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August 10, 2004

Dear Teenwire: How Do I Make Sure My Monkey is Sufficiently Aroused for Sex?

Michele is very annoyed by the pro-sex teen-porn Planned Parenthood is selling to children.

She notes something that I've long been angered about -- or at least I've been angered about it since I've been an adult:

Here, go look at this advice page. I'll wait.

Are you as appalled as I am? I hope so. Or am I just a prude or hopelessly naive when it comes to teens and sex? There are words on that page I never even heard of until I was in my 20's. Kids are doing things I haven't attempted myself. Anal sex? They are giving advice on anal sex to teenagers?

I don't buy into the "oh, they're going to do it anyhow, so let's just educate them properly about it" attitude. Maybe they are going to do it (it obviously including every kind of sex imaginable) but my daughter is not. Sure, sex can be wonderful and pleasurable and beautiful. But not when you're 14 and you don't fully understand the emotional consequences of giving it up at such an early age. How many 14 year old girls are going to remain with the guy they are with now? Does anyone tell these girls that 10 years from now they are going to most likely regret all of their sexual escapades? 14 year old girls go through guys faster than Jennifer Lopez. Are we supposed to believe that it is healthy for these girls to go down on every guy they date? I'm sorry, but a girl at this age is not capable of having a deep, meaningful, mutually respectful, healthy relationship that could withstand the emotions that come with intimately sharing your body with someone.

The liberal manner of discussing sex with children (have I mentioned these were children?) is to tirelessly promote it under the guise of "just being honest."

But they're not being honest. Here's honest advice about sex to a girl:

They guy you think you're in love with? You're not, and you'll break up within six months to a year. Most likely one or the other of you will cheat. If either of you go to college, forget about it.

You know all that stuff about sex being safe if you're "careful" about it and you "communicate your fears and desires with your partner"? That's bullshit. You're not careful about sex (no teenager is terribly careful) and you'll be pregnant within a year if you keep having sex. Every time you have sex you have about a 10% chance of getting knocked up (nearly 100% if your boyfriend "forgets" to pull out) and there's almost no way to avoid getting pregnant with those odds.

And your boyfriend doesn't want you "communicate your fears and desires." He just wants to have sex, preferrably without a condom, and he doesn't much care about what your "fears and desires" on that score might be. When he knocks you up, the best you can hope for is half-payment for your abortion.

You might not think an abortion is a big deal, but you almost certainly will once you have one. Sex won't seem like such innocent fun at that point, and you'll probably either recoil from having sex or demand that your boyfriend wear a condom each and every time from that point on. He won't like either of those, and within a few months he'll break up with you in order to have sex with someone more willing to have unprotected sex.

By the way: Did I mention that you're not really in love? That "special" feeling you're feeling is actually not special at all; you'll feel that "special" feeling hundreds of times in your life. It lasts about a month and half, before which either you or more likely your boyfriend will get that "special" feeling about someone else entirely.

The kid you're going to get pregnant with, on the other hand, will last about 70-75 years.

PS: You also run a smaller chance of contracting an STD.

Have fun!

Now, that's the straight truth about teenaged sex. When I was a teenage male myself, I didn't want girls thinking about any of that; I just wanted to get laid.

But the above is, of course, the truth, and all adults know it. And we all know it because we've all lived through it, or at least much of it. What we haven't lived through ourselves, we've heard about from friends.

Which makes it seem odd to me that adults at Planned Parenthood are selling teenaged sex as something it isn't.

If they want to tell "the truth about sex" -- why not state all of the above?

They're only interested in "the truth about sex" to the extent that "truth" makes sex seem fun, safe, and benign.

Liberals remain in a state of arrested development, in which they are always "rebellious" (read: slavisly trendy) teenagers. They have some deep need to seem "cool" or "with it," which is, frankly, something most people also need, but the terms by which they evaluate their "with-it-ness" remain more or less the same terms employed by a 16-year-old.

No teenager wants to sound "uncool" by knocking sex or by urging caution about it, which is understandable-- they're teenagers. Idiots, in other words.

