Lefty bloggers shout:
"Big story coming! Hush hush!"
Crickets chirping still.

These Dems are Putzes;
The weak big spenders will lose
come Two November.

While in the archives
Berger reminded us why
we call him "pantload"

That guy who freaked out
About the fucking balloons
Sounded like Anka.

John gives a salute
"Reporting for Duty!" he says
Limp wristed and all

Integrity man--
Hammer-like, slicing water--
The gerbil still lives!

Entitled, "A Day at the FleetCenter"

Jimmy Carter Rants
Botoxed skin and shiny hair
Michael Moore ate cheese

Chance Meeting in Spanish Harlem

Mira! Mira! Come here.
Are you a model? You should be.
Sucky-sucky five bucky. Si?

Wolf Crouches Under Pines

No more Bush-Bashing
We're happy, shiny people
Shut the fuck up Al

Filet-O-Fish

Cod-patty, batter-dipt and
fried; a golden-brown treasure
in a blue polyfoam box.

Sigh. I am so happy you did this. Who won the phallic C3PO card last time? I want another shot at that. Mom's birthday is coming up soon.

"Sully's Choice"

Only when gays wed
Will civilization be
Worth defending.

I left off the last syllable as a silent protest against the religious right.

Inspired by Christopher Cross:

Sources

My sources inform me
CNN has the goods on the Plame matter
I cannot say more at the moment.

Hate George Bush, I do
But salad is scarier
Unless it's deep fried

Make sure that if you post under a different name, you add (via YOUR NAME) in the line somewhere, so you can be credited.

Assuming you want credit.

And assuming, of course, that that last poem wasn't actually written my Michael Moore.

Who knows? Maybe he's a big fan.

Hope Rides the Wind
Hope is on the Way!
Please! Help us help the helpless!
Goose farts in the wind.

Deliverance
Edwards pumps his fist
Energetic and youthful;
Such a pretty mouth

"Timing"

Sid jizzed on my face
Before I was ready. His
Timing was suspicious.

An extra syllable in tribute to his extra name.

OK, it was really me. The Michael Moore entry, I mean. I wouldn't normally cop to it, but lauraw said something about a C3PO prize . . .

"Joshua Micah Hezekia Bucephalus Kobyashi Boutros-Boutros-Boutros Marshal"

Haha.

You sure do have a funny name.

Timing

The GOP convention
is scheduled just in time for
the vote. How convenient.

Kerry's Heros
Walk on, flash peace signs
A dirty bakers dozen,
Where are the others?

My balls flap free; my
penis stands proud, strong, erect.
Ah, Provincetown.

If we catch Osama
While Bush is still in office
Then the terrorists have won.

"Staff Ass"

Cab ride to his place,
four-hundred dollars on the dresser,
Book entitled Bunghole Blitz.

Balloons not falling on cedars

We need more balloons
There's not enough coming down
What the fuck you guys

"Untitled"

Open your mouth wide, strain-
ing your jaw; cram me all in
Eat me. I'm a sandwich.

Bill Clinton's Thoughts

That Kerry's a putz
Give me back the spotlight, now!
Hillary scares me

Q & A

Do you know who I am?
Have you any idea? I am
the only important one on that stage.

Hillary's thoughts

Hi there JFK
If you feel a knife in your back
Don't worry, its me

Things We Talk About

"Crunchy-cons;" Star Trek; Hobbits;
Derbyshire math-geekery; malmite
Sometimes politics, when we find the time.

You know I'm a fan
And Johnny Coldcuts just rules
My big stinking ass.

Hey, Johnny Coldcuts!
You look so very tasty...
GET IN MY BELLY!

Animated corpse
Ken doll chases ambulance
Four more years for Bush

Oliver Willis:
Ruminant explosions spread
Methane through the air.

Fart clouds over grass:
Gluttonous beast senses it;
Michael Moore sprongs wood.

Earth shakes and rattles!
Fleshy juggernauts rampage!
Lovers come to meet!

Beauty blinds her eyes,
Reason flees upon the wind:
Chunky boys drop trou.

Elephants couple
In grand ponderosity;
Sullivan gets hot.

"Beyond Befuddled"

References I don't understand.
Mentions of "liberal" lose me in the fog.
IS THIS SARCASTIC? I DON'T GET IT.

