters trying to impress Ace with their ballsiness.

JeffG,

My updates about it being a prank were all speculative. John Hawkins seems to be reporting a flat-out admission.

Different.

And I will dutifully forgive all the ugly shit people have said about me above as just more in a long list of commenters trying to impress Ace with their ballsiness.

Sigh. And "well enough," once again, is not let alone.

Exactly, Russell. This is between Ace and me, and yet you keep sticking your nose into it.

well, it's between you and the readers too, as you seem to have just said that's what's driving this.

So maybe everyone should agree to stop with the slagging, and without trying to get in that all-important last word.

Jeff,

Well, I realize I'm probably just succumbing to the need to get the last dig in when it would be more prudent to let it die, but... WTF?

A very public blog spat is now something solely for you and Ace to work out amongst yourselves? You've chosen quite an odd medium to accomplish that task.

If you want this to "just be between Ace and you," then friggin' e-mail him, thus taking everyone else out of the loop. Quit being such a drama queen. So much whining over a simple link...

mmmfrrrfm urffs mssrrfgh hrrmmnnh

hob, breathe!
Let it go, man. Let it go.

There will be other great slap-fests.
Oh yes.

Personally, I resist any 'let's not be petty,' 'high road' shit, and will actively resist all efforts toward such. When the military funded the DARPA proto-net, it wasn't just so that nuclear scientists could more ably trade porn, it was so that one day, we might have high schooly bitch fests exactly like these. Sadly, I love this shit.

Bill, I seem to recall a comment of yours calling out Ace as a 'low rent' so and so. You're not gonna back off that now, are you? (Just trying to help get to the bottom of this.)

Or I guess I do; Bill and Jeff don't like the fact that a lot of commenters here rag on them, and they attribute all that to me, I guess, because I'm "allowing" it. (Altho I did offer to Jeff to request that no more intrablog flames go on here; he declined.)

That's more of your odd self-centeredeness, ace ("maybe the catalano skit was about ME!" was also a choice line). I dont think that's your fault. The only thing I hold you accountable for is sometimes running a ridiculously demagoguing partisan site that strays from thoughtful shit (which I've seen you do quite well) and into hyperbolic partisan nonsense at times. And when that happens, I openly criticize you, to which you are free to hit me back hard. but you barely ever do, even when my points are substantive.

The only commenting things i'd fault you on is that you don't police commenters that spout anti-semitism or racism (Cedarford's comments, or Dan Rhiel's really nice joke about Willis being a "Spade" under the thread about you naming the show, for a couple of decent examples), and that is a reflection on YOU and your site.

Also, YOUR abandonment of reasonable debate during the Schiavo affair was pretty ridiculous. I came on this site to argue pretty calm points that devolved into nasty rhetoric (on my part) after I was hardcore flamed by the torch-bearing mob, and at least once by you.

But when commenters attack me or Jeff about our show, that's not your responsibility, and I don't blame you, I agree. It's not always about YOU, Ace. But what you do do is link everything about the show, fully knowing what will go down in your comment threads, and then chime in and say "now, now everybody, calm down. Don't flame, this is stupid. I'm a man of peace."

Why? Because you can't commit. You want to take the swipe without actually doing it. I mean, you're kind of a wuss, Ace. I mean, really. I give you crap directly in your comments, and then you do this "look at this, but I'M not responding" crap. weak. And to top it all off, the whole prima donna, I won't give you my contact info and don't ask me about this and this when I'm on your show bs was pretty Goddamn annoying.

As for your commenters, I freely admit - I think a great deal of your regulars are foamy idiots. Extremists, even. But they only gravitate towards the environment that you create - and while I've often stated that you are a brilliantly funny comedian, and I know that you can be a thoughtful guy - simply making fuck jokes every day that demonize all liberals and celebrate all conservatives, to an extreme degree, rinse, rather, repeat, attracts a certain breed of knuckledragging asshole that doen't like to think real hard about their politics.

I mean, has it ever occurred to you that drawing sweeping conclusions about the "death express" over a couple of publicized cases is the EXACT schtick that Willis does every day with a straight face? The same formula that makes you want to pull your hair out, apparently only because he's spouting liberal talking points and not conservative ones?

A caveat - I'm of course not saying mean things about about everyone that comments here and reads here - I mean hey, even as annoyed with you as I am, I think this is a pretty damn good blog most of the time, and I obviously read and give you mad props in public. But it is what it is. And the hostility of this site - maginified after the Schiavo mob, the exposed divisions after the election, and the mistake of having you on as a guest on the radio show - has really put a bug up my ass. So I guess I'll take break from reading and commenting here. Later.

At least now the air is clear, eh?

laura,

I was just shutting myself up. Hand over the mouth and all.

I think Jeff's a talented and funny guy. He's a bit sensitive about this, but who can blame him? He's laying a lot of himself on the line to do radio. It's far more personal than typing (essentially)anonymous posts online. I don't know if I'd handle hard (not necessarily harsh, but even so) criticism any better.

We'll not speak of certain others and his reaction here, in deference to "dad".

Bill,

Who are you again?

Maybe if you took some of that Ace-directed energy you seem to have in spades and tried blogging rather than getting into arguments on MY blog, you'd bring your numbers back up.

Just a thought. Tryin' to help. I'm all about the love.

It isn't all about me, Bill... but you do seem obsessed.

And I'm sorry, but that obsession is simply not reciprocated. At all.

Can't commit? To what? Arguing with an idiot? No, I can't. I really wasn't joking when I said you had some weird homoer*tic fixation on me... but let's be honest, this relationship just isn't working, and it's time for both of us to Move On (TM).

"a ridiculously demagoguing partisan site that strays from thoughtful shit"

ace, does your site even do "thoughtful shit" as a main course?

I thought that was just to cleanse the palate between plates of all-too-funny red meat.

Since when are you running a "thoughtful" site, damnit?

I'm going to have to reconsider my mouthbreathing patronage in favor of a less "refined" locale. Because as we all know, "effeminate dithering = intellectual sophisitcation"

"attracts a certain breed of knuckledragging asshole that doen't like to think real hard about their politics"

Translation: People who don't agree with Bill

"So I guess I'll take break from reading and commenting here"

Yeah, right.

Who are you again?

I love you, ace. Marry me and have my baby.

"So I guess I'll take break from reading and commenting here"

I think this is another brilliant "spoof" or "Prank" he's doing.

He's technically being honest... he's taking a five second break.

>simply making fuck jokes every day that demonize all liberals and celebrate all conservatives, to an extreme degree,

certainly sounds to me like someone who can commit

I think this is another brilliant "spoof" or "Prank" he's doing.

I don't remember ever saying it was brilliant. Though I got a kick out of it, I'll admit. And a few people bought it. Personally, I just wanted to see what Rightalk's "bleeps" sounded like.

And it was my idea. So direct your criticisms about the idea at me, not Bill.

I love Bill. We're all "hyperaggressive," his multi-paragraph vignette notwithstanding, and Ace is a "wuss" for not being a complete jerk to Bill.

On the flipside, it's kind of amusing that Bill has to whore Ace's comments section in order to get exposure.

Sorry. That was thinskinned whiny me, Jeff.

Just when I thought Bill from INDC could not be a more pompous asshole- bam- he kicks it up a notch!

The post about it being my idea, I mean. Not the one directly below it that accuses Bill of whore in Ace's comments section in order to "get exposure."

I think it seemed to a lot of us that instead of Bill disagreeing and agreeing to so do, he was kind of telling us to shut up because we were making ourselves look like assholes. And, by association, him too.

And while I didn't get too emotional about poor Terry, I could see why some folks didn't care if they looked like assholes. I always care if I look like an asshole because I am very shallow, but I do admire those more principled than I.

And I can't remember a bad word being said about Jeff even in the comments, though I will say something bad about him now: Chicks dig him on account of a fucking drawing on his blog. I bet he really looks like Bob Denver.

That'll fix his wagon.

I think this is another brilliant "spoof" or "Prank" he's doing.

Surprise! I have to come back and give you one more after someone IM's me this horseshit:

you'd bring your numbers back up.

That would imply that I *care* about having my "numbers up." I really don't,. Ace. Not all of us measure our self worth in vorpal weapons and sitemeter stats. In fact, I can't quite figure out why I'm even doing a radio show, as I stopped looking at any of this blogging and media activity as anything but a "fun" hobby around January or so.

Give up on the dream, Ace. As much as I hate to give props to Allah's negativity, how many times can you make the same political point, over and over, before losing your friggin' mind? Well, me, not so much you. I mean, liberals are bad, right? Is taht what you're getting at? BECAUSE I CAN'T HEAR YOU! You're like the perfect perpetual motion machine of formulaic conservative outrage.

Actually, scratch that, don't give up on making it big - you've got that special Sean Hannity vibe, and that could spell great and lasting success for you.

As for my "fixation" on you, I've always admired your comedy and given you mad plaudits and support - I realize that you're consistently much funnier than I am (but I'm not really a comedian, so). But now ... well, let's just say it kind of comes back as a reflection on my own sense of self-worth when I realize that I was pre-election political allies with someone that now regularly employs Willisian rhetoric and reasoning.

Twittering Andrew sullivan hyperbole:

"death EXPRESS is coming to GET US! EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

... Eric Alterman paranoia ...

"They made Ann coulter have long legs! BIAS!!!!"

... and binary Willisian political thinking ...

"Liberals are all EVIL! And Jerry Falwell ain't half bad, neither. You know, just cuz he ain't a LIBERAL." (man, I almost choked on a bagel reading that one)

... all while criticizing Altermann, Sully and Willis for hackdom, hyperbole and illogic, of course. But you'll always have the funny, Ace. I wish you great success.

