Break a leg, Ace.

Get a hit, Crash.

1) Don't step on the host

2) Don't have a set piece on the funny

3) Converse, don't entertain

4) Think "crisp, short"

5) Have a prepare answer for expected questions like the one on anonymity

Hoke,

Got it. I don't do prepared material. It always sounds, well, prepared. Plus, I'm fucking lazy.

I won't step on the hosts. Quite frankly, I intend to talk as little as possible and explore the comedic possibilities of awkward silences.

I don't feel like entertaining. I want to be treated with the dignity and respect to which I am not entitled.

Quite frankly, I intend to talk as little as possible and explore the comedic possibilities of awkward silences.

Aahhhh, the recipe that made the Stanford interview so utterly enthralling.

I can't wait.

Its also a good idea to take his dick out of your mouth before answering questions.

Break a leg dude,

Colon,

Projecting again?

throw in a few Bible quotes, just to shake things up, or Nietzsche, or Anka, or whatever

good luck

Prepare for --

"If Heaven exists, What would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?"

Oh, I've got all my answers prepared for James Lipton.

Just waitin' for the call.

Those two are sure to ask something profound like "what would you like to be doing in five years?"

The only answer I can offer is that if I'm still doing this in five years, I won't be doing it five years, because I'll have hanged myself in the garage while going Michael Hutchence on my weiner.

What does New York smell like?

Urine, pot, and bus diesel with a lingering wiff of ozone.

Hobgoblin:

Bite me.

I hope the show starts on time because this property rights show is putting me to sleep

good luck, ace

= P

no, seriously, break a leg

Toll-free Call-in number: 1-866-884-8255 (866-884-TALK)

One minute to go, eh? Well, I might've missed the premiere of Revelations last night, but it looks like I lucked out today.

Woohoo!

:D

Heh, mature audiences. I wonder why?

LOL! A content warning!

Call the waaaaaambulance for Bill!

ace, I'd love to call in, but I can't get the damn thing to work well enough and I need to go eat.

Really it's mostly about the eating.

But I guess the question I'd like to ask all of you is what does everyone think the reasons are behind the incredible bitterness sweeping the right-o-sphere (don't use that dorkwad term, it's just for reference) since the election, esp. the Schaivo thing. Commisar's pissed at Wizbang, HP is pissy with Goldstein and LGF.

It's not enough to say this is just happening, the real question is why.

Are we being Mobied by false fellow travelers or are these simply dynamic tensions in a ruling coalition?

Hee! The Five Pillars of Libertarianism.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!!!

Jeff and Bill should be called - Mr. and Mrs. Complainey

"Organ-grinder's cup-monkey. Bitch!"

Meh, these guys talk really slow. Ace, get on there and speed it up!

ace has a voice modulator?

You f'n morons quit being so mean to Bill!

"Don't blame my readers [for the insults]. It was all me."

:D

Why won't you give me your nuuummbberr, ACE!!!!

I LOOOOOVVVEE you!!!!!!!

/creepy.

please be our friends.

Let's be honest . . .
lol

Wow, Glenn Reynolds' number. Impressive.

The lines are all right, but their delivery uniformly sucks.

What's so special about Ace of Spades? Do they even read your site?

Ace's sounds like a fuckin bruiser compared to those two pre-pubescent bitches!

Your voice is deeper than I thought it would be.

Adam's the one without a belly-button.

Lee proclaimed: Ace's sounds like a fuckin bruiser compared to those two pre-pubescent bitches!

Indeed. Heh.

I expected Goldstein to sound - hmm, how do I put this delicately? - less like a sissy girl. Yeah, that's the phrase.

I'm sure your much to good for Paula Zahn anyway. They just want to sell your number to telemarketers anyway, so don't cave.

Those guys are so gay. Ace I'm embarrassed for ya. They're throwing their boyish asses at you! The horror!

Boring!

Ace tell 'em about boinking Blossom!

TMI on the pants, Ace.

Stop "uuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
ing

"honeys"?!!!

I suspect the man's voice is a little raspy from the throat-rape and crack-binge last week in 'pequa.

Steve!

Private eye.

Ace.

Big let down.

You seemed at a loss for words most of the time. Those guys are annoying and uncool. This thing sounds like a bunch of homos (no offense to homos) hitting on each other at a bar.

"What made you get into blogging?"
"What is your favorite color?"

You have a face for radio. And, an on-air personality for blogging.

sorry

Carol wanted to show Ace her 'blog' and he thought she meant INTERNET!!

Yelling at the television never gets old if you're creative enough.