Release the bounce now!
Hold confetti, where's the bounce?
Waiting... waiting... f$@k!

codeword-secret files
the chafing is ungodly
should've just left them

That should have been me
Up there on that stage. So sad.
Bring a beer, Tipper.

Confetti falling
like lotus blossoms at dusk
WHERE'S MY DAMN BALLOONS?!?

JFK served in Nam?
Who knew? And
when did they know it?

(well, I thought it was funny)

Ted Kennedy:

"The only thing to
fear is four more years with Bush...
is that an airplane?"

Digital brownshirts
Are really bringing me down -
Do you still love me?

Here is an oldie but a goodie that I wrote for another contest:

Here is my entry (with apologies to Jeff Goldstein).

The Bergergate haiku:

Berger springs them
in autumn socks and winter pants
while ketchup waffles

It aint so
krispy kreme doughnuts leave no room
in pants--Josh Marshall

Andrew Sullivan:

Yes, John Forbes Kerry:
Conservative Candidate.
Pay for my bandwidth!

Thanks for Your Donations

Blogging will be light
for the next three months or so
(Madonna concert).

Dan Rather:

Cheney is a hitman
and Bush is an idiot
but I'm unbiased.

Great one, Sully. Right up my particular alley.

Good haikus all around. Keep them coming.

Glenn Reynolds:

Kerry's Acceptance:
I'll allow comments for once.
Heh. Read the whole thing.

Goodbye, Johnny Coldcuts.

I will not donate, Ace.
For unless I stand firm now
No sandwich is safe.

Vanessa and Alexandra

Get away from him
Daddy promised Ben to me
Here come a bitch slap

Un-a-MEHR-ih-cuhn?
Oh, you're from the Trib Review.
Typical. Shove it!

the economy
those tax cuts turned it around
now what do I say?

Hillary cries in
shame when she hears her
penis was showing

Andrew Sullivan
Now loves Clinton since he heard
First couple was gay.

Joshua Micah
De Gaul Van Halen Du Lake
Wilson-Marshall

John Edwards:

Why did Obama
say there's one America?
There are two, damn it!

A nation afraid
Kerry, Edwards, at the helm?
Lies fomenting lies

Purple Hearts for all
Did you serve in Vietnam?
I got it on tape

I will save you all
Hair pollution is the threat
Put your trust in me

Out of touch with all
Simply because I’m better
Than my fellow man

My campaign slogan:
"Yes, I served in Vietnam."
Why do I need more?

Oliver Willis:

Yes, that's what I am:
"Like Kryptonite to Stupid"...
feeling... so weak... now...

"My Acceptance Speech"

Strength. Courage. Resolve.
Stronger. Security. Weapon. Military.
A missing word: Victory.

Viet Nam redux
We need more f*cking ammo!
happy balloons fall

a Tree spoke last night
Leaves of ponderous pedant
i don't feel safe yet

Josh Marshall:

Iraq keeps us from
finding al-Qaeda. Wait, what?
Suspicious timing!

John Kerry is like
the Persian Xerxes. George Bush
is Themistocles.

Moore fans:

We've lost our free speech!
Fahrenheit 9/11
proves to us that's true!

VDH, a Brit?
He must be. Yanks are too dumb
for his last haiku

A Gold Plated Versace Server

A few dollars more,
and I can upgrade to some
fabulous bandwidth!

John Kerry:

For it. Against it.
For. Against. For. Um, against.
It's nuance, people!

blueberry muffins
growing herbs in my garden
getting used to this

Stomach acids roil;
Johnny Coldcuts screams in pain:
"Motherfuckin' jerk!"

Anka hears the cry,
Wipes a tear on his finger
With integrity.

John Kerry:

'Nam. 'Nam. 'Nam. 'Nam. 'Nam.
'Nam. 'Nam. 'Nam. 'Nam. 'Nam. 'Nam. 'Nam.
'Nam. 'Nam. 'Nam. 'Nam. 'Nam.

A Time For Nuance

People of good will
Hold different views on Iraq.
For example, me

The Democrat Medes
will prove to be no match for
GOP hoplites.

John Kerry:

I'm strong on defense
Doubling our military
(but Baghdad can burn)

Johnny Catbird: Dude!
You're on a fuckin' roll, man.
Excellent haikus.

