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January 25, 2005

An Important Philosophical Question. [Dave at Garfield Ridge]

If you could drive any vehicle from movies or TV, which vehicle would you choose, and why?

A few weeks back on my site I linked to a now-defunct E-Bay auction from a guy selling a faithful replica of K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider.

The post inspired a debate with my buddy Chilperic concerning which was cooler: K.I.T.T., or the A-Team van.

I was shocked that anyone would even raise such a comparison. At the time, I noted that-- whereas K.I.T.T. was impervious to bullets, had turbo boost, and sounded like Topanga's teacher-- the A-Team van had few, if any, special powers. Other than looking bad ass, that is.

I concluded that the A-Team van had only the following special powers:

1. The ability to avoid getting pulled over by police, despite no change in its appearance for five seasons.

2. The ability to store enough heavy weapons to arm Bulgaria. As far as I can tell, the only explanation for carrying all those guns, ammunition, and welding equipment is that the vehicle was a +6 Van Of Holding, or had some sort of temporal displacement going on, making it Dr. Who's Battlewagon Of Love.

3. It provided a stable gun platform for accurate "intimidation" shooting out the sidedoor and windows. Without that special "NBC Family Hour" automotive suspension, submachinegun bullets could accidentally hit a bad guy in the leg, or worse, the chest.

And let me tell you, there are no sucking chest wounds during the NBC Family Hour.

So, why am I bringing this up again today?

Because someone on E-Bay is selling a replica time-machine DeLorean.

Admittedly, this is very cool. All the DeLorean style combined with Doc Brown's gadgets makes for one sweet ride.

Plus, it's not just for show-- it can make 88 mph with plenty of oomph to spare, just perfect for those times when you need to evade defrauded Libyan terrorists.

So, the question is out there to you, Ace's readers: out of any vehicle, any movie or TV show, which one is your dream ride?

We already know Ace is a fan of the last of the Interceptors.

(Speaking of Interceptors, here is a Lego version. Or, maybe you'd rather enjoy a Lego reenactment of The A-Team? Hell, they make anything out of Legos-- including, even, my Lord and Savior.)

As for me. . . hmmm. Can anyone really "drive" Optimus Prime? Or would that be like riding inside his robo-colon?

I must ponder.

-- Dave at Garfield Ridge

posted by Ace at 10:00 PM

Comments

Kitt was a flaming queen driven by hairybacked german . The A team van was a pussy wagon driven by Mr T- a man so bad he was Mohammed Alis body guard.

Posted by: loves it when amish come together on January 25, 2005 10:20 PM

I always preferred K.I.T.T.'s evil twin brother, K.A.R.R., myself. All the features, none of the attitude.

It's either that or the Millennium Falcon.

*Shudders at the concept of Autobot colon...*

Posted by: TSL on January 25, 2005 10:37 PM

waitaminute-does the DeLorean come with a trunk full of cocain? I may have to reconsider my A -team pick...

Posted by: amish on January 25, 2005 10:44 PM

Ok, first off, I am going split the categories into "real cars" and "pretend cars." In the real cars category, hands down I'd take Magnum P.I.'s Ferrari 308, even if I have to wear shorts that cause my family jewels to rest on the leather of the seat.

Prentend cars--I'm going for Air Wolf...

Wait, does that count?

Posted by: TF6S on January 25, 2005 11:08 PM

http://www.theblackbeauty.com/new_bb_movie.htm

A slightly modified Chrysler Imperial....

http://www.theblackbeauty.com/

Posted by: NRAYee on January 26, 2005 01:48 AM

You remember Goliath - the evil truck driven by Michael Knight's evil twin Garth. Well Goliath was pretty cool. But the rover things from Damnation Alley were even cooler.

Posted by: Brian on January 26, 2005 05:23 AM

Can it be from video games? I always liked the DASA-Kamov Havoc Gunship from G-Police. Plus it repairs itself over time, which is the first option you should look for in any vehicle.

Were there any movies or TV shows with flying, self-repairing 1930's gangster cars? Because that would be really sweet.

Posted by: Guy T. on January 26, 2005 05:29 AM

I would pick the M-5 Urban Assault Vehicle, from Stripes.

