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September 30, 2004
John Kerry Driven Insane By Little Flashing LightGABLES, Fla. (AP) - Democratic candidate John Kerry's campaign demanded Thursday that the lights signaling when a speaker's time has expired during debates with President Bush be removed from the lecterns because they are distracting, but the commission hosting the debates refused. Is it so hard for this moron to just limit his scary-important dissertations to two minutes? Or is his camp just trying to reduce expectations? Is this story real or contrived in order to make people think that John Kerry might Hulk Out if the time-expired light goes on? Eh. Either way, he's a shaved Bigfoot. Thanks to AS. No, a different AS. posted by Ace at 02:38 PM
CommentsI would love to be a fly on the wall in the "Kerry Suite" Jenny Backus is probably straining to keep her peepers in her head as we speak! I think they should have Teresa stand up and start telling people to shove it as soon as those lights start blinking! Posted by: Jennifer on September 30, 2004 02:45 PM
I got it. a) He won't release his medical records Is it Narcolepsy? This explains his falling off bikes, forgetting what he's said shortly after saying it and sleeping through the last year of Senate votes. Posted by: Dear Johns on September 30, 2004 02:56 PM
This is the best part of the AP Story: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=694&ncid=696&e=2&u=/ap/20040930/ap_on_el_pr/debate_light_fight
That line is getting pretty tired. Posted by: j. fredd muggs on September 30, 2004 03:02 PM
Easily distracted, isn't he? Then again, we really shouldn't expect anything else from a man who apparently doesn't know the difference between night and afternoon. And Bush is the one who's supposed to be an idiot! Posted by: zetetic on September 30, 2004 03:07 PM
I'm telling you, he didn't confuse night and afternoon, he's just used to suddenly falling asleep in the middle of the day. Posted by: Dear Johns on September 30, 2004 03:13 PM
Like Jean-Luc Picard, perhaps Kerry really sees four lights. http://sttng.epguides.info/?ID=311 Cheers, Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on September 30, 2004 03:14 PM
The funny thing is that they have nice big spotlight-type timing lights installed in the audience to alert the speakers, and if you think the dinky little red/yellow/green lights are distracting, why not point out the honkin' big in-your-face lights? Unless, of course, you plan on going over a lot, and don't want the whole world to notice that you can't say anything in under two minutes... Posted by: cirby on September 30, 2004 03:27 PM
Excellent Star Trek reference. However, I think it's more likely that Kerry is the Balok Dummy from the Corbomite Maneuver episode. He's using this maneuver now, which is why he's pretending to be behind before his "strong closing". Either that or he's been asleep again. Posted by: Dear Johns on September 30, 2004 03:32 PM
All of this doesn't really matter, for I guarantee that tomorrow's papers will inform us, no matter what we thought we saw tonight, that Kerry won the debate and that the Bush campaign is in big trouble. The reason? This is Kerry's last chance and see here for more Posted by: steve sturm on September 30, 2004 03:55 PM
Weren't these details already negotiated, hashed out, and agreed upon by the respective campaigns? If he didn't want the lectern lights, why did he, through his reps, agree to them earlier? And most importantly, if he and his team can't successfully negotiate favorable conditions for their candidate for a freakin' campaign debate, how in the hell does he expect to voters to think he can successfully further America's best interests with overtly and covertly hostile powers? Posted by: Rocketeer on September 30, 2004 04:23 PM
Wow, he really seized the opportunity to dispel that image of himself as a petulant, entitled, arrogant aristocrat, didn't he? Posted by: Brian B on September 30, 2004 05:03 PM
If he didn't want the lectern lights, why did he, through his reps, agree to them earlier? That's easy to explain, Rocketeer. He voted for the lights...before he voted against them. Posted by: Sean M. on September 30, 2004 06:43 PM
"Is it so hard for this moron to just limit his scary-important dissertations to two minutes?" Posted by: Dawn Summers on October 1, 2004 12:42 PM
Hello folks nice blog youre running Posted by: lolita on January 19, 2005 08:38 PM
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Forgotten 80s Mystery Click, Guitar Hero Edition
Oh here it comes That funny feeling again winding me up inside Every time we touch Hey I don't know Oh, tell me where to begin cause I never ever Felt so much Okay, that was pretty easy. Here's one that's 3% harder. But still easy. Ooh, can you feel the static? So many contacts being made We've got up-front fanatics Tearing down the barricade To reach the stage Can you feel the rage?
Dear RNC; Go f*ck yourselves. I have gotten 56 texts in the last two weeks...all offensive and sneaky and all begging for money. At this point I would rather donate to AOC. [CBD]
BIG NEWS UPDATE NOT FIRED from anon2020 So what, she quit? Megyn Kelly (accursed be her name) used to say all the time that Fox has a top female PR person who is a nasty pitbull and leaks nasty claims about anyone Fox is at war with, including those who have left the network. So I guess maybe she technically resigned? I don't know. NEW: @FoxNews has obtained Lindsay Clancy defense attorney Kevin Reddington's appeal filing to the MA Supreme Court, which includes Reddington accusing the lone holdout juror of being "biased" against those with "debilitating mental illness", which he says is a protected category. Thanks to Mark1971
Holiday Break: I've had a rough couple of weeks -- the shoulder is healing now and I'm finally getting decent sleep -- and I've decided to take a long weekend.
I'm taking Friday off, and then Monday off, too. I have Open Threads for both days and I will post if big news breaks, but if it doesn't -- and it probably won't, news is slow before a holiday weekend -- I'm going to take a four day weekend.
Sh0eOnHead discusses the Psychotic Cult of Lindsay
Real quotes: "This case has me feeling like I'm on Law & Order with you guys!" "We literally binge true crime as a hobby, we've been trained for this moment" Worth the watch. If you haven't seen the genuinely upsetting insanity motivating thousands of women, you should watch this just to see how society is crumbling. Ban TikTok, Trump. I don't care if Barron tells you it's popular with the yutes. It is an evil Communist China op and it is driving women insane.
Dolly Parton tells the story of the supposedly real-life Jolene
As Andrew Branca says, can we see this Jolene, finally? Who was this hottie that was a genuine sexual threat to Dolly Parton? I think this is Fake News personally. When a magician claims he learned a trick from a Himalayan wise man, I don't believe him either.
Peter Cullen, voice actor for Optimus Prime (among many others) dies at home surrounded by family at age 85
RIP and Roll Out!
TJM discusses the career of Mel Brooks and why High Anxiety just isn't as good as Young Frankentsein
Breaking news: Dolly Parton had a real pair of 38s
Or at least one. She carried it everywhere for protection. This joke brought to you by Benny Hill. And speaking of the British: The Buckingham Palace guard tributed her yesterday
Dolly Parton is badgered into saying something negative about Trump's bus-board locker-room talk, but refuses to bow to the media pressure, telling the twink agitator she learned long ago to "keep your damned mouth shut"
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