John Kerry:

I love to hunt deer
while crawling with my shotgun
(my butler hunts for me)

Hillary Clinton:

I know a good leader
when I see one! (There's Kerry)
(Don't make eye contact)

John Edwards' Epiphany

Whachew mean VPs
can't sue for contingency?
WHY WASN'T I TOLD?

Thanks for the praise, man.
I can count syllables fast
like f'n Rain Man

Western Civ imperiled
Threat of Islamofascism
Bear jizz in my eye

Max and John, brothers
He has no leg to stand on
Giving his stump speech

John Kerry:

Hey NASA, take a picture!
Then send it out so I can
blame the GOP

Hutt Haiku

Fat Michigan man
I've seen better film on teeth
His beard looks like pubes

Argh.... first one I've messed up; moved the 2nd line up and didn't trim it. Here's the proper one.

NASA, take a pic!
Then send it out so I can
blame the GOP

PSST - Hey, J. Kerry -
Affleck's banging your daughter
(it's the ugly one).

Sandy Berger cleared
It says in the WSJ
"Not so fast" - Newsmax

Carry the world's weight
On my broad, furry shoulders
Think I have a cold

I'll believe the news
Sandy Berger's been cleared when
DEBKAFILE says so.

Ah, ten year-old scotch
My face keeps getting wider
Thought the bitch could swim

William Jefferson
Cigar is not just cigar
Many felonies

Here's our new weapon:
It fires principles at...
Why are you laughing?

Bush equals Hitler!
Our president is stupid!
Now show us respect!

Hey, Johnny Catbird,
you sure write a mean haiku.
Do you like beagles?

"More! More Kerry Girls for My Centurions!"

You're sexy. Let's talk politics.
I need to be on you, baby. Bush sucks.
Wait-- I wanted the one with the nipples.

Vote Kerry/Edwards
and gain world's respect, dhimmi!
Ululululu!

Andrew Sullivan:

Bush hates gay marriage
al-Qaeda would cut my head off
We must vote Kerry!

The Media:

Oil-for-food? Sudan?
What are you talking about?
Abu Ghraib! Bush lied!

Effortlessly...

Insipid wing nuts
murder verse relentlessly.
Dead dog learns new trick

"Email of the Day"

I agree with whatever
you said about the FMA.
You're a true independent.

"Email of the Day II"

It amazes me that Virginia
wants to ban civil unions.
Your independence amazes me, too.

"Email of the Day III"

They can't buy dildoes in
Birmingham, in Bush's Amerikkka.
You are a brave, independent voice.

Andrew Sullivan:

I do not like Bush
(hey, double entendre, neat)
Donate twenty bucks!

Moonbat, go away
Democratic Underground
Is much more your speed

"Sour Grapes of Wrath"

Liberal troll pokes head in,
insults. Seething with envy.
It's called comedy. Try it.

"Screw Them"

Why should I care about a
few mercenary murderers? Ooooh--
a victory. How convenient.

Jimmy Carter:

Bush? Incompetent!
His foreign policies suck!
(forget Tehran, please)

"Timing II"

Liberal girlie-man shows up
just when we're doing haiku.
I question the timing.

Ace Haiku Primer

Use five syllables,
Then use seven syllables,
Then five, or loose shit.

"From a Moore-on"

I love Michael Moore
He may not tell the truth, but
Hey, it's comedy!

What Is The Sound of One Man Crapping?

Boston Harbor bleeds.
Man the swiftboats, Kerry;
Spielberg's on the phone.

Osama Bin Laden:

I'm a foreign leader
(in Spain and the Phillipines)
Support John Kerry!

But I am laughing

I dangle the bait
for a hungry wingnut bard.
Voila, a punchline.

I can't go out on a 6-7-5.

How about:

I lead two nations
1) Spain, 2) the Phillipines
Support John Kerry!

I have to add these in response to the jackarse from the DU:

A band of cowards
Democratic Underground
Lead us to defeat

To live free or die
Democratic Underground
Hopes our nation dies

You hate my country
Democratic Underground
Why not move to France?

Professor Chaos:

The Country is not
yours alone you simple fool.
move to France yourself.

"Dave Pasquino"

Dave Pasquino
demands strict syllabalation.
I suspended those rules. Because they're a pain in the ass. A big pain in the ass. Too many syllables? Tough.

So-called liberals
Would not tolerate free speech
At the convention

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Eat my shit, DU

They say I have class
They say I am exotic
But really I'm just a trashy bitch with a lot of money.