You want some more, Ace?

prima donna --- noun . . . 2 a very temperamental and self-important person.
-ORIGIN Italian, 'first lady'.

Oh, it's just too rich. It's like a gift that keeps on giving.

[testimonial] "you know, I never though it could happen to me. And then it did. I became - - -

the colon."

[/testimonial]

above unsigned is mine, natch.

Jeff,

Well, I guess that was a cheap shot that needlessly dragged you back into this.

I actually want a truce. I'm not trying to be "above it all," I just don't see the point of any of this.

I don't even think it would drive up traffic-- I'd do it if I thought it would, but I don't think it will. I think it just makes everyone look childish.

Tell yer partner to take a deep breath and consider whether he really wants to get into this kind of crap. That's not a threat, like "Don't take on Ace." It's an advisory-- this stupid sort of feuding just makes everyone look like a fucking jackass, no matter who gets in the best digs.

So I guess I'll take break from reading and commenting here. Later.

Posted by Bill from INDC at April 25, 2005 04:03 PM

You want some more, Ace?

Posted by Bill from INDC at April 25, 2005 04:39 PM

Those 36 minutes must have been complete hell. Quick tip, if all you want to do is read your own blatherings (the interweb equivalent of listening to yourself talk), you don't need Ace's site to do that.

Don't you have your own website, or do you not like going there either?

Bill,

And I wish you well in your David Brock like epiphany that conservatives are evil.

Honestly-- between my unceasing cheapjack hackery and your sudden skepticism about conservatism, I think you've got the much better chance of getting a book deal.

Since I'm all about the book deal, I really wish I could rise to your high level of thoughtfulness and independent-mindedness and scrupulous regard for principle. But I just can't.

As the scorpion told the frog, "That is just my nature."

I used to really enjoy Bill and Jeff's blogs, the both of them, but now I really want to set up a half dozen anon blogs talking shit about them just to give them carpal tunnel from all the googling and self-defense they'd have to give out.

Sortelli: Do it!

They sounded exactly like I thought they would, by the way. The bleeps.

There is a mole here. I wonder who it is?

By the way, Bill...

Since you're on about Willisian "hackery," I'm just curious-- is it possible that I might just honestly disagree with you?

I mean, is the fact that I have not joined in your "political evolution" proof of a character flaw on my part?

Just curious... since we're talking about hackery. You know-- hackery, like the imputation of bad faith or bad motives to people who have committed the greivous sin of disagreeing with you politically.

The most tragic thing in all this? Bill and Jeff have become so detestable that we might forget what is really important: That Hundredpercenter is a douchebag.

I'm calling that crazy webmaster chick that Bill constantly demonizes to get her to design all my anonymous attack blogs, too. Based on Bill's recent behavior, I'm starting to think the poor woman must be Mother fucking Theresa.

Not all of us measure our self worth in vorpal weapons and sitemeter stats.

Except for when you're coming up wth those "My blog is bigger than your blog" quips and putdowns, eh?

I can't quite figure out why I'm even doing a radio show

At least we're finding common ground.

how many times can you make the same political point, over and over, before losing your friggin' mind?

We give up, what was the number? What, you haven't been keeping count?

you've got that special Sean Hannity vibe

As opposed to that cool Mort Kondracke vibe, eh?

Sortelli,

I don't think Goldstein's "detestable"

Touchy, maybe (for the reasons I speculated). Sanctimonious and self-aggrandizing? Nah.

Sortelli-
For that comment- I sentence you to 10 consecutive hours of the Bill & Jeff comedic, internet radio program.

By the way- HP is a hairy man with marbles the size of golfballs.

Mort Kondracke is 1) successful, 2) recognizable, 3) thoughtful, and 4) good on TV and radio, so I don't know if that comparison really works.

This is fucking awesome!!! If I call the new Pope a nazi, will he show up too?

Hobgoblin, we agree more than we disagree, but because we do not agree enough I am launching a grand attention-getting flame war all through the blogosphere on you, a person I hardly know, just so I can complain later that this is a "private matter" between me and you.

Actually, to be totally honest, I wanted a more tonal quality to those bleeps. They were almost too shrill, I think.

Not quite detestable, those bleeps -- but not quite what I was looking for either.

"Mort Kondracke is 1) successful, 2) recognizable, 3) thoughtful, and 4) good on TV and radio, so I don't know if that comparison really works"

Not to mention hot. I want to go crazy on him. Hey, I don't do this for a living.

Based on Bill's recent behavior, I'm starting to think the poor woman must be Mother fucking Theresa.

No, Soritelli. Bill may be an ass (and conducting himself like a weird combination of the comedic skills of Gilbert Godfried and the PR savvy of Sean Young), but the Web-designer Who May Not Be Named is bug-fucking nuts.

Good point on the HundredCenter, by the way.

Of course, I would have opted for the sound of gongs instead of bleeps, but I lost a bit of creative control over the show once our Ace interview got pulled.

Oooooh, okay, I'll take the word of you blog savvy types, never having worked with the lady.

FWIW, I was the *first* person ever bleeped for the f-word on Rightalk.

I think that's pretty cool.

never having worked with the lady

Lucky you.

"Jeff," our sound engineer John said. "After that Ace show you planneed? We're gonna do what I say we do, okay? And I say we do bleeps.

"Besides. Gong noises would just sound detestable."

Gilbert Godfried's delievery is much better than Bill's.

Bill has a very mellow, boyish quality to his voice.

As for Godfried, that Aflac duck voice is genious.

That's IT!

Gilbert Godfried.

THAT's who Bill's imitating. Not Kaufman (impossible to understand). Not even Gallagher (spashing people with crap).

Gilbert "I'm going to be annoying until you laugh or leave" Godfried.

Colon, that was worth signing your name to.

It must be something in the internet water. Everybody's socially retarded.

And now we'll never know. About how that gong sound I dreamed up would have played.

Oh well. They'll be other days to re-write the rules for streaming internet radio...

Colon, that was worth signing your name to.

Thanks, but who's this "Colon" person?

As opposed to that cool Mort Kondracke vibe, eh

I'd consider a "Mort Kondracke vibe" a fantastic compliment, as he's a thoroughly reasonable, intelligent man. I'm nowhere near as cool or judicious as Mort, not even close.

I mean, is the fact that I have not joined in your "political evolution" proof of a character flaw on my part?

Kerryesque finesse and contrarianism is not a requisite quality for some sort of superior character, no. But backing up talking points with thin cites and leaps of hyperbolic logic has little to do with simple disagreement. Neither does blowing your top when someone calmly (and lightly) challenges you on the hypothetical specifics of proposed legislation that could impact end-of-life issues in unforeseen ways. So this ain't about principled diff of opinion.

Plenty of people that disgreed with me argued on my blog and nailed me on a few things, and there was a great civil libertarian, as well as moral and socially conservative case to be made on your side of the Schiavo matter, for example.

You know, without implying that Michael Schiavo beat his wife, or was due to make some cash, or somehow only had Terry standing in the way of something (what?) to do with his new wife and kids, if he could only kill her. Or selective citation of medical diagnosises, or boiling down the complexities of a PVS diagnosis into "evil judges are murdering Helen Keller because she's ugly and inconvenient!" That's one issue, of course.

I don't think that you have bad motives, and I'm not impugning them. What I think is that you run a blog, which requires shallow analysis on a bunch of ad hoc issues, and you sometimes let time demands and your natural inclinations completely overwhelm your care with an issue. To some extent we all do it, and it's certainly understandable.

But when you wonder why I bust your balls - and the balls of a lot of people that comment here - it's because I see some of the same hubristic trends that turned me off to the left so much.

(judges) "terrorists in black robes" = "fascists" (Bush Admin)

And so I say something about it, and get into arguments, and then make mean, brutal comments, and it comes back, and toss in your minions naturally sniffing your jock because we gave you a crappy interview, and me subsequently wading into your comments with a sickle, and we are where we are.

To be honest, some of your commenters are right - why DO I comment here? Because I derived some sort of entertainment value, and it's not like I dismissed your blog like Atrios or something. But in the end, they have a good point - critiquing someone only seems valid to a certain extent, and I've reached my limit on busting your balls. So I think 'm done. But that passive-aggressive shit, man that pisses me off. Take it easy.

Yes, yes! I knew it. Now you Jeff. Someone above said you only get chicks cause of that stupid drawing. You just gonna take that, pussy?

Shhhh. You had me at "hello."

So I think 'm done.

One can only hope you will finally stfu.

Bill had to write a damn essay to say goodbye, maybe?

Tedious.

Bringing up Lisa Bonet in Angelheart during the Val Prieto interview? Mine.

But does that earn me the right to use gongs? Hell no. Because it's all about pandering to "expectations" and the lowest common denominator.

Which is why I only listen to college rightwing talk radio when I'm not being a streaming rightwing radio talkshow celebrity. Because to them it's all about the material, man.

But when you wonder why I bust your balls

Ahem.

1, I don't,

2, because I don't care, and

3, because I already know, and it's not for any of the reasons you feel comfortable admitting.

It has been a weird day. Was a weird weekend.

People are dotty and confused in retail land today too.

...which some people find detestable.

College rightwing talk radio, I mean. Not gongs.

I reiterate and stand by my original comment in the first interview thread:

Creeee-peeeee

Salker-creepy.

And all of this "jock sniffing":

"I've always admired your comedy and given you mad plaudits and support - I realize that you're consistently much funnier than I am "

p-r-o-j-e-c-t-i-o-n (and a weird sort of closeted gayness)

Y'know, after a few more glasses of wine, maybe we could kiss, or something

It's difficult to even be upset at this point. It's all just so . . . sad.

