Ace of Spades HQ

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January 26, 2005

Face It: Ace is Gone (WuzzaDem AND The Unpopulist)

I think it's time to face reality. Ace is at Sundance. Do you really think he's going to come back here? Oh, no, not Mr. Hollywood. Why would he want to hang out with losers like us? He's probably somewhere having a drink with Chris Matthews and Robert Redford right now.

Matthews
So you really like the show, huh?

Ace
Oh, absolutely, Chris, I love Hardball. You ask the most insightful questions.

Matthews
Really, like what?

Ace
Oh, uh, well there's, uh, that time you, uh, boy, there's just so many, it's hard to say.

Redford
So, did you see that inaugural? Can you believe those Republicans? Just turns your stomach, doesn't it, Ace?

Ace
Republicans? Yeah, well, you know, don't get me started on those guys or we'll be here all night. So Bob, like I was saying, I have this script...

Redford
So who did you vote for?

Ace
Vote? For? Me?

Redford
You seem like a reasonable guy, are you a Kucinich man or did you go with Nader?

Ace
Yeah, uh, so anyway, about that script...

Redford
You didn't vote for Kerry, did you? The guy authorized an illegal war!

Ace
No, no. I definitely did not vote for Kerry.

Redford
Good man.

Can you believe that sell-out? I'm really disappointed in him.

Posted by John from WuzzaDem

ctd.

Olbermann
You know Kerry could have won that thing if...

Redford
Yeah.

Olbermann
...if fraternity boy hadn't altered the laws of arithmetic...

Matthews
I've heard that.

Olbermann
...if those mouth-breathers in Ohio weren't such trusting chattel...

Redford
Exactly.

Matthews
Exactly.

Olbermann
...if he'd just fought a little harder after the first counts were in...

Matthews
Yep.

Olbermann
...if he'd pressed a little harder on the Constitution...

Redford
Living document.

Olbermann
...if he just coulda' hung in there...

Ace
Or if more people had voted for him--

Olbermann

Matthews

Redford

Ace

Redford
Pardon me?

Ace
Shit.

[the UnPo]

posted by Ace at 01:45 AM

Comments

Ace is a slut-we all know that. First it was offers of hand-jobs for Instalanches-now its hitting up Redford for the role of Hal Holbrooks character in the remake of"All the Presidents Men'.

http://i.timeinc.net/time/time100/heroes/slideshows/babes/redford_06.jpg

Thats aces sweater hes wearing. Goldstein knitted it for him last Christmas.

Posted by: woodward and amish on January 26, 2005 02:13 AM

Holy cow. No offense, guys, but Ace should've put in a per-day posting cap before turning over the keys. There are literally too many posts for me to read the blog at this point.

But this one's funny.

Posted by: someone on January 26, 2005 05:29 AM

For Ace's sake, I hope the script sells, because the quality of posting here has gone up :)

Posted by: Phil on January 26, 2005 07:55 AM

I pictured Ace REALLY selling out-I mean donning a Fahrenheit 9/11 t-shirt with a big picture of goofy grinning Michael Moore on the back, maybe some socks & Birks, and one of those Blue state bracelets that put Armstrong to shame. I mean if you're going to sell a script, you've gotta sell your soul. And hell-o-Ace's Skankathon for cheap hits and linkwhorage, modeled after Washingtonienne's own run? He's a sheep and I'm sure he's bah-ing at Sundance now *grin*

Posted by: Wittysexkitten on January 26, 2005 08:54 AM

"For Ace's sake, I hope the script sells, because the quality of posting here has gone up:)"

Yes it has, waaaaaay up! And I thought ACE had a good site. Wonder what is to become of ACE after his readers all migrate to better sites?

Posted by: 72VIRGINS on January 26, 2005 10:57 AM

Ace? Ace who?

Posted by: Steve L. on January 26, 2005 11:30 AM

>Ace: Or if more people had voted for him--
>
>Olbermann:
>
>Matthews:
>
>Redford: Pardon me?
>
>Ace: Shit.

LMAO. Excellent!

Posted by: sf on January 26, 2005 11:32 AM

Whoa - Jordan takes a mediocre post and makes it freakin' hilarious. I bow before the Unpopulist!

Posted by: John from WuzzaDem on January 26, 2005 12:08 PM

Freaking hysterical.

Posted by: Scout on January 26, 2005 12:08 PM

ace is the man ya ingrates. He brings the funny of any 5 mortal bloggers.

Posted by: a-a on January 26, 2005 12:30 PM

Dat you ACE? Whoddat who say who'dere?

Posted by: 72VIRGINS on January 26, 2005 01:02 PM

I am not Ace.But be warned: No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, Not even the Blog Father.
"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. So you also must be ready, because the Ace of Spades will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

Now, brothers, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, "Ace Who?," destruction will come on them suddenly,
and verily he shall slice like a fucking hammer.

