Ahem. Posting an unfinished title?

Loose shit.

Keep this up, and I'm cancelling that huge order of Ace of Spades t-shirts I was planning.

Trick me once, shame on you. Trick me twice...

Loons on the Lake

Cedarford is hot
Richard Bennett is hot
I have lost my fucking mind

In case you're wondering that was Cambodian haiku...

Sunshine’s caress in a field of flowers

Thoughts of your sister
As I lean down to snort coke
Off your perfect ass

Pat meets Paul

Betsy’s into you -
she thinks you’ll give full value.
You mind if I watch?

I'll submit a redneck haiku it took me weeks to scan:

Kyle Jr's Missin'

Bad smell from the porch
Busted chest freezer out there
Boy ain't at his Mom's

Because It Had To Be Done

Charcoal gray t-shirts
Sit unpurchased in a box
Failed pirate. Loose shit.

Surprise

It's incredible
You, me, Betsy, hookers, fun
All crap in your mouth

Dollar Store 2006

Who's this "Ace of Spades?"
Weird pirate shirts - but who cares?
They're eight for a buck.

In My Dreams

Dusty you're so hot
Can I go crazy on you?
What? You are gay? Noooooo!

I hate to be the one to point this out, but unless "fuckin'" is one syllable, the haiku in the post isn't a haiku... the meter is off. A haiku is 5-7-5.

Try this:

I'm so into you
Fuckin' into you oh yeah
Betsy wants you too

Hung up on Andrew
by Stavro99

Ace of Spades retired
Just like Andrew Sullivan
Except he came back

I wasn't sure about the whole retire and still blog thing, but if you had retired, I was wondering if it wasn't because you didn't have old Sully to kick around but apparently Andrew "Super HIV" Sullivan is still chruning the crap out.

Super HIV? You ask? Yes: http://www.andrewsullivan.com/index.php?dish_inc=archives/2005_03_27_dish_archive.html#111219770476144565
Normally I would consider it lunacy to link to him, but, come on, he's got a post titled "Super HIV' which as a result I will be calling him from now on. Or at least until next week.

Not a haiku, but more of a tribute to William Carlos Williams.

Betsy
Betsy's asscrack
Smells like cocaine.
I wonder why.

Rose Petals in Moonlight

I want you so bad
pay attention to Betsy
she won't mind this time

Pat O'Brien hunts gay bar for crack

Hookers. Blow. Just Have Fun
I don’t know what’s wrong with me
I’ll take two shirts Ace

For Allah and William Carlos Williams

I don't do this for a Living

so much depends on
a red squeakhole, glazed with Pat's
coke and saliva

Surprise in danger,
Lucky Jack beats to quarters,
Stephen just fiddles.

Your ass, your pussy
Cocaine, Betsy, some hookers
I will lick them all

Autumn Breeze in Master's Dojo
I'm so fuckin' nuts
Marv Albert looks like a saint
in comparison

Melting in Springtime

Snowflakes on your lip
Pay attention to Betsy
Rehab, here I come.

The horrible fame-katana cuts both ways

Betrayal stings less
When you're just America's
Ice-skating Anchor.

Fame may get you the
Sweet threesome, but it rips one
Hard if they say no.

Fujiyama Mama

We could get some coke
Roll us a crisp Ben Franklin
Snow on your Fujis.

Lifestyle Wear

I'm sooooo into shirts,
Just look at me and say yes,
If you have some left.

Coco's Lament

Ice-T's dick
Tastes like Ace's ass.
Or is it Hoke's?

Iraqi 'Tang

Hot Iraqi girl
I wanna make you crazy.
Oops, too late.

The Corner

I'm getting the impression
K-Lo
Is into the whole "Jesus" thing.

Conundrum Wrapped in Tempura

Your head is nodding,
But how can you say "yes" with
Betsy in your mouth?

Despite lack of syllabic integrity, I'll have to throw a vote to "Coco's Lament"

The guys don't get shirts
Blog money dream is dead, but
Betsy's so damn hot!

bastard.