Ace is talking as slow as Jeff and Bill, though. C'mon, what the hell, have a goddamn drink before you get on. Pick it up, guys. You're supposed to have been hosting these things for a while? Sounds like the first take of an amazingly lame audition.

And what's with the symphonic bumbper music. Who'd they think they are, the Derb?

Crisp.

Not grasping.

No "uuuuuhhhhhhhhs."

No pauses.

Rapid fire, bitch. Rapid fire.

You're channeling Spiccoli.

Damnit - go figure I tune in at 12:20. Just in time to catch Ace signing off.

Gack.

He's gonna' have a good second half.

Its time to go all Anka on 'em man. Slice like a Hammer!

Ace sounded good in comparison. I'm not sure who that says more about.

Ace sounds like a Steve. Most of the Steve's I know are total badasses.

Oh cool! More to come. Yay. Ace, you do sound a lot more comfortable with this interview (the 2 sentences I heard of it).

How lame does it sound when they call him "THE ACE OF SPADES".

Great. Fuckin dead air.

"We're - here - with... the - Ace... of... Spades..."

Jeez, the phone number takes a full 5 seconds to get out. Followed by dead air, and we have a winner!

Yeah. Sort of.

"Presents. P-presents... uh... did you, uh, um, go by..."

Saying your cool automatically negates the statement!

He called us all "social retards"... fucker

Did he say fisting!

Hey, what the hell's wrong with the word "fisking?" Always reminds me of that Steyn column - pure gold.

Everything about blogging is dorky? That kind of slander will get you a lightning bolt or two.

But . . . um

yeah

Get AGGRESSIVE! NOT REACTIVE.

"This is a little - uh - but yeah - well, no... uh..."

Christ, Ace.

Ace, you have to explain how you know about Kamper Van Bethoven.

Only mentioned because I went to school with DL's sister.

BWHAHAHAHA - he brought up the anxiety thing.

Oh great now its the "Oprah overcoming adversity" part of the interview.

Oh God. Don't go down the self-help road. Please. God. No.

NB: Ace. Look. We like you but we don't want to fucking "know you" in some gay Jeff and Bill way. Tell these incompetent amateur shitheads to go to hell and start making fun of people.

I hope those puppets look like Oliver Willis and Keith Olberman.

DIRTY BLOG WHORE? LMFAO

Anger management puppets. This I wish I could see.

Dirty, dirty Blog whore.

YES!!!!!

MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bah. What kind of lame-ass interview is this? Get out of the self-referential rut they're forcing you into, Ace, or at least make it fucking funny.

Ack!

You're being serious.

Your "readers?"

Crucified.

bbeck they used your question! Lol!

It's hard to wrong when the song has the word "frolic" in it.

LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT!

I am one of those newer readers he was talking about...not understanding the inside jokes. So maybe someone can fill me in - what is with the Paul Anka stuff?

???????????????????????????

Kill me.

Its a very LOOOOONG story. Much blood, tears and homoerotic sex.

My comment about the SCA got et. Oh, my.

This sounds like a lovefest.

I was expecting some kinda 'real news' talk radio.

Ya know, discussing Iran's nukes, the cedar revolution, Lebanon, etc.

Not droning on about "Ace" the mystery man.

waaaaasssssssupppppp Slublog!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

"I am working."

Um

Jesus.

"I'm a sex worker. I'm a mime. I'm a troubador. "

Hudson. Ace is our Hudson.

Now they're exploring the motivations of ASH?

"Working."

Cagey bastard.

Somehow, I thought Ace would have a higher-pitched voice...

Oh my Lord.

Cut off on "Why I'm Ash?"

"Wish we had more time to talk"

I don't. Christ. That's 39 minutes I won't get back.

Voice modulators are great aren't they?

Ace, if they ever ask you back, run screaming away.

Unless they get someone who can actually ask an interesting question.

Ugh.

I missed something. What's Ash?

I say we get together a posse and hunt those losers down. I was actually looking forward to this. Bill and Jeff must pay.

Of for fuck's sake....

You need a page explaining all of your inside jokes.

By the way, as, so far as I can tell, your longest term fem reader, how can you call me a "honey"?!!!

I'm having trouble with this concept.

What kind of bullshit was that. Bo Darville. That was a trap. Call him the freaking bandit or dont call him at all. Hell Even Fred (flashe's cousin) knows that.

Ace,

From the RightTalk site:

"Bill and Jeff talk to Ace from Ace of Spades HQ about the conservative alliance, political discourse, and pop culture."

Did I miss this? I guess it was more important to ramble on about meaningless stuff.

