Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!


Contact
Ace:
aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com
Buck:
buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com
CBD:
cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com
joe mannix:
mannix2024 at proton.me
MisHum:
petmorons at gee mail.com
J.J. Sefton:
sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com


Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Captain Whitebread 2026
Jon Ekdahl 2026
Jay Guevara 2025
Jim Sunk New Dawn 2025
Jewells45 2025
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups

Texas MoMe 2026: 10/16/2026-10/17/2026 Corsicana,TX
Contact Ben Had for info





















« Blogger Indicted for "Intimidating" a Witness | Main | In Friendly Territory »
February 16, 2005

I'm Gonna Make Like a Tree and Split

Hopefully I can catch the 6:20.

Several of you asked to meet for drinks. I didn't mean to ignore you; I've just been super-busy. I'll try contacting you guys about that, time permitting.

And I'm still working to get out the rest of those thank you's. Thank you so much for your generosity in supporting the Ace of Spades Lifestyle (TM).

Finally-- Haiku winners. They're coming. Promise!


posted by Ace at 05:30 PM
Comments



make alike a dick and head out?

Posted by: hobgoblin on February 16, 2005 05:50 PM

Have fun down there. Don't be too nice to Wonkette.

Posted by: someone on February 16, 2005 05:53 PM

Are you kidding? Be extra nice, just to see if you can squeeze one of those "enhanced" tittahs.

Posted by: hobgoblin on February 16, 2005 06:00 PM

Take cues from this classic post.

Posted by: someone on February 16, 2005 06:28 PM

In the interest of saving time, can you just give us your credit card number so we can get the drinks?

Posted by: John from WuzzaDem on February 16, 2005 06:53 PM

Have fun!
Play nice with the other bloggies, and if that dirty girl tries to touch you, run away and wash your hands. Here's a quarter so you can call the police if you get in trouble.

*listens to Ace whining*

Listen to me, young man, I don't care if all the other boys f*** her up the a**, if all the other boys jumped off a bridge would you do it too?

There now, its settled, and I better not hear another word about her inflated chi-chis.

*clips mittens to cuffs, pins $5 inside jacket*

Ok, have a good time.

*sniffle* They grow up so fast!

Posted by: lauraw on February 16, 2005 08:03 PM

There once was a blogger named Ace
Who's dates usually ended with mace
He plugged Wonkette in the can
But found out she's a man
Now he's got *egg* on his face

Posted by: sentinel on February 16, 2005 09:52 PM

Don't rush the haiku
Good judging is essential
We can surely wait

Posted by: Baron on February 16, 2005 10:49 PM

While Ace is away
You're all on F'n notice
put him some conscious

Posted by: lauraw on February 17, 2005 09:43 AM

Make like a tree and split? Yikes!

You should make like an egg and beat it. (puleeeeze no dirty talk)

Posted by: 72VIRGINS on February 17, 2005 10:05 AM

Lauraw - "put him some conscious?" Is this ACE SPEAK meant only for his inner posse? (He does that too much) Or is this Lauraw speak? mybad

Posted by: 72prunes on February 17, 2005 10:10 AM

Nearly 11 AM EDT and NO Ace?
Ace must have James Brown Hangover....

I feel good.... Hughhhhhhh!

Posted by: Greg on February 17, 2005 10:47 AM

They are words delivered in a rousing motivational speech by Mr. Paul Anka, the only important man on this stage.
(scroll way down to find the links in the margin of Ace's site).

Posted by: lauraw on February 17, 2005 10:59 AM

Gracious - Not having outside audio/video capability I ignored the Paul Anka schtick (and a lot of other things). mybad

Posted by: 72VIRGINS on February 17, 2005 11:32 AM

loose shit

Posted by: on February 17, 2005 11:36 AM

On the topic of haiku contests:

I drove all the way down to Hollywood for the American Haiku Championship, all excited and nervous... I get to the studio, and no one's there... no stage, no judges, no audience; just an empty soundstage. Then I find this note taped to the inside of the door:

You were played, Catbird
Never go against Anka
Who's the loose shit now?

