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October 18, 2004

Dummocrats.com Coins New Term: Pretty-in-Pink Democrats

Dummocrats.com riffs off by Blaine comments and coins a new term: Pretty in Pink Democrats.

Even worse than liberals created by Blaine's social viciousness are liberals created by genuine ass-kicking. Such Cobra-Kai Liberals often try to pick fights with people later in life, always trying to heal adolescent feelings of impotency by wrestling people. Al Franken is the prototypical Cobra Kai liberal.

This is one group of liberals I have some sympathy for. If you were about to get all up in Elizabeth Shue's shit when some surf-nazis dressed as skeletons karate-kicked your ass into next week, you'd probably be looking for some payback later in life, too.

But they're not to be confused with Footloose liberals, liberals who are convinced that this really is 1952 and America is in danger of having John Lithgow take away their right to dance.

Somewhat related are Dead Zone liberals, who wake up with night-terrors at the thought of a Republican President praying to God and then nuking the world like the mutants from Beneath the Planet of the Apes. Creepy atonal organ music features prominently in these nightmares, as do frequent flashes of James Fransiscus' little white ass.

There's also the political movement called Benderism, composed of disciples of John "No, Dad, what about you?!" Bender. These Benderites live in a state of perpetual adolescent rebellion and are convinced that not behaving like a prick constitutes "selling out to the man." They also attempt to hide their weed in the shorts of law-abiding citizens like myself.

And then there are the Fake-Laugh Liberals, liberals who like to show their political stripes by forcing whooping fake laughs at unfunny statements they agree with. Jon Stewart and Bill Maher -- and, of course, Margaret Cho -- have careers only due to Fake-Laugh Liberals.

A subvariety is the See? I Get It, That's Why I'm Fake-Laughing Liberal, who are key to Woody Allen's otherwise-inexplicable ability to get financing for his latest cinematic abortion. These are liberals who fake-laugh not necessarily because of actual political sympathies, but because they want to show that they understood Allen's ten-billionth reference to Marshall Fucking MacLuhan because, you know, they went to a good college (and/or saw Annie Hall). By pretending to laugh at yet another Woody Allen Leopold & Loeb reference, they demonstrate that they're better and smarter than you are.

Finally there is the well-known group of liberals called West Wing liberals, liberals who have effectively opted out of reality and put bumper-stickers on their car reading My President is Jeb Bartlett. They think the key to winning elections is to be even more unabashedly liberal, because that seems to work on the TV show. I like these liberals, because they're pretty much absenting themselves from actual political discourse, leaving us conservatives free to spin our nefarious plots.

It's Still Kinda Funny Update: Luckily for us, we still have NRO contributor/star of St. Elmo's Fire Andrew McCarthy on our side.

Even if Ducky is lost to us forever.

posted by Ace at 02:36 PM

Comments

Wasn't Footloose was set in the the then-present day of 1984?

Posted by: George on October 18, 2004 03:22 PM

You want to see funny? Take a look at Bender in five years...

Posted by: George on October 18, 2004 03:29 PM

ace this will make you smile:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uselections2004/story/0,13918,1329858,00.html

Posted by: VI on October 18, 2004 03:46 PM

VI,

Thanks, but I already posted that. Scroll down.

George,

Yeah, it was nominally set in 1984, but clearly it's actually set in 1952. Or during the sixteenth-century witch-burnings.

And yeah, it IS funny to see Bender in five years.

Posted by: ace on October 18, 2004 03:48 PM

I see what you're getting at -- the metaphorical 1952.

This ties in with something my wife and I were discussing this weekend. Is it not true that just about any of the teen movies made for our generation are better than any of the teen movies made today? Has not the Golden Age of teen cinema come to a close?

Take Footloose, for example. Not even the best movie of the period, but you have not only this metaphorical tie-in to persecutions of bygone eras, but there is a scene in which the hellfire and brimstone preacher literally runs across town to stop a book-burning. It gives the character depth, and paves the way for his later redemption. If this movie were made today, Lithgow would run to the book-burning, where he would toss a few books of his own on the fire, lynch somebody and then hold an impromptu Republican political rally on the spot.

