Ace--KKKArl Rove planted this, of course, to advance the fiction of a liberal media. Just like he did with the Rathergate memos, of course.

Here's all I got so far:

10. "We hope to build a 'big-tent' coaltion of cretins, morons, and retards to help pass our reckless Social Security schemes and thereby destroy the nation"

9. "It is absolutely untrue that many high-ranking Bush Administration officials are closeted homosexuals; however, at least three of them are 'really into' strangling hobos"

OT breaking news:

the guitarist from Foghat has died

now back to your top 10 list....

Very funny, See-Dub. Clearly, this was a plant, but you are looking at the wrong end of the stick. Bush couldn't plot his way out of a paper bag. Rove and the neocon/Zionist apparatus couldn't even be bothered to put together a credible mockup of WMD's in Iraq.

This is a Vatican op, with the wily old Pole pulling the strings. That shaky Parkinsonian twitch is a cover; he knows the current crop of republicans can't enforce his RTL agenda so he's trying to shake them out--and replace them with legislators handpicked by his good friend Randall Terry. This is just part and parcel of their anti-federalist zionist agenda to clamp chastity belts around the constitution and cripple American manufacturing by submerging us in three generations of foreign debt. And you know where those belts will be manufactured? Not here, I guarantee.

It all points to China.

And Israel. And Heritage USA.

#7 "Because most people are so stupid that they will believe anything if it is repeated enough times, the new GOP motto is big, liberal government is good as long as Republicans are doing it."

Sorry, I'm a little bitter about taxes right now.

Seriously though, I think that is the new GOP "talking point."

10) Remember not to make "scare quotes" with your fingers when talking about "God" and "religion".

9) Return to chattel slavery is a long-term goal. Remeber to be patient.

8) If you say "Ben Affleck is not cool" enough times, maybe you can start to convince yourself.

7) If you can't say "fair and balanced" without smirking, try not to talk about Fow News at all.

6) Melanin shall hencefore be known as "the Devil's Protein".

#? - We feel we need to eliminate some of the people who claim we've "eliminated" some of our opponents. Someone might believe them.

What would Wellstone do, indeed!

How about:

We need to find a way to discourage people from spaying and nuetering their dogs because we need to satisfy Dick Cheney's "puppy frape" habit.

#6: "Chappaquidick? Kennedy swerved off the road to avoid a young Karl Rove illegally fishing off the bridge..."

#5. "Men on the Moon? A Nixon era vote-getting hoax. Communists in Central America? A Reagan era vote-getting hoax. Iraq invading Kuwait? A Bush I era vote-getting hoax.
The Bush Twins in Maxim? Real, spectacular, and reason enough for re-election, baby!

#4. "Honest Abe" Lincoln was not really a "rail splitter" although he did enjoy whittlin' from time to time.

Hey Ace, technically it was John Anderson - I live in his district and we never called him Jack. He was a pretty conservative Republican for Northern Illinois at that time (Major blue collar area that set the nations record for unemployment).
BTW, full disclosure - I wasn't old enough to vote that year.
DKK

When talking about ANWR, remember to say it is about reducing our country’s dependence on foreign oil. Don’t let on that it is a secret plan to: 1) drive aging hippies into cardiac arrest and 2) ruin a pristine environment, because of course, we hate the environment as well as anything “pristine”.

Be sure to denigrate activist judges any chance that you get because Chimpy, er, I mean W, is still bitter about that DUI and really wants to impose fascism. These progressive judges who are creating a happy-land utopia are standing against our ideal fascist state must be removed.

Oppose embryonic stem cell research at all costs. If all those embryos get used for science, what will be our hors d’ouevres at the illuminati meetings?

When accepting corporate payoffs and kickbacks, always be sure to use RNC approved #10 manila envelopes manufactured by Halliburton. Failure to use approved RNC envelopes may disqualify the terms of said payment.

When in public, if you start daydreaming about the successes of our evil plans to rule and enslave the entire world, try not to smirk too much, it might tip our hand.

8) Remember, if we can invade Iraq for no reason we can sure as hell make the Christian Right believe we arent here to do Satan's bidding.

7) When the courageous truthtellers on the far left (Ward Churchhill, Michael Moore, Juan Cole etc) make the inevitable and highly accurate comparisons between Bush and Hitler try to act outraged and definately do not nod approvingly.

