I watched the little movie. I'm going to just pretend that I did not see what I think I saw. I believe we have now come to the portion of any random Simpons episode where the bully punches somebody on principle.

Online gaming has jumped the shark. Statistically I didn't think it was possible, but I've confirmed it with multiple tests: 110% of the people playing D2X online are 13 y/o ADD-riddled profanity-spewing, cheat-mongering, hack-crazy crack babies.

It's phenomenal if you think about it...

Damn Ace...now you and Cedarford both have a reason to bash Israel!

D&D players and rabidly antisemitic posters sure make for odd bedfellows though.....

Fat Kid...

I think your tests are a little skewed b/c you forgot to factor Amish out of the sample.

I bet with him screened out, the number drops from 110% to something like 104.6%.

Oh, lord, please tell me I was never that geeky. Please?

JackM,

Just so you know, I didn't steal your joke. I just added a bit about Cedarford before checking the comments.

But-- good joke.

This policy probably came to be after a general heard some soldier say "My Galil is +6 against Al-Aqsa Martyr's Brigade!" for the nine zillionth time. Hopefully they'll revise it soon.

Except for those jerks who always want to play dark elves or vampires. Those bastards should burn.

LOL ... Well, all the military men I know were more into military conquest games ... Starting out with Risk, moving up to Civilization (board version) ... and my hubbies favorite War of the Roses (not the Bette MIlder movie.) My husband, and his brother (who is in Iraq right now) would keep me up half the night with their wargaming stuff.

Yes, these games are pretty big in the US military, and yet none of our boys seems to have gone all Mazes and Monsters on his unit.

Is it just me or did that guy yelling "lightning bolt" sound a lot like Ace on the radio?

The video was classic and an illustration of what happens when you combine Audio/Video dorks with Gaming geeks or are they the same group? I get so confused about the worlds and levels of nerdom.

You know, that lightning bolt stuff seems to have some merit. I think the IDF might be able to use a few good men armed with such a weapon.

I'm jus saying....

Hmm...middle east relevance? check.
Hilarious clip linked? check.
D&D geek references? In spades.
Law stuff? Oyez
Withering sarcasm? I think yes.
Hard not to laugh while reading Ace at work? Oh, definitely. Had to fake coughing.

So, is this the ultimate, archetypal AoSHQ post?

Hmmm...reference to Odub, Sullivan, or Wonkette?

No, don't quite see that...not quite there yet. Cedarford tweak is an unexpected twist, but we're still a little short in the cranks-and-skanks category.

Fine job.

(Oh, I believe it's spelled Juiblex. Check your Monster Manual. HA! Correcting the spelling of a blogger on D&D demons! No one's drafting me for the IDF now! )

There might just be something to this. I've often avoided going on hunting trips with trekkies, I just don't feel safe in the company of an armed person that may believe he has a "stun" setting on his 12 gauge shotgun.

Oy, WTF?!?!?!

I don't know where you found that video, but I can't stop watching it.

Oh my.

And there are chicks playing. That must be a D&D geek dream date.

Do you think they fornicate?

Wow. That post warmed the heart of my inner geek.

That is the single most pathetic video I have ever seen. Bloody Good show.

Speaking of semantics, LARPing and DnD are not the same thing. As a fellow geek, Ace, you should KNOW that...but I think you're just using the opportunity to show that "lightning bolt" film again....:)

And, uh, we played DnD for years with the hubby's AFROTC buddies and continued to do so with his fellow B-52 crew dogs, so I don't think we really need to worry about the same standards being applied in the US military.

Later,
bbeck

Ace, this post has everything you're (in)famous for. It should definitely go in you classics list.

And then when they came for me, no one said anything, because there were no geeks, nerds, dorkwads or gaywads left to cry out.

BWAHAHAHA! I think I just blew a cheeto out my nose.

Ace,

LOL. Don't worry about "stealing" my joke. I think bashing Cedarford is pretty much a "public domain" kind of thing now.

Besides, as someone keeps reminding me "You can't fight the funny". And taking digs at CF qualifies as funny.

If you feel you must atone, though, you could always link to my collection of sexually suggestive Archie comic book covers....

Ouch! That video is like watching an eight-car pileup of geekdom. Wrong in so many ways, on so many, many levels...

I see you bbeck... wait 'till I tell cball!

