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December 23, 2005

Reporters Crazy Over Dick Cheney's iPod!

They've been forbidden to report that the only songs on the iPod, recorded 3000 times, is W.A.S.P.'s Fuck Like A Beast, followed by The Emperor's March from The Empire Strikes Back.

Thanks to SJ.

Correction! It turns out I was wrong that Dick Cheney only has two songs on his iPod; tipsters inform me he has others, including "Ride of the Valkyries," "My Way" (a nod to the man who taught him everything about management, Mr. Paul Anka), and "Muskrat Love."

There may be others. Loose shit on my part.

posted by Ace at 12:28 PM

Comments

Dick Cheney needs that outlet, his only source of sustinance are the screams of the innocent.

Posted by: Tom on December 23, 2005 12:34 PM

Oh, come on. You know he's got "Ride of the Valkyries" on there, too.

Posted by: Jay on December 23, 2005 12:35 PM

And, "Muskrat Love".

Posted by: Jay on December 23, 2005 12:36 PM

Interestingly, the constant playback song on John Edwards' iPod is the theme from "Bewitched."

Posted by: utron on December 23, 2005 12:38 PM

I would give my left nut to see Dick Cheney do a karaoke of War Pigs.

Posted by: Tom on December 23, 2005 12:40 PM

Ace, Utron, All,

LOL.

Posted by: MeTooThen on December 23, 2005 12:47 PM

Sinatra. My Way.

Posted by: JackStraw on December 23, 2005 12:49 PM

Hey, TOTALLY RANDOM REQUEST:

Can somebody point me in the direction of that classic fucking blogpost about the hypothetical where you're trapped in a room with a bunch of 8-year-olds...and you have to take them all out? The deathmatch one? I can't find it, I have no idea how to search for it on google. Many thanks.

Posted by: Jeff B. on December 23, 2005 12:55 PM

Missing from the MSM reportage on what's on his iPod, is what his iPod is on.

Let's just say he uses an XXL "arm" band to keep it strapped on, if ya know what I mean.

Posted by: on December 23, 2005 12:56 PM

Dick Cheney's iPod?

Man, there's no music on that. There's just a continuous loop of the screams of the poor innocent people tortured at Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay.

That and some suspicious grunting that may or may not belong to Andrew Sullivan.

Posted by: Jimmie on December 23, 2005 12:58 PM

JeffB -

go here

http://acepilots.com/mt/category/blogosphere/page/2/

scroll down a bit.

Posted by: West on December 23, 2005 01:08 PM

Dammit, when are all these top secret leaks gonna stop! Someone needs to hang for this, spin that bitches.

Oh wait, whats going on here? How is this news, it doesn't seem to hurt the Bush administration.

How can we spin this negative, bitches?

The Bush administration was rocked today and put on the defensive when it was revealed that Cheney's IPOD may contain illegally downloaded material. While noone knows how Cheney obtained the material, top democrats and key GOP insiders have speculated that he might have copied them from a "CD." "While not technically illegal, this act may constitute high crimes and misdemeanors if he did not obtain written, direct consent from the Emperor of Japan and president of Sony, said centrist legal theorist Paul Krugman.

Posted by: joeindc44 on December 23, 2005 01:13 PM

Reporters Crazy Over Dick Cheney's iPod!

I keep reading this as: Reporters Crazy Over Dick Cheney's Pud.

Posted by: on December 23, 2005 01:19 PM

He's got to have My Sharona on that thing.

Posted by: Russ on December 23, 2005 01:38 PM

Harry Nillson's Your'e Breaking My Heart... you're tearing it apart, so fuck you!

Posted by: Madfish Willie on December 23, 2005 01:44 PM

Oh come on, you know Cheney's a headbanger (why do you think he's bald?)

Metallica: For Whom the Bell tolls
Metallica: Enter Sandman
AC/DC: Ballbreaker
AC/DC: Highway to Hell

Posted by: Scott T on December 23, 2005 01:57 PM

got to have AC/DC's Back in Black

Posted by: Dave in Texas on December 23, 2005 01:58 PM

Led Zeppelin's The Lemon Song. How can you have a ginormous, nuclear-powered package without a theme song?

