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« Newsflash: No Plane Hit the Pentagon | Main | In Case You Missed It: How Jay Mohr Pretty Much Saved My Life »
December 16, 2004

More College Comedy: “I welcome the U.S. defeat"

But that's just his opening joke. Wait 'till America-hating professor/semi-professional comedian Robert Jensen gets rolling:

"It's essential the American empire be defeated and dismantled."

By the way, have you ever noticed that they give you peanuts on airplanes? Not so much "funny" as just "true." Thank you.

"In Iraq, the Bush administration invaded not to liberate but to extend and deepen U.S. domination.”

You want to talk about domination? You should meet my mother. She's always all over me about when I'm finally going to settle down and give her some grandchildren. And I'm always like, "Mom, you're too young to be a grandmother." And then I do a wacky Chevy-Chase-style pratfall.

Thank you.

“When we admit defeat and pull out - not if, but when - the fate of Iraqis depends in part on whether the United States (1) makes good on legal and moral obligations to pay reparations, and (2) allows international institutions to aid in creating a truly sovereign Iraq.”

You know what I hate? Cops with those big handlebar moustaches. Why do they all have them?

When they're in high school, I imagine their career counselor takes one look at their big moustaches and says, "Son, based on your aptitude tests, and your big ginormous moustache, you can have a career as either 1) a law-enforcement officer, 2) a Riverboat Gambler, or 3) ex-Miami Dolphins coach Dave Wannstadt. But you blew the section on marked cards and sasparilla, and you only answered three questions right about Cover 2 defensive schemes, so here's your gun and your badge. Watch your back out there."

Thank you.

After reminding us that he is “glad for the U.S. military defeat in Iraq,” Jensen says that we should pursue “the most courageous act of citizenship in the United States today: Pledging to dismantle the American empire."

And what is the deal with dating, anyway? Whenever people go on dates anymore, they do something gay and "physical," like hiking. Seriously-- who the fuck wants to hike? You've got two people who basically want to know 1) what is she like in bed? and 2) is he making enough money to support me sitting on my lazy ass all fucking day? But instead of doing activities that might shed some light on these things -- like, say, wild animal sex and extensive credit checks -- instead they're doing these innocent, fun-time activities that nobody at all is interested in.

"Hey-- I think you're hot. Let's go rock-climbing together.

Right. Because that's what I want to do with a chick. Rock-climb. And then both of you are acting so fucking innocent and childlike about your genuine interests that you keep doing these ridiculously benign activities like you're 10 year olds at Christian camp.

"Boy, I'd like to see you again. What say we get together and make some glue-and-macaroni sculptures of the Baby Jesus?"

And she's all like, "You're practically reading my mind. For so long I've been meaning to take an interest in pasta-based Christian iconography."

Thank you.

Robert Jensen will be here all week. Remember, the second show on Friday is the "dirty show," where he really cuts loose on the baby-killers of the US Empire's military.

Thanks to Random Birkel. Jensen did a "showcase" for Random last week at JJ McGiggles in Gavelston, Texas.


posted by Ace at 03:07 PM
Comments



Let's see here....

From Merriam-Webster online


Main Entry: se·di·tion
Pronunciation: si-'di-sh&n
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from Latin sedition-, seditio, literally, separation, from se- apart + ition-, itio act of going, from ire to go -- more at SECEDE, ISSUE
: incitement of resistance to or insurrection against lawful authority


Main Entry: trea·son
Pronunciation: 'trE-z&n
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English tresoun, from Old French traison, from Latin tradition-, traditio act of handing over, from tradere to hand over, betray -- more at TRAITOR
1 : the betrayal of a trust : TREACHERY
2 : the offense of attempting by overt acts to overthrow the government of the state to which the offender owes allegiance or to kill or personally injure the sovereign or the sovereign's family


Hmm, seems closest to sedition to me, although the first word that popped into my mind when reading his drivel was “treason.”

ROFL about the dating part.

Posted by: Mark_D on December 16, 2004 03:55 PM

Did Wannstadt get 3 questions right about cover 2?

Posted by: Kevin on December 16, 2004 05:00 PM

Next time try Kollege Komedy. It's funnier with the Ks. You know, like Keystone Kops. Or Amerikkka.

