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November 16, 2005

Document Dump

Iraqi Basic Training Extended From 14 To 24 Days

And they're training themselves now, too:

At the academy, recruits are taught hand-and-arm signals. All the instruction is in Arabic—no translator needed. Iraqi noncommissioned officers teach the course.
"We're at a phase now where we mainly just advise the Iraqi instructors," said Sgt. 1st Class Naymon Mack, an advisor at the academy who also serves in the 80th Div. "Two years ago, we started off with Americans giving all the training. American drill instructors did all the training through interpreters."

"Now, we pretty much just oversee (Iraqi instructors) and make sure the training is conducted properly," Mack said. "We've moved to another level."

Ants Devour Eye of Coma Patient

"I've got some bad news and some good news. The bad news is, carnivorous ants ate your eye out of its socket. The good news is, well, it's not like you were going to be winning any archery contests anyhow."

Mars May Have Liquid Water

Using a planetary environmental chamber – a tank that mimics the atmosphere, temperature, and pressure of other planets – the team exposed various concentrations of briny water to conditions that match Mars' colder, less pressurized environment. Based on these experiments, salty water, it seems, can exist as liquid on Mars.
"It was thought that any liquid on the surface would evaporate almost immediately," Julie Chittenden, a graduate student with the Arkansas Center for Space and Planetary Sciences told SPACE.com. "These brine solutions enable water to stay liquid at colder temperatures. If you expose these brine solutions to cold temperatures, they can exist for a very long period of time."

While pure water freezes at zero degrees Celsius, water mixed with sodium chloride and calcium chloride salts – the two salts used in these experiments – remains liquid down to -21 and -50 degrees Celsius respectively.

Because salty water can exist as liquid at colder temperatures than pure water, it won't make the jump from ice to vapor as quickly, giving it a better chance of existing as liquid on the surface or just below it. Average Martian temperatures range between -125 degrees and 28 degrees Celsius at various latitudes at different times during the day, and the salty test samples stayed liquid within the range.

I'm just sayin'... what if we just f'n' shipped all the caribou in ANWR to Mars? We'd be giving them an entire planet. That is, until they die off (in 30 minutes) and start becoming oil. Then we drill the fuckers.

Iran Warns Action on Nukes Could Have "Consequences"

Memo to Iran: Threatening a country that already has the bomb could have "consequences," too.

Poland Hopes To Base For American Missile Defense System

Poland's new centre-right government has signalled its eagerness to become the key European partner for the Bush administration's controversial "son of Star Wars" missile defence shield. Less than a week after winning a vote of confidence in the Polish parliament, the new prime minister, Kazimierz Marcinkiewicz, said the Polish authorities were discussing the plans with Washington.
...

More than the radar sites, the Polish authorities want to host a missile interceptor site, a reinforced underground silo from which long-range missiles would be launched to intercept incoming rockets.

If agreed, such a site would make Poland the host of the biggest US missile defence site outside the US. Any such move would be certain to infuriate the Russians, Poland's neighbour, who are alarmed by the missile defence plans. The Poles and Americans say any European missile interceptor installation would be aimed not at Russia but at neutralising potential attacks from the Middle East.

Memo to Russia: Maybe if you'd stop giving Iran missile and nuke technology we wouldn't have to build this sucker on your doorstep.

40-50 Thousand Total Enemies Killed In Iraq?

LauraW. already posted this letter from Iraq, but I was delighted to read this:

When they [the Iraqi "freedom fighters," who fight mainly to free schoolteachers of their heads] are engaged on an infantry level they get their asses kicked every time. Brave, but stupid.
Suicidal Banzai-type charges were very common earlier in the war and still occur. They will literally sacrifice 8-10 man teams in suicide squads by sending them screaming and firing Aks and RPGs directly at our bases just to probe the defenses. They get mowed down like grass every time....

When engaged, they have a tendency to flee to the same building, probably for what they think will be a glorious last stand. Instead, we call in air and thats the end of that more often than not. These hole-ups are referred to as Alpha Whiskey Romeos (Allahs Waiting Room).

We have the laser guided ground-air thing down to a science. The fast movers, mostly Marine F-18s, are taking an ever increasing toll on the enemy. When caught out in the open, the helicopter gunships and AC-130 Spectre gunships cut them to ribbons with cannon and rocket fire, especially at night. Interestingly, artillery is hardly used at all.

Fun fact: The enemy death toll is supposedly between 45-50 thousand. That is why were seeing less and less infantry attacks and more IED, suicide bomber shit. The new strategy is simple: attrition.