Pretty in Pink. Breakfast Club. Weird Science. Real Genius. Better Off Dead. Even one of my forgotten favorites -- Three O'Clock High. All a bazillion times better than anything made for Generation Next. Gee, a kid has sex with a pie. Color me unimpressed.

Posted by: George on October 18, 2004 04:02 PM

I think there are Weird Science liberals. Actually, Chet liberals. They pick on everybody, and are very braggadocious. Until they get turned into a turd.

Posted by: sentinel on October 18, 2004 04:33 PM

Don't forget Big Trouble in Little China. God, I miss the 80s. My misspent youth.

Posted by: Smack on October 18, 2004 04:44 PM

Big Trouble is outstanding, but I was thinking about the teen movie in particular.

Mean Girls grossed something like $100 million. It was not the worst movie I've ever seen, but it blew in comparison to just about any of the girl-oriented high school movies of the 80s. Basically, it's no Sixteen Candles. "No more yanky my wanky. The Donger need food!"

Posted by: George on October 18, 2004 05:05 PM

Surely there must be Wargames Liberals: those who believe war is mere primitive impulse which must one day destroy us all, unless a young Matthew Broderick can save us.

Posted by: Brian on October 18, 2004 05:06 PM

Bingo! Kerry is a Wargames liberal, obviously. He wants to get out of the need to win by refusing to play the game while retaining the threat that he could play. This doesn't work when you're locked in the court and the other guy is very determined to play and will bounce the ball off your head quite happily until you're an unconscious bloody heap on the ground.

Posted by: Eric Pobirs on October 18, 2004 06:07 PM

Hey, don't knock the Beneath the Planet of the Apes mutants.

Their psionic purity may be all the stands between us and total ape conquest.

BETTER A DEAD PLANET THAN SLAVES TO LIVE MONKEYS!

Cheers,
Dave

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on October 19, 2004 12:04 AM

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Top Headlines

Mayor Karen is so stung by fan-made AI ads that she's resorting to the shitlibs' go-to demand for an end to criticism -- these ads are "violent" and "hateful" and making me feel unsafe because one video showed AI cartoons throwing tomatoes at me and the tomatoes looked like blood when they squished
This was her actual complaint. The mushed-up tomato looked like blood so it's a death threat and these violent attacks on me must stop. What is dis bitch, CNN?

Podcast: Sefton and CBD are joined by Jeff Carter, candidate for NV treasurer, and seasoned finance professional, for a discussion of the issues facing Nevadans, and the larger financial challenges in America.

TJM explores the movies of David Lean, director of Lawrence of Arabia

Few people remember that Norm MacDonald began his career as a ventriloquist
MacDonald's old partner Adam Egot revealed that MacDonald repurposed a bit with one of his ventriloquist dolls -- that he was a "bad guy" who "didn't believe the Holocaust happened" -- for the Norm MacDonald show, in which he claimed Egot didn't believe in the Holocaust.

Funniest thing I've read about the Virginia mess. Back when they were hustling the referendum through the assembly both Senators, Warner and Kaine, advised them to go slow and play by the rules. Louise Lucas said she respected them but didn't need advice from the "cuck chair" in the corner. The gerrymandering was overturned and Louise is heading for the big house. Edward G. Robinson voice "where's your cuck now?"
Posted by: Smell the Glove

I posted his post on twitter and it's gotten 25K views so far. Thanks, Smell the Glove

Chris
@chriswithans

"Ahhhhh ahh I put my career on the line for Louise Lucas and Jay Jones thinking they'd vault me into presidential contention and we ended up costing Democrats 20 House seats and unleashing a Reverse Dobbs ahhhhh ahhh"

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click That Sums Up the Democrat Communist Party Today
Something is wrong as I hold you near
Somebody else holds your heart, yeah
You turn to me with your icy tears
And then it's raining, feels like it's raining

TJM wonders about world building in stories, mostly The Hunger Games

"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.

Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.

Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"

Hamas is Humiliating Trump's 'Board of Peace'
[Hat Tip: TC] [CBD]

Tucker Carlson is pretty sure Trump is a wizard