HEY you. How long have you been coming here?

C would only be cheesed if I were contributing to a liberal site. ;)

Later,
bbeck

Well, if D&D fans are treated as low status Jews by Zionists running the place, imagine how Israeli Arab Christians in Israel feel? They are kept in dilapidated segregated schools and townships, aren't permitted to join the IDF but do make good targets for the IDF if they demonstrate. (IDF snipers killed 6 Israeli-Arab Christians at a 2000 protest rally inside Israel).

In addition to being subject to Jim Crow laws inside Israel, Israeli Zionists have recently pushed their version of miscegination laws. If an Israeli Christian or Muslim leaves Israel to work or study, and marries a foreigner including and Palestinian refugee from their faith or tribe, they are not allowed back in the Jewish-only state - they are declared "absentee" and their lands are seized by the Zionist Housing Authority. But a Jew is permitted to go abroad and marry whoever they please and return.

The US State Department and various human rights
have been all over Israel for pervasive discrimination practices against Christian and Muslim Israelis.

Not that it matters to you, right ACE????

Israel is the only democracy...tiny, plucky, chosen people, heroic. You are sure there are reasons why they directed the Army to kill Christian protestors, why Christians have been placed under Jim CRow Laws, why Christians were barred on religious grounds from the military, working with the airline, phone, and a range of other state-owned companies???

Sometimes you got to cheer for a country that knows how to treat "inferior races", 'ey, ACE???

And why does ACE give a pass to Israel when he would condemn military shooting minorities or imposing Jim Crow or Apartheid in any other country??? Simple. ACE is habituated to treating Israel as an exception.....the only nation Americans were indoctrinated until recently that is "wrong to criticize", because they suffered so much in some other country - and what they did to the Palestinians wasn't so bad compared to their tribulations...

Nah, we're cool. The US military is run by closet D&D nerds. Most of us played at one time or another, or at least the older guys in the rifle companies. We used to have great campaigns in Korea, well, except for the fact we'd get too drunk to keep the dice on the table and then settle it with Airsoft guns.....

Even better than the short, pudgy bald guy shouting "LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT!" is when he runs out of wadded up balls of tinfoil to throw and so switches to the no-accessories-required all-purpose "DEATH!" spell.

"DEATH! DEATH!"

How many times do you think D&D geeks have wished they could shout that at the high school quarterback and have it work?

I think cedarford must have gone to a different Isreal than I did.

When I was in Military Intelligence we had the highest level security clearance that the gov't admits to using, and a bunch of us played D&D all the time. Of course we never got laid, either. Maybe *that's* why the IDF thinks those guys are imbalanced...

And a link from the Corner. Congrats.

PS that's gotta smart, Cedarford.

CedarTARD! LIGHTENING BOLT!!! LIGHTENING BOLT!!! LIGHTENING BOLT!!!

That's a pretty good essay Cedarford...Did Professor Churchill give you an "A" on it?

I'm sorry you all had to witness that but I am a Neutral Good Half-Elf Fighter after all.

Damn, See-Dub beat me to the "Juiblex" correction.

Classic, classic post, btw. Not only did it score a critical hit to the geek checklist, but it managed to troll a troll...

I may have spoken too soon, Someone:

"Little is known about the Faceless Lord, even the correct
spelling of his name. He does not have a physical form as
we know it, and those who have peered into his realm claim
he is a slime-like creature who swallows other creatures
alive, spits acidic secretions, and causes disease in his
victims which can be almost instantly fatal. '

Hmmm...so Michael Moore is a demon?

CedarASS, if you're going to malign, get your facts straight.

"Israeli Arab Christians in . . . aren't permitted to join the IDF

BULLSHIT, you stupid fuck.

Number of Arab and Christian Arabs in the IDF growing (original from Haaretz, now offline):

New figures made available by the Israel Defense Forces show the number of Muslim and Christian Arab Israeli volunteers in the army is growing. While Bedouin have been volunteering for the IDF, primarily as trackers, for dozens of years, Muslim and Christian Arabs have been doing so, on a very small scale, only since the 1990s.

The numbers increased slightly prior to 2000, but then fell significantly with the outbreak of the intifada in September of that year and Israel Police's killing of 13 Arab citizens in the October riots.

Nevertheless, partial figures given to Haaretz by the IDF indicate a renewed increase in the enlistment of Muslim and Christian youth over the past two years.

