Re-Post-- Andrew Sullivan: "I'm Not Easily Offended"

Newcomers to this site might wonder what the hell I was doing before Dan Rather decided to give me the gift of traffic.

Well, pretty much I was doing the same crap, except to Andrew Sullivan.

Andrew "No Offense Taken" Sullivan had his nineteenth nervous breakdown after Zell Miller spoke at the Republican convention, declaring:

"I'm not easy to offend, but this speech was gob-smackingly vile."

Well, I decided to check the evidence as for his self-declared immunity to offense. The results of this investigation follow.

"I'm not easy to offend, but this speech was gob-smackingly vile."

So says my longtime pen-pal and former college badmitton partner Andrew Sullivan, evaluating his capacity to be offended, and finding himself to be quite a cool customer in this regard.

I think that's the way we all think of Andrew-- as not easily offended.

When I think of the man who (to tell a secret) actually writes half the posts on this site (tip: me, the real Ace, never played D&D in my life; that dorkwad elf crap is all Andrew), I think of a calm, stoic, almost impassive man; and not at all, let us say, a man prone to twitchy excitability, shrill hyperbole, embarassingly emotional language, or frequent hysterical outbursts.

Not. At. All.

The sort of man who never, ever finds something that outrages him, and tells us all in no uncertain terms about how "vile," "disgusting," "sickening," et al. it all is.

The sort of man who you could easily see playing the Steve McQueen role in a remake of Bullitt, so long as the director would be comfortable with a more understated and laconic performance.

At any rate, here's a quick run-down of Andrew's recent take-no-offense, just-hang-and-chill-with-it postings. The blase ennui practically drips from these posts, I think you'll agree.

"Purple Heart bandages are plain sickening."

"This is an almost seventeenth century piece of public sectarianism and anti-Catholic bigotry. But it's now the Republican mainstream."

"One thought sprang into my mind immediately: what an arrogant jerk."

"I feel sick to my stomach."

" have to say my mind and heart are reeling from these images from the bowels of Abu Ghraib and the thought that worse are yet to come."

"Both are repulsive in different ways."

"I can barely believe that the Catholic hierarchy is doing Karl Rove's work for him. But then, as we have discovered, the current hierarchy is capable of almost anything."

"To describe this deep human need, this conservative impulse, as an "attack" on an institution revered by many homosexuals and their families is itself a piece of callous demonization. And the precedent is chilling."

"Jonah's second point is simply insulting... Conservative opinion on gays ranges from boredom to outright hostility and animus. There are times when I prefer the animus."

"I'm befuddled why he cannot simply apologize. Rumsfeld's blithe assertion that he hadn't even bothered to read the full Taguba report before a major press conference also cannot quite dislodge itself from my consciousness."

"How convenient. Now, merely campaigning for equal marriage rights weakens marriage. So you can blame the fags for the decline of an institution they have had nothing to do with. A million sighs of relief go up from the social conservatives."

"There was no "extremely significant silence" [on Sullivan's part]. Just outrage and a period of reflection. "

"Has this caused me heart-ache? No end. I do indeed feel betrayed, as do many other gay people who trusted this president and paid a price in many ways for supporting him."

"I'm sick of being told that worrying about this is a sign of faint-heartedness in the war."

"It's this blindness that rankles."

"More evidence that many parts of our agricultural industry - even with chickens now - is, with respect to treatment of animals, a moral disgrace.... Just incredible - but perhaps unavoidable in a food industry that often treats animals with contempt and cruelty."

Wait one red hot minute: even with chickens? Even chickens? Wouldn't you guess that, in the heirarchy of food-animals, chickens would be the first to be abused? I don't know why I think that.

Oh yeah, yes I do: because they're fucking chickens.

But anyway, on to the piece de resistance:

"As a believer in free trade, I was offended by steel tariffs; as a federalist, I was appalled by his incursion on states' rights, from marriage to marijuana; as a balanced-budget conservative, I was horrified by the president's insouciance toward deficits and expansion of entitlements..."

That's my best bud-- Andrew "Not Easy to Offend" Sullivan. Just about the calmest, coolest, least emotional cat I know.

Steady as a rock. An emotionally unstable rock with a nervous disorder shrieking hysterically in the grips of a meth-fueled halluciation that its eyes are being devoured by "sinister lobsters."

And who's really, really passionate about gay marriage.

That's the sort of rock I'm talking about.

Unrelated Serendipitous Irony Update: From a different era in Andrew's life, back when the War on Terror was, like, you know, sorta important 'n stuff.

"If National Review could can Coulter, the mainstream left can certainly can Rall. My bet is: they won't. Nothing should be allowed to detract from the war against Bush. Not even elemental decency and taste."

Nothing should be allowed to detract from the war against Bush. How... self-prescient, to coin a clumsy term.