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« Message: I Care About Margaret Cho | Main | Did John Forbes Kerry Write His After-Action Reports? »
August 26, 2004

North Korean Press: Kim Jong Il "Could Have Won Olympic Gold"

He's an ace marksman, apparently, and he would have easily won the gold if Olympic rules did not bar superheroes like the Flash, Hulk, and Kim Jong Il from competing.

Remember: This man shot thirty-eight-under-par his first time golfing. (That's not a joke-- that's what the NK Press actually reported and stands by.)

And that's not the limit of his triumphs. (Okay, this one is a joke.)

Life Imitates Top Ten Lists: I am sometimes scary-prescient:

3. Insists he could enter and win the Tour de France, "if he felt like it"

Okay, the Olympics aren't the Tour de France, but I did get the "if he felt like it" part correct.


posted by Ace at 03:38 PM
Comments



"Kim then instructed soldiers to hone their skills to use their left hands as well as their right hands, saying that their right hands could get injured during battle, according to the paper. "

Yep..I bet he has some suggestions as to which exercise best "hones" his right hand....

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster on August 26, 2004 03:50 PM

"The pistol is an immortal companion of a revolutionary."

That's a true statement, and hopefully a lot of North Koreans will get the opportunity to take some weapons and revolt against that fucker.

I'm going to take a wild guess that N. Korean citizen's can't carry guns. Call it a hunch.

Posted by: Joe R. on August 26, 2004 04:15 PM

Bob Dole's response:

Bob Dole calls bullshit
Kim: Name the place; I'll beat you
'cuz I'm on fire

Posted by: Johnny Catbird on August 26, 2004 04:29 PM

This History Channel has been doing a week long broadcast of "Assholes of the World" or some such thing, and they devoted one day coverage to Kimmy. Aside from discovering from the video clips that the Dear Leader's bodyguard training is reminiscent of the ninja training rooms from that Bond movie, the ex-bodyguard mentioned Kim is a good shot, but apparently holds the pistol scrunched up to his chest with both hands.

Posted by: Alex on August 26, 2004 06:33 PM
Posted by: Missy on November 5, 2004 11:27 PM
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