USA-250 Club ONT - July 4, 2026 [3 D's]

Welcome to Club ONT - a revolutionary collaboration of The Club's "founding fathers", The Disco, The Dino, and The Doggo. That's right - even the prodigal pooch couldn't stay away from our USA-250 celebration!

We built this place for you so you can have some fun. Come in in, grab a drink or 3. Keep it light and friendly. Jerks need not enter the premises. No loyal British subjects of the king are allowed either! Club ONT is for citizens, not subjects.

Please rise for a salute to the ragged old flag.

Thank you.

Saturday Night Jokes and Other Funnies

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington? It was too heavy to carry.

***

So it's July 4th night, and all of the dead presidents are gathered around a campfire for a party. They're drinking, eating, and having a good time when President Washington puts President Lincoln on the spot.

"Hey, Lincoln, do your thing!" asks Washington.

"What thing?" Lincoln asks. "What is it?"

"Lincoln, do the thing!" Washington says. The speech, address or whatever! "You know what I'm talking about!"

"Oh, yeah, the speech," Lincoln says. That thing, yes. I'm afraid I can't. "I can't recall the words."

"What do you mean you can't remember the words?" exclaimed Washington. "You've given the speech a million times! You've got that like burned in your brain, right?!"

Lincoln says, "Well, yeah, normally, sure, I've got it memorized, but that was four s'mores and seven beers ago!"

Drink of the Night

A red, white, and blue layered cocktail for USA-250? Of course!

Here's how to make it

Club ONT Department of Bicentennial Artifacts

Who still has their Bicentennial mug, T-shirt, pin, button, commemorative plate... or harmonica?

Is it proudly displayed? Tucked away in the attic? Hidden in a box with the avocado-green Tupperware and other "too sentimental to toss" treasures?

Hit the comments if you've held onto a Bicentennial keepsake or two.

***

Check out this cool poster from our good friend and barkeep, JQ!

Hopefully JQ will take a break from pouring drinks and explain how this came into her possession and where she currently has it displayed.

***

Yes... one of the D's still has a Bicentennial harmonica. It's safely tucked away in a home office desk drawer, just waiting for a Yankee Doodle rendition.

***

And here's one from The Disco's personal collection. A well cared for piece of Bicentennial drinkware!

[Disco says: This belonged to my grandfather, was given to my mom when she and my dad bought a house with a bar in the basement, then I took it several years ago when my mom sold that house. It has become my favorite glass for sipping bourbon.]

Grok says it is a "sour cream" tumbler made by Hazel Atlas Glass Company.

***

So - what do you still have? And what have you acquired as a collectible for USA-250?

Club ONT Department of Flyover Country

4 cents per acre. Jefferson and that land purchase. Very casual reading at the link - plenty of other details to parse in the comment section.

By the time Monroe arrived in Paris on April 12, 1803, the French had made a stunning offer to Livingston. For various reasons, Napoleon had decided to abandon his plans for Louisiana, and he had Prime Minister Talleyrand offer not just New Orleans but the entire territory to the United States for $15 million. Monroe and Livingston agreed to the purchase, and they signed a treaty with France on April 30, 1803.

How is that Greenland thing coming along?

Club ONT Department of Patriotic Paint Jobs and Styling

Patriotic Special Edition Cars and Trucks Hit the link to check out the 1976 Cadillac Eldorado Bicentennial Edition.

Hurst Performance had a thriving business as a specialty car builder for major automakers in the late 1960s, producing special high-performance models for Oldsmobile, Pontiac, Plymouth, and others, but the AMC Hurst SC/Rambler is undoubtedly one of the most visually distinctive vehicles that emerged from these collaborations.

Nice story about a kid tracking down his dad's 1976 Kenworth - Bicentennial edition.

During the nation's bicentennial celebration in 1976, automakers introduced special edition cars and trucks honoring America's 200th anniversary, while Kenworth answered the call with one of the most distinctive heavy-duty trucks it had ever produced.

Known as the VIT 200, the limited-production package transformed the company's flagship W900 conventional into a patriotic showpiece through a red, white, and blue paint scheme, special trim, commemorative badging, and the introduction of Kenworth's groundbreaking Aerodyne raised-roof sleeper.

Club ONT Jukebox

250 years of this great nation deserves a party!

Top 10ish Comments of the Week

Bonus comments of the week:

Club ONT is brought to you by the Weather Report

Florida Man meets Hurricane Matthew (with help from Slayer)

Club ONT Disclaimer: Side effects may include wild flag waving, excessive potato salad consumption, Roman Candle duels, and convincing yourself a second or third hot dog is a good idea. Professional fireworks should be left to professionals. Uncle Billy is not a professional fireworks technician, no matter what he says - and neither are you Morons.

This ONT is fueled by charcoal, confidence, and mosquitoes. No Founding Fathers were consulted in the planning of these festivities, though we're reasonably certain they'd have questions.

Sparklers are not lightsabers. Lawn chairs and coolers are not defensive positions. The bald eagle is watching all of you. America has thrived for 250 years. Don't be the reason it doesn't survive the weekend.

posted by Open Blogger at 10:00 PM

| Access Comments