The number of Muslim volunteers in 2003 was 64.5 percent higher than in 2000, while the enlistment of Christians increased by 16 percent over the same period.

A senior source at the IDF's Personnel Directorate notes that incomplete figures for 2004 show a further increase, at a rate of some 20 percent, in the enlistment of youth from both sectors.

You stupid, nazi fucker.

You asked for Cedarford, and Cedarford gave. You can't say he's not a giver, that Cedarford.

LOL...Hobby just whipped out the +3 Mace of Cedarbashing and I do believe that Cedar missed the savings throw.....

I guess that means that Cedar will never get to join the IDF now. Dreams oftentimes die hard....

Hey Ace. A serious D&D question.

Seriously.

I found five original boxes of Advanced D&D Grenadier white metal casting action figures from 1980 -- never painted -- in my attic.

How much is this shit worth? I was thinking about putting it on Ebay.

(one box cover boasts that it is "The Gary Gygax 'Dean of Dungeons' Selection" -- as if that doesn't get your heart a-racing)

gimme a call. thnx.

SoN,

You little dork homo. You never mentioned that.

How much are they worth? No idea. Check ebay -- games/miniatures -- and you'll see lots of similar stuff for sale. THat'll ballpark the price.

I don't think much of this stuff is worth a lot. I, ahem, had a bit of nostalgia and bought the old Top Secret spy game, and oodles of crap that went with it, for like thirty bucks or something.

And then this one time, at wizard camp....

OTOH, certain books -- like the Deities and Demigods with Ctuhlhu in it -- are worth more than $100 or $150 in good condition.

Some, uhh, "modules" sell for 40, 50, or even 60 bucks.

But I don't get the feeling that miniatures are worth a lot. I've seen guys selling hundreds of them for $100 for the lot.

I saw one guying selling about 2 dozen figures and had a bid of $62.

I have about 4 dozen figures PLUS a "Dragon's Lair" kit with cast metal dragon and gold and little baby dragons.

(Let the gay jokes commence....just add in some $$$ figures b/c I don't want to shortchange myself considering I am shredding my dignity with each comment on the subject)

I'm now heavily into XBox live, btw. Yes, the Peter Pan syndrome continues....

I love how in Top Secret, pretty much all of the listed execution (attempt) methods left you permanently brain damaged.

Er, how was that supposed to be playable exactly?

someone,

Don't get me started. It was an outline for a finished game at best. Half of the rules made no sense, the other half were hopelessly inadequate and couldn't be used to actually play (ever try a car chase?), and the other other half were these ridiculously detailed and unplayable rules about your exact chances of survival from a tarantual bite, and how much brain retardation you'd suffer permanently as a result.

When I bought it, I read through it a little and remembered, "Ah yes, this is why this game sucked dick so much."

SoN,

Well, big figures are worth more, I'm sure.

Plus, if you've got the original packaging and stuff, that adds to the value.

I don't really know. I don't really know anything about miniatures; I'm just giving my vague memories of when I skimmed that part of ebay.

*walks away from ace, someone, and SoN with hand shielding eyes*

I think I hung out with you guys for about 2 months the summer after my 8th grade year . . .

Seriously, one of those guys looked and acted EXACTLY like Napolean Dynamite (except for the greazy black hair). I'm guessing that's Ace, since he's kind of the leader.

We all know the "lightning bolt" guy isn't you ace. You've got too much spastic energy to be that rotund.

Dragon's Lair? As in laser-disc video game Dragon's Lair?

Damn, boy. When I think of all the hours that I spent inside the Coliseum, playing DL and Space Ace and wasting time....

Dammit Hobby! When are you gonna learn?

Gannon is the leader.

Ace is a chosen disciple.

The rest of us are just sheep, with a cautious eye turned towards Cedarford.....

We online MU* players are off the hook, of course. Me, I'm going for one of them security clearances. :)

SoN,

The minis probably aren't worth as much in general than they used to be. You'd have to talk to a collector. The minis now are no longer lead, because Congress apperently decided that gamers eating their Tiamat figurines was a national problem that had to be solved at the federal level.

Most gamers ... or ... um ... so I've heard ... are more into the HeroClix stuff and the new line of collectable minis that Wizards of the Coast (no, it's no longer TSR) puts out.

