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April 24, 2005

John Kerry Held Up At Airport On Suspicion of Smuggling Contraband "Daggers In His Eyes"

Call me cynical, but I can't help but about half of this story is over-juiced in order to show that John Kerry really is a "fighter" and possesses something akin to human emotion:

April 23, 2005 -- WASHINGTON — A fuming John Kerry had "daggers in his eyes" after a fellow Democrat promoted Hillary Rodham Clinton for president — suggesting the 2004 loser is green with envy at a potential rival.
The flap was touched off two weeks ago when Clinton spoke at a Minneapolis Democratic dinner and Sen. Mark Dayton (D-Minn.) told the cheering crowd that he was introducing "the next great president of the United States."

Two days later, Kerry came over to Dayton on the Senate floor "with daggers in his eyes and said, 'What are you doing endorsing my 2008 presidential opponent?' . . . He was very serious," Dayton told the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

...

Kerry spokesman David Wade tried to make light of the story, claiming "some lines must have gotten crossed in his retelling of this particular conversation" — and insisted they were mostly "joshing" about hockey.

But Dayton's office says the "daggers in his eyes" report was accurate and Dayton has no quarrel with it.

In related news, Mark Dayton was so terrified by the deadly knives in Kerry's eyes that he immediately closed down his Washington office again "in order to protect his staff and visiting constituents from the danger of potential optical stabbings."

Kerry, all-around-genius and master political strategist, has chosen to emulate one of the undisputed champions of political maneuverings, Al Gore:

Meanwhile, Kerry — and his outspoken wife Teresa Heinz Kerry — are increasingly claiming he was robbed last November and should have won.

Hope that works out for you, feller.

Look at the fire and passion in those eyes. I'm getting chills
just gazing into those deadly orbs of hatred.

John F'n' Kerry

Yeah, so I'm a bit of an android. But Yul Brenner was an android in Westworld, and he kicked ass!

posted by Ace at 11:24 AM

Comments

Memo to JFK:

unnh, dude, you were given your chance in 2004 and were judged to be lacking, so it is now time for someone else; get over it.

Posted by: too many steves on April 24, 2005 11:52 AM

John who now?

Posted by: zetetic on April 24, 2005 11:53 AM

America ducked a disaster when Kerry lost the election. More proof that God is on America's side.

Posted by: Jake on April 24, 2005 12:23 PM

Just go away, Kerry. Just. Go. Away.

Posted by: David Ross on April 24, 2005 12:52 PM

Every day since Nov. 3 I wake up and the first thing I do is to get on my knees and thank God that this ass clown and his whackjob wife are not in the White House.

Not in the White House!
Not in the White House!
The ass clown and his whackjob wife are not in the White House!

I never tire of hearing that.

Posted by: OregonMuse on April 24, 2005 01:04 PM

The real news of the piece is that Kerry has just announced that he'd going to run.

Posted by: Snowy on April 24, 2005 01:24 PM

But the gunslinger-bot ended up with acid in his eyes, not daggers.

(Disclaimer for the highly touchy: I'm no Kerry fan, but I sure don't wish that on him.)

Posted by: Dimmy on April 24, 2005 01:34 PM

He's ferocious,
Supercalifragelistic-epecialidocious
The chicks think he's a spaz
He's got daggers in his eyes.

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos on April 24, 2005 01:51 PM

Mark Steyn has a new column up. Pretty much the usual stuff, on target but hardly a difficult shot: The GOP is getting to be a disgrace. No excuses, this is just a fuckin' disgrace. When you absolutely beat the living shit out of a kid in front of his parents, his grandparents, his girlfriend, his teachers, and the entire schoolyard, is it a natural fucking thing to carry his lunchbox to the cafeteria and pre-chew his fucking sandwich for him?

On 11/03/04 Adam Yoshida wrote:

"Despite all of their tricks, despite all of their lies, the people have rejected them. They mean nothing. They are worth nothing. There's no point in trying to reach out to them because they won’t be reached out to. We've got their teeth clutching the sidewalk and out boot above their head. Now's the time to curb-stomp the bastards."

Well, it was a great thought, Adam, but our party isn't called the Stupid Party for nothing. We're still waiting for that curb-stomp. And in the meantime we're still putting up with mealy-mouthed spineless pissant little douchebags like Voinovich eagerly jacking off the remaining donkeys, all for the pleasure of getting a pair of hooves in the face. Hope that works out real good for you and all, Senator I'mproudtobethelosers'bitch. Never mind that the voters didn't WANT these assholes to implement their agenda - in your head that apparently means the voters wanted YOU to implement the Dems' agenda for them.

So it turns out that John F'in Kerry was robbed: Because this is what Congress might've looked like if his party had won. It isn't entirely unreasonable for him to feel cheated that he isn't in the White House, presiding over the mess.

Posted by: Megan on April 24, 2005 01:56 PM

Nick, that is freakin comedy GOLD

Posted by: Dave in Texas on April 24, 2005 03:45 PM

I'm surprised at Kerry's lack of nuance, here. Note that Dayton announced "the next great president of the United States." Nothing in that sentence precludes a Kerry victory in '08.

Posted by: Sobek on April 25, 2005 10:34 AM

anyone know where he found that tube of Revlon's LongLast Zinc Pink lipstick? I've been hunting that color down since 1986... damn it pays to have connections...

Posted by: Ari on April 26, 2005 12:05 PM