And funny. Let's not forget funny.

Wait.

.

Was this the joke? Do I get it now? Oh, man, that WAS funny! Good job, Bill.

Everybody likes a good gong. Which is precisely what I tried to tell John the sound engineer.

But whatever. Do what you want, Rightalk. It's your baby.

I already know, and it's not for any of the reasons you feel comfortable admitting.

Please share . . .

Figure it out. It's not exactly the Mysteries of Ephesius.

how many times has bill said he was leaving? see you tomorrow, bill

if not here i'm sure i'll see your thesaurus-enhanced thin-skinned screeds on some other blog's comments

or whatever. I don't spell very well. This is all, like, new to me.

I don't mean to be snide. But I think it works better as an implication rather than me laying it all out.

Gongs? Lisa Bonet? Hello. What the fuck, Jeff? They said chicks only dig you CAUSE OF A STUPID DRAWING! You gotta think anyone'd say that is somekinda retard or something, right? Right?

*gong*

You know, hindsight is 20/20 and all that, but now that I think on it, the sound of a duck quacking might have been spectacular.

And quite unexpected, too. A wrinkle.

Jeff,

When you say "gong," do you mean the full-sized one, or the little panzy-ass desktop model, such as you might expect Man Cow to use?

Maybe I'll use the duck quacking. It's a good idea.

Or wait. Does a finch make noise? Because that would be tit.

s

Figure it out. It's not exactly the Mysteries of Ephesius.

Let me guess: because Ace's jokes are funny opposed to ambiguously gay?

I don't mean to be snide.

I know. :-)

Maybe I'll use the duck quacking. It's a good idea.

Just stay away from whatever Man Cow is doing. What's that nonsense?

And Gilbert Godfried.

And Bill.

Like Kryptonite to comedy the lot of them.

I'm surprised Bill doesn't have a drawing of himself on his site too. Cuz that's the kinda thing pussies have on their site!

so true.

Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, right Hundredpercenter?

I mean, unless they want to marry. Or kiss in public. Or adopt. Or work in day care.

Ooh, wait! How about the sound of one of those clicky African languages for bleeps? Now that would be unambiguously non-gay comedy gold!

NOW I get it!

Bill's comedic act is still evolving. He starts off with jokes that aren't funny, moves into jokes that people feel compelled to laugh at, lest they be accused of extreme dimwittery, segues into insults that some people laugh at and others find creepy, then for his finale, acts like a fucking babbling psycho.

DON'T YOU PEOPLE GET IT? WHATSAMATTA, YOU DON'T LISTEN TO NPR?

HE'S A GENIUS, I TELLYA.

Jeff,

Or kiss in public

You can't really say you're comfortable watching that, huh?

; )

I mean, let's say that comedy is my cock, then Ace is the Viagra of comedy.

Bill is, like, the antidote to Viagra.

(If you know what I mean, nudge-nudge.)

Bill is THE GAY PORN COCK OF COMEDY.

I mean, let's say that comedy is my cock, then Ace is the Viagra of comedy.

Ummm... can we not say that?

GAY PORN COCK OF COMEDY.

... only flaccid.

Bill sucks at comedy?

I AM NOT A BIGOT. I LOVE THE GAYS!

what's with all of the goddamn "colon" postings

don't you drooling retards know what the fuck your name is?

Well, not love. And not in any physical sense. But you know what I mean.

BRING THE GAY INTO THE BIG TENT. THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM, AND BESIDES -- THEY'RE GOOD AT DECORATING AND STUFF!

I don't want Bill in my tent.

Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, right Hundredpercenter?

I mean, unless they want to marry. Or kiss in public. Or adopt. Or work in day care.

Well, as a matter of fact, I know there is something terribly wrong about being gay, Jeff.

Such as, everything that goes with being gay.

But I am certain your liberal sensibilities allows you to encourage such acts of affection, particularly in public.

I don't want Bill in my tent.

My tent's not big enough for his vocabulary.

HundredCenter, have you ever met a guy who calls himself Cedarford?

If you two are not the same person, I think you'd hit it off. Like gangbusters.

Well, I for one love all of you. Well.... I don't love Bill, but that's only because he thinks my blog is too pink. But I am starting to tolerant him. Once you have seen all these guys without shirts it changes the way you feel about them. Really. It does.
But this is why I love you. You all make me laugh. Even when you are not trying to. Even when you are fighting. This comment section is hilarious.
You don't find this kind of humor at the Jr. league sugar, I can tell you that.
Ace, Bill, Jeff, John, 100%er....ya'll keep fighting ya'lls GOOD Fight (not this one, the good one, the one where you fight for what you believe in and throw some good laughs my way)

Ya'll do basically do this for me, right? Cuz it sure seems that way.

*BIG CYBER SMOOCH GUYS!!!!!!!!!!*

That's right, HudredPercenter. I encourage it. In fact, when I don't see enough mens kissing in the mall's food court, I angrily demand answers from the assistant manager at Panda Express.

And when he looks at me with those confused chink eyes of his, I just grab some dude, press him close, and let my tongue probe his mouth. Because right is right.

To hell with Cedarford and whatever trailer park he belongs to.

See? I am here cooking supper, it's so boring I could cry. I've been cooking for too long. And I come back to my super duper flat screen computer at my desk in my spiffy kitchen and there is Jeff making me laugh in my vegetable lasagna.
It just doesn't get any better for a bored housewife....;-)

Are you serious or is it another hoax? Us New Yorkers can't keep up with you fast talking Colorado slicksters.

as almost a sure thing as Bill showing up on any blog that might mention him is Rightwingsparkle sweeping in to defend Jeff and Bill from any critcism

It just doesn't get any better for a bored housewife

Actually, RWS, there are numerous (M!LF)websites that prove that is not the case. It DOES get better. Oh, boy, does it ever.

(I believe everything I see on the internet)

Good grief. I make a couple of offhandedly snarky comments in the morning, go to work having forgotten completely about them, and come back to a thread with 130+ replies.

Of course, anything involving Bill and/or Jeff invariably turns into some kind of gay-ass shitfest, so why should I be surprised?

If I wrote it in ALL CAPS and used, like, different colors and stuff to show how REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT it is, would you be able to understand it then, HP?

What if I put into scrunchy columns and put a flag over it? Extra cred?

(Oh, and if anybody's wondering, I'm leaning toward "finch," if I can ever get full creative control.

African clicky languages come with a baggage that the finch call just doesn't carry with it. And really, who needs the aggrevation?)

No, Soritelli. Bill may be an ass (and conducting himself like a weird combination of the comedic skills of Gilbert Godfried and the PR savvy of Sean Young), but the Web-designer Who May Not Be Named is bug-fucking nuts.

Good point on the HundredCenter, by the way.
Posted by: on April 25, 2005 05:04 PM

Or perhaps it's simply possible that she's had to deal with such an unending succession of flaming, self-important assholes like Bill and some of his more persistent ass-leeches, that she'd rather torpedo her entire, four-year old business than spend one more second catering to their pathetic delusions of importance, and simple inability to follow basic instructions. Eh?

Jeff-
Maybe you you wrote it in a special edition, extended, Martha Stewart Chronicals platform, I would be able to translate your snide code talk more efficiently.

Or if you would explain it within a begging for money in order to buy a $1,000 PC post.

Either one will do.

Man, this is the thread that just keeps on givin. So loving it.

Jeff, Bill just told me that finches are for queer pussies. I have the IM transcript.

/got nothin'

Ah, now the predictable minions - and Ace! - attack me by, wait, wait, wait for it ... calling me GAY!

OH YEAH BABY, SCORE! Oh Hobgoblin! Your amateur use of psychology terms is devastating! Tell us again about your victory in the THUNDER DOME of the OREGON SUPREME COURT! It gets better every time.

I was just trying to be perfectly honest with Ace(which includes admitting strengths), since he made a befuddled gay joke about why I give him a hard time. And doing it in a relatively calm, honest way seems more effective than the blase, you know, vitriolic comments.

But to be more succinct to Ace - in a less GAY way - because we all know how everyone here feels about THE GAY at Ace of Spades HQ - Ace is an intellectually shallow hack with some comedic skill, who often hypocritically mirrors the exact hysterical hyperbole that is criticized on the left.

And a decent portion of the regular commenters are racists, bigots and otherwise rightwing nutbags, which Ace not only does nothing about, but actually encourages with both silence and the tone of the posts.

And the worst part, Ace? You never substantially challenge anyone on politics who will fight back on logical grounds - you either shoot at fish in a barrel (Willis) or take swipes at people that will never argue back because they don't even know that you exists (Sullivan, Marshall).

Now come on over here and give daddy a kiss.

No, no, not there ...

... in the bad place.

Ouch! I believe I've been HundredPERCENTED! Zinnng!

You really should finish up these witty ripostes with a catch phrase, HP. Like, "take that FOR GOD AND COUNTRY, bitch!"

Just to hammer the funny home.

Bill,

Your partner just wrote 'crazy chink eyes.'

You gonna give it to him, Sensitivity-Boy?

Y'all don't try to ignore my love!!!

brak, could you tell Bill that I defended him? Cuz he hates me. Thanks. I would really appreciate it.

Who am I defending? My bloglove is for all. I even bloglove you brak. Yes I do. It takes a special person to come up with a screen name like Brak. I just have to bloglove that person.

Hob, thanks for that info, but I don't think those sites would make me laugh. I'm into laughing.

PS, *I* thought "crazy chink eyes" was pretty f'n' funny.

But then, I'm not on the more-PC-than-thou integrity kick that Bill's on.