The wide-eyed idealist in me died that day. I found myself finding solace in the bottom of a bottle and giving up on all things haiku. The spiral continued until one day, I realized that I was in central Mexico pawning myself off for defective quaaludes. And then it hit me: that's what Paul Anka wanted.

It took a while, but now I'm back in haiku, and I'm pissed off. I may have just missed this contest, but you can't block me from all of them, Paulie.

By the power of Jeff Gannon, you will feel my 5-7-5 fury, Anka...

You are no longer
the fucking most important
person on the stage

Catbird, out!

Posted by: Johnny Catbird on February 17, 2005 12:06 PM

at - Whip me, beat me, call me Edna.

Posted by: 72VIRGINS on February 17, 2005 01:35 PM

pala casino isle of capri casino paris hotel and casino grand casino mystic lake casino casino slot aladdin hotel and casino new york casino san manuel casino grand casino biloxi detroit casino casino rama free casino game mississippi casino ameristar casino casino gambling casino on line atlantic city casino hotel casino chips station casino

Posted by: atlantic city casino hotel on March 8, 2005 03:14 AM
Post a comment
Name:


Email Address:


URL:


Comments:


Remember info?








Now Available!
The Deplorable Gourmet
A Horde-sourced Cookbook
[All profits go to charity]
Top Headlines
Funniest thing I've read about the Virginia mess. Back when they were hustling the referendum through the assembly both Senators, Warner and Kaine, advised them to go slow and play by the rules. Louise Lucas said she respected them but didn't need advice from the "cuck chair" in the corner. The gerrymandering was overturned and Louise is heading for the big house. Edward G. Robinson voice "where's your cuck now?"
Posted by: Smell the Glove

I posted his post on twitter and it's gotten 25K views so far. Thanks, Smell the Glove
Chris
@chriswithans

aaahahaa.jpg


"Ahhhhh ahh I put my career on the line for Louise Lucas and Jay Jones thinking they'd vault me into presidential contention and we ended up costing Democrats 20 House seats and unleashing a Reverse Dobbs ahhhhh ahhh"
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click That Sums Up the Democrat Communist Party Today
Something is wrong as I hold you near
Somebody else holds your heart, yeah
You turn to me with your icy tears
And then it's raining, feels like it's raining
"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.
Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over
"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)
No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.
Now they've lost 84%.
Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.
Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...
The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.


Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.
(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.


Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party
STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.
Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.
Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:
spidermanthreatormenace.jpg

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: Starting a new season, CBD and Sefton discuss their personal journeys to conservative principles, is Nick Shirley the beginning of a trend?, Iran trying to reignite the war, the Left attacks itself, even on "Best Guitarist" lists, and more!
Recent Comments
OrangeEnt: "Going to church is a hobby?? ..."

FenelonSpoke: "Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere ..."

Itinerant Alley Butcher: "Exactly, but you can bet people would be outraged ..."

mindful webworker - vocabulary includes ball, outside, and walk: "Just ran across this short of a very well-trained ..."

JackStraw: "Whiskey is a handsome dude. ..."

Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere [/i] [/b] [/s]: "[i]. . . I like to put some good news about good p ..."

FenelonSpoke: "Posted by: mindful webworker - the world at our fi ..."

mindful webworker - the world at our fingertipis: "FenelonSpoke, while you seem to be in the virtual ..."

Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere [/i] [/b] [/s]: "[i]Usually though, they find us somewhere between ..."

FenelonSpoke: "Cat wins best name contest. Sunny Skyz site: ht ..."

FenelonSpoke: "Posted by: Victor Tango Kilo at May 09, 2026 03:40 ..."

FenelonSpoke: "Horse and puppy take a nap together. Faithpot site ..."

Bloggers in Arms
Some Humorous Asides
Archives