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August 10, 2004

No Alert on Las Vegas Fears

Non-Timing of Non-Alert Said to be "Suspicious"

I can't wait for Oliver Willis and Josh Etc. Marshall to start spinning this, in perfect contradiction of their previous positions ("Alerts are bad; they do nothing but scare us and gin up pro-Bush support").

The fact that they haven't yet commented is evidence that even they are aware how tricky it will be to make hay out of this. They're both right now trying to figure out how they can now say "No alerts=politically timed" whereas they've been screaming "Alerts=politically timed" for at least a year.

Well, Marshall is trying to figure out how to argue that, at least. Oliver Willis is just eating Filet-O-Fish sandwiches, waiting for Josh Marshall to comment either way. Then he'll just link him and parrot him.

Update! Oh, Yeahhh!: Oliver Willis doesn't just drink the Kool-Aid, he's become the Kool-Aid.

Why wasn't I notified immediately?

Update to the Update! Oliver Willis is crying racism because, supposedly, blacks are said to be fond of "red" Kool Aid.

I am amused by Willis' casting of this insult into less-insulting terms. He prefers to think he's easily likened to the Kool Aid guy because he's black. He finds that nicer than the truth, and I don't blame him.

No, Oliver, you're being likened to the Kool Aid Jug Guy because you're 1) morbidly obese and 2) you've drank the Kool Aid, Jim Jones style.

But mostly, I think, because you're fat. Almost 90% that one.

Actually, 100% that one. The Jim Jones thing is just a "distraction" from the "real issue," which is that you're a big fat fatty-head. With a weight problem.

How I wish that when people criticized or insulted me I could just deny the obvious reason for the attack and blame it, through some self-defensive and convoluted reasoning, as "actually" being an attack on my race.

PS: The partisan hack Atrios apparently just discovered the racial slur database that Willis uses as his evidence of racism. Just another example of Willis parroting the words of others.

Remember-- this is the idiot who coined the (unfunny) expression "The Right Wing Wurltizer" to describe conservatives aping the talking points of other conservative bloggers and/or pols/hacks. The guy who uses "Wurlitzer" as an insult (not that that really makes any sense, when you think about it) himself does nothing except link and parrot the thoughts of others.

If any Willis readers are here (actually, I suspect Willis is here occasionally, since he suddenly has a Batman Begins link without any attribution), I pose the Willis Challenge:

Please link in the comments a post of Willis' in which he makes an observation or argument which is both original and substantive. The only seem to see hack, kneejerk sarcasm -- which is pretty easy to do, and I should know -- and parroting the talking points established by others.

Yet Another Teenage Update: Bill from INDC fisks the racial slur database -- some of these are just ridiculous; I can't believe that anyone every called a black person a "Sleestak" (the lizard creatures from Land of the Lost). Anyone calling blacks "Sleestaks" is obviously just not serious enough about his racism.

Sleestaks? Sleestaks? What on earth would be the point of such an insult? To make yourself look like a retard?

There's a good punchline at the end of Bill's post. Turns out Filet-O-Fish is guilty of vicious racial insensitivity himself.

And, in related news, Margaret Cho is complaining about racial insensitivity directed towards Asians. Apparently some people have taken to calling Asians "Mon Calamari," despite the fact that they are neither red nor especially lobster-looking:

She's also upset that some have taken to calling homosexuals "Uruk Hai," as in "Hey, look, there are some of those queerie Uruk Hai; let us harass them and steal their armor."

posted by Ace at 01:33 PM

Comments

I suppose you're now going to claim you didn't realize "Kool-Aid" is a racist slur, as is--no doubt--Filet-O-Fish.

Posted by: NIcholas Kronos on August 10, 2004 02:05 PM

'Ace' is prbably offensive to someone too.

Posted by: Sharp as a Marble on August 10, 2004 02:25 PM

Oliver "Like Bald and Fat to Ugly" Willis claims y'all are slurring him.

Posted by: on August 10, 2004 02:31 PM

What I find amusing about this whole "timing" thing is guys like Joshua Micah Naomi Goldfarb Marshall don't stop to think WHY these alerts [manufactured or not] boost Bush. It's because their Manchurian candidate, Kerry, just isn't credible when it comes to national defense. Saying things like Bin Laden being tried in a US court doesn't help matters either. Instead of these guys claiming something they really can't prove - that these alerts were manufactured - why not instead just improve Kerry's credibility [easier said than done] when it comes to terrorism?