I think maybe the haiku theme has run its course. Let me do this shit up Nostradamus style instead.

Beneath a white dome the elephant plots:
Gains to be had by the vegetable's withering.
In the north, the three pigeons plummet to earth;
La ligne de puissance shits the bed.

Lotus Blossom with Spring Roll

Paul Anka and Pat
Take turns reaming Betsy's ass
No shirts? Ace is next.

A Southern Haiku

Betsy wants to speak
but my cock is in her mouth
Allah is so mad

A mexican Haiku

Watch out uncle jefe
the I.N.S. are coming
to take you back home

A Lovers Haiku

Jadegold is livid
because cedarford has AIDS
till death do they part

The only pussyboy around here is the man who wrote this Because He Cares:

No! Hey, I keep telling you guys I don't like you and stuff like that. Certainly I can take a little ribbing back.

So-- no problem. I'm still in that flame-war mentality. It's anything goes here. It's Thunderdome, baby.

Whillikers! Thanks for explaining, dad!

A Haiku

Jeff B is upset
the store has no vagisil
for his vagina

A pussyboy asks
Ace, are your feelings wounded?
Jeff B is angry

In the New City the deck is shuffled;
Bearers of the death card are offered garments.
Crickets chirp. No takers are forthcoming.
A single spade heads for the discard pile.

A pussyboy sounds
Like something Betsy would be
Totally into

Ace had shirts for sale
The A/V squad fucked his mouth
So did his readers

Back to (irregular) haikus.

Dusty

I can't stop thinking
About Dusty's mons pubis.
Anything to distract me
From her fucking face.

Dusty's Revenge

Dusty is angry
so she sent allah a tape
of her fucking me

Autobiography

In the east the moon god despairs,
Finances ruined by months of unemployment.
His failed lawyer's conscience whispers:
"Get a job, you fucking no-talent loser."

Allah, even your loose shit is fabulous.

I mean that in a manly, "how bout those Bears"? kind of way.

Lightning bolt! Sleep! Sleep!
Lighting bolt! Lightning bolt! Sleep!
He dies a virgin

The Once Great Allah

Six Days Bitch
Days of Wine and Photoshopping
Now he can't get Corey Feldman on the phone.

Lame haikus fall liike cherry blossoms
Dusty, Betsy, Ace's squeekhole
When will LauraW rescue us?

Photoshopped logos
The downfall of Ace of Spades
Allah's they adored

Allah doing quatrains
Tries to be Nostradamus
Loose shit there, moon god

Allah blogs no more
He dreams of Dusty's beaver
The earth slides off its axis

O Where Is LauraW?

Ever wonder how she always
wins the haiku contests? Five words:
A Demon For Bass-shucking.

Michael checks his mail
Still no Ace teeshirt
A broomstick is prepared

The Enigma

Who is "The Warden"?
I'm pretty sure I'd have something
bad to say, if I knew who the fuck he was.

Once a true sports guy
Now a second rate John Tesh
Fuck you John Madden

Ode to a Grecian Jeff B.

Hairy beef curtains
vertical smile gapes pink
such a fuckin' pussy it makes my teeth itch.

Free verse.

It's Come to This
"Hey, Corey? It's
me.
Listen,
how 'bout a job?
What?
No.
No, I'm not offering.
I'm asking.
*click*
Hello?"

Dave in Texas
Insecure in his manhood
"How 'bout those Bears?"

What About Bob?

Great guy, valued contributor
But still obsessing over the Hoke/Ace thing
Most likely he's a retard.

Cambodian haiku
According to Brewfan
Who has no fucking mind

"Who is 'The Warden'?
I'm pretty sure I'd have something
bad to say, if I knew who the fuck he was"

Hey, that violated the 5-7-5 meter!

Horace Mann High School
William Carlos Williams
Allah has an erection

There once was a girl named Dusty,
Pretty she was but not busty,
But her abs they were nice
Like a hammer they sliced
And made BrewFan all the more lusty

"The Accountant"

Some retards have nothing
better to do than count
syllables. Not fuckin' me, Chief.