To be fair, you weren't in the driver's seat. Those tards didn't seem to have any idea what they wanted to talk about. How the hell did they get a radio show?

Well Ace, chalk it up to experience. Now you know what it would be like to be tag teamed by Dumb and Dumber.

Shaddap, Slublog. Your call was at least as lame as the rest of it.

And explaining inside jokes kind of ruins the whole fucking point of having them in the first place, doesn't it now?

Ash is from The Evil Dead series.

"We just cut off your dead girlfriend's head with a shovel. No, we are not 'All right'!"

I stand admonished. I'm a boring guy, what can I say?

I wanted to make a point about how bloggers aren't dorks, but I got cut off without even a 'goodbye.'

Well, sorry that wasn't riveting, guys.

I can only say that if, hypothetically, I were to get my own show, I would be the only important one on that stage.

Except for my co-host.

You forgot to bring the funny.

And explaining inside jokes kind of ruins the whole fucking point of having them in the first place, doesn't it now?

I specifically asked to not be asked about inside jokes.

Although I think the question about inside jokes, generally, was okay. Just not really all that interesting.

And explaining inside jokes kind of ruins the whole fucking point of having them in the first place, doesn't it now?

Not if the link to that page was a picture of either Paul Anka or Kim Richards.

Or maybe Ash.

And you were the only important one on that stage. You just forgot to tell them that.

And the circus monkey

I slept through all but two minutes, but way to be, Ace.
Is there someplace I can listen to what I missed?

...my last comment was obviously not addressed to Slublog.

By the way, as, so far as I can tell, your longest term fem reader, how can you call me a "honey"?!!!

I assure you it's the highest term of endearment.

The guys on this blog are dorks/retards. The chicks are honies.

What sounds better to you?

Damn, Megan...when did I ever piss into your Cheerios?

PS, you're not my longest-term fem reader.

Scout holds that honor, I believe.

So, blah. Tongue out.

See, there is that Paul Anka crap again. Is anyone going to explain? And what about Kim Richards and who's Ash?

Slublog wondered: Damn, Megan...when did I ever piss into your Cheerios?

When you asked Ace what he does for a living. NO ONE CARES! I wanted to hear, aloud, the Ace I read. The sarcastic, mean-spirited Ace who bitchslaps the entire world and dares it to get up again.

You helped Bill and Jeff cruelly murder that dream. You pulled away the curtain and tried to ruin the magic. Damn you.

Damn you!

"Scout holds that honor, I believe."

On planet Zorkon, possibly.

Tough crowd.

I have no excuse for my boring question.

I deserve all of the bitchslapping you can give.

As John Kerry once said: Bring. It. On.

Cal,

Okay... fair enough. But you already knew me.

When you asked Ace what he does for a living. NO ONE CARES! I wanted to hear, aloud, the Ace I read. The sarcastic, mean-spirited Ace who bitchslaps the entire world and dares it to get up again.

You helped Bill and Jeff cruelly murder that dream. You pulled away the curtain and tried to ruin the magic. Damn you.

There may be other opportunities.

And I've never recovered, really.

BTW, I didn't hear it (a virus wiped out these speakers and I don't care enough about sound to fix them), but it appears to have sucked dead rat.

Are you one of those guys who writes crazy but talks dull and quiet?

Hey Tinkerbelle,

If you scroll down the links on the left hand side, you'll get to a group with the heading "The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick".

Those links will bring you up to speed on the Anka schtick.

I recently needed a refresher course myself.

Are you one of those guys who writes crazy but talks dull and quiet?

I don't know. I'm practicing.

It doesn't help that I've felt the need to have a beer or three before these two appearances.

Whoa!! - I am so glad you didn't reveal your true identity, or the location of the bat cave or anything. I think they were trying to weaken your powers Ace.

When I think about Ace, I see a bloodthirsty pirate who lives in the shadows. I'd have been really bummed to hear about how you slit throats while serving Slurpees at the 7-11.

Yeah, they really seemed to want me to give that up.

But I don't see no ring on this finger.

Geeze guys! This was Jeff and Bill's THIRD SHOW, so give them a freakin break.
You have to know Jeff's humor to really "get" him. Just give them some time. They are doing great for just starting.

Ace, if you're anything like a "Pirates of the Carribbean" pirate like Johnny Depp THEN I WANT A FREAKIN PICTURE NOW!!!!! (see above e-mail...;-) )

When I think about Ace, I see a bloodthirsty pirate who lives in the shadows.

when me think of ace, me thinks - hot manly-man!