So-- call him on it, Sensitivity Boy.

Ain't got the rocks for it?

I was just trying to be perfectly honest with Ace

Honest in like how you keep telling us you are leaving? That kind of honest?

HP, Martha Diaries = funniest shit since Allah's ps's of Dean-o

and getting a free laptop from one's deluded fans? Don't be jealous. That was just a great play

Aside from the snark and bile, Jeff's got a point. Your format's a little, shall we say, chaotic.

See? This is what I'm talking about. Bill's insufferable assholery and Jeff's mildly amusing cockgongery threatens to obscure the important fact that no matter how hard these two are throwing themselves ass over heels down the stairs to HP's level, HundredPercenter has been standing down there at the bottom covered in his own vomit with his arms outstretched this whole time.

Maybe a few hundred more passive aggressive posts from Jeff will help? No... no, I am pretty sure they will not.

PS: Go with the duck quacks, that would be cool. Dare I say, QUACKing cool.

small case Bill. called Li v. Oregon. Maybe you've heard of it.

Keep up the media empire, Oprah.

They may not help, Sortelli, but then, I ain't here for the altruism. I'm here to have me some giggles.

And Ace wants the quacks. I'll go with the finches. Unless marmosets make a cool noise. In which case, all bets are off.

Bill is gay? Nah. Gannon is straight?

Anyway- nice to see the DC man unhinged in that last rant.

Hey Jeff- No hard feelings, I just hate your guts, k, pal?

By the way- I will change "FOR LOVE OF GOD AND COUNTRY" for you, since it seems to be annoying you.

How about: FOR LOVE OF PORN AND CANADA or FOR LOVE OF ATHEISTS and LIBERTARIAN IDEOLOGIES?

...

What on earth could you possibly have against porn, HP?

Ziiinnnnnnggggg!

"racists, bigots and otherwise rightwing nutbags"

can I have 2 from column B and one from column C, please?

I like porn, but Canada is right out.

Jeff -- Can marmosets giggle? Because THAT would be a cool noise.

Cana-wha?

And I'll Keep Leaving This Blog Until Someone Notices.

PS: This time I'm really leaving.

For good.

I mean it.

I am totally serious.

You won't see me back here again.

I'm going back over to my blog now, so don't try to stop me. Because I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

So goodbye.

For good.

I mean it.

Really.

I'm out of here.

Done.

Finito.

oh man, I had no idea there was a fight brewing. I want in...

Bill-The only thing I hold you accountable for is sometimes running a ridiculously demagoguing partisan site that strays from thoughtful shit (which I've seen you do quite well) and into hyperbolic partisan nonsense at times.

So why do you come here? That's like you inviting me over for dinner and then I complain about the food, tell you your choice in art work sucks, oh, and by the way, your wife is fat and your kid is ugly. It's ace's site, eat at your own place if you don't like it.

First you said,
That's more of your odd self-centeredeness, ace ("maybe the catalano skit was about ME!" was also a choice line)

Then you said,
And when that happens, I openly criticize you, to which you are free to hit me back hard. but you barely ever do, even when my points are substantive.

Hey Pot - kettle called - You're BLACK

I'm so pissed I am late in this game. I hope I am not too far behind everyone else. This is what I get for actually working today.

Now back to reading the rest of this fight. I'm not even half way through. I hope it hasn't been resolved and everyone has kissed and made up.

You know, I have to take a break from flaming to make the point that Sortelli is managing to make me laugh pretty fucking hard with the HP cracks, even though he's insulting me in pretty extraordinary ways on the way there. Which is an accomplishment, if you think about it.

But Sortelli - I don't mean that compliment in a GAY way, or anything. Don't get me wrong, I'd still be tempted to take a beer bottle to your head if we met in a bar (metaphorically speaking, of course), but credit where credit is due.

Giggling Marmosets would make a good blog name, in fact.

So why do you come here? That's like you inviting me over for dinner and then I complain about the food, tell you your choice in art work sucks, oh, and by the way, your wife is fat and your kid is ugly. It's ace's site, eat at your own place if you don't like it.

That's a good point. Personally, i might have banned me a long time ago.

Bill wrote: 'But then you wonder why I bust your balls.'

Then Ace wrote that he actually did, but that 'it's not for any of the reasons you feel comfortable admitting.'

Now, Bill, I know you may be loathe to discuss this publicly, but I think it might be better if you did, rather than have us imagining all kids of stuff. What was Ace getting at there?

Tinkerbelle, don't even try. I cyber smooched them all and nobody made up.

Guess it's up to us to sparkle and tinkerbelle Lets get to IT!

So-- call him on it, Sensitivity Boy.

Ain't got the rocks for it?

As for Goldsetin's chinky eyes comment - I'm fairly certain that that was racist, Jeff.

I actually ride Goldstein all the time for shit like that, but then he just pulls that "no, I was talking about how HUNDRED PERCENTER perceives the ORIENTALS, not how I FEEL - it's a device" crap, and the argument gets nowhere.

Plus he's married to an Asian gal and has a little Asian kid, so he busts out that bs get-out-of-jail card too.

We only notice you left when you come back. Which happens on the average of every 30 seconds.

I just renamed my penis giggling marmosets. Which replaces the old name, Gunther, which I took from the famed Ringling Brothers performers who tamed big...er, cats.

hebrasian?

How could you possibly have time to laugh while you're at the library researching your next exhaustive defense of Bill A. vs TEH WORLD?

I've knocked HP twice, and it wasn't THAT funny. His self-righteous gay-baiting aside, HE actually managed to respond to my negative comments in a better way than you have.

And that is a fucking tragedy, Bill. A -fucking- tragedy.

Now, Bill, I know you may be loathe to discuss this publicly, but I think it might be better if you did, rather than have us imagining all kids of stuff. What was Ace getting at there?

Ace was once again implying that I want his Jimmie, based on his earlier comments. Which is totally true, as when I have my GAY moments, I often fantasize about anonymous D&D blogging dorks without the faintest idea of what they look like. It's all the Sullivan jokes. Gets me HOT.

"Hey baby, wanna see my giggling marmosets?"

Bill, since you want me to play PC Police and "patrol" my comments to better comport to your sudden sensititivities...

JEFF G:

YOU ARE ON NOTICE.

Please do not use the phrase "crazy chink eyes."

It is insulting to Good White People afflicted with crazy chink eyes, like actor Lee Van Cleef.

Ace was once again implying that I want his Jimmie, based on his earlier comments. Which is totally true, as when I have my GAY moments, I often fantasize about anonymous D&D blogging dorks without the faintest idea of what they look like. It's all the Sullivan jokes. Gets me HOT.

Try again.

A hebrasion? He'll wanna get some Neosporin on that.

(Sorry, not in any way a dig at a kid, just couldn't resist an awful pun.)

I actually ride Goldstein all the time

Yeah, shock.

Breaking. Must credit Ace.

ohh god... someone please kill me.

Can I be on notice, too?

I wanna be on notice JUST LIKE JEFF

.

.

.

(sorry, this is descending into flamewarthread territory. no malice implied.)

Bill wrote: "he's married to an Asian gal and has a little Asian kid, so he busts out that bs get-out-of-jail card too"

Now I'd be the last person to defend Jeff, but is it just me, or does that sound like a perfectly good get-out-of-jail card to anyone else? I mean, if you're married to one of those people, you probably don't hate them too much. Y'know, that whole to have and to hold, in sickness and in health thing, I get the feeling that might put a crimp in the whole fuck-off-and-die-in-your-own-hellhole-of-a-country-you-lousy-chink deal.

And on a sidenote: if Jeff's not "Asian," even if his wife is "Asian," doesn't it follow that their child isn't really an "Asian kid" but an American?

Who was calling whom a racist again? For some reason I've got the numbers 7 and 5 running through my head.

How could you possibly have time to laugh while you're at the library researching your next exhaustive defense of Bill A. vs THE WORLD?

Simple - I laugh while I'm DOING it, Sortelli. That's the key - always ENJOY your toil. And I haven't defended myself against your comments, I've been ignoring you, yet honestly chuckling at anyone that takes a swipe at ol' HP. Your insults were funny to me. Shrug.

I mean, truth be told, I don't have anything to attack you with, no ammo. Because other than your vaguely accurate snipes against me, jeff and HP, you're just a disembodied guinea blog handle (see, I can say that, because I'm a guinea) floating in the ether. There's nothing to point and laugh at - give me something to work with - do you have a blog? Should I critique your syntax? Have you ever won a BIG CASE at the OREGON Supreme Court?

Try the veal.

But only if the giggling marmoset is wearing a saddle. None of this bareback marmoset riding.

Ok, I'm going to eat my yummy cooked from scratch meal and feed my beautiful and talented children.

When I get back I want some funnier stuff than this! Ya'll got it?????????

I hooked up with an Asian.

Well, she was half-Asian. The other half was, you know, normal.

So I can say "crazy chink eyes" too.

Because, you know, I really sort of enjoyed hooking up with her.

Ah, humorless, sarcasm impaired Megan. How about Amerasian?

Would you like to go out sometime?

You could learn a lot from Megan, Sortelli. I may not know her from Adam, but always gives me a feeling of WHO she really IS.

I hooked up with ...

Now Ace, there's no reason to start getting dishonest ...

Hey! HEY! NO USING RWS!!!!!!

MINE!

...weird thing, though. Twenty minutes later, I wanted to hook up with her again.

If you had, Ace, you might've got a free egg roll.

She asked me what sorts of sex stuff I wanted.

I had one from Column A and one from Column B.

Then I had some fresh ginger, to clear the palette.

