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March 04, 2005

Chimps Attack Couple; Shot Dead

No funniness here, it's just weird and horrible:

A couple's plans for a birthday party for their former pet chimpanzee turned tragic when two other chimps at an animal sanctuary escaped from their cage and attacked. The man was critically injured with massive wounds to his face, body and limbs, and the attacking animals were shot dead.
Not St. James and LaDonna Davis were at the Animal Haven Ranch in Caliente to celebrate the birthday of Moe, a 39-year-old chimpanzee who was taken from their suburban Los Angeles home in 1999 after biting off part of a woman's finger.

Moe was not involved in Thursday's attack, said Steve Martarano, a spokesman for the California Department of Fish and Game.

I would't rule him out so quickly. Follow the money.

...

St. James Davis had severe facial injuries and would require extensive surgery in an attempt to reattach his nose, Dr. Maureen Martin of Kern Medical Center told KGET-TV of Bakersfield. His testicles and a foot also were severed, Kern County Sheriff's Cmdr. Hal Chealander told The Bakersfield Californian.

Davis was transported to Loma Linda University Medical Center, where he was undergoing surgery late Thursday, Martarano said.

Buddy, a 16-year-old male chimp, initiated the attack and after he was shot, Ollie, a 13-year-old male, grabbed the gravely injured man and dragged him down the road, authorities said.

"Everybody was trying to get the chimp off," Chealander said.

Thanks to Hondo.

posted by Ace at 01:15 PM

Comments

As usual, the Liberal media is hiding the truth: they were Islamic Suicide Chimps.

Posted by: 72VIRGINS on March 4, 2005 01:22 PM

Is this real?

Posted by: Winston on March 4, 2005 01:48 PM

Winston: Oh yes! Our Chimp Jihadis are real! And we have 72 VIRGIN CHIMPS waiting for each of them in Paradise (we've been here so long that some of us wouldn't mind either). ALL PRAISES TO ALLAH THE HORNY AND HIS HORNY PROPHET, MOHAMMED!

Posted by: 72VIRGINS on March 4, 2005 02:01 PM

I'm sorry this happened to those poor people.

However...

Why didn't these people learn something when their PET chimp bit off someone's finger? Will this experience finally, FINALLY teach them that there is a difference between human beings and animals? They went to visit a monkey on his BIRTHDAY, fer cryin' out loud. Do you think the monkey CARED it was his birthday? You better believe those people THOUGHT the monkey DID care and would have felt bad if they hadn't come to visit. Stupid. Just stupid.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck on March 4, 2005 02:20 PM

Given that the poor guy's testicles were bitten off, doesn't that make him a Darwin Award candidate? There's a special irony in receiving a Darwin Award for a chimp attack, I must point out.

Posted by: Skorj on March 4, 2005 02:49 PM

I want to know how this chimp knew to go for the 'nads? Did they pull his pants off and they were just 'hanging' there? Is this some kind of natural instinct in chimps? Was this ape the subject of some bizarre scientific experiment, like training primates in the martial arts for deployment on special missions? Inquiring minds want to know!

Posted by: BrewFan on March 4, 2005 03:03 PM

Seeing as how they didn't handle swords to cut off heads very well, we taught the Suicide Chimps to go for the balls. You can read about it all in the latest edition of Town and Country Suicide Bomber.

ALL PRAISES TO ALLAH, THE WELL HUNG!!!

Posted by: 72VIRGINS on March 4, 2005 04:31 PM

My God. Can you imagine, after months in the hospital, this guy going back to work looking all F'd up, and a coworker says,

"Dude, what happened to YOU??"

How do you answer that question.

Posted by: lauraw on March 4, 2005 04:38 PM

Holy crap.

I used to drive by those people's house. There was always this old guy sitting out front with a bunch of signs on the front lawn like "Free Moe" and "Bring Moe home." Every time I went by I would try to figure out just what it all meant. For a long time I thought it was some relative of theirs who was in jail. Then one day they had a picture of Moe out there also... yup, an ugly-ass chimp.

That was like three years ago. Weird. The guy who sat out front was really old. I wonder if he was the one who got messed up by the chimps.

Posted by: Russell Wardlow on March 4, 2005 05:50 PM

"Everybody was trying to get the chimp off," Chealander said.

What kind of a sicko tries to get chimps off?

Posted by: Hondo on March 4, 2005 06:29 PM

Basically the chimps were treating these people the way they would treat chimps from other social groups. Someone with experience in Africa wrote a post on another website about a human found killed by chimps--his clothing was torn off and his testicles were bitten off. Check out this website
http://www.harvardmagazine.com/issues/jf97/right.chimp.html
for a really scary chimp picture. Here's an excerpt from the article:

"as early as 1974, researchers in Gombe National Park in Tanzania had been startled to observe chimpanzee males organizing gangs of a half-dozen or so members and launching lethal raids into the territory of neighboring chimps. These were clearly not food-gathering expeditions. The chimps did not stop to eat, and they did not make any of their normal calls and shouts. Instead, they crept silently into the territory of a neighboring group and hid until they saw a lone chimp. Screaming with excitement, they would ambush the victim, hold him immobile and beat him to death, sometimes twisting the victim's leg until the muscles ripped, or tearing off flaps of skin while he was still alive. In one well-documented case in Tanzania, a group of male chimpanzees used such ambushes to eliminate a whole band of neighbors. "

Posted by: gail on March 4, 2005 10:36 PM

Oh c'mon, it's a little funny...I mean, if you go to a birthday party for a chimpanzee you're loopy to begin with--but a paper-hats-and-spiderman-cake party for a chimpanzee that has already bitten off a woman's finger? Hey, you're practically asking for a testiclular re-attatchment procedure! "Hey, honey? See if that chimp over there will trade you my severed foot for a nice banana. Or a candy bar. And see if you can find my mangerines, too; they seem to have been ripped out of my scrotum! You know, one minute they're roller-skating around your rec room in a diaper, smoking a cigarette, and the next thing you know, they're ripping you limb from limb.

Posted by: Shawn on March 5, 2005 01:36 AM

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