News You Can Use: Seasonal Depression May Affect Hamsters

Very, very important research, worth every dime they're spending on it. Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, which causes depression due to declining sunlight in the winter months, affects hamsters too.

Confirming a long-held belief of mine: Never stick a hamster where the sun don't shine.

Archeologists Discover Pottery With Name of Biblical Giant, Goliath

Archaeologists digging at the biblical home of Goliath have unearthed a shard of pottery bearing the Philistine's name, lending credence to the Biblical tale of David's battle.
While the discovery does not prove Goliath's existence, it does support the Bible's depiction of life at the time of the supposed battle, said Dr Aren Maeir of Bar-Ilan University in Israel.

"It means there were people there named Goliath at the time. It shows David's story reflects the cultural reality of the time."

Also named on the pottery shard? Mid-eighties shit-rock balladeer Richard Marx. Archaeologists could offer no explanation, but did say "At least it wasn't Peter Fucking Cetera."

Iraqi Terror-Suspects Allege: US Troops Threw Us In Lions' Cage!

But their amazing story doesn't end there. One of the detainees, it turns out, had earlier removed a thorn from the lion's paw, and the lion declared, in a rich booming voice (not unlike that of James Earl Jones): "This Iraqi, he's... he's okay by me. No, really, he's a pretty good guy. So we will only eat his legs and genitals."

But just as the somewhat-grateful lion was about to attack, the Iraqis were spirited away from the cage by leprechaun, who told them, "There is a pot at the end of the rainbow, and that pot is called 'multi-level marketing.' Have either of you ever considered selling products for Amway?"

Although the men could offer no proof of their amazing magical adventures, the mainstream media was quick to parrot their charges, noting that their charges were "similar to charges leveled by other Iraqi detainees, as well as demented street-rummies and lunatics. So we're quite comfortable running with it."

The men came forward after Mary Mapes put them in touch with officals at the DNC to "discuss political strategies against Bush."

Syria Girds Itself For Coming Sanctions

Bracing for possible economic sanctions, Syrian officials urged citizens to stock up on Syrian products, such as "asssassination, terror, mass-murder, squalor, backwardness and barbarism."

"We may have to tighten our belts a little," the Syrian Minister of Terror stated, "but we can always draw upon our Strategic Crazy Reserve in case things get really tough."

Syria has been filling the Strategic Crazy Reserve since 1988. It is estimated to contain 1.8 million barrels of light sweet crazy.

posted by Ace at 01:31 AM

Comments

This is not related to this post but, Ace I have read you for a while online. If possible could you try to get Allahpundit to blog more or get him to start his blog again. Or at the least have him repost his arhived blog entries. Also, when Allahpundit used to blog I really liked his style as well.

Posted by: Dave Nannini on November 16, 2005 04:46 AM

I'm just sayin'... what if we just f'n' shipped all the caribou in ANWR to Mars? We'd be giving them an entire planet. That is, until they die off (in 30 minutes) and start becoming oil. Then we drill the fuckers.

Sounds like a plan to me. I'll go test drive it at some of the NPS forums I frequent and see what they think of it.

Posted by: on November 16, 2005 06:16 AM

Hey, Dave! Ace is not Allah's bitch.

Posted by: on November 16, 2005 06:17 AM

Confirming a long-held belief of mine: Never stick a hamster where the sun don't shine.

Admit it. This is advice from your Mom.

Posted by: on November 16, 2005 06:18 AM

re: the Mission to Mars caribou plan. that may take more fuel than one could expect in return (assuming one caribou per full-sized pickup truck @ +/- 16-18 MPG and the distance to Mars varying from about 35 million miles to about 249 million miles). perhaps trenching and burying them in ANWAR itself is the ticket?

Posted by: Buddha on November 16, 2005 07:53 AM

Hey Dave, I've been reading your comments for a while so next time you see your brother would you tell him I would like to see him comment more frequently. I liked his style.

Posted by: BrewFan on November 16, 2005 08:21 AM

but did say "At least it wasn't Peter Fucking Cetera."

Thank the Lord.

Ace, Allah's link in blog roll takes you to a site pushing some pR0n site.

Did I just complain about that?

Posted by: WunderKraut on November 16, 2005 08:56 AM

Ace - the email on the Iraqi insurgents and tactics has pretty much been discredited. Thought you'd want to know. http://www.survivalblog.com/ (scroll down to the entries for 11-13)

Posted by: Greg Griffith on November 16, 2005 09:34 AM

Ants Devour Eye of Coma Patient

f'n' HMOs.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 16, 2005 10:09 AM

I am concerned about crazy hoarding by Syria. On one hand, their excess demand will raise crazy prices here and abroad. Big-Crazy will see windfall profits. I only hope that our domestic production can continue to meet the American demand for crazy.