But what precisely is the excuse for an adult liberal? How many young girls have to get knocked up due to your terrible, reckless advice, just because you have a borderline-pathological need to not seem "unhip" to a child?

posted by Ace at 12:33 PM

Comments

Wow.

I wish I could add to that, but I think between the two fo you, you pretty much covered it.

Posted by: Brian B on August 10, 2004 12:46 PM

I think there is a pathology among the left that wants teenagers to get pregnant.

One of the most heartwrenching stories lefties tell in support of abortion-rights is to cite the case of young girls getting pregnant and the resultant distress caused on the lives of all involved if she carries to term.

Were teenage pregnancies to stop tomorrow, then look at where the left would be stuck. No longer could they justify abortion as rectifying a "childhood mistake that everyone makes" but instead they would be left with justifying it as a means of "birth control" for adults, a less appealing talking point.

Make no mistake. Abortion "providers" are a business, pure and simple. Terminating underage pregnancies are just another cash cow for them.

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster on August 10, 2004 12:53 PM

Right on Phil. It's not about choice, it's big business. One of the early "providers" got so rich he went and bought Santa Anita Racetrack here in SoCal. Planned Parenthood is out to protect and boost it's market share and utilizes the emotional "reporductive rights" slogans and these "educational resources" to achieve that end.

Posted by: dano on August 10, 2004 01:15 PM

It's really frightening how sexualized kids today are.

Posted by: Scout on August 10, 2004 01:18 PM

What I find interesting is to compare the current situation to sexual practices up until the late 19th century. 15 and 16 year old girls had sex back then too, you know...after they were married. They then went on to successfully raise families with their permanent husbands and everything was pretty much A-OK. (Many women did die in childbirth but this was the result of a lack of proper medical knowledge about infections. Doctors would routinely deliver babies without any kind of disinfection immediately after dissecting or entombing corpses.)

The difference is that children were once raised with work and responsibility as a regular part of daily life. By the time they were 15 years old, they were mature and responsible enough to start a family.

Posted by: Smack on August 10, 2004 02:06 PM

Your use of "monkey" is obviously a racial slur.

Posted by: rdbrewer on August 10, 2004 02:52 PM

I live this horror everyday. I have four daughters. My oldest is 14 and looks 17. She is beautiful and has way too much older boy attention.

She is about to start highschool. A girl in her class last year, 8th grade, had a baby this summer. She was the only girl on the football team. Parents raised hell to get their daughter on the team, her right to play etc. then a few weeks later we find out she is pregnant. I said to my daughter...seems they should have been more concerned about her other afterschool activities.

I was listening unknown to a confrontation with another girl who says, "You are such a prude..." to my child. This in response to the dumping of her "boyfriend" because he "didn't know his limits"

My child, in a moment of brilliance says "I am a prude? Yeah...your point? I should long to be a slut like you? Sorry, but it is not my goal in life to give it away to everyone who asks." and she walked off.

I have done something right. I found making them very high maintenence and demanding seems to make the boys less influencial.

Posted by: Jennifer on August 10, 2004 03:29 PM

Excellent work, Jennifer. You certainly have done something right.

Posted by: Sobek on August 11, 2004 11:29 AM

If by "High Maintenance" you mean "Cognizant of her worth as a person," then yeah, she sounds high maintenance.

Posted by: Brian B on August 11, 2004 12:38 PM

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Funniest thing I've read about the Virginia mess. Back when they were hustling the referendum through the assembly both Senators, Warner and Kaine, advised them to go slow and play by the rules. Louise Lucas said she respected them but didn't need advice from the "cuck chair" in the corner. The gerrymandering was overturned and Louise is heading for the big house. Edward G. Robinson voice "where's your cuck now?"
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Chris
@chriswithans

"Ahhhhh ahh I put my career on the line for Louise Lucas and Jay Jones thinking they'd vault me into presidential contention and we ended up costing Democrats 20 House seats and unleashing a Reverse Dobbs ahhhhh ahhh"

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Somebody else holds your heart, yeah
You turn to me with your icy tears
And then it's raining, feels like it's raining

TJM wonders about world building in stories, mostly The Hunger Games

"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
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Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.

Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.

Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"

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