Panic Attack
Woe is me.
I can't leave the house
For fear of strangers
In strange, open spaces.

Anyway.
I'm off to CPAC.

Ace and Joshua Micah
Sitting way up in a tree
K i ss i n g

Ace - master of "syllabation"
It's not actually a word
Squeekhole in jeopardy

(If my frigging teeshirt does not get here SOON)

There once was a blogger named Ace
Lets be honest, at haiku, a disgrace
but he said, no ads like Cal
Just hit my PayPal
And to Massapequa I go all apace

Allah Meets William Carlos Williams

so much depends
upon

making the same
joke

over and over
and over

for months on
end

The crackwhore claims to
Be master of syllables
But writes some loose shit

No job from Corey
No crazy blog cash
Ace is desperate

(Note correct syllabation)

Adulthood
Home alone on Friday night
Writing rank-out poetry
Downloading porn off Kazaa

It just doesn't get any better than this

Brewfan limericks
Better than haikus
Laughing out loud

(Note correct syllabation)

I quested for fame
And now they know who I am
Retard accountant

I Needs Me Some O' That

What looks good on Kazaa
right now? All the old porn
worn out, used, like JeffB.'s vagina.

Adulthood Part II

It could be worse
We could all be with our girlfriends
Watching Desperate Housewives.

"Retard accountant"
So may it be said
Of all of your ilk

(I'm a lawyer, so expect no sympathy from me when it comes to professional slurs.)

Kazaa search term: "sapphic erotica"

Nubile Dusty-types
Lick each other's muffs.
Fun for hours.

The Shut-In

Yeah, I've got panic attacks
and yet I'm not afraid to meet
another blogger for a beer.

addendum:

Homo.

there once was a blogger named brewfan,
who tried to show dusty he was a true man.
but alas, not to be, for only two inches was he
and now aces high school audio/visual team fucks him in the mouth

(yeah,yeah... i know. But that shit was just too funny NOT to use)

BrewFan

Why don't you eat me?
Seriously, dig in while it's hot.
Eat me, you dirty mancunt bastard.

Wasn't this about
Pat O'Brien doing coke
With hookers and shit?

Though, I guess porn and
Vaginas kind of fit the
General theme here

that brewfan one was mine.

I don't even think my BrewFan one even made any fuckin' sense.

I mean, it made sense, it just wasn't even pretending to be a haiku.

I don't do this for a living. This is all like new to me.

Distressed by panic
Normally manic
Ace offers Allah a beer

sean please don't be mad
i didnt know that your mom
could suck dick like that

Hey Queer Eye
Ace has been one acquainted with the men
seduced and lured, he gives the chicks a pass
he gets hard reading Andy Sullivan
and one time fit a kitten in his ass
at first we thought it funny when it stuck
now we admit he carries it with class

FOR LAURAW:

Cherry blossoms fall
Lightly to the ground
Rescue us, LauraW

Haikus on Friday
Are just for dirty mancunts
There are no winners

I am not mad, son
But by the way, your dad likes
It up the squeaker

Dusty meets Ace fans
Aroused by pure poetry
Bukkake ensues

Why I Need a Job

I have no major expenses,
So why
Do I
Need a job?

Hmm.

Oh, right.

speaking of fathers sean
i have something to tell you
you have my last name

allah you have a job
you are the man on the street
that I throw change to

An Unconvincing Explanation
Honestly, "son of"
nobody believes the line:
"Just once, in college."

what brew, no comeback?
it must be hard to talk with
ace's cock in your mouth

Happy Ending

Met Ace for beer once
He liked it when I gave him
A dirty sanchez

A rebuttal for Andrew

But come now andrew
who you fuck for a living
is not my business

A Haiku for Ace

ace, i love your site
do you sell any T-shirts?
I'd love to buy one

I know the reaper
he just had a nasty split
with the Downtown Lad

They Never See It Coming
The problem with a
donkey punch: I cold-cock the
bitch way too early

If you're my dad, son,
I guess the one-inch-cock gene
Would be recessive

son america
your sister and mom say hi
you can have them next

Easy now, son.