6) The last person out of the White House at night please make sure that the Republican Smear Machine is turned off. Someone keeps leaving it on overnight which is costing us some serious money, remember it runs on the souls of the poor, sick and infirmed, and until we get our social security reform passed those are gonna be in short supply.

Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do!
Who keeps Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do!
Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We do! We do!
Who robs the cave fish of their site?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do! We do!

Pseudarford,

Lol!

10. When faced with incontrovertible scientific data, chuckle and remind everyone that at one time "scientists" thought the earth was at the center of solar system and that they could transmute lead to gold.

9. Suggested alternatives to term "climate change": "ticking up the planetary thermostat, global de-icing, interior coast beach enhancement, and ozone Viagra for Mother Nature's frigidity problem."

8. The acid rain that results from burning fossil fuels mostly falls on Canadian losers.

7. Sure we could drill for oil in some place other than protected wildlife sanctuaries, but that's too much like kissing your sister.

6. Make sure not to refer to our plan to save Social Security and Medicare as the Soylent Green Option.

5. Have the President listen attentively whenever Condoleeza Rice is talking, then when she finishes say, "Whee doggy I wish I was as articulate as my female Secretary of State who also happens to be black."

4. Talk up what a great job Ashcroft did and what a shame it is we don't have another office to let him serve in...something like Federal High Priest and Minister of Morality. Suggest maybe that's something Congress could fix.

3. Best way to bring down the deficit? A hefty but fair poll tax.

2. Emphasize how new streamlining government initiative will, by privatizing DoD as a subsidiary of Halliburton, cut out the middle man.

1. School vouchers only to schools teaching creationism, abstinence, and the superiority of coat hanger induced abortions.

Oh, and most importantly:

147) Do not reveal our secret plan to invade Franace.

Don't forget the environment, Ace. By God, we Republicans hate this filthy planet.

1) When confronted with angry claims about voter disenfranchisement from the left, be sure to smile knowingly and wink a lot while saying "count every vote? Of course we want to count every vote"!

2) When responding to questions about drilling oil in ANWR, belittle the media by holding your hands next to your ears and talking like Bullwinkle.

3) Use lots of Biblical references when discussing the War on Terror. Mispronounce "hegemony" on purpose.

How bout:

Dick Cheney uses stolen oil and blood of Iraqi children as hair grow formula.

Republican Talking Points Memo

- Draft -

Secret - Don't Tell Anybody But Us.

Fellow White Men with Money,

These are the points we need to highlight over the next few news cycles to keep our social program thriving. The rigor with which we pursue this agenda makes the difference. Hail Rove!

Here are this weeks points:

1. Easter highlights the need for Governmental involvement in Terri Schiavo. Cast Judge Greer as Pontius Pilate, the Democrats as the noisy mob - avoid the whole Jew thing, too "Passion of the Christ" - clamoring for blood.

2. Repeat "Err on the Side of Life" to the point where people no longer think 'To Err is Human".

3. BP has two letters - AQ has two letters. Make the Connection.

4. All the talk about Governor Bush and President Bush is confusing people. Refer to the Governor of Florida as "The Jeb-inator" to form an Arnold Connection.

5. The Democratic Leadership would, given a chance, ask for Barabbas. Further, four days later, they'd still say that Barabbas was the right choice.
Point that out.

6. Be seen with Children and Bunny Rabbits this Weekend. For those in Texas - remember, pet the rabbits, don't cook the rabbits.

7. President Bush and Laura have not disclosed their living wills to the public. If pressed about this, mention that President Bush believes that God's will will be done. That will change the subject to Iran, which is where we want it.

8. Iran. The Iranians approve of the Democrats handling of Terri Schiavo, at least it seems that they do.

9. If possible, dye Terri's index finger blue.

Encourage auto makers to put battering rams on the front of their SUVs. This will go far in providing protection for our most valuable and precious resources--THE CHILDREN. (You know, at least the ones in YOUR car)

STARVE THE BEAST! Captives of the Old Paradigm might still believe the way to cut government spending is to go ahead and cut it. Dinosaurs, every last one of them! Our subtle plan is to cut governemt spending by RAISING it; eventually the deficits will panic Congress into SLASHING spending right back to where it was before we raised it. Victory!

LifeTrek - I'm pretty sure Ace is referring to the investigative columnist Jack Anderson, not John, who I voted for for president in my first election. ( Man, the dope in college was good, but it couldn't have been that good!)