Bill said: Ace was once again implying that I want his Jimmie, based on his earlier comments.

Ace replied: Try Again

Seems like there is still a mystery there, Bill. You don't have to speculate, just think you might have some insight into what he's hinting at.

And Ace, why you so coy?

Now THAT is what I am talking about!!!!

Ok, NOW , I am going to eat.

I hooked up with ...

Now Ace, there's no reason to start getting dishonest ...

You're right, Bill. I'm a 30+ year old virgin.

You nailed me, dude. You bring teh funny.

Try again.

No clue?

Because I'm trying to "gin up controversy" (I was yanking Liz's chain, if that's it, btw)? Because I'm jealous of your radio show? because I'm jealous of how you slice like an effin' hammer? because your blog has eclipsed mine in traffic? Because you have a sweet-ass scrip for benzos?

That's all I got, man.

Sarcasm-impaired, Bill? Sorry, still don't see it. But maybe it just went over my head - y'know, like all your jokes do. Maybe I should just listen to NPR a lot more.

3, because I already know, and it's not for any of the reasons you feel comfortable admitting.

Posted by ace at April 25, 2005 05:31 PM

I wanna know. what are the reasons and why would he not feel comfortable admitting?

I wish I had a cool sword.

Sorry. Just thinking out loud.

Better on that second try, Bill.

JeffG,

Why don't you ask your wife? She probably has like seven or eight Green Destinies lying around in her hope chest.

But I think it works better as an implication rather than me laying it all out.

no, no, no lay it all out there.

You're right, Bill. I'm a 30+ year old virgin.

Yeah, shock.

Breaking, must credit Bill.

(I learned the funny from you, Ace)

I thought it was pretty funny.

Not the joke so much as the bored, weary punctuation of it:

Yeah, shock.

Breaking. Must credit Ace.

The lack of enthusiasm or surprise just drips out of those blase periods.

Viagra of Comedy

ooh, ooh, ooh...good name for the show.

It's really not, Tinks.

No, if my wife had a hope chest with swords in it, I'd know. Trust me. I carried all the heavy stuff in when we moved. Had to, what with her feet being bound and all.

You gotta take the bad with the good, though.

Now who isn't having fun, is my question.

I wouldn't be so sure. Those people are cunning and have magical powers, like elves.

I prefer wop, myself.

And of course I'm not giving you anything to work with, Bill, this is about -you-.

Think of this as an intervention. I'm your audience, telling you to stop being such a prick. For every faceless commenter like me who decides to devote part of his day flinging crap at something he once admired because it's sunk so low, there are one hundred others who just shrug and walk away.

I'm glad you are enjoying your flaming blogosphere death spiral, but the next time you have a point to make I'm going to think "This is Bill. Does he actually have a point, or is he hyperventilating into a sack--I mean laughing--again?"

It's possible for someone out there to not get your experiments with Internet Radio and not deserve your wrath and the dissertations thereof. Just putting that out there for you to think about. You can't please everyone, nor should you try, but don't end up an old man with a blog no one reads anymore, whose only regret is that he didn't get to shit on every last person who has wronged him.

Ace wrote: Closer on that 2nd try.

5 possibilities of 2nd try.

A. Controversy gin up
B. Radio Show jealousy/anger.
C. Hammer slicing jealousy
D. Blog readership jealousy.
E. Scrip for Benzos.

Discounting E, that leaves 4. Still too much uncertainty there. Bill? Ace?

W T F, I spend too long posting and now we're talking about cool swords and laughing? I HAET EVERYONE. THIS BLOG HAS BETRAYED ME AND I AM DE-LINKING IT.

It's not easy being a streaming rightwing radio celebrity, Sortelli. Everyone is out to knock you down a peg. It's detestable.

Not making excuses. Just saying, you don't know the pains we in the public eye have to go through every day. It ain't easy.

And the more I think about it, the more I'm loving the finches.

You know, if the audience doesn't get it, it's not the audience's fault.

We still love you. But it's tough love. Which is almost as good as rough sex.

ok, see..it was this post that lead me to believe that Bill was done for the day. Gone, adios, outta here.

I've reached my limit on busting your balls.
Posted by Bill from INDC at April 25, 2005 05:20 PM

But wait, wait..what is this I see?

Ah, now the predictable minions - and Ace! - attack me by, wait, wait, wait for it ... calling me GAY!

Posted by Bill from INDC at April 25, 2005 06:31 PM

HE'S BACK!

I am beginning to think someone may be a little, tinsy-winsy obessesed with Ace.

He tries to leave, but just can't. Poor Bill. Poor, poor Bill. Lets all hold hands and pray for Bill - he has a problem. But we love him anyway.

ok- back to more reading. This thread is like the gift that keeps on giving. I am still not at the end. Will Bill declare he is leaving again? Will Bill then reappear only to profess his undying love for Ace? Is Ace's sister really his lover? Did Ace and Karol ever come up with a name for their show? Stay tuned...

You audience people think this about you. How arrogant.

RE: name

how about "all about Bill," a serial drama

Disclosure: I haven't actually listened to you guys yet. I was really excited to, though, when I saw that you guys were doing a show. But instead of actually listening to it myself, I read the buzz on the blogs first. You know, the comment threads you guys barge in and spew all over.

My enthusiasm has since waned.

Actually, the truth is that I'm kinda scared now. I'm afraid if I seek out the show to listen to it, Bill will come to my house and yell at me.

For some reason I'm suddenly picturing Bill as Cartman. He could call into the show every week and end each segment with "Screw you guys, I'm going home."

(My last note was to Hob, obv.)

I have not barged. I enter through the little white box just like the regular people.

but Megan, Cartman actually leaves.

Cartman's actually funny, too.

Now THAT was good dinner.

Ya''ll still being funny?

Good. Good. Don't let me down now.

RWS,

Posted by: RWS on April 25, 2005 07:05 PM

was about you

; P

Hob said: "but Megan, Cartman actually leaves."

True, but not always. From Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls:

CARTMAN: Okay, that does it. Screw you guys, I'm going home.
KYLE: Well?
CARTMAN: I'm going! Just give me a minute.

Sortelli said: "Cartman's actually funny, too."

True, but usually not on purpose. :) The parallel gets better, I think.

Damn. The backstage bitch-fest seems to have petered out here. Thought this thing had it in it to hit 300. Guess it's back to the ol' porn mines for me.

Hob, Just WHAT are you implying????

THAT I WANT ATTENTION!!!?????

IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?????

OMG!!!! I'M HURT, REALLY! I THOUGHT YOU WERE A CHRISTIAN!

*sniff*

No, don't worry about me. I'm fine. really. no. Just carry on........

Ray-- I know, what gives? I was pretty sure I'd come back to this thread to find a long annotated statement about how the top of my head looks from the high ground on which Bill towers over us.

I guess we'll have to be happy with the mere 200 something flames.

Sortelli,

Well, they slowly stopped being jerks and it wasn't working anymore.

In order for a good blogfight to work it has to regress to filthy name calling.

They came THIS close......

You all are having WAY to much fun with this.

It's like a couple of Irishmen duking it out with each other, having a ball, and who get pissed when someone tries to break them up.

Aye lads, a finer pissin' contest ain't ah seen in many a year. Som'un per me a pint, afore I can begin nockin' heads again. And good on ya fer it.

Why the page-and-a-half screeds, Bill? What are you angry about?

PP -

Doofus, Irishmen don't say "good on ya."

SUE! We JUST got him calmed down!

I mean really!!

Damn, I knew I should have pressed refresh.

Well, thanks a lot, RWS. Now I'm bored.

I'm sorry Megan. Say something mean about him.

He will come back, I'm sure of it...;-)

I, for one, welcome the stopping of jerkiness.

Or perhaps it's simply possible that she's had to deal with such an unending succession of flaming, self-important assholes like Bill and some of his more persistent ass-leeches, that she'd rather torpedo her entire, four-year old business than spend one more second catering to their pathetic delusions of importance, and simple inability to follow basic instructions. Eh?

Is that you, Suckimori?

So. Now that everyone in the quote-online-community-unquote knows that you run your business like a roadside taco hut where the owner belches in your face and than flips a cockroach into your pork taco, you're claiming that you willingly torpedoed your own business?

No one's buying that one . . . or your services for that matter.

And, to quote, well, YOU: "Further responses will be ignored."

Megan is godhead!

And that Bill fellow the most indecisive man I've ever read. He needs to take a lesson on exiting from Snagglepuss.

...

Haven't heard that one before.

1000 comments of backtracking and pretending it was funny won't undo that hilarious and sad embarrassment in the middle of this thread.

Or the half-dozen earlier threads proving the exact same point.

"Or the half-dozen earlier threads proving the exact same point."

I'm, at least, a half dozen threads behind and feel disarmed. Might you expand on your theorem... and that's the only geometry word I remember, so please ignore that tanget.. ;-)

No more fighting? When did the kissing and making up take place? Was make-up sex involved? I can't believe I missed it. I miss all the fun. damn!

Why, on this venue, is my "name" large are redish while others sort of meager and loathesome?? I've usually had to work harder to be known as an elitist pig - is this what is known as intuitive software??

Is this the future?? As long as I'm large and red I think I could get used to it... ;-)

Everyone notice how Allah avoided this disaster though Bill tried to drag him into it?

Tom v RocketScientist,

It has to do with whether you put in an email addy or not.

[
ok, that was uncalled for but it certainly keeps the spirit of the thread alive :)
]

See?

See?

Cheers; and I appreciate "spirit" - I was givin' all the snark I had...

The Creator of Worlds is mature enough to control himself. If only he could do the same with the splodeydopes using his name.