I find the timing
Of Ace's haiku contest
Very suspicious

Ode to rdbrewer...

Suspend semantic
rule; the witless can't survive
rigorous haiku

This country is mine
It can be yours as well, but
Freedom isn’t free

Jihadists laughed hard
When Edwards gave his stump speech:
"Oh no! We're sooooooooo scared!"

"Anyone but Bush!
We can't appeal to marines!
Allahu Akhbar!

Kerry/Edwards? Yes!
They'll keep us safe from ourselves!
Allahu Akhbar!"

Fucking Integrity

Like an Ace Haiku,
No fucking loose shit for him,
John Kerry has it.

Let the liberals
Stay. When the revolution
Comes, who'll line the walls?

Vinnie Falcone

Vinnie counts to five,
Vinnie then counts out seven.
That's way it is.

ccwbass - That got a loud guffaw out of me.

Uhh, some loose shit slipped in there, to correct with integrity:

Vinnie Falcone

Vinnie counts to five,
Vinnie then counts out seven.
That's the way it is

From Andrew Sullivan:

When I whack my bag,
I think about Ben Affleck--
Not the Kerry girls.

Vietnam Hero?
Zumwalt Says "Yes! But then your
Record will haunt you."

Then when he comes home
He hangs out with Jane Fonda
Was she a good time?

In U.S. Senate
He opposes every bill
For our Armed Forces.

So to pander votes
Takes both stands on all issues
What a dumb flip-flop!

Flaming Liberal!
You'll go down in huge defeat
Just like McGovern!

Oh, Magnanimous
Professor. Such an offer.
Get over yourself!

Do you presume to
know who has paid and hasn't?
where's your reciept, friend?

Phase of the Moon

Foetid wings flapping
Your candidates are midgets
Losers! You're losers!

Frustrated moonbats
Railing at reality
Bathe, smelly hippy!

Junk your VW van!
Spit the pipe out of your mouth
and get a real job.

Deaniac losers
O Kucinich! O Sharpton!
Flapping at the moon

No men among you
impotent moonbats
Bush wins in '04

My final retort to the moonbats:

Oh the poor DU
Put in cages by their own
Party of elites

On Retorts

Good retort contains
response to what came before,
you great silly twit.

Whoever thought that
Haiku contests could become
Another flame war

***************************

Strong and Respected
Responds to any attack
Why wait until then?

Can't catch terrorists
During an election year...
Makes Dems look weaker

Get on Your Flying Carpet and Ride

Fly on, Jihadis
Climb ever into the sky
And meet the Maker.

Heed the advice of
Golden Throated Osama
And die for Allah

Die die die die die
Die Fucking Die You Die Now
Motherfucker Die.

I believe that was Fucking Integrity.

Silly twit am I?
Leftist hater of this land
Go back to your cage

It's four o'clock. My
Inner Cartman speaks: 'Screw you
Guys; I'm going home.'

Andrew Sullivan's
Favorite scene in Top gun
Is "I want some butts!"

Andrew Sullivan's Ex-Conservative Anal Sex Lament

When Cheney debates
Edwards will get reamed like the
cherry ass he is.

Presumptive Fool

Silly twit you are.
Despite your delusions grand,
you are not this land!

PREMATURE ENUNCIATION

DU, I am a
Previous winner of this
Haiku contest, asshole.

(extra syllable for the god of poetry)

Lauraw, that was the
Best tryptych of haiku
Imagry ever painted.

Apologies to the big fish...

ooooooh, sorry RD.
May I gaze respectfully
at your trophy, bitch?

It's been fun!

Ever'body was
Haiku fighting. Those boys were
fast as lightening!

Calling people twits
shows how lazy you must be,
pitiful creature.

But that's expected.
Going through life with such poor
logic skills would suck!

But such is the lot
of those who live life as donks.
I almost feel bad.

How sad it must be -
your only skill is making
giant puppets.

You are right to say
That I am not this land, but
At least I love it

or:

I am not this land
But a traitor I am not
Love it or leave it

One for the hippies in the house:

Put me in a cage
Yet I promise still to vote
For those who built it

On the lighter side:

Dude, where is my car?
Was I really that drunk, at
The blogorama?