Tunataco furburger cooch
son of america twat
Cockholster loveglove stenchtrench

Brewfan you sick fuck
my mom and sister are dead
goddamn necrophile

Son gets passed around
Orgies at $3 million loft
Distended cornhole

The Milky Rush of Passion

"But come now Andrew."
If Sully had a nickel
For each time he's heard that...

stenchtrench and mancunt
I have learned so much tonight
Ace's relatives names

About Seans Father

I think I know him
he plays for the patriots
your mom fucked them all

Tuna Taco Special
son america
your sister and mom aren't dead
they just smell that way

Distended Cornhole

Suave and debonair
masks shatter, blog ads scatter,
from Ace After Dark

Oops

A bunch of homos
Flaming with fucking haikus
I just crapped my pants

On White Lips

On white lips, a small
Man in a canoe tingles
To O'brien's flicks.

Hey is that Jason?
if thats you, Brewfans cock called
you gave it herpes

Jason craps his pants
This "son of america"
Gets his Hot Carl

Jason is ugly
how ugly is he you ask?
His monkey slaps back

About Haikus

Were in a flame war
And this fag blain comes on here
posting a real haiku

Reapers Love life

Reaper just told me
He likes his women manly
so they can fuck him

Son's not my father.
I know because my dad was
Not into livestock

Brewfan my mom said
next time you try to fuck her
dont cry the whole time

Son's only time with
A female? His mom. Oral.
Cottage cheese discharge

Uh Sean what the fuck
even though its a haiku
it needs to make sense

What's the fucking deal?
I'm minding my own business
Then burnt to a crisp?

Sumo Master Hasn't Seen His Balls for over a Decade
Utron is weak. He's
dressed up an old turd and called
it a caramel

son america
I tried not to cry so much
but her bag fell off

I am implying,
Son, that you enjoy fucking
Sheep. How dense are you?

It must be love

Hey did you notice
Both Allah and Ace are gone
What's that slurping sound

Sean, next time you speak
take the cock out of your mouth
so i can hear you

Ace?

Hey ace where are you
Jason is looking for you
he wants a T-shirt

Well, its been fun boys. Have a good night and...FOAD!

LOL!

Where the Boys Are
For Sean and "son of"
insulting each other is
merely some foreplay

T-shirt sales reach ten;
Ace celebrates by asking
Me to kick-fuck him.

More William Carlos Williams

Andrew, I'm sorry.
I couldn't resist the old turd,
It looked just like your mom.

Springtime Storm

Gentle as the rain,
The gay midget's piss flows down
Son's eager, dry throat

Allah you sick fuck
how can you kick-fuck ace when
youre ceaderfords bitch

Not Sure What Any Of This Means

That Dusty, I really do dig her.
She frequently makes me grow bigger.
Here's my only excuse:
Though my shit may be loose,
Her shot's just two-thirds of my jigger.

I am a Viking

My viking longship--
"Son"--rides your fairy tail and
Plies your acid tongue.

Allah misinterprets Ace

Ace tells Allah to give him
A swift kick in the ass if he ever
Tries selling crap again.

Andrew is sad that
No one pays attention to
His syphilitic ass

So tell us, Moon god:
What the hell is kick-fucking?
Hope your socks stayed on.

well, thats all for me. Thanks guys.
Its been fun.

See you all tomorrow

Son of America

A Young Man Learns the Hard Way
A word of warning
before you go to work, Sean:
Sailors don't pull out.

Victorian Hypocrisy

A stiff upper lip
Availed her nothing, though wrapped
On Pat's sugared bone.

And for you, Andrew:
Child molesters should just leave
The soap on the floor

Jeanne Dixon's Magic 8-Ball Flowering

some projection
if you would like to see some
loose shit, keep reading

White on Cherries

White on cherries spread
Into frozen nostrils dead
To sensation, smell.

May the Force be with You

Shine, O lightsaber!
Shine, as Darth Obrien shines
His pole on Betsy.

Allah, our grass needs
Mowing in mid-Illinois.
Not worth the airfare?

