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September 30, 2004

John Kerry Driven Insane By Little Flashing Light

Angry words exchanged as he insists -- nay, demands! -- that the time-expired lights be removed from the debate lecterns.

GABLES, Fla. (AP) - Democratic candidate John Kerry's campaign demanded Thursday that the lights signaling when a speaker's time has expired during debates with President Bush be removed from the lecterns because they are distracting, but the commission hosting the debates refused.
An angry exchange between representatives of the Kerry campaign and the Commission on Presidential Debates took place just hours before the candidates were to meet at the University of Miami for the first of three debates, The Associated Press learned. Kerry's team threatened to remove the lights when they visit the debate site with Kerry later in the day.

"We'll bring a screwdriver," said a Kerry aide familiar with what several people called an angry exchange.

Is it so hard for this moron to just limit his scary-important dissertations to two minutes?

Or is his camp just trying to reduce expectations? Is this story real or contrived in order to make people think that John Kerry might Hulk Out if the time-expired light goes on?

Eh. Either way, he's a shaved Bigfoot.

Thanks to AS. No, a different AS.

posted by Ace at 02:38 PM

Comments

I would love to be a fly on the wall in the "Kerry Suite"

Jenny Backus is probably straining to keep her peepers in her head as we speak! I think they should have Teresa stand up and start telling people to shove it as soon as those lights start blinking!

Posted by: Jennifer on September 30, 2004 02:45 PM

I got it.

a) He won't release his medical records
b) Strange changes in skin color
c) Constant licking of lips
d) An irrational fear of blinking lights...

Is it Narcolepsy? This explains his falling off bikes, forgetting what he's said shortly after saying it and sleeping through the last year of Senate votes.

Posted by: Dear Johns on September 30, 2004 02:56 PM

This is the best part of the AP Story:

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=694&ncid=696&e=2&u=/ap/20040930/ap_on_el_pr/debate_light_fight

"The Bush teams wants to debate about things like this to distract from the real issues," Devine said.

That line is getting pretty tired.

Posted by: j. fredd muggs on September 30, 2004 03:02 PM

Easily distracted, isn't he? Then again, we really shouldn't expect anything else from a man who apparently doesn't know the difference between night and afternoon. And Bush is the one who's supposed to be an idiot!

Posted by: zetetic on September 30, 2004 03:07 PM

I'm telling you, he didn't confuse night and afternoon, he's just used to suddenly falling asleep in the middle of the day.

Posted by: Dear Johns on September 30, 2004 03:13 PM

Like Jean-Luc Picard, perhaps Kerry really sees four lights.

http://sttng.epguides.info/?ID=311

Cheers,
Dave

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on September 30, 2004 03:14 PM

The funny thing is that they have nice big spotlight-type timing lights installed in the audience to alert the speakers, and if you think the dinky little red/yellow/green lights are distracting, why not point out the honkin' big in-your-face lights?

Unless, of course, you plan on going over a lot, and don't want the whole world to notice that you can't say anything in under two minutes...

Posted by: cirby on September 30, 2004 03:27 PM

Excellent Star Trek reference. However, I think it's more likely that Kerry is the Balok Dummy from the Corbomite Maneuver episode. He's using this maneuver now, which is why he's pretending to be behind before his "strong closing". Either that or he's been asleep again.

Posted by: Dear Johns on September 30, 2004 03:32 PM

All of this doesn't really matter, for I guarantee that tomorrow's papers will inform us, no matter what we thought we saw tonight, that Kerry won the debate and that the Bush campaign is in big trouble.

The reason? This is Kerry's last chance and see here for more

Posted by: steve sturm on September 30, 2004 03:55 PM

Weren't these details already negotiated, hashed out, and agreed upon by the respective campaigns?

If he didn't want the lectern lights, why did he, through his reps, agree to them earlier?

And most importantly, if he and his team can't successfully negotiate favorable conditions for their candidate for a freakin' campaign debate, how in the hell does he expect to voters to think he can successfully further America's best interests with overtly and covertly hostile powers?

Posted by: Rocketeer on September 30, 2004 04:23 PM

Wow, he really seized the opportunity to dispel that image of himself as a petulant, entitled, arrogant aristocrat, didn't he?

Posted by: Brian B on September 30, 2004 05:03 PM

If he didn't want the lectern lights, why did he, through his reps, agree to them earlier?

That's easy to explain, Rocketeer.

He voted for the lights...before he voted against them.

Posted by: Sean M. on September 30, 2004 06:43 PM

"Is it so hard for this moron to just limit his scary-important dissertations to two minutes?"
I know, Bush would just go on and on, blinking light be damned. what a moron.

Posted by: Dawn Summers on October 1, 2004 12:42 PM

Hello folks nice blog youre running

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