Posted by: Cpl. Menno on August 10, 2004 02:46 PM

Actually, Sharp, you are correct.

I checked out the "racial slur database" that INDC has posted on his website and "Ace of Spades" is listed as a slur against blacks.

No joke. Go check for yourself.

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster on August 10, 2004 02:46 PM

I meant to include the link in the above post.

http://www.rsdb.org/search?q=ace+of+spades

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster on August 10, 2004 02:59 PM

Stop going so hard on Oliver and Josh. You know that Bush drops a couple of percentage points every time one of these suspiciously timed alerts come out. Bush is desperate and so are you. Take a good look inside yourselves, gentlemen, and ask yourselves why you are so lonely, why women refuse to go out with you. I think I know why, but do you?

Posted by: Akefa on August 10, 2004 03:00 PM

Yes, we're lonely and we get no sex. You nailed it, dude.

I, for one, long to possess the raw animal sexual charisma of an Oliver Willis or a -- dare I even dream? -- Josh Marshall.

Posted by: ace on August 10, 2004 03:03 PM

Akefa, if you're going to try to flame someone on the Internet, you should try insults newer than DARPA's first test run of the thing.

My grandmother throws insults like you, but damn man, she's OLD!

Posted by: Mr. Bowen on August 10, 2004 03:05 PM

Stop going so hard on Oliver and Josh.

Are you accusing Ace of having a sexual relationship with those guys? We don't believe in gay marriage here, pal.

You know that Bush drops a couple of percentage points every time one of these suspiciously timed alerts come out.

Which is why he does it. See, it's all part of an elaborate but deceptive plan to make his numbers go up.

Take a good look inside yourselves, gentlemen

With a scalpel or through a naturally occurring bodily orifice?

and ask yourselves why you are so lonely

It's because I haven't finished filling out my e-Harmony profile yet, obviously.

why women refuse to go out with you

Well, besides my incomplete e-Harmony profile, Ace is supposedly "going hard" on Oliver and Josh, so he's a bit tied up right now.

Posted by: Smack on August 10, 2004 03:08 PM

Why do i get the feeling that Akefa would like to "go hard" on Oliver and Josh?

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster on August 10, 2004 03:09 PM

Oliver Willis confesses to cannibalistic murder of Alan Keyes

"I know you have more than one bite of crazy in you," Willis bellowed while washing down the last morsel of Keyes, his nonexistent chin dribbling fave beans and a nice red Kool-aid.

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos on August 10, 2004 03:14 PM

That racial slur database rules.

Posted by: fat kid on August 10, 2004 03:17 PM

Pardon the empty clue buffer here, guys, but the racial slur database seems even weaker than I'd thought:

Ace of Spades: "Self Explanatory"

Yeah, just as I thought, though what it has to do with racism of any kind is beyond my meager understanding. Having reviewed Bill's short list, I remain amazed at the things people go out of their way to get their panties in a bunch about.

Posted by: Patton on August 10, 2004 03:41 PM

Take a good look inside yourselves, gentlemen, and ask yourselves why you are so lonely, why women refuse to go out with you.

Because that would be adultery.

Idiot.

Posted by: Brian B on August 10, 2004 03:41 PM

Take a good look inside yourselves, gentlemen, and ask yourselves why you are so lonely, why women refuse to go out with you.

Actually, it was pointed out to me in the comments to this post that my problems with women are directly related to my increasing dislike of the band Boston. As far as I know, the chicks aren't really on to my acute political desperation.

Posted by: marc on August 10, 2004 04:07 PM

Might want to look up "ace of spades" in that database ...

Posted by: Bill from INDC on August 10, 2004 04:26 PM

Headline from the Sept. 10, 2001, editon of the Alternate Reality Times:

Bush Raises Terror Alert
Dumbass pinko moonbats find timing "suspicious"

Posted by: zetetic on August 10, 2004 04:29 PM

Calamari is squid, not shellfish. I'm just sayin.'

Posted by: lauraw on August 10, 2004 05:34 PM

lauraw,

1. both mollusks and crustaceans can be considered "shellfish," since shellfish isn't a scientific designation, and since both mollusks and crustacean have shells (clams and oysters are mollusks, just like squid, while crawdads, crabs, lobster, etc. are mollusks, but also shellfish.