Blatant Johnny Cash rip-off:

Beer for Breakfast, on
Sunday morning coming down
One more for dessert

REQUIEM FOR A DU HAIKU FIGHTER

Come back next time and
Stand in the center while we
Attack one by one.

Hypocrite

Throwing stones in
Glass house haiku? Eric.A
Mothership calls you.

.cc Obama

Two Americas?
My staff said just say there's one
Loose fucking shit here

Kinder, gentler

You put words in my
my mouth I never said that
OK so shove it

Enough of this trollbashery. Lets get back on track:
Another convention poem.

Bent Pine Under Passing Cloud

Billy Zipper croons
and Democrats cream their pants.
Kerry grinds his teeth

"Temperance"

Ignore the troll
he's a buffoonish twit
and you're wasting haiku on rubbish.

October Surprise

The Big Dig's still there
Kerry's fate is not pretty
The Big Dig's still there

How many kickbacks?
His true masters are well known.
He cannot escape

Like a great millstone
The deals, the lies, the money
They ring his long neck.

This guy's as dirty
as a damn Paris pissoir.
A rat in a trap.

Boston corruption...
Bush has yet to mine that vein
-but just fucking wait!

Thanks, rdbrewer.
I was channeling my inner Marine.

Balloons, more balloons,
What the fuck are you doing?
Give me more balloons!

"Splendor from above"
Tricolor decor
American, though, not French.
The boys get balloons

-------------
"Did you Know"
"Did you know I served?"
"In Vietnam", he told us
"I got Purple Hearts."

-------------
"Untitled"
Kerry next to Moore
A birch next to a boulder
Makes the number "10".

I watch impassive
as Uday flays a prisoner raw:
He's not a hamster.

"Five Kaukus on Two Americas"
Two Americas
One strengthens alliances
One kills terrorists

Two Americas
One says health care is a right
One lowers taxes

Two Americas
One has Michael Moore
One still has food left

Two Americas
One says you're greedy bastards
One says live your dream

Two Americas
One has Andrew Sullivan
One has Ace O'Spades

If John Kerry wins
Will we move the Capital
To Easter Island?

-------

Kerry picks Edwards --
Sales of shampoo skyrocket
From their hair alone.

-------

I have to admit
I like Rashomon’s haiku --
He can really count!

Don’t get me wrong, though,
It’s just the first I’ve seen a
Lefty follow rules.

Haiku Ronin and Paul Zrimsek! Tushie kicking haikus.

That is some good stuff wow.

Who would Osama
Vote for if given a chance?
"Anyone but Bush!"

John Kerry, pompous
Adult Lord Fauntleroy,
Doesn't have a chance.

Thanks, lauraw, but I see I've somehow gotten eight syllables in the second line. Damn. Lose the "raw", I guess. Let's try again:

Légion Étrangère
I'm reporting for duty.
At your command, Jacques!

Dear Professor,

Your mind is chaos
You apologize to Cash -
It's Kristofferson.

Silk on Canvas

The soothing 10 count--
Did I fight Danny Williams,
Or Vinnie Falcone?

If you're not accepting entries in the original Japanese, then shove it.

"Another Mikey the Hutt moment"

Hero to the Left
Unable to tell the truth
Bloated sack of crap

Mike Tyson,

Hah!

Is it just me, or did other people miss the fact that Tyson even had a fight until they saw the headlines this morning?

Also by Mike Tyson:

"Out of Gas"

Low energy, feeling
peckish; light-headed from hunger;
Brit won't let me eat his ear.

Um, how's this?

After November
Bush will depart. Cheney may
need a good lawyer.

To my friend with no name:

My mind is quite clear
Yes, Kristofferson wrote it
But Cash did it best

Snowflakes of November Past

Report for duty:
McGovern, Carter, Mondale,
Dukakis and Gore.

For the Professor, I like Cash too!

I wear the black for
the poor and the beaten down,
Livin' hopeless, in

the hungry side of
town, for the prisoner who has
long paid for his crime,

But is there because
he's a victim of the times.
black for the thousands

who died, Believen'
that the Lord was on their side,
wear it for 'nother

hundred thousand who
have died, Believen' that
we were on their side.

Out of bed at noon.
Dem convention forgotten.
Time for Taco Bell.

Five for Teresa

Rhymes with...

