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December 28, 2005

The Wit and Wisdom Of Saddam Hussein

He refers to himself as "Saddam Hussein" a lot. Don't let that throw you. These are his quotes, unless otherwise specified.

[To the judge:] Give me a chance... give me a chance... Give me a chance, don't cut me off. I'm not defending myself, I'm defending you. He gets to bring his files in, while Saddam Hussein must write on his hand what he wants to remember to say to the judges.
"Your honor, I want you to be like lances and swords confronting the enemies."

...

"I am not here to defend Saddam Hussein. As I've said before, Saddam Hussein is too great to be defended by Saddam Hussein himself."

...

"No, please. I am not a student in your school. Don't make me speak in a way that none of us want. He interrupted me and went on talking. You didn't silence him. He asked a question, and my answer is: 'Yes, I was beaten all over my body, and I bear the marks to this day. Yes, we were beaten. We were beaten by the Americans. We were tortured, each and every one of us. When that man gets up, he has to lean on the wall so he doesn't fall. He received rifle blows to the neck, until they crippled him. That one was crippled. Barzan was crippled. Abu Nadia – they even took the bones out of his legs.'"

Expect Andrew Sullivan to begin shrieking hysterically about our new practice of "taking the bones out of detainees' legs."

Watches and clothes are not important to Saddam Hussein, except to the extent they're very important indeed:

"Saddam Hussein – in the American democracy that has been put to shame here, in great Iraq – was not allowed to wear his watch. This is not my watch. The watch I had they stole. One of my daughters, whom they exiled, gave her father a watch as a present. That is the watch they prevented Saddam Hussein from wearing. I'm only saying this so you can make the comparison. They tore the robes I was wearing all the way down. This way, they believe, they are hurting Saddam Hussein, diminishing his personality. But Saddam Hussein's personality is not measured by his clothes. This is a mark of shame on them, but it only makes Saddam Hussein greater, not smaller...."

Saddam Hussein proves he's pretty cool:

Barzan Tikriti [His brother, I believe]: "Your honor, those lowlifes are laughing and cursing."
Saddam Hussein: "In any case... Barzan, let those monkeys laugh. A lion doesn't care if a monkey in a tree is laughing at him. Take it easy. Look at me, I don't care about this nonsense.

And you all thought Baghdad Bob was a little bombastic. He learned from a master.

I'll give Saddam Hussein one thing-- this cat does definitely not placate.

posted by Ace at 03:12 PM

Comments

Non-Utahns probably never heard NBA great Karl Malone hold forth in an interview (Karl Malone gotta do what Karl Malone gotta do). Get Malone, Saddam, and Bob Dole together for a conversation. There wouldn't be enough space in the room for all of the third persons that would have to be there.

Posted by: skinbad on December 28, 2005 03:22 PM

"Your Honor, I am here to defend Saddam Hussein against the false charges issued by the God-less chimps.

Saddam does not any defense because he has done nothing wrong. In fact, your honor, this entire proceeding is a lie. None of this a real. We are not even in this building right now. We are slleping in our beds and this is our dream. But for some of us it's a nightmare.

We are being tormented by the American cowards while we sleep. They have tricked the good people of Iraq into thinking they have ousted the Batthe Party and Saddam Hussein. Nothing can further from the truth.

In summary, this is a dream. If it were not a dream, Saddam would still be innocent. Saddam is the victim here. We are all the victims here. I demand that the Western pigs be punished for their cruel behavior.

The defense rests, your honor."

Posted by: Baghdad Bob on December 28, 2005 03:30 PM

Another "life imitates Seinfeld" moment: Saddam is actually Jimmy. And what Jimmy wants, Jimmy gets.

Posted by: Monty on December 28, 2005 03:34 PM

UGAdawg is curious to see how fucking funny Saddam Hussein is when he's swinging from a hangman's noose. Yes, UGAdawg cannot wait for that.

Posted by: UGAdawg on December 28, 2005 04:19 PM

Proving that he really is SoDamn Insane.

Posted by: Jenny on December 28, 2005 04:21 PM

Saddam is too great to be defended by Saddam Hussein himself.

If Saddam Hussein is so great why isn't he great enough to defend Saddam Hussein???

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle on December 28, 2005 04:31 PM

RWS,

That is one of the great paradoxes that confound the great philosophers of our time. Like Brewfan and Monty.

Posted by: Alex_fs on December 28, 2005 04:45 PM

Chimpy McHaliburtonHitler 1
Hussein the Lion of the Spider Hole 0

Posted by: JackStraw on December 28, 2005 06:22 PM

I don't know UGAdawg, if he can breath out his ass as good as he talks out it, hangin' might not work on the bastard.

Posted by: B Moe on December 28, 2005 06:46 PM

Saddam Hussein can defend Saddam Hussein, but Dick Cheney put something in Saddam Hussein's soup, and Saddam Hussein pooped Saddam Hussein's drawers. The Americans will not give Saddam Hussein new drawers.
Saddam Hussein rests, but won't sit. Saddam Hussein squats.

Posted by: Alear on December 28, 2005 08:29 PM

Send sadam and ramsey clark to the disitigration booth or just use a agonizer

Posted by: spurwing plover on December 28, 2005 08:42 PM

B-b-b-b-bird bird bird,

The Bird's the word

-but enough of that:

Does it betray some lack of humility when lauraw speaks of herself this way?

Can lauraw create a poem so awful that even lauraw cannot countenance it?

Can lauraw be so ridiculous that even lauraw can not ridicule her?

I think not.

Posted by: lauraw on December 28, 2005 09:34 PM

Does it betray some lack of humility when lauraw speaks of herself this way?

I'm thinking the use of the third person betrays a lack of sobriety.

I trust you had a Merry Christmas, Laura, and I wish you a Happy New Year.

Posted by: Michael on December 28, 2005 11:50 PM

I am not here to defend Saddam Hussein. As I've said before, Saddam Hussein is too great to be defended by Saddam Hussein himself.

Why does this remind me of Mr. Paul Anka. Something tells me Saddam Hussein would be the only important one on that stage.

Posted by: M on December 29, 2005 11:18 AM

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Funniest thing I've read about the Virginia mess. Back when they were hustling the referendum through the assembly both Senators, Warner and Kaine, advised them to go slow and play by the rules. Louise Lucas said she respected them but didn't need advice from the "cuck chair" in the corner. The gerrymandering was overturned and Louise is heading for the big house. Edward G. Robinson voice "where's your cuck now?"
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I posted his post on twitter and it's gotten 25K views so far. Thanks, Smell the Glove

Chris
@chriswithans

"Ahhhhh ahh I put my career on the line for Louise Lucas and Jay Jones thinking they'd vault me into presidential contention and we ended up costing Democrats 20 House seats and unleashing a Reverse Dobbs ahhhhh ahhh"

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Somebody else holds your heart, yeah
You turn to me with your icy tears
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"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.

Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.

Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"

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