Posted by: Ken J on December 16, 2004 05:05 PM

Jensen recently claimed that “The United States has lost the war in Iraq, and that's a good thing.”

Which explains why Bush is languishing somewhere in an Iraqi prison, while Saddam just won re-election.

Oh wait...

Posted by: Jason on December 16, 2004 05:28 PM

He must have gone to the Margaret Cho school of comedy/bitter political ruminations.

I know, here's a joke: "Let's start shooting treasonous leftist college professors. We'd probably get 10-15 before they gun us down. Especially at Berkeley or UT Austin."

/above is a satirical joke on the level of Pat Rothfuss University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Posted by: hobgoblin on December 16, 2004 05:31 PM

"The most courageous act of citizenship in the United States today: Pledging to dismantle the American Empire." All Cowardly Liberals (and that means all Liberals for the essence of Liberalism is Cowardice and Dishonesty) like to think of themselves as brave fighters in a war of opression against the regressive forces of darkness. It is their way of acting out against daddy because he won't bitch slap them like some kid in the street would. So instead of confronting the forces that really might do them some real harm, they turn on daddy and kick him in the shin as he protects them, just to show a "courageous act." We are in real trouble when this kind of thing continues and continues. I shall say for the third time today: we must find a way to boycott UT Austin and all of Liberalism. Mark my words: Nothing short of Boycott shall return The Power to The People! THE RIGHT MUST BOYCOTT!!!

Posted by: 72VIRGINS on December 16, 2004 05:59 PM

At some point real soon, these fools are going to cross the line of acceptable dissent, if they haven't already. The reaction they will encounter will be truly shocking to their little pacifist brains.

To steal a line from Chief Wiggum:
"Ah, it's so great to see a kid using a wooden bat."

Posted by: Bud Tugley on December 16, 2004 06:13 PM

No, it's their way of living out a fantasy of being a hero. For the Right, General McAullife is a hero. For the Left, it's the German Underground. They really see the Right as a bunch of Nazis and they really see themselves as brave heroic freedom fighters.

Posted by: Smack on December 16, 2004 06:15 PM

I've spent the last couple of years asking what someone would have to do to get arrested and charged with treason these days. I don't think this guy qualifies, but when John Walker Lindh escaped that fate wondering why we even have that law on the books.

Posted by: Alex on December 16, 2004 08:13 PM

If this blog gets any better, we're all going to be wearing golden diapers.

The bad kind.

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos on December 16, 2004 08:32 PM

No, not quite Treason.
For that He'd have to get a confirmed and recognized Enemy-of-the State to pay him money, Like his no-doubt good buddy Mike.

Posted by: EbeneezerSquid on December 17, 2004 01:44 AM

How dare you question my patriotism!

But seriously, folks...

Posted by: Robert I-Hate-America Jensen on December 17, 2004 03:23 AM

Jensen could get a sitcom on NBC about "nothing", which is exactly what resides between his two ears. When are these liberals ever going to follow through on their promise to leave the United States if Bush/Dole/Bush/Reagan... is elected. I'm hereby pledging $1.49 to the Robert Jensen Deportation Fund that Mike S. Adams has set up. A couple hundred more donations of this size, and we could get Jensen to Baghdad just in time for Festivus, or whatever pagan ritual he observes this time of year.

Posted by: WVRedState on December 17, 2004 12:02 PM

"pasta-based Christian iconography"

made me laugh so hard I almost woke up the baby.

Posted by: Mrs C on December 17, 2004 12:56 PM

And seriously folks, what's the deal with those Army baby-killers? Don't they know they can stay here in America and kill babies, and Leftists will regale them as heros? Why kill innocent Iraqi babies when evil American babies are right under their noses?

Posted by: Sobek on December 17, 2004 01:23 PM

Aren't those guys that run "Protest Warrior" from down there in Austin?? Sumbuddy drop a dime, kay??

hell, I'll send a check for the trip myself. For that matter, i play cards with a coupla loadmasters up at Balad (now and again) who'd strap him to the bottom of a 'soft skinned' hummer and airdrop him from their C-130 sans cargo chute fer free--I wouldn't have to give em any of their money back, either...heh

Posted by: Ignore the Man behind the Curtain on December 18, 2004 06:28 AM
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