Allah mows the lawn
with one hand down his knickers.
He'll scare the neighbors.

OPENING SALVO

Apostasy? Yes
"Squeakhole of Allah's Sister"
Such a cool band name

Whoops, that was me

ALLAH STRIKES BACK

Fucking rookie punk
Challenging the Prophet? Well....
NO VIRGINS FOR YOU!

A CASTING DILEMMA

Ace, Smitty and Hoke
Draw straws to replace Ned in
"Deliverance 2005"

"Allah mows the lawn
with one hand down his knickers."
Doesn't everyone?

Ace let's fly a moan
for that 8 inch uncut cock.
Gannon likes the shirts.

Ace meets Allah

Ace and Allah met
for beer, before going home
for Ice-T-bagging.

Okay, I'm calling this...

Fickle Feather Tosses In Gentle Winds

Such a blogwhore
Forced to quit for lame, used joke
Instapundit's bitch

this ones for you, Jeff

Jeff B's vagina
spits out another haiku
while no one listens

Fragrant, Forbidden Joy

Two girls, making poo.
Laughing, they squat and drop turds
into Ace's mouth.

Thrusting Glory

Blue-veined, decisive!
Bob Dole's unit rips into
your mom's red starfish.

SpewFan our mancunt
Wails for his Terris demise
No brain there, why care?

Transgendered Dogstar

As Bob Dole watches
the doctors knife cuts Dogstar
turning boy to girl

(why Bob Dole, i have NO idea)

Double Agent

the great cedarford
spews anti-U S bullshit
Osama is proud

While mancunt Dogstar
Thumps his Book, fears autopsy
Will show him a fool.

Schiavo's Revenge

the ghost of terri
haunts cedarford in his dreams
he cries like a bitch

schiavos revenge was mine

To Son of America

In his Zion zeal.
Forgets a 51st State, it
Ain't. Betrayal. His.

Knowledge Intrudes

Cedarford in shock:
"My mom's name was Rosenfeld?!?!"
As his head explodes.

15 years braindead
What soul existed long gone
Who mourned her back then?

Silly Christian
Zionist's shock at knowing
They and pigs are barred.

(As DogStar laments at the Israeli Consulate - "But I'm cleaner than a pig, and almost as smart!)

Heil ...Cedar?

Cedarford suits up
he straps his jack boots on real tight
pathetic nazi

dammit! the middle line was 8...FUCK

Poor Bastard

pathetic cedar
my fucking two year old niece
makes more sense than you

Dual loyalty
Sucks. That much is clear. Lessons
Exist..Traitors take heed.

Ode to Son of America's Daughter

Be careful, young lass.
Of which flag Daddy makes you
Salute. 50 stars? One?

Lusty Cedarford

Cedarford, who is
by the way a cocksucker,
yearns for Brewfan's dick.

Socialford

Cedar, Carl Marx called
he said to stop quoting him
he fucking HATES you

The secret is out
cedarford likes to suck dick
especially mine

Why does cedarford
hate all of the zionists?
They fucked his mama!

Cedar-roe-v-wade

Cedarford is the
best example I can cite
to uphold Roe/Wade.

zionists plotting
they dug a grave for cedar
'filled it with kosher

Ace, George Michael called.
Wants his chaps, boots, pony back.
Left them in your ass.

Three Days/One Week of Loose Shit

son's puzzlement grows:
"Mom, you tossed Bob Dole's salad?
Thought it was my turn..."

What to Make of a Diminished Thing

Fun bags once, were mine
Swollen belly bringeth he
Who taketh away

The second coming

Dr. Evil hides
the a/v just came back
looking for round two

Out of the Closet Endlessly Knocking

Born to breed, was Ace
Vaginas he finds banal
Squeakhole love canal

White gobbets of goo
Decorate Spewfan's eager mouth
Thanks, Jack M! He says

ACE returns, no luck
As a gay tramp. Damn SpewFan!
He does it for free.

Daisies Bathed in Twilight Globules
Jack M, BrewFan, Cedarford Reconcile

Three men, flaming each
Seeking solice, reflect on
Three-way circle jerk

Less class than dick jokes
Why does anyone bother to
talk to Cedarford?