Opinionated woman
Those aren't her pumpkin cookies
But is is her money

Never again

If you drag me to
Another damn convention,
Your allowance ends

Get me some damn balloons

The camera zooms.
The "happy family" shot
As I roll my eyes.

Diction

Come on America!
Say it. "Tah-RAY-zah" Say it!
Get damn used to it.

Inhale

A breath of fresh air?
More like the gunpowder smoke
Of a fired loose cannon

Gene Frenkle Part 1

Only prescription;
I gotta have more cowbell!
Gold plated diapers.

Gene Frenkle Part 2

An unbuttoned shirt . . .
Explore the Studio Space!
More cowbell, baby.

Kerry's Hair is thick,
Edwards teeth are white and big.
They're still gonna lose.

A Bush haiku

Cokehead. Deserter.
Smirking fool. Impeachable.
One term president

Unrepentent war
Criminal. Useless senator.
Perfect for the Dems.

Snail Adhered to a Leaf

For twenty five years
Just warming a senate seat
He has done bupkus

Damn! Screwed up the count. Lemme try again:

Inside Kerry's Brain

Killed women, babies!
Razed entire villages!
Fooled ya! Just kidding!
----------------
Will support the troops!
Will vote to increase spending!
Fooled ya! Just kidding!
----------------
Look at my record!
(But not beyond '70.)
No, I'm not kidding.
----------------

The lowly moonbat
Is surprised this November
When Kerry goes "pfft!"

Moonbat has some sack,
Not an anonymous post!
Wonders never cease...

Haikus From a Wendy's

Teresa's Query

What is this chi-li
You speak of? It sounds tasty.
Does it come with Brie?

We're Just Normal Folks!

Ironic how we're
Slumming it in this burger
Joint. God, we're so rich!

Wreck of the Photo-op

Hey, Marines! I served
In Vietnam don't you know?
Why the curt answers?

Devil Dog's Aside

Goin' to Iraq soon.
What gives Lurch the idea
That I'd vote for him?

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Haberdasher's fright
Kerry orders a new suit;
Empty but for air

* * * *

Kerry proudly asks
Permission to come aboard
No thanks you big turd

* * * *

Bounce, follow the bounce
Where is my fucking bouce
I knew Edwards sucked

* * * *

Post hoc prompter hoc
I did before I didn't
Yes and no Kerry

* * * *

Your hope in one hand
Your bullshit in the other
which one flows over?

* * * *

Hiding things not there
Baloons are so important
More fucking baloons

Final entry; has nothing to do with this contest but came into being as I pondered my doubtless severely clogged arteries:

The ghost of Elvis
Lived in every cheeseburger
I've ever eaten.

Non-Haiku but I hope you'll forgive me:

'Massachusetts Liberal'

I am the very model of a
Taxachusetts Liberal

I fleece hard working people and then
buy votes from the gullible

My economic theories are just
rehashed marxist principles

For campaign contributions you will
find me quite corruptible

My support for the troops is clearly
laughable and fanciful

My foreign policy is vague
deceitful and inscrutable

To cast a vote for me is just
goddamned irresponsible

I am the very model of a
Massachusetts Liberal!

What Happened, Theresa?

Big speech all for naught
I expected eight, nine points
but Gallup says none.

What Happened, Theresa?

Big speech all for naught
I expected eight, nine points
but Gallup says none.

Goodbye, Kucinich

Dennis, it's been fun.
Say "hi" to Klaatu and Gort
back at base station.

A Democrat's Jaw-Clenching Version of a Positive Message

We're optimistic,
damnit! Soooo opt ... ABU GHRAIB!
I feel better now.

"The Democrat's Dream"

Kerry to White House!
Regain Senate and the House!
Oh hell, I woke up.

Andrew Sullivan:

Donate your money
Bandwidth is so expensive
See you in a month!

What's this? A flat tax?
I work for the IRS
Time to vote Kerry

Teresa Heinz-Kerry:

Welcome to Wendy's
My name's not "Garcon", it's "Todd"
That's called chili, ma'am

Dead skunk on highway;
Old fish and turds 'pon the wind:
Kerry smells the polls.

Todd's Poem #2:

Yes, ma'am, it's chili
Meat, tomato sauce, peppers...
is that what you want?

Todd's Haiku, Final:

One order chili
That will be ninety-nine cents...
Yes ma'am, as in pennies

John Kerry:

My plan is the best
I can make us great again!
No, I won't tell you!