And I put in an email addy (I think I hate that more than Cali) and the next time a URL, along with my addy, but I remain large and red.

As a Freudian, I'm cool with that...

And Goldstein a weenie who's funny, put I digress... and probably agree with him too much to be of too much value at this late date.

And why won't "it" remember my name... oh, the humanity...

This thread is unbelievably depressing.

re: depressing

I've already had a IM argument about it. It, to me, foretells the "eating ourselves" fight that the future will bring between social libs, like myself, and social cons.

I so much hope that the fight is a minor one and cooler heads prevail. I've found myself rolling my eyes at radio fav's I've loved over past years. Hugh and Laura I are saying things I can't get behind at all... but I love 'em just the same, but worry.

Social Cons

Can't believe you people are letting this thread die.

I AM THE BEAST, remember? Flay me. Smite me with all your might.

Ace sucks cocks in HELLLLLLLLLLLLL!

At risk of fanning this flame war some more, Hewitt's a lot less helpful to conservatism than he thinks he is. He acted like a hack for Republican incumbency over that Specter / Toomey matchup. All this bitching we're still doing over appointments is largely his fault. Hewitt additionally has an air of confidence that can sometimes appeal but more often smacks of hubris (e.g. declaring the first Bush-Kerry debate a win for Bush, when it was at best a tactical withdrawal for him).

He can be tolerably good at rallying his own troops - he (and RedState) did get people like, well, me to donate to Republican candidates - but when the topics move from supporting the WoT (which is about Good and Evil) to meddling in the Schiavo case (which is about He Said and She Said), Hewitt is leading the Light Brigade right into the canyon. If I do donate in 2006 it won't be because of Hewitt but despite him (and maybe even -against- him...)

Jeff:

I referred to you as an agreeable weenie... I'm sure you deal with worse than that daily.

Billy Jack is a monkey puppet.

looking forward to Heckle and Jeckyl's show Thursday. It should be one hell of a laugher.

Happy my secular funny man?

D Ross:

Hubris is the word... and the fear.

And to think I've spent so much effort behind the draining of the septic tank that is ME to stem the tide of rampant religiosity (sp?) only to recognize same tendency in those I preferred to think greater of, or not.

Damn

Jeff G wrote: "I AM THE BEAST, remember? Flay me. Smite me with all your might.

Ace sucks cocks in HELLLLLLLLLLLLL!"

You're less satisfying to flay than Bill, Jeff. I have a hard time sustaining an animus against people who appreciate the brilliance of the Jose Chung episodes. You're also slightly less snotty than Bill, at least until you really put your back into it.

Like HP said, try again Thursday. :/

David Ross claimed: "All this bitching we're still doing over appointments is largely [Hewitt's] fault."

Uh, I beg to differ on that one. Hewitt isn't a Senator, and I doubt he was responsible for Toomey's admittedly thin ~15k loss in the primaries. It's a White House policy to back all incumbents - a radio host, even one as popular as Hewitt, isn't going to shift the numbers more than that will. Furthermore, even though it has some costs (like Specter, who would assuredly have lost without the President's support), it's a very successful party-building strategy. Our historic majorities in Congress didn't just appear out of thin air. The President created them.

Anyway, even if Toomey had won the primary and managed to beat Hoeffel (though it certainly wouldn't have been by anything like the 10% margin Specter got), he wouldn't have been chairing Judiciary. It would've been Grassley, Hatch, or Kyl.

Now I'll grant that their average ACU rating of 90 is more than twice as high as Specter's 44, but even so, please note that Specter just isn't the problem here. It's the party as a whole. When the Santorums are hemming and hawing over the (worthless) polls, what the Specters, Collinses, Chaffees, and Lincolns are doing hardly matters.

Just watched the Jose Chung "Millennium" episode. Not as good, but it has some of those great Darin Morgan touches.

"Don't you just love that mustache?"

might as well light up.

Bill's mom called.

Bill's meltdown has left him a little---um---indisposed (read covered in saran wrap and vegetable oil, jerking off with a playing card (?) and yelling "I don't need no stinkin traffic!"

Bill's going to be visiting some nice people for a few days. Bill's ma asks that we send our condolences, but avoid flowers and other plants, as Bill's just eating them anyway, and some are poisonous.

Bill's last comment, before he started laughing uncontrollably and sobbing hysterically (at the same time) was "Now who isn't having fun, is my question."

No one Bill. No one.

Everyone's having a jolly old time.

Get well, trooper.

H'm, let's see how we can do this.

I said: "When the Santorums are hemming and hawing over the (worthless) polls, what the Specters, Collinses, Chaffees, and Lincolns are doing hardly matters."

Obviously, "Lincolns" should've been "Snowes." Whoops.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Is why I don't be reading yur all blogs no more.......
WTF??????????
Hello??????????????
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sofa King We Todd Did...is what it is.
Cribipes!
Losin readers, big wigs...........
Here for the last time to attest........
Cya

Dear Thread 77786:

Please don't tell the other threads, but you're my favorite. I'm sure you knew that though, but as you get closer to the end, it's important that one say these things out loud - the things we always think we'll have time to say but then don't.

I will always remember how you gave, then gave and finally gave some more. And never asked anything in return.

So there. You're my favorite. Don't feel you have to say anything back. Just know.

I will always love you.

great Darin Morgan touches

How declasse would it be to have wished for the nuanced artistry of Darrin Stevens' touches??

Just askin'?

300's in sight!

Oh, and David, the President did indeed win the first debate (and the other two as well). Hewitt was just about the only one who got it right - the hysterical weepy pantywaists at NRO certainly didn't.

C'mon, Ray, give me a hand here. You're the one who wanted to get us up to 300. Pull your weight, goddamnit.

Well, I didn't think so. Granted, I was in a crowded bar and I was drinking and talking, but Kerry projected a smooth command whereas Bush seemed defensive and just repeating himself.

Ace, the point of the first debate was to establish a tone and pick up ammo, as I said here and here.

The President never needed to go on the offense. Not explicitly. Being a masterful politician, he understood that from the beginning. The point was to give Kerry enough rope to make the noose in the first debate; in the next, to let VP Cheney put it around Kerry's neck (notice that Edwards, idiotically, attacked VP Cheney - as if that could possibly have helped), and in the second and third debates, to simply stand back and watch Kerry swing.

It worked perfectly.

I dunno Megan. This thread was all about the real stuff, bubbling envies and petty insults. Don't think I want too see it reach 300 any other way, the defense only going through the motions, letting the broken down star get his record out of respect.

This thing was never about respect. Thread 77786 was a fighter. A god damn tanker. Maybe if Bill showed up... I dunno.

P.S. Thread 77786.

None of this is meant as disrespect. Even when you are old, littered with spambot and buried in the archives with no one visiting, I'll be there. I'll still come see you regularly. Keep you up to date. Just sit with you. I promise.

That would be Panty WASTE, Megan, darling........

I emailed Hewitt about the Coburn race in OK. Hewitt had put up a list of close Senate races people could contribute to, but didn't list Coburn among them and he was six points down at that point.

Hewitt writes back to tell me "Dear [See-dubya],

Coburn will win by ten points.

Hugh."

I thought the man was nuts. And he was wrong, too.

Coburn won by twelve.

That said, HH was totally off about Specter. Looking down the game tree, we were going to end up hated and demonized no matter what. Best to at least get what we wanted in exchange for the goodwill.

Sondra - you hit the nail on the head as usual, darlin'. The Corner is about as useless as anything can possibly get, and "Derb" (as they cutely call him) has just about the worst political instincts you can find outside the DNC.

Uh, wasn't that the debate when Kerry was orange?

SD -

No, the hysterical, ignorant NRO bunch were totally off about Specter. Hewitt was absolutely right. Cheating Specter out of the chair would've hurt party trust badly at exactly the wrong time.

I have no love at all for worthless RINOs, and I would actually have been happy if Hoeffel had won, but so far Specter's kept all the promises that were required of him and he is just not giving us any problems. At all. When the White House tells him to jump, he politely asks how high, and in which direction, and then he does as he's told.

Again: it's the rest of the party that's dithering. Get them in line and Specter will fall in rank.

Actually, that's inaccurate, since right now he's one of the few already lined up. On our side, at least.

And I still love Hugh; but when he opens with Chuck Colson I begin to wonder if where were goin'... and I put my ex wife through Chapman College, so I know from where Hugh hangs, if you get my drift... I'm just not lookin' to carry those that prefer rapture to political victory as I stroll along the inexorable march forward... and SondraK, whatchudoinhere, girl... ;-)

Anon - it was the debate just after the few days he was orange, yes. At the debate itself it seemed he'd applied another coat of paint and he didn't look quite as bizarre as he had shortly before.

If anyone needs me, I am going to be hiding in a fort made of sofa cushions with John Cole and Andrew Sullivan, waiting for the coming of the THEOCONS!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Megan:

Bush lost the first; he killed in next two. The Swifties were in kill mode by then and Rathergate if full flux after second, I believe... and the overreachers ran out of ground and it was our until Nov. 2.

And that guaranteed Jan. 30.

And Syria today.

Go Bears!!

Ray,

You had me at "Try the veal"

Tom, I think you just don't understand what he was doing in the first. It was the first that enabled the VP debate, and the last two Presidential debates, and all the campaign events in between and afterwards. The first was where it all started. If it hadn't gone exactly the President's way nothing else could have followed.

Megan:

You remain godhead; but Bush and Rove not that good. The first was treading water, at best. Kerry didn't beat him as much as Bush didn't meet expectations.

And, with love, you're talkin' 'bout my bread and butter.