If you want to find a group of people who can give you a better idea how much your old skool stuff is worth, try the message boards here: http://www.enworld.org

The folks there are pretty friendly.

The sad thing is the first time my friends and I who play EQ saw that video, we yelled, "Hey! That's an exploit, he's chain casting lightining bolt!" So, really, I can't feel superior.

So sad. So very very sad.

Oh, and just as generall commentary: I am, of course, against this policy ... except for those morons who play drow elves with scimitars. Kick those guys the hell out.

Dianna, I'm sure you weren't. But I am.... I mean, WAS. WAS. I meant 'WAS'. Really!

I think just reading this post and the comments have pretty much guaranteed that I'll never get laid again.

Not only that, Joe R, but with each comment you read you actually lost credit for anyone you might have already banged.

Damn boy, you might have regressed all the way to junior-high virgin by now.

Well, I wasn't a virging in junior high. I had a girlfriend.

She was from the Niagra Falls area. You probably wouldn't know her.

How many times do we have to go over this, Ace? Kim Richards doesn't count unless Kim Richards is actually there at the time of your, um, "deflowering".

(On a side note...you don't know how torn I was between using Kim Richards or Blossom as the "imaginary" girlfriend since I knew I was gonan use the word "deflowering". I think Blossom would have worked better with the wording, but I think Kim R. is funny cause it's, you know, more likely to be true...)

I feel kind of left out. I went to high school in the mid 80's and only played D&D ONCE. And that was just an attempt to get to know my buddy's hot little sister. Little did I realize that just sitting at the same table as a D&D game killed any chance of me hooking up with her.:-(

hob,

Don't be jealous because Ace has been chatting online with babes ALL DAY. Besides, we both know that he's training to be a cage fighter.

I played several fun games of Top Secret. I loved the brain-damge rules....we used to screw around and put corks in the characters' head wounds.

Gangbusters was a good one also. Nothing like opening up on a crowded bar with a Tommy Gun!

And they say these games have no redeeming value...

If the IDF doesn't want to know from DnDers, then they might as well turn in all those fighter planes, 'cuz the avionics were designed by 20th level wizards. And we're a clannish bunch.

"Hey, Izzy! Fly this!"

Hate to burst your bubble, but this is just a combination of poor journalism and a bad translation. The original refers to RD&D (Real D&D), which is a common Israeli term for LARP. These are not just D&D players.

Second, all that's happening here is that those beginning their compulsory service in the IDF are given psych evaluations and half of the LARPers are not fit for high security work.

It's really pretty straightforward.

Hobgoblins "we treat our darkies good" epistle was predictable.

As a Zionist fuck, you can tell when he lies. Just watch his lips move. America has been fed lies and myths by the Zionists for 50 years, but now the truth is coming out.

How many Christians the Zionists cleansed from their families lands & homes in 1948 have been allowed back? Zero.

Israel has moved 240,000 Colonists to take Palestinian land and water on the West Bank - in direct contravention to the 4th Geneva Convention, according to even the USA.

Now from the blockbuster report, we know that Israel secretly funded and aided expansion of outposts onto yet more Palestinian land all through the 1990s "peace process", and lied to both Clinton and Bush about US aid money being diverted to build new Colony housing.

Again - how do you know Hobgoblin and Zionists are lying??? Their lips move.

And how do you know when Cedarford is being an anti-semitic assclown?

His FINGERS move.

This is a message board you dumb-ass. While I understand YOU might have to move YOUR lips in order to sound out the words you are typing, I bet hobby does just fine without moving his lips at all.

Which, according to your formulation, would mean Hobby wasn't lying.

But, under my formulation, any subsequent reply from you on this board is evidence of your anti-semetic assclownery.

Logic is fun, isn't it Cedar?

What would make this an even more classic post is if it turns out to have spawned "The thread that got Cedarford finally banned".

Wait a sec? You guys mean that Cedarford really is an idiot? I thought he was just role playing all this time.

He went from funny to sad just like that.

Ahem.

Cedarford's rants sound better in the original German.

Old joke, yeah. Best I can offer.

heh -

back in the day I was a top-5 nationally ranked tournament AD&D player - GenCon East/GenCon - *before* I joined the USAF, trained to be a cryptologic linguist with TS/CW clearance, and worked at the NSA.

Then again, I gave up playing AD&D in the military because the guys (and one girl) took it waaaaaaaaaay to seriously.

