TIP: Lesbian sex talk in comments = more traffic = crazy blog money.

It's the proven Howard Stern path to fame and fortune beyond measure.

PS, if you've got a juicy tip for Ace, start your comment with "TIP" to catch my attention, if you'd be so kind.

Soooo you have the gall to admit that you do not read every last word in the witty repartee of your blog-homies??!!!

I want to lick the inside of carin's gorgonzola wheels.

I hate to admit it, but I'm far to enormous at this point to keep up with every comment on the site.

Unless a comment starts off in an interesting way -- and by "interesting," I mean calling me brilliant -- I sorta just skim for the lesbian stuff.

TIP

This has nothing to do with titties.....sorry.

It does have to do with indymedia making a hilarious rendition of the lord of the rings...

http://www.indybay.org/news/2004/09/1694233.php

they translate for you what the movie is really about, while playing the movie, then (how fun) show various people destroying evil capitalist american things like...ohhhhhh, i dunno, the office of immigration. Where the hell is the spell check thing on this shit....i cant really explain how stupid it is, you just have to see it for yourself (needless to say the "tower" are the twin towers, the ring is capitalism, and bush is sauron or mordor or whatever....the shit gets deep or if you like "its some loose shit)

whatever...this definatly deserves so mockery.....and because allah is dead, ace you are the man to do it. like the second best is still damn good (i read you every day, and use your humor, crediting you, to brain wash my fellow medical students....thanks)

Brilliant, Ace! Absolutely Brilliant!

In the spirit of mashup mania, I present my new thread name: "Sexy Sadist".

It's the Beatles vs. the Marquis de Sade.

Isn't it about time?

Dammit, Ace, let me start a forum for you. Lime is looking at modifying her software to allow portal functionality as well, but you've already got enough conversation going on for a good site.

Seriously. Post in your thread and tell me to start a prototype for you.

What's this about picking up lesbians?

Talldave,

Picking up Lesbians is a piece of cake.

Provided you know where to insert the handles, that is.

The guys- and the lesbians- get shirts and that's just the f@#king way it is!

TIP:

Don't eat the yellow snow.

Cal, hmmm... what do you mean by a forum? I mean, isn't this sort of a forum already? What differences would this forum idea of yours bring?

There are hosting issues to consider as well... Pixy Misa has given me a blog, but he hasn't offered me a forum.

TIP:

If you smoke after sex, and you want to stop, try using a lubricant.

Is this a real thread or what?

I mean, is this a real lesbian thread or what?

Sorry, Teletubbies are on and I was distracted.

i've been a bad girl

WHat ever happene dto the, ym, stimulating discussion about Ice-T's hottie?

As I recall, all the women were being bitchy about how HAWT she was, and some dickless guys were complaining of the sharpness of her knees.

I mean shit, a pretty face, blonde, long hair, and incredibly outsized breasts are wonderful qualities in a two dimentional woman.

Let me rephrase: it doesn't matter if they're (1) fake, (2) "too big" (whatever that means), or (3) propped up by a girl with the IQ of a hat-rack (which by ace's account isn't true anyway), we are looking at a picture of a flesh and blood woman in littel or no clothing and she (1) is thin, but not bony, (2) shapely in the important areas, and (3) aesthetically pleasing in the face.

Get over it.

Why much chicks ride down a woman they have no chance of ever meeting or interacting with, who is in no way competing for the affections of a partner, and who is, by ace's account, a nice person?

That's just incredibly bitchy and shrewish behavior.

And the morons who are copmplaining about her fakeness (yes I dislike fake breasts that I can touch but not to look at!), grow some fucking testicles so you can eke out the slightest amount of testosterone, and perhaps then you'll understand why a huge titted woman with an outstanding ass is pleasing to look at on a computer screen. You're not dating her, you morans, just look at the cans. (it's not like there's a hugongous gap there or the tits are coming out her sides, it's a decent tit job)

/rant

A forum. Like TPW. Except yours. And no, this isn't a forum. This is a weblog with comments. You don't have to be a topical organization freak like me to see the difference. You could use Lime's software and set up a forum.

I told you already: Lime and I would put it together, I'd run the ads and pay the hosting costs out of that. You'd get a percentage of what's left. The majority of the percentage, obviously, as you're providing the audience that builds the revenue.

