"Been to the farm." Now there's a little romantic euphemism I'll have to incorporate into my love talk. It oughtta go over real well with the purty little heifers out here in Jesusland.

First monkey mutilations, now this. Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you no sense of decency?

And the worst thing is, he's now in the White House press pool, operating under the assumed name of "Wolf Blitzer."

This is, of course, the next constitutional "right" our judicial overlords will "discover".

The punchline to the chicken joke was "in the mooooooood", right?

C'mon, keep it going for the Ace... and tip the wait staff -- it's not a freakin' hobby.

Another plus for cows: they have a nice flat area across their shank to rest your beer on.

The down side: don't fall asleep afterwards, because they can REALLY do a nasty Cleveland steamer.

Warning Bestiality Joke Ahead!
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Why did Hart cross the road? His dick was stuck in the chicken!

(can I open for you? I've got a million of them!)

I don't think you fully explored all the drawbacks to having sex with cows, Ace.

For example, you have to stop and walk around to the front when you want to kiss them.

don't knock it 'til you tried it

That's a pretty beefy post, Ace. And it's got a premise you can really milk.

And now, Mr. Paul Anka, ladies and gentlemen, with his tender ballad, "Heifer My Baby."

Thank you. Thank you very much

Reminded me of this book review. The review is "Heavy Petting" by the unethical-but esteemed-professor of Bio-"ethics" at Princeton.
Excertp: "Some men use hens as a sexual object, inserting their penis into the cloaca, an all-purpose channel for wastes and for the passage of the egg. This is usually fatal to the hen, and in some cases she will be deliberately decapitated just before ejaculation in order to intensify the convulsions of its sphincter. This is cruelty, clear and simple. (But is it worse for the hen than living for a year or more crowded with four or five other hens in barren wire cage so small that they can never stretch their wings, and then being stuffed into crates to be taken to the slaughterhouse, strung upside down on a conveyor belt and killed? If not, then it is no worse than what egg producers do to their hens all the time.)"
Now if you can't tell from that excerpt that Professor Singer was one of the founders of the animal rights movement then you haven't been following PETA. Professor Singer also believes that abortion should be extended to perhaps three months after the birth in case parents are not entirely satisfied with their off spring. Just google Peter Singer. And to think that Princeton fought to get this guy.

Where, oh where, is Norm McDonald when a story like this hits?

Damn, the "Weekend Update" potential (were Norm still at the helm) for this kind of story are limitless.

What is the big deal? In Islam sex with cattle is preffered over sex with camels, donkeys, or sheep, but sex with Chimps is preferred above all else. The Islamic Chimp pin ups and calenders are hot selling items here and outsell even The Islamic Calendar Girls of the Barnyard. And the Islamic Suicide Chimps that bit off the man's balls were just "too sexy for their cages" and had been raped repeatedly. ALL PRAISES TO ALLAH!!!

"Some men use hens as a sexual object, inserting their penis into the cloaca, an all-purpose channel for wastes and for the passage of the egg. This is usually fatal to the hen, ..." Wow, you in the west must have big Johnsons, this almost never happens here in Islam. (give the 72WIVES a call).

Udderly ridiculous.

What disgustingly deviant sexual perversions.

There is only one solution! The Right must Boycott the, uh, barnyard!!!!!!!

/72Virgins

Just funning with ya, 72. No offense meant. :)

The Islamic Chimp? I prefer a good issue of Veils and Tails myself.

And that was my "beefy" post up there. Just so nobody makes a fuckin' maniac out of me.

Thanks, Ace! Yet another cup of coffee spewed all over my keyboard. I've got to learn to drape things with plastic before surfing to your site.

Senator Philabuster - "What disgustingly deviant sexual perversions."

Alalalalalalalalalaal! We make the ugly obnoxious noise of Moslem women! And just because they were gay Islamic Suicide Chimps (not that there's anything wrong with that) is no reason to pick on them!

Can we assume that the guy was a mooosician?....... Probably played the cowbell......Hey, it was that guy in Blue Oyster Cult!!

"You may find yourself experiencing sudden and uncontrollable erections upon hearing the theme from Rawhide"

Doesn't everyone?

This is usually fatal to the hen, and in some cases she will be deliberately decapitated just before ejaculation in order to intensify the convulsions of its sphincter.

Now, come on. That's just ridiculous.

I mean, this guy is just talking out of his ass. You ever see a chicken decapitated? Blood gets everywhere. I mean, everywhere. You'll have to take a shower afterwards, and you'll probably ruin your overalls too.

But if you just slam its neck in a dresser drawer, you get the same effect, but without all the mess.

At least, that's what I hear.

"You ever see a chicken decapitated? Blood gets everywhere." Not if you use the ACE OF SPADES "I'm not doing too shabbily myself" method.

This just in:

The sheep in north Georgia are jealous.

Hobgoblin,

Don't they say that North Georgia is where the men are men and the sheep are nervous?

not nervous, BrewFan, scared

BrewFan, I always heard that line used in reference to Utah. Supposedly the reason Utah sheepherders wear boots is so they can slip the sheep's rear legs into the tops, preventing them from running away and making for greater ease of handling.

Just thought I'd share that.

utron, LOL! At a business dinner one night, some customers from Tennessee shared with us that if you point the sheep in the direction of some water (i.e., lake, pond) they get scared and back up. There seems to be an unfortunate amount of technique that exists for this sort of thing!

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Jagger says, "Hey you, get off of my cloud."

Scotsman says, "Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe."

"Don't hang around, boy, 'cause Moo's a crowd?"

Utron, you left out the beginning. First, you have to back them up to a stump.

No. As Mick Jagger has gotten older, it's now "Hey! Hey! You! You! Get off of my lawn!"

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