Posted by: Tongueboy on December 23, 2005 02:09 PM

Hooray for Me by Bad Religion

Posted by: Lord Floppington on December 23, 2005 02:42 PM

Any politician worth a damn always has Alice Cooper's 'Elected' close at hand. Only those of Cheney's caliber have the entirety of 'Billion Dollar Babies' with them at all times as well as the original vinyl back at the ranch in Wyoming.

Posted by: epobirs on December 23, 2005 03:07 PM

You know he's also got Tool's "Prison Sex" and "Wardance" by Killing Joke for when he's feeling amorous.

Posted by: UGAdawg on December 23, 2005 03:21 PM

Rush's 2112 - gotta celebrate that first term, dontcha know?

What? 2012? Oh....never mind!

Posted by: Tongueboy on December 23, 2005 03:30 PM

John Cage*: 4'33''. Pure silence, which Dick Cheney cranks full blast while chairing Senate sessions.

*The audience saw him sit at the piano, and lift the lid of the piano. Some time later, without having played any notes, he closed the lid. A while after that, again having played nothing, he lifted the lid. And after a period of time, he closed the lid again and rose from the piano. The piece had passed without a note being played.

Posted by: Alear on December 23, 2005 03:35 PM

A recording of Condi playing Bach's "Toccata and Fugue in D minor" from the last Neocon-Cabal Plot to Take Over the World meeting of course.

Better than Wagner's Walkuerenritt would be any of the leitmotifs associated with Alberich (the evil gnome the renounces love to gain power) from Das Rheingold. Cheney would be the Alberich of the century if he could sing. Hint to The Met: give this guy a call after his term is over.

Alear:
Ah, 4'33". I took a music class some time ago where for our final exam the teacher would play a piece that we had to recognize. Praise be to John Cage for writting that, it really made things easy for me.

Posted by: Otho Laurence on December 23, 2005 05:32 PM

Dick Cheney's Penis's iPod endlessly repeats Saint-Saens' Symphony #3 - the Organ Symphony.

Posted by: Brown Line on December 23, 2005 05:52 PM

> Dick Cheney's Penis's iPod endlessly repeats Saint
> Saens' Symphony #3 - the Organ Symphony.
> Posted by Brown Line at December 23, 2005
> 05:52 PM

What? Isn't that the music that was used as the theme song for "Babe" (cute pig movie)?

Posted by: jmchez on December 23, 2005 06:37 PM

Bad To The Bone.

Posted by: sandy burger on December 23, 2005 07:58 PM

Perhaps, a certain song named after his favorite blog...

(Bill Bennett has that one, too, though for a different reason.)

Posted by: Stumbo on December 23, 2005 09:36 PM

You know that Cheney's got to have Heather Alexander's "March of Cambreadth" somewhere on the Official Vice Presidential iPod...

Axes flash, broadswords swing,
Shining armor's piercing ring
Horses run with polished shields
Fight those bastards 'til they yield

Midnight mare, blood-red roan,
Fight to keep this land your own.
Sound the horn and call the cry:
HOW MANY OF THEM CAN WE MAKE DIE! ...

There's four more stanzas, complete with bagpipes and drums, and it's all good.

www.heatherlands.com

Posted by: Wes S. on December 23, 2005 09:38 PM

Fire - The Crazy World Of Arthur Brown

I Put a Spell on You - Screamin Jay Hawkins

Come on people, get with it.

Posted by: xanthrope on December 24, 2005 09:46 AM

"I am Iron Man...." is what Dick Cheney hears when he turns on his Ipod, strapped to his throbbing cawk.

Posted by: H on December 24, 2005 11:20 PM

I really like these Cheney threads. So many interesting facts about our overlord.

Posted by: Enfant Perdu on December 25, 2005 09:52 AM

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Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

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🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

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If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

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br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

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