You could also do subscriptions, like I do at TPW, and naturally that money would be all yours. Although I give Lime 10%.

And if you buy now, we'll throw in a Popeil Pocket Fisherman at no extra cost!

Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell out.

Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell out.

J/K. A forum would be fun.

Speaking of "pocket fisherman"...

Never ever EVER buy a "mango acai" drink - it tastes like blended fish, or meat. I can't decide.

"You could also do subscriptions" and watch your site fall faster than Salon.com

I wouldn't do subscriptions.

Anyway, Cal probably means voluntary "subscriptions," which is what is asked for at TPW. Which isn't any different than me periodically rattling my cybercup looking for loose change.

Hell. I can top that offer, I can set you up with your own bulletin board for free. It’s a nice cork one, 3 feet by 2 feet. I’ll even host it for you, right here in my hallway.

Of course, it goes without saying that I’ll keep the add revenue…

Seriously, let me know.

Do me a favor, folks, and don't involve me in THIS thread.

Later,
bbeck

bbeck,

You've been a very naughty girl, what with your endless Star Trek references, your ren fair re-enactments, and your inherent Niven kissing geekiness.

Come let Jack "Sexy Sadist" M show you error of your ways through the painful pleasures of a bondage/paddling session. I know you want to. And I know you will like it. Or else.

(LOL...now you're involved in this thread!) :P

Bbeck:

Can I involve Bjork in this thread? I think Jack M. has the hots for her, in a Pat Obrien sort of way.

Your wisdom on this matter would be most helpfull

"Anyway, Cal probably means voluntary "subscriptions," which is what is asked for at TPW."

Yes, of course. Anything else is idiotic.

But it isn't quite the same as rattling your tin cup, because as a forum provider you're doing much more than belting your own greatest hits out into the blogosphere. You're giving others the ability to publicize their own thoughts, and in a considerably better environment than a comments section. I don't know what sort of income you get from your tip jar, so I can't really compare.

And of course there are a million different ways for Ace to run a forum,, but to the best of my knowledge, I'm the only one that generates more income from ad revenue than constant hawking for money (which I only do four times a year, very mildly). I also only work about 4 hours a month on the forum, on costs of $1200/year, and I make about ten times that much, with a much smaller audience than Ace has.

So yeah, I want to do a few more forums because I think I have a good method of generating revenue that will benefit Ace as well as me. Ace knows this (I hope) and understands I'm not hawking Ginsu knives. TPW was his last waystation before going to the big tent.

Well, I've always kind of liked Bjork, totally psychotic brunettes being exactly my type. After Jack M. conquers Iceland, I volunteer to take custody of Bjork.

Cal,

Well, I'm definitely interested... I guess maybe we should Yahoo/AIM/MSM at some point to talk further.

I'm all about the money, of course, but I'm more about the ATTENTION, and if a forum results in these salivating encephalitics paying me less attention in order to mouth-breathe among themselves, that would be a bad thing.

PS, pardon all the "moron" and "retard" insults. I'm afraid I really liked the flame war, and I'm still sort of in that mode.

That flame thread seems to have uncorked your personality Ace.

LOL great minds

That flame thread seems to have uncorked your personality Ace.

Yeah, I was such a tight-ass before that.

Ace, if they want to talk instead of reading you, there's not a damn thing you can do to force them to read you instead of talk. Behavior modification never works.

If your comments section continues to grow with off-topic chat, you have three choices:

1) Let them continue to use your comments section as a chat room.

2) Disable comments (either immediately or on any thread that devolves into chat).

3) Give them a better place to chat and make money from it.

Obviously, I think option 3 is a good idea. But if you want to try behavior modification, I recommend spending a bit more time on #2. You certainly don't want to give them a whole post just for chatting--unless all you want to do is keep your numbers high.

Ace, if they want to talk instead of reading you, there's not a damn thing you can do to force them to read you instead of talk.

Cal, um, uhhh, I was sort of joking.

Really? I would think that people using your bandwidth for their own purposes would bother you. Squatters, and all that.

not as long as I'm getting the traffic recorded and that crazy blog-ad money.

Plus, it would be fun to overtake The Mote in, like, three days.

Cal - Are you wearing underwear?