I don't get the "godhead" thing. And if the President isn't that good, explain why all of a sudden, after Kerry was declared the "winner" on everything from style to points to air of command, his numbers started creeping down rather than up?

It's because the Prez picked up all the ammo and candy Kerry had given him and started passing it around. The base loved it and the sliver of indeps started looking askance at "global tests."

As failing to meet expectations, if you're looking at the Prez while you're saying that, you're out of your flippin' mind. :) The expectations test was Kerry's to flunk, and flunk it he did. If this is your bread and butter I imagine you've lost quite a few pounds recently.

Hmm, that last post of mine turned out to be just a tad snarkier than intended. Sorry. :)

For how long will he be lined up? We thought Voinovich was squared away on Bolton and then, oops, golly gee whiz, my buddies are shore sayin' mean things about two-tone, ah better delay the vote!

I want somebody good to plant that gun. I don't want my nominee comin' out of the washroom with just his d--- in his hands.

I don't trust Specter to do the heavy lifting for us. I expect he's resentful after the chain-yanking the Corner gave him. (I would be.) And that's one explanation of why Voinovich caved--resentment over a long-ago insult about No Child Left Behind. True? Don't know, but plauisbly sourced.

Sorry, I meant to write that last post in English, but seem to have lapsed into my native Gibberish. I blame Sekimori.

Seriously, the he I was referring to was Specter. And by 'plauisbly sourced' I meant I'd heard that theory from someone who once worked for Voinovich.

Um, I never heard anyone saying Voinovich was "squared away" on anything. He's a cranky old fart with a pretty safe-looking long-term seat and he likes to be a jerk sometimes. My guess would be he wants some panel or something - right now he's just got foreign and homeland and a chair on ethics. He won with 14 points over the President and probably thinks that's worth something.

I think I understood, I just don't find it plausible. Senators don't get back at a magazine with a 500k circulation by betraying their party. It'd be stupid, and it wouldn't accomplish anything.

Apology accepted; and the reason the polls were droppin' was Swifties not Bush. I love Bush; proud of victory, but I need to have proven that polls were affected positively due to first debate.

And your position that Debate #1 was a tactical positioning for Cheney/Dipshit is sort of ideaized, eh? Hell, Cheney takes larger #%&^'s, generally speakin'.

Of course they weren't affected by the first debate, Tom. The first debate was set-up. Not just for the VP debate and the follow-up Presidential debates, but for all the campaign events. Jeez, it's not that hard to see. Was I the only one hearing "global test" WAY more than "purple hearts" in the last lap?

Incidentally, your syntax is throwing me off: I don't know what your second paragraph means.

Aren't you guys gonna fight or something?

Please?

Sortelli -

You smell.

Incidentally, your syntax is throwing me off: I don't know what your second paragraph means.

Just don't raise the taxes on my Captain Morgan... ;-)

What I was intending to portray was that Mr. Cheney is a larger man than Sen. Edwards - any day of freakin' week. I wonder that you overplay the hand already dealt.

Nevertheless I enjoy your version; and history will be far less fine.

Thanks Megan!

Tom said: What I was intending to portray was that Mr. Cheney is a larger man than Sen. Edwards

Well, of course. Sort of like saying Richard Feynman was a better scientist than Matthew Broderick. Edwards was a joke, a hairdo trying to ride a golden parachute into the EEOB. Vice President Cheney, on the other hand, is one of the most important, powerful, effective, respected, and brilliant people we've ever had in that office.

Have we hit 300 yet? Can I go to bed?

Megan--I wasn't referring to Specter reacting to mean things in the Corner so much as the result of their pressure (and doubtless a lot of other pressure): there was a closed-room session in which Specter was read the riot act and told to jump into line. That's embarrassing for him.

It's Machiavelli 101--don't just wound people and expect continued loyalty from them. If you've got to get rid of them, then slice like a f***in hammer.

So why would debate #1 be a set up for Cheney, as he is the cock of walk, etc.??

And rest of campaign?? Mon dieu, dear Megan ( my daughter a Meghan) I think you think too much of of "our' omniscence (sp?).

But we'll try harder next time.

Megan--

"Vice President Cheney, on the other hand, is one of the most important, powerful, effective, respected, and brilliant people we've ever had in that office."

That's just one more reason I think you're actually one of the Cheney daughters, along with your inside knowledge (or at least your appearance of it) ;)

PS Sortelli, she's right. Change your socks.

. . . I'm not wearing socks.

Do you think that's it?

Actually, pantywaist is the proper spelling, sondrak. Not sure what a panty waste would be; not sure I'd like to know, either.

SD-

I dunno, I don't think Specter came out of that one too badly damaged, and he's definitely not the Jeffords type. He keeps his PA seat through his seniority, much like Byrd - he's not going to jump ship. And if the Prez decides he's done enough party-building, Specter will be out the very next election with a flea in his ear. Republicans don't like him, and Dems won't vote for him if he doesn't have any clout with his party.

Megan:

Adieu.

http://www.sondrak.com/archive/006348.php

Tom asked: "So why would debate #1 be a set up for Cheney, as he is the cock of walk, etc.??"

Jesus. Because he was debating Edwards, Tom, and he needed ammo against Kerry. That's what the President got for him in the first debate. Just watch them again one after the other; it's bloody obvious.

The Veep SHOULD NOT GO AFTER the 2nd name on the opposing ticket. It's stupid politics. No one's going to vote for Kerry to get Edwards in office. No one was going to vote for President Bush to get Vice President Cheney to stay on. Christ. Edwards went after the VP, because he's a wet-behind-the-ears moron and he was part of an ridiculously incompetent campaign. The VP went after Kerry, parried or ignored Edwards, and came out on top because that's the ROLE of the VP in a presidential election.

Tom added: "I think you think too much of of "our' omniscence (sp?). But we'll try harder next time."

You were part of the campaign? Huh. Now I'm wondering how we managed to win.

(And this time my post was exactly as snarky as I wanted it.)

Megan:

Slow down; the world will catch up to how smart you think you are.

Cheers.

Whoa whoa whoa. Not following. I'm with you, Megan, on the role of the VP in the debate. I do not see how Bush throwing his first debate with Oompa-loompa was necessary or even related to that goal, or somehow 'sets it up.'

Whether Bush blew the first debate or zinged Kerry eight ways to Sunday, Cheney should have done exactly what he did. He would have been equally effective whether Bush had tanked or Bush ruled.

Right?

Oops... that was me... and why this website won't remember me is gettin' tough to deal with... I'll just blame it on Bill Gates and wander away into sunset as I'm propably not as strident as I need to be to survive in these parts of the frontier of America, eh?

Cheers.

"Slow down; the world will catch up to how smart you think you are."

Hilarious. Nothing substantive to refute anything I said, so lick your wounded feelings and dip into the insult box. Where do you creatures crawl out from?

SD- "He would have been equally effective whether Bush had tanked or Bush ruled."

See, you guys are totally missing what I'm trying to say. The Prez neither tanked nor ruled because that wasn't the point of the game.

The point was to play defense and get Kerry to talk much more than the Prez, which is exactly what happened.

Why was this the point?

Because WHENEVER Kerry opened his mouth, there was at least a high 50s chance that he'd say something that would damage him later. That, again, is exactly what happened.

The VP could not have hammered Kerry with his "global test" if the Prez had done anything differently.

Again: the point of the 1st debate was to play defense and set the tone while picking up resources.

The point of the VP debate was to bring out the guns Kerry had handed over and fire the first volley.

The point of the 2nd and the 3rd was to let Kerry bleed.

And Tom linked us to: http://www.sondrak.com/archive/006348.php

Yeah, nice post. :) Of course, no Dem alive would get the sarcasm.

Scroll on down, girl.

We r human. We are not DEVO.

Uh... sure, Tom. Whatever that's supposed to mean.

Seriously, half the time I can't even begin to understand what the hell you're saying. I'm not trying to be offensive right now, but I just don't get what you're trying to say. Your English, your references, and your typing far too often become utterly incomprehensible.

Megan, I can see where it looks like it worked out that way. I agree that getting Kerry to say "global test" was fortuitous.

But unless you know something about the debate strategies that I don't, I find it much more believable that GWB simply went into the first one overprepared, overconfident, and/or overmedicated and just buggered the pooch good and proper. He shot himself in the foot several times and looked like an embarrassing-sound-bite-spewing doofus.

That wasn't the plan.

Megan:

At least you admit your limitations.

That is good. But only a start.

Eh. Read the posts I linked above; the one Allah linked to on was posted well before the debate started, and (I believe) correctly predicted the result. Right now we just seem to be going in circles.

Some anonymous coward wrote: "At least you admit your limitations. That is good. But only a start."

Meh. Bugger off, won't you? Or find a flamewar thread, if you have nothing but cheap insults to bring to the table.

I thought Bush was tired during the first debate. He's an early to bed, early to rise man, and it was scheduled way too late for him. Plus, he was running around Florida all day visiting with hurricane victims. I hate these debates. People put way to much on them. I favor substance over style. And when it comes to style, I prefer plain talking and not dumb ass rhetorical tricks. I've heard them all before.

Megan--

I read the posts (and you're apparently not the Megan I thought you were, so my Cheney reference above makes little sense. Or maybe you are--have you ever e-mailed me? Cause there was a Megan here that e-mailed me once.)

I'll give you a half point for predicting that Kerry would shoot himself in the foot and look like a doof. But "hope your opponent screws up" isn't a debating strategy. Or even a strategery.

I still think Occam's razor supports the simpler theory: Bush tanked, while Kerry opened a vein--which he would have done regardless of whether Bush was clueless or masterful.

Night night.

