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August 10, 2004

But I Bet They Know How To Put a Condom on a Banana

California private "alternitve" school for Latinos forced to shut down its phoney diploma operation, after teaching kids a whole bunch of "facts" that aren't so factual.

Good stuff:

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A chain of private California schools that taught immigrants there are 53 U.S. states and four branches of the U.S. government was ordered to stop handing out phony diplomas this week, state Attorney General Bill Lockyer said on Friday.

...

The company charged its mainly Latino students $450 to $1,450 for a 10-week course based on a 54-page book that was riddled with errors, according to a lawsuit filed on Monday.

Students learned that Congress had two houses -- the Senate for Democrats and the House for Republicans; that the U.S. flag had not been updated to reflect the addition of Alaska, Hawaii and Puerto Rico to the "original" 50 states; that the federal "administrative" branch oversees the Treasury Department (news - web sites); and that World War II occurred from 1938 to 1942.

...

The workbook also refers to the play, "Death of a Traveling Salesman," not Arthur Miller's classic "Death of a Salesman."

Thanks to The Perfect World.

Top Ten Other Necessary Corrections to "Facts" Taught to Students at Fraudulent Latino Alternate School

10. Contrary to the school's textbook, the National Anthem is The Star Spangled Banner, not Maria from West Side Story

9. There is no requirement that the President, before taking office, must track and kill a panther using only his bare hands

8. The Framers of the Constitution did not include Martin Luther King, Jr., Caesar Chavez, or Walter "Sweetness" Payton

7. Patriotic pampheteer Tom Paine should not be credited as having originated the aphorism "If there's grass on the infield, play ball"

6. The process for amdending the Constitution is not divided into Talent and Swimsuit Competitions

5. The War of 1905 occurred between Russia and Japan, not, as the textbook incorrectly states, between Russia and "Steve"

4. "Steve" is also not responsible for the Bataan Death March

3. The Articles of Confederation failed because they did not provide for a strong federal executive, not "because they lacked a 99 Cent Value Menu"

2. The current Chief Justice of the Supreme Court is not Oscar de la Hoya

...and the Number One Necessary Correction to "Facts" Taught to Students at Fraudulent Latino Alternate School...

1. The Statue of Liberty is not intended to depict Agent 99 from Get Smart

posted by Ace at 03:09 PM

Comments

Four branches! Everyone knows there's only one branch in our government (i.e. the judicial).

Posted by: Sobek on August 10, 2004 03:13 PM

The weird thing about it is that they seemed to go out of their way to supply bad info. How hard would it be to run a scam school with correct information.

OTOH, the NEA seems to think this is equally hard hard, considering their willingness to foist books by Zinn on unsuspecting children.

Posted by: Eric Pobirs on August 10, 2004 03:21 PM

Sadly, I still place this slightly above the Oakland public schools attempting to teach Ebonics a few years ago.

Regarding the wrong dates for WWII, I hope that they at least told the students about the Germans bombing Pearly Harbor.

Posted by: WindyCity on August 10, 2004 03:34 PM

Condoms?! We don't need no steenkin' condoms!

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster on August 10, 2004 03:58 PM

Maybe it is the paint thinner talking, but I think that panther thing ought to be looked into. I'd have a lot more respect for any president who won a steel cage death match with a puma.

Posted by: Alex on August 10, 2004 04:56 PM

What would be the liklihood that the school teaches that Gore got more votes in Florida in 2000?

Cordially...

Posted by: Rick on August 10, 2004 05:05 PM

I thought Italy bombed Berzerkly.

Ah, if only.

Posted by: Mr. Bowen on August 10, 2004 07:28 PM

I agree with Alex, we should make that panther thing a mandatory requirement for seeking the Presidency.

ALl the other nitpicks aside, I thought they had the "Senate branch for Democrats and Congress Branch for Republicans" rather spot on. ;]

Posted by: Ironbear on August 10, 2004 08:02 PM

Just as long as you make it a panther and not a bear.

Otherwise, we'll be seeing Sullivan '08 stickers in no time.

Posted by: Brian B on August 10, 2004 08:47 PM

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? NOTHING is over until we say it is! Who's with me!

Posted by: Dave in Texas on August 10, 2004 09:16 PM

You fail to mention that, while the Chief Justice is not Oscar de la Hoya, the Chief Justice IS pound for pound the most dangerous boxer ever.

Posted by: Beck on August 11, 2004 05:41 AM

Everyone knows Agent 99 was way hotter than the Statue of Liberty. As for Steve, he may not have been responsible for the Bataan Death March, but we've got our eye on him anyway.

Posted by: Ken Hall on August 13, 2004 11:10 AM