That's not true!!

Eh. It's still worth it.

I'm 53 with a full head of hair, no pustules, average eyesight for my age, and otherwise in good health. Must be I never do it.

Although Allah's link to Melissa was not helpful.

I think Ace is asking for tips to buy a new Fleshlight...

To give credit, found that offa Boing Boing. I'm anxiously awaiting Snopes verdict however, cause if this turns out to be true, well, I'm fucked.

Of course they lacked the crucial ingredient: High quality porn!

Have you seen the crap they had back then...please!

A little Jenna Jameson woulda' put some juice back in his step.

Thanks Allah, for the link.

That girl has eyes the color of a root beer popsicle.

(Who said that originally?)

Slightly OT, but has anyone seen that Paris Hilton sex tape ad on Drudge?

Ace,

Holy Crap!

Hematemesis!

Pustules!

Alopecia!

Hypertonus!

Paraparesis!

Blindness!

...

Shit.

I'm sure glad I never did that!

And I am a doctor.

Whew.

Close one.

Really.

Allah,

I don't man.

What gives with some guys?

That woman is smokin' hot.

Hot-t-t-t-t-t.

!

!!

Wow.

Allah,

read: I don't know man.

Bien sur.

Loose shit.

...

Still, wow.

Masturbation leads to...baldness. My God, I had no idea (what's with the whole hairy palm thing anyway?).

Who will I have to kill to get a 360?
Ebay has goobers trying to sell it for thousands.
Maybe I will retain my dignity and my money and wait to pay "retail."

They tell you when you’re small
That it’s no thrill at all
And you should be ashamed
If ever you’re blamed
For flinging your jigger

They told me at the time
If I did, that I’d go blind
And my palm would then grow hair
If I should ever dare
To fling my jigger

I should have never climbed that pole
And slid back down……reeaalll sloooooow
but I surely did - and got a thrill
From then on I couldn’t get my fill
Of flinging my jigger

Now I go for my daily jog
Led by my seeing eye dog
And every day I shave my palms
But I tell you, I have no qualms
‘Cause I still fling my jigger.

The key is to vaccinate yourself at an early age.

Hey, could be worse.

You know what this means... Both Jocelyn Elders and Al Gore (2 counts - inventor of the Internet and father of Karenna Gore) are responsible for more deaths than Hitler, Ted Kennedy, Haliburton, OJ, and Ronald McDonald COMBINED.

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