Posted by: Mark on January 26, 2005 09:40 AM

I'm going to have to go with an ATAT walker, at least until police cars get equipped with tow cables that can be launched like missiles.

Posted by: Sobek on January 26, 2005 09:56 AM

I think I have to go with the Aston Martin from Die Another Day. And if it's real cars we're listing, then the Vanquish 12 is still probably a good choice....

Posted by: Wiz on January 26, 2005 10:34 AM

Airwolf, gotta remember Airwolf, that was a bad copter, and it taught us all the important lesson that every cropduster and news helo had rocket launchers.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor on January 26, 2005 12:47 PM

That's the thing I never got about Airwolf-- that the bad guys *always* had helicopters.

I mean, how convenient for the obligatory 5-minute Airwolf ending:

Cue music.
Fly.
Bad Guy chopper's bullets bounce off Airwolf.
Missile launcher takes out Bad Guy chopper.
Cue scene with Jan Michael Vincent playing cello on pier.

Airwolf (and Knight Rider) certainly influenced one of the greatest Simpson's lines ever:

Announcer: We now return to "Knightboat: the Crime-Solving Boat".
Michael: Faster, Knightboat! We gotta catch those starfish poachers.
Knightboat: You don't have to yell, Michael, I'm all around you.
Michael: Oh, no! They're headed for land.
[the poachers ride onto the beach, jump on motorcycles, and
speed away]
Michael: We'll never catch them now.
Knightboat: Incorrect: look! A canal.
Homer: Go, Knightboat, go!
Bart: Oh, every week there's a canal.
Lisa: Or an inlet.
Bart: Or a fjord.
Homer: Quiet! I will not hear another word against the boat.

Yup, every week on Airwolf, there was always a canal.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on January 26, 2005 04:01 PM

Well damn, I was gonna say Airwolf, but I came in late.

So, keeping with the really-bad-80s-TV vibe, I've just got one thing to say:

Salvage One.

Posted by: Alan S. on January 27, 2005 12:28 PM

Doh... I forgot the Herkimer Battle Jitney!

Posted by: Guy T. on January 27, 2005 04:35 PM

the a-team van is by far the badest vehicle off all time

Posted by: don on March 5, 2005 05:26 PM

The Battle Jitney is by far the coolest. Consider:
- Three axles! That's 50% more than any other, except possibly the M-5, or unless kitt towed a trailer or something. I suspect there are top-loading difs in that thing.
- Beyond bad-ass looks. The grill looks like it came off of a train.
- Even more storage than the A team van.
- Endorsed by Tom Waits. TOM WAITS!!!

Posted by: braceman on March 12, 2005 09:37 AM

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Top Headlines

TJM wonders about world building in stories, mostly The Hunger Games

"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.

Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.

Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"

Hamas is Humiliating Trump's 'Board of Peace'
[Hat Tip: TC] [CBD]

Tucker Carlson is pretty sure Trump is a wizard

Ted Turner Dies At 87 [CBD]

Podcast: Starting a new season, CBD and Sefton discuss their personal journeys to conservative principles, is Nick Shirley the beginning of a trend?, Iran trying to reignite the war, the Left attacks itself, even on "Best Guitarist" lists, and more!

TJM definitively ranks the films of Billy Wilder, like Some Like It Hot

TJM talks about Billy Wilder

Democrat Congresswoman Sara Jacobs cites Me-Again Kelly, Cavernous Nostrils, Alex Jones and Tuq'r Qarlson as proof that concerns about Trump's mental health are "bipartisan"
As Bonchie from Red State says: Know the op when you see it.

Leftists who have been drawing Frankendistricts for decades are suddenly upset about Republican line-drawing
Socialist usurper Obama cut commercials urging Virginians to vote for the bizarre "lobster" gerrymander -- but now says gerrymanders are so racist you guys
Obama is complaining about the new Louisiana map -- but here's the thing, the new map has much more compact and rational borders than the old racial gerrymander map
Pete Bootyjudge is whining too. But here's the Illinois gerrymander he supports.

Big Bonus! Under the new Florida congressional map, Debbie Wasserman Schultz will probably lose her seat
And she can't even go on The View because she's ugly a clump of stranger's hair in the bath-drain