Thus sayeth the book of Amish.

Posted by: amish in the night on January 26, 2005 01:16 PM

Whoa! Invoking Blog the Father! Good enough for me, halleluah!

Praise the ACE, the bane of Liberals, (usually)
the friend of conservatives, (mostly)
the balm of Gilead, (sometimes)
and he who brings
the funny
home (occasionally).

Posted by: 72VIRGINS on January 26, 2005 01:58 PM

Glad you like our posts.

Posted by: Zelda on January 26, 2005 09:26 PM

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The Deplorable Gourmet
A Horde-sourced Cookbook
[All profits go to charity]

Top Headlines

TJM talks John Boorman, director of Excalibur

Good rickroll

What? Skeleton of the most famous Musketeer, D'Artagnan, possibly discovered in Dutch church closet.
Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)*

Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown.
The Gascon nobleman inspired Alexandre Dumas's hero in "The Three Musketeers" in the 19th century, a character now known worldwide thanks to the novel and numerous film adaptations.
D'Artagnan was killed during the siege of Maastricht in 1673, and there is a statue honoring the musketeer in the city. His final resting place has remained a mystery ever since.

A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask).
* Oh, I should mention, Dumas says all this, about finding the names in an old book, in the prologue to his novel. But authors lie a lot. They frequently present fictions as based on historic fact. The twist is, he was actually telling the truth here. At least about these four musketeers having actually existed and served under Louis XIV.
Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.

A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR.
Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him.
LOTR is a very long story. Fifteen hundred pages or so. The Hobbit is relatively short and very punchy and easy to read. If you don't like The Hobbit, you can skip out on LOTR. If you do like it, you'll be primed to read LOTR.
Oh, I should say: The Hobbit is written as if it's for children, but one of those smart children's stories that are also for adults. Don't worry, there's also real fighting and violence and horror in it, too.
LOTR is written for adults. (It's said that Tolkien wrote both for his children, but LOTR was written 17 years later, when his children were adults.) Some might not like The Hobbit due to its sometimes frivolous tone. Me, I love it. I find it constantly amusing. Both are really good but there is a starkly different tone to both. LOTR is epic, grand, and serious, about a world war, The Hobbit is light and breezy, and about a heist. Though a heist that culminates in a war for the spoils.

The Hobbit Challenge: Read two more chapters. I didn't have much time. Bilbo got the ring.
I noticed a continuity problem. Maybe. Now, as of the time of The Hobbit, it was unknown that this magic ring was in fact a Ring of Power, and it was doubly unknown that it was the Ring of Power, the Master Ring that controlled the others.
But the narrator -- who we will learn in LOTR was none of than Bilbo himself, who wrote the book as "There and Back Again" -- says this about Gollum's ring:
"But who knows how Gollum had come by that present [the Ring], ages ago in the old days when such rings were still at large in the world? Perhaps even the Master who ruled them could not have said."
In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power."
I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron.
Now I don't remember when Bilbo wrote the Hobbit. In the movie, he shows Frodo the book in Rivendell, and I guess he wrote it after he left the Shire. I guess he might have added in the part about the ring being a ring of power created by "the Master" after Gandalf appraised him of his research into the ring.
I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do.
But I had no memory of the ring being suggested to be The Ring so early in the tale.

Finish the job, Mr. President!
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TJM acts like he knows anything about John Wick and screenwriting. It's embarrassing, really.

Podcast: Sefton and CBD talk about how would a peace treaty with Iran work, Democrats defending murderers and rapists, The GOP vs. Dem bench for 2028, composting bodies? And more!

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Forgotten 80s Mystery Click: Red Leather Suit and Sweatband Edition
And I was here to please
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Tomorrow is March 25th, "Tolkien Reading Day," because March 25th is the day when the Ring is destroyed in the book. I think I'm going to start the Hobbit tomorrow and read all four books this time.
The only bad part of the trilogy are the Frodo/Sam chapters in The Two Towers. They're repetitive, slow, and mostly about the weather and terrain. But most everything else is good. Weirdly, the Frodo-Sam chapters in Return of the King are exciting and action-packed and among the best in the trilogy. (Though the chapters with everyone else in Return of the King get pretty slow again. Mostly people talking about marching towards war, and then marching towards war.)

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[Hat Tip: Diogenes] [CBD]

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Forgotten 80s Mystery Click
One day I'm gonna write a poem in a letter
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US decimation of Iran's ICBM forces is due to Space Force's instant detection of launches -- and the launchers' hiding places -- and rapid counter-attack via missiles
AI is doing a lot of the work in analyzing images to find the exact hiding place of the launchers. Counter-strikes are now coming in four hours after a launch, whereas previously it might have taken days for humans to go over the imagery and data.

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“robert mueller just died,” trump wrote in a truth social post on march 21. “good, i’m glad he’s dead. he can no longer hurt innocent people! president donald j. trump.”

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