2. Mon Calamari definitely have a more crustaceany look than mollusky, despite the name.

3. Dear God, am I really that big a geek?

Posted by: Brian B on August 10, 2004 06:08 PM

er sorry, I called crawdads/crabs/lobsters mollusks, I meant crustaceans.

Yeah, I guess I am that big a geek.

Posted by: Brian B on August 10, 2004 06:10 PM

Oliver Willis is black?! Why wasn't I informed immediately?

Posted by: Dacotti on August 10, 2004 07:12 PM

Well, the assumption was that he wasn't Black as in African American, so much as Black as in "So massive not even light escapes his gravity", so noone thought it was an ethnic issue.

Of course, using that rationale, Michael Moore is the blackest man in America.

Posted by: Brian B on August 10, 2004 07:23 PM

You know, when I first started reading this site (back in the blogspot days) I actually supposed that you WERE black. Funny how these things work out.

And since no one else has said it, I'll go ahead and take the bait:

IT'S A TRAP!

Posted by: Beck on August 11, 2004 05:46 AM

No shell = not shellfish.

"...shellfish isn't a scientific designation..."

Yet you indulged your need to list scientific designations anyway. Brian, I shall hereafter refer to you as Mr. Oyvin Glavin.

(Sorry. Slow morning at the shop.)

Posted by: lauraw on August 11, 2004 10:02 AM

lauraw,

n. pl. squids or squid
Any of various marine cephalopod mollusks of the genus Loligo and related genera, having a usually elongated body, ten arms surrounding the mouth, a vestigial internal shell, and a pair of triangular or rounded fins.

Who the hell is Oyvin Glavin?

Posted by: Brian B on August 11, 2004 12:22 PM

Wow, we've managed to go from a Las Vegas bomb plot to discussing Oliver Willis' weight/hypersensitivity problems, to Admiral Akbar, to what precisely constitutes a shellfish.

This is one heck of a thread.

And I've never heard anyone call a squid a shellfish before.

And Oyvin Glavin is not a person, but a sound made frequently by Jerry Lewis and Dr. Frink. And Operation: Hoyven Mayveen was a sinister plot hatched by the Motherloving Sugar Company to supress the results of tests showing the addictive properties of sugar. The strange name of the operation tipped Marge Simpson off to the identity of her otherwise mysterious tipster, the aforementioned Frink.

I hope everyone is up to speed now.

Posted by: Sobek on August 11, 2004 12:35 PM

Sobek,

And I've never heard anyone call a squid a shellfish before.

You have now.

thanks for the info about Oyvin Glavin. The animaniacs pronounced it "Freud Layvin".

Posted by: Brian B on August 11, 2004 12:41 PM

Indeed I have. And I remember that Animaniacs episode well. I need to grow up.

Posted by: Sobek on August 11, 2004 12:51 PM

Puppy BOY! Don't MAKE with the boom!

Posted by: Brian B on August 11, 2004 02:08 PM

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Top Headlines

Funniest thing I've read about the Virginia mess. Back when they were hustling the referendum through the assembly both Senators, Warner and Kaine, advised them to go slow and play by the rules. Louise Lucas said she respected them but didn't need advice from the "cuck chair" in the corner. The gerrymandering was overturned and Louise is heading for the big house. Edward G. Robinson voice "where's your cuck now?"
Posted by: Smell the Glove

I posted his post on twitter and it's gotten 25K views so far. Thanks, Smell the Glove

Chris
@chriswithans

"Ahhhhh ahh I put my career on the line for Louise Lucas and Jay Jones thinking they'd vault me into presidential contention and we ended up costing Democrats 20 House seats and unleashing a Reverse Dobbs ahhhhh ahhh"

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click That Sums Up the Democrat Communist Party Today
Something is wrong as I hold you near
Somebody else holds your heart, yeah
You turn to me with your icy tears
And then it's raining, feels like it's raining

TJM wonders about world building in stories, mostly The Hunger Games

"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.

Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.

Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"

Hamas is Humiliating Trump's 'Board of Peace'
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TJM definitively ranks the films of Billy Wilder, like Some Like It Hot

TJM talks about Billy Wilder