Ace,

I'm reasonably sure that you could still have your forum traffic be counted. TPW is now 65th in traffic, I think. So traffic and more money than just the kindness of your strangers is possible.

As for the Mote, I had more traffic than it did on the first day. You should set your sites higher. Try to beat TPW in three days. I think (but am not sure) you've got a bigger audience. Lord knows you get more free advertising.

Ace, caveat emptor. Part of the deal is you have to pop into the comments sections of other bloggers and act like an asshole to drive hits to your site.

Cal, I think you need to be more subtle in your sales pitch.

You know, tone it down to the level of Amway and Timeshares.

Ace doesn't do the high pressure sales bit. That ain't part of the "Ace-o-Spades Lifestyle" (TM).

Oh and psflanagan, I ask one more time...will you marry me?

Flame war!!!

(announced in much the same tone as "cripple fight!!!")

I felt something wet.

Is that what a drop of contempt feels like?

PS, pardon all the "moron" and "retard" insults.

Not bloody likely.

contempt="Squatters, and all that."

sorry for any confusion

As for the Mote, I had more traffic than it did on the first day. You should set your sites higher. Try to beat TPW in three days.

Uhhhh... check the stats, Cal. I've got you beat on most days. Once in a while you slip past me.

Jack--Subtlety? Ace? Together? In the same room? What planet are you from?

Ace only responds to massive sledgehammers, often only when they are shoved horizontally up his ass. Which you might even know if you'd ever argued with him for seven years or so. Until then, find your grandma and sit patiently through a week of eggsucking lessons for penance.

Besides, I'm not selling. I'm nagging.

I like "all the "moron" and "retard" insults"

Makes me feel like I'm back at home.

Lord knows you get more free advertising.

?

Huh? The only "advertising" I've ever gotten was from Allah, who has some sort of gay-panic fear of meeting me and succumbing to my fearful charms.

Ace--I was talking about your forum, not your blog. Of course your blog gets more traffic than TPW--it's a huge site. I was astonished that TPW was in the top 100, much less anywhere near yours on traffic.

Random ace sidebar link sez:

"7. Foggy Bottoms: The Sensual Anal Erotica of Madeleine Albright"

"The only "advertising" I've ever gotten was from Allah"

All those media mentions? Yeah, sure. Don't rub it in.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I figure I'd beat you in four or five days.

I'd just go crazy on a forum. I could get any of these hookers.

I don't know why I'm acting this way. I don't do this for a living. This is like new to me.

All those media mentions? Yeah, sure. Don't rub it in.

Got me no traffic.

Does gorgonzola come in wheels?

And, Ace ... you can try to de-retardify us ... but it might be a one-step forward, two-steps back kinda think.

OK Jack, I'll marry you! Looks like Cal is wearing underwear ... I'm gonna bet on tightie whities ..

Random ace sidebar link sez:

"7. Foggy Bottoms: The Sensual Anal Erotica of Madeleine Albright"

ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!

TIP:

PS, pardon all the "moron" and "retard" insults. I'm afraid I really liked the flame war, and I'm still sort of in that mode.

Could that be any more gay?

Try "No, I really mean it. You are all retards and morons. Give me your money or there will be no special olympics for you next year."

Pardon me, but is this the thread where we make fun of Ice-T's inflatable doll girlfriend?

Nah, "Coco" was nice to me.

Carin, Grgonzola is made in wheels (how it "comes" just seems like a really unfortunate choice of words, in this context), as you can see here. Bbeck definitely knows her cheesy slams.

The link also has a lot to say about its strong flavor and aroma, and how well it goes with sliced fruits. Frankly, I just don't want to pursue these matters.

Rats, link won't work. Anyway: yes, very wheelly.

Um, Ace....I think we were supposed to start at the part where Megan said that she loved me.............

Gee, cal's sense of humor seems to have shrivelled up and died, possibly of a combination of dehydration and starvation. Or something.

Perhaps one too many oxycoton/eightball-shooting/Wild Turkey enema conehead sessions.

Boss to me: "Did our accountant say to, at a certain point, drop trying to find the difference?"

Me to boss: "He can't do that without being a naughty accountant..."

Boss to me: "What?"

Me to boss: "I did not need the mental image that presented. 'You've been a naughty accountant! You need a spanking!' "