Lunar Rhythm

Tension fills the house;
Bathroom full of T.P. wads.
Take that fishin' trip.

KC

"Fun bags once, were mine
Swollen belly bringeth he
Who taketh away"

Tell me about it, brother!

Damn, all that goodness, and I can't even enjoy it.

You have captured my soul

*sniff*

Hob:

Remember this:

Those things were put there for God's purposes, your wife's and yours. Cold comfort, I know, but there's also this that can help:

It may make your wife fell rather icky about the thought of you enjoying those yabas during the months that ensue while they serve a more utilitarian purpose.

If that is your spouse's emotional state of mind, there is no force on this earth that can change it.

After learning this, you've learned a very serious lesson in the secrets of maintaining a long marriage: When the wife wants something that the husband disagrees with, the husband's first instinct is to challenge. Well, when you temper that impulse, and learn to logically analyze the decision of whether to debate or concede, there are few things worth debating when both parties are at such opposite ends of the issue. No compromise type issues. And brother, this is not one of those issues where you can compromise. Try, though, because the payoff may be well worth it. But remember the icky feeling your wife may have.

I feel for you, but unfortunately, I learned this lesson three times.

Boobie Lament:

You guys can complain
When you push big baby head
From your own squeakhole.

Girls bear your children
Carry bowling ball nine months
Guys bitch 'bout the boobs.

Boobies not so pert
Impregnation causes that
Two words guys: bag it.

LD:

Three sane, though painful-because-it's-true, haikus.

But give us guys some credit. Read my advice to Hob, and call me a guy who is whining about the boobies.

I'm a guy who wrote about the whining about the boobies. And that was merely the rememberance of that. Guys need something to whine about. And if it can't be loss of fun bags, then what the heck can it be about?

So we're a single-minded gender. But you already knew that.

KC:

I must confess that, having no children, I have no real dog in this fight.

Your haiku was very clever, but I saw an opportunity to grind the guilt in further. Make you feel bad for your secret thoughts.

That's just what I do.

:)

LD:

And you do it masterfully.

You have no dog in this fight, you say? Let me ask you: When you go on a date with a mail suitor, who owns the keys to the car?

Same deal with the babies. So your words hold true even without you having kids. If and when you have them, your power will increase ten-fold. The potential is more than enough to have ground the guilt.

Same posters, same jokes
Sick dynamic at work here
More squeakhole jokes please.

KC,

not that you'll come bact to this thread, but I wasn't (a) guilty, or (b) dissatisfied.

I can touch (gently) and it is a joy to behold the wonder (and aesthetic pleasure) of motherhood.

I'm one happy camper, let me tell you.

Hob:

Won't come back to this thread? Why the hell not? After 10 hours of flying about the longest diagonal in the continental US, I'll come back to a fuckin' thread because...I have no life besides this site.

I'm glad you're happy. I guess I sort of tried to impart some experience that really wasn't necessary given the levity of the haiku.

From reading your post, it seems you've embraced all the joy you could muster.

They're fun, they're awesome, no guilt, and you can touch? Fuckin' awesome. You got to take in the sublime, the beauty and the splendor of new yabas? Curse you, bastard. You got everything perfect.

Congratulations. They (and your child) are a blast.

Just keep it all in perspective (which you've obviously done to perfection) and you are king.

Well, as LD made clear, you've gotten as close to being a king as the queen will allow. Now that's impressive.

You're one blessed son of a gun, on many levels.

Enjoy.

Now you've got me sobbing like a baby.

Excuse me, am I on the wrong thread? I thought this was a haiku flame war, not a rerun of the view. Could someone point me to where there aren't a bunch of women crying?

Yes, son of america; but, we are talking about golden bozos, that deliver nourishment, so there's at least a dirty theme to these last few exchanges.

You are excused.

here we are at last

THE FINAL HAIKU(from me, anyway)

Breastfeeding KC,
Hobgoblin's man tits run dry.
KC sucks his cock