Them: "Hey! we've got some time - let's play for 36 hours straight!" ...

Me: "Hey! We're in Monterey California at the Presidio and we've got some time ... let's go to Cannery Row, the Dream Theater, then the beach."

Oh, my. This *is* bad. Shoot fire, they gave me a TS/SBI/SCI and let me handle nukular weapons.

Poor bassids. Little did they know I was stealing 'em and hiding 'em in the Ammo Pouch of Holding, while I was sneaking the missiles themselves into my Golf Bag of Staffs.

Hehehehehehheheh. And I even post about about D&D. Well, once.

As a Paladin (lawful good) I must leave posthaste and vanquish the obvious evil doers! Who's with me?!?

Ahhh, good times, the late 70's were, with a gigantic Chicago-style deep dish pizza (16' square, 2" thick,, sliced into 16 square pieces, each 4"x4", x2" thick) as I recall called the "garbage pizza' because it had everything possible scraped onto it, with 4 or 5 of us Chemistry majors staying up late into the night on Fridays to game in our dorm.....As I recall, it was a pliable girl (or at least, one who wanted me to ply her) that saved me from that shite. Thanks, again, for the shuddering memories.

Don't rip on the Russian Israeli LARPers. I've seen fan videos of some of the Russian LARP camps. Heck, yeah, if I lived in Russia and had two weeks of summer vacation to spare, I'd spend 'em out by the Volga Canal in the fresh air, running around with my fellow gamers. It's SCA without as much work. Sounds like the Israeli LARPers are just following in the footsteps of Russian immigrants.

And, my poor fellow gamers, there are even a decent number of female Russian gamers with decently high comeliness scores. (And the guys ain't all pimply-looking, either.)

Trundle on over to Fangorn Video (a fan group that produces highlight videos of LARP events and filk albums) and see some of the old sample videos for yourself. http://www.mi.ru/~fvideo/main.html

I'm in Baghdad right now, with a nice hefty clearance, and I just got done playing some AD&D ('Baldur's Gate II' on the PC).

Oh, Jack M. that was classic. LMAO.

No, I don;t have to "sound out" the hard words when I type, so you're right.

CedarASS, nice way to move the goalposts. Why should I trust ANYTHING you write, since you were blatantly lying about the IDF enlistment issue? Huh?

As "evariste" said about a different lying asshat, your credibility online is all you have. Once you've blown that, you're just a sputtering, slavering fool.

You deserve no respect, no quarter, no assumption of good faith. You are a jerk, and ass, and a liar.

Since we're in the game of spouting unconfirmed facts, let me tell you about your supposed "cleansing." Arabs in the Palestinian Mandate fled on their own after Israel was declared. Those who did not flee of their own accord, to a great extent were bought out with cash money at reasonable rates by the Jews. This bullshit "ethnic cleansing" rant you're off on is complete fabrication. Otherwise, cite to some facts, assrammer. And not from Stormfront, either, you cocksucking Nazi bastard.

I'm a kraut, but I have no "ethnic guilt" about the Jews and the Holocaust, as my ancestors left Germany in the 1920s. Just as an aside, how many jews do you think died in the Shoah, anuslicker?

Anyway, since you keep liking to move the goalposts, let me move one set preemptively for you: What's wrong with having a racially insular democracy? Huh? Japan has one - - YOU can't become a Japanese citizen. Don't see you crying about the plight of the Ainu. New Zealand has a steady-state racial balance - - very little immigration allowed in NZ. The so-called "refugees" have no superior title to land they abandoned of their own free will, so what's wrong with Israel wanting to keep things as they are?

God, you're such a hateful, dickless moron.

(For the rest of everyone, the Ainu are Japanese citizens, I'm making a rhetorical point)

Too funny Hobgoblin.
Love how you caught him in a total outright lie and he popped back up like a clown punching toy.
Never even responded to how he had been caught in a lie, not even obliquely.

As insensible to a direct hit as an empty plastic windbag.

In the 70's if you had more than 2 tattoo’s you were mentally unstable and could not be placed on a Submarine. There is always something they don't want.

"It's SCA without as much work."

*gasp*

Pardon me while I fall into a dead faint at this comparison! :)

LARPing and the SCA have as much in common as D&D and Monopoly.

Later,
bbeck