SD -

I don't know if I've ever emailed you. I'm usually pretty drunk if I'm emailing people I only know from Ace's comments. I'm not the Megan from Lesbiencestmoi, if that's whom you're thinking of (though I'd be a little flattered if you'd confused the two of us). I don't recall seeing any other Megans on this site, at least not recently.

Getting back to the debates, you can give me as many or as few points as you like, but the fact of the matter was that my prediction wasn't just based on "hope," and I doubt the President's strategy was either.

(Incidentally, did you know that the non-word "strategery" was debuted by SNL? The President was reportedly so amused by it, he started using it for real planning sessions.)

The simple fact is that Kerry had consistently taken countless previous opportunities to shoot himself in the foot. Let a man talk long enough, as Poirot always used to say, and whether he tries to lie or not, eventually you will arrive at the truth. The kind of lies you tell are indicative of the kind of person you are.

It's a basic axiom of psychology: everything you say reveals some aspect of your character.

It was therefore not merely a hope but a practical certainty that Kerry would provide the GOP with ample ammunition. Everyone knew Kerry was unelectable; all we had to do was give him a public platform, and let him prove it.

The risk was nil.

Meanwhile, playing defense minimized the possibility of giving Kerry an opening in turn. Taking a shot always exposes you to a counterattack. The story had to be Kerry, not the President. Again, playing defense ensured that it was.

Next, the running mate's duties as an attack dog were ably carried out by VP Cheney. It doesn't matter if the VP comes across as mean. It doesn't make a difference if the VP fires the first salvo. It's what he's supposed to do, and people don't vote for the second person on a ticket.

Of course, the fact that we had VP Cheney to do it for us was like ambrosia on top of nectar. The Dems already thought of him as evil incarnate, and very few people, even those on our side, considered him anything but stern, cold, and manipulative.

How perfect was that? He could go fully into attack mode, both barrels blazing, and we'd suffer nothing - nada - as a result. Unfairly but fortunately, it was what everyone already expected of Vice President Cheney.

The President, meanwhile, came out smelling like roses, and maintained his reputation as a warm and personable guy to boot. ("Y'all need some wood?")

Did a lot of people think he fumbled the ball in the first debate? Sure, but so what? Like I said in my posts, Americans have already internalized and accepted the clever fiction of his verbal blunders. It was incapable of harming his electability.

Besides, I'm not talking about public perception. I am, and always have been, talking about who really won. Given how badly Kerry was hurt by the things he said in the first debate, how can anyone pretend that it was the President who lost?

Our country's presidential election is the greatest and most complex game in the world, with the very highest stakes imaginable. You have to take every factor into account; you have to be right to a precisely calibrated degree on some, you have to take a measured dive on others, and you have to carefully pass on still more.

That's exactly what President Bush did, and his brilliant success on November 2nd speaks for itself.

Tom v G wrote:
And to think I've spent so much effort behind the draining of the septic tank that is ME to stem the tide of rampant religiosity (sp?) only to recognize same tendency in those I preferred to think greater of, or not.

*sigh*

Why does every theophobe think that all religions are equal, and that any belief in God equals religion?

Until you see a rabbi decapitating a Buddhist while yelling that God is great, or you see multitudes (not just a lone loony) of Christians strap on bomb belts and blow themselves up in abortion clinics, don't lump all religion in with Wahhabi Islam. Doing so shows profound ignorance.

Doing so shows profound ignorance.

Your reading comprehension seems to be a drawback. I believe my words, in the order written, speak in terms of tendancy/momemtum. If you think the world needs more religious controls good on ya. I figure the 10 commandments and golden rule are awesome, and an almighty God watching down benignly - many of us can do without the pomp and circumstance. And the less pomp the better por moi.

Well said April.

Megan,

Well said also. Your analysis of the debates is the best I've seen. Thanks for sharing that with us!

Tom v G,

Then why don't you be specific. Tell us who among the 'Christian Right' you see heading down the path of jihad. Your obtuse communication style doesn't really play well here. We like our trolls to speak plainly. Thank you.

Not like I matter, but my view of the debates is far closer to that of See-Dubya (that loathsome punk!) and Tom v G than Megan's "Brilliant Mistake" thesis. Either that, or Dubya ripped a page from Homer's playbook: "Stupid? Yeah, stupid like a fox."

Bush came close to blowing it at the first debate. That's why his poll numbers went sharply down afterwards. Luckily, Kerry also laid a lot of long-fuse explosives at his feet during the debate that ended up detonating later, but Jesus, no political strategist would have bet the farm on that happening. Or at least they would have wanted that to happen WHILE Bush was thwacking him around like a red-headed stepchild as well. You don't think that Team Bush would have liked to put Kerry away permanently in the first debate a la Mondale and Dukakis? That way they wouldn't have NEEDED to worry about the second and third, or Cheney's.

Megan's theory is way too heavy on the ex post facto rationalizations. Truth is, Bush slipped on a banana peel. Thank god Kerry was such an awful, self-immolating candidate (and Bush had a natural reserve of popularity and likeability to draw upon), else we'd all feeling rather "blue" right now, if you know what I mean.

Geez, Megan, what are you doing bringing actual political discussion into this thread? You're distracting us from the important point of this thread, which is:

Bill Ardolino : Ace of Spades HQ :: Andrew Sullivan : Catholic Church

"Megan's theory is way too heavy on the ex post facto rationalizations"

You obviously didn't read her posts from 10/2004 or you wouldn't have said that. Anyhoo, her theory is very credible unless you deny reality and think there was some chance Kerry, an accomplished speaker and debater, was going to somehow be totally unprepared for the President and not get a bounce from the debate. That scenario requires much more faith then Megan's.

You're all a bunch of drooling tards. Just get back on the short bus and move it to another thread. You all have disappointed me. there's enough material upthread to continue flaming, but no, you all had to start rehashing the most boring debates in recent memory.

"You're all a bunch of drooling tards"

hobgoblin,

If you don't mind, I prefer "knuckledragging asshole that doen't like to think real hard about their politics". Its like a badge of honor.

I bear the 'jocksniffer' appellation with pride.

Thank you both

Perhaps we can come up with patches or something to put on our pleather jackets and pretend we're "bikers"

Like "Jocksniffing knuckledragging asshole retards" or something like that around the AoSHQ logo

Dear Jeff B.: thanks, and bite me!

Megan--yeah, I thought you were LCM Megan. But now i will refer to you as "CheneyDaughter Megan". (What are the odds of two Megans on one right-wing blog? And unless I have confused you again the similarities go deeper...)

You make a good case. I remain unconvinced that Bush was deliberately coached to "go out there and blink, stammer, and hem and haw around like Ace when asked a direct question about his identity." Which he did, and he suffered a hit in the polls for it.

Dear Jeff B.: thanks, and bite me!

Such thuggish behavior. Well, no matter: I just told your law school thanks but please kiss my ass, so I'm really not worried about what some West Coast whelk thinks anyway.

(Actually it's a nice place with high standards, their acceptance of you notwithstanding, but way too far away from where I want to be.)

"he suffered a hit in the polls for it."

Which, again, was not relevant to the goal. :) OK, I think we've both made the points we wanted to, and everyone can read them, and agree or disagree.

Hey Brew Fan, how is the weather? Are you having a good day? The sky is blue.

Is that simple enough for ya??

And what's up with Jihad question?? Seems like a trollish kind of aspersion... oops, maybe I lost him again with indirect comment... too freakin' bad, cause I will not stoop ... not no mo.

Megan; I love your spirit... you may want to quit overreaching so much... that's a Dem trait, eh? Cheers.

That was me earlier today with the anonymous reply to Tom v G.

Tom v G wrote:
And what's up with Jihad question?? Seems like a trollish kind of aspersion... oops, maybe I lost him again with indirect comment... too freakin' bad, cause I will not stoop ... not no mo.

I quoted you directly, responded to the quote, and you then accused me of not comprehending what you wrote.

Now you're talking about an "indirect comment" or some shit.

Is English your native language? Or have you abused so many controlled substances that you can't assemble coherent prose?

Tom v G wrote: "Megan; I love your spirit... you may want to quit overreaching so much... that's a Dem trait, eh?"

As are supercilious condescension without cause, childish insults without substance, and snide allegations without proof.

So far you're up 3 to 0, slugger. Take another shot.

Sue:

I have no idea what you posted; I was replying to a "Brew Fan" person. That is indicated in my post where I say "Hey Brew Fan". Maybe you missed it.

Or, maybe it was my complicated prose.

And Meghan... bitter, table for one.

You guys are the best - if one likes territorial protecting sorority girls.

Cheers

Tom v G,

Your 'prose' makes cedarford look like a literary genius.

Exactly, BrewFan, even though Seedy is an anti-Semitic paleotroll, at least the guy is literate and somewhat articulate.

Tom,

Chrissakes. We didn't even disagree on anything that major in the first place, but you couldn't wait to break out the personal attacks. And when others respond in kind, your answer is to say you're taking your ball and going home, while clumsily calling me and Sue names yet again.

Real impressive.

And maybe I missed something, but when did "sorority girl" become an insult? Around the same time it became cool to type like a semiliterate dyslexic with frostbite?

Whatever. I was AXO, for the record.

This Christian=Islamist meme is starting to worry me :(

I don't want to have to start beheading people. Can you imagine the mess that makes!

I stayed up late reading this thread, months after it had ended. Funniest damn thing I've seen in ages.

That was me, btw. And I just figured out why people always do that (leave anonymous posts). It's the preview. There's no post from the preview page, and so you hit back and post -- but your info has been removed.

Also, Bill Ardolino sucks. (I just wanted to start the fight again!)