We captured Hussein.
But Chirac did not like it.
Bend over for France.

blowing wet hampsters
the nuanced gift from Kerry:
a rat's right to life.

Rodents for Kerry
with apologies to krakatoa

Live damn you! How do
you ask a hamster to be
last hamster to die?

Heinz 57...
Words per hour in that damn speech
Don't rush her, she's rich

Bin Laden at large?
More likely he's wallpaper
In Tora Bora

Joshua Mellencamp Marshall on the Weekend News

Expecting a bounce
But terror warnings come out
Suspicious timing.

I am trying hard
To write a haiku using:
"Swiss Finishing School."

That last one was mine
Didn't click on "Remember
Personal info?"

Richard Gere:

I like hamsters too
They make me feel warm inside
Vote for John Kerry

Whis'ling past graveyard
"no bounce!" they whimper and shake.
scary poll says, BOO!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A34914-2004Aug2.html

Photo-op

I ate at Wendy's
BEFORE the five-star takeout
Lucky I'm bulemic

YUM!

We ate at Wendy's
Before we ate somewhere else
Nuance on the menu

I talked to foreign
Leaders and they want me to
Win. Yasser says hi.

Ben Afflek does not
Seem to know the meaning of
The word "enervate."

Yes, we question the
timing of intelligence
four years past its prime

Rashomon: News flash!
Most attacks take years to plan
Not just days or weeks

Below are haiku
Of things that happen still
I like the last best

Bombing! Many dead!
Bush knew and yet said nothing
Negligent moron

Citicorp leveled!
Bush warned us; it still happened
Incompetent fool

No attacks occurred
Bush data is four years old
Dumb fearmongerer

Reposting the 2nd haiku, changing slightly to make more sense of its order:

Above are haiku
Of things that may happen still
I like the last best

Loose Catsup

Four years of what hell?
Teresa, my dear, you should
Just lay off the sauce.

No bounce, you say? Heh!
Electoral predictor
Says Boing, Boing, Boing, BOING!

"Hello there, Marines.
Did you know I served in 'Nam?"
"F-O-A-D, Sir."

Hot Boston Summer.
Platitudes in plenitude.
So enervating.

I want free health care!
A guaranteed job for life!
And maybe a pony, too?

Nothing more to fear,
Than George Bush for four more years.
Kennedy forgot.

Boing, Boing, SPLAT!

Save a screenshot, B.
Maybe it will console you
through Bush's next term.

Is it just me? Does
Kerry look like album art
for Iron Maiden?

Oh, St. Teresa!
Joan Osborne was right: you are
Higher than the moon.

Finally got a link!
(So THAT'S what trackback is for.)
And now I can sleep.
-----------------------
Uhhhh, by "sleep," of course,
What I mean is, work real hard.
(Has the boss left yet?)

The Past is the Road Ahead.
War makes not one Proud.
Solemn Salutes of Regret
Left is the direction of Retreat.

This thread is so worth the price of admission.

Remembrance of mistakes past

by T.H.K.

I was mistaken
I thought I knew what hell was...
Four more years. Hello.

(Optional modification to my entry: the "are" can be put in italics.)

Memo to Kerry:
Michigan hates the Buckeyes
They are huge rivals

Hello, Michigan!
Football games are so bourgeois
Can't we talk polo?

John Kerry:

Hello, Michigan!
Football games are so bourgeois
Can't we talk polo?

John Kerry, again:

My apologies
I mentioned the wrong mascot
I love your... Big M

One more entry for me...

John Kerry, on the 9/11 Commission:

Recommendations?
Let's hold a special session!
(I can't make it, though)

Bunny suits and corn
This guy makes Dukakis like
A MAN goddammit!
---------------
Praising Buckeyes in
Michigan? Is Kerry a
Retard or something?
---------------
Be glad John's on his
Bus tour. Now, the Massholes have
But one Senate vote.

Andrew Sullivan:

I love George W. Bush
I just remembered I'm gay
Forget what I said
--------------------------
John Kerry:

Four more years of hell?
I wish that wife of mine would
Just shut up sometimes

She's rich and she's nuts
Her babble moderated
with whopping bear tranquilizers that John makes sure she never ever ever runs out of

I know it's after the deadline, but still:

Kerry: Bring it on!
Swift Boat Vets: He is unfit!
Consider it brought

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