I think the only real answer for Americans is less crazy consumption. For years, the left has been the main consumer of crazy, but has also been recycling crazy, sometimes repeating the same crazy in blog comments for a week at a time. However, that is no longer enough, some moonbats are crazy guzzlers, every time a troll like tubino says "spin that bitches" or "this time, the good guys won," they use enough crazy to provide upto 10 fiftyish Dowd-hags with "Bill Clinton was a great president and my lover" fantasies.

Its time for the left to stop consuming so much crazy and to embrace reality.

Posted by: joeindc44 on November 16, 2005 10:38 AM

GROANN

Will you people stop it already? There is plenty of crazy to go around, if the cartels would stop F'n with the supply.
The only reason crazy is worth more than dirt is because of this hoarding and stockpiling activity.

Look at Khadaffi in Libya. Sargeant Pepper/ Miami Vice Moammar there. Yeah, that's no accident my friends.

Posted by: lauraw on November 16, 2005 10:54 AM

re: the Mission to Mars caribou plan. that may take more fuel than one could expect in return

Feed them some beans on the ship on the way over there and harness the methane.

Posted by: on November 16, 2005 10:55 AM

You know who controls the worldwide crazy supply? That's right.

Posted by: Sue Dohnim on November 16, 2005 11:07 AM

I should be the one groaning.

I am sick of always defending the marketplace to people who should know better. Its all the same, blame the joos or the ceos, it really comes down to supply and demand. Crazy is a limited, finite resource, its not like diamonds which the Jews use as gravel in other countries.

I mean those two comments by lauraw and sue probably used enough crazy to let Maureen Dowd believe that she is an old maid because she is a sucessful woman.

Posted by: joeindc44 on November 16, 2005 11:16 AM

Appears as though Hugo Chavez is going to lose 5000+ points of retail distribution for crazy in North America next year.

Couldn't happen to a nicer crazy bastard.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 16, 2005 11:17 AM

Oh, please. Crazy is not a zero-sum game. Demand goes up, prices go up, suddenly it's cost-effective to explore for new sources of supply. There is simply no credible scientific evidence that the supply of crazy is limited.

Posted by: S. Weasel on November 16, 2005 11:28 AM

Well, I guess now we know why Syria is next on Chimpy McHitlerburton's hit list. It's all about the crazy, people.

Posted by: utron on November 16, 2005 11:29 AM

Joe, you're making a maniac out of me.

The Conservation Movement has been going on for longer than my lifetime. Can anyone produce statistics showing that conservation has had any effect on the price of crazy?

I didn't think so.

Meanwhile, North Korea, Libya, and the Netherlands are practically floating on the stuff.

New supplies have been discovered off the coast of California and Martha's Vineyard, and great pockets lay yet untapped in the middle east.

-but the supply never really increases enough, does it?
Why do you suppose that is, Joe??

Posted by: lauraw on November 16, 2005 11:36 AM

Let's keep in mind that we are talking about a possible tightening in the supply of natural crazy. Our universities have been successfully producing synthetic crazy for decades. Sure, the price tag is still a lot higher than what you pay for the naturally occuring stuff, but that drops as more people move over to alternative crazy sources.

It's all about economies of scale.

Posted by: VRWC Agent on November 16, 2005 11:39 AM

People, c'mon. Crazy is a fungible commodity. New supplies don't drive the price, that's a function of the cost of production. Market forces drive that. Demand is way up. Everyone thought it peaked in November of 04, let me tell you, it wasn't even close.

If we didn't have to produce all the boutique variants of crazy, the price might stabilize, but it'd be temporary, it always has been.

I don't see that on the horizon.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 16, 2005 11:41 AM

Drilling for more crazy will just enrich Big Crazy. I think we are losing sight of the big picture.

Sure, right, drill for crazy in North Korea, next thing you know it will be another foreign country we have to deal with. And you better not think about mining the crazy in the Berkley wilderness either.

With 57% of Americans completely agreeing that fighting wars for crazy is impeachable, that drilling for crazy is environmentally suicidal, and that international demand for crazy has been exceeding America's for years, we have to embrace a few facts.

Supply and Demand are king, granted, but we still need to conserve crazy here. Even if it won't work. Especially, if there is going to be an impending crazy shortage.

Posted by: joeindc44 on November 16, 2005 11:44 AM

Drilling for more crazy will just enrich Big Crazy.

*rolling eyes*

Yeah, God Forbid somebody should make a buck.

Whenever you hear people extolling the virtues of conservation, you can be sure they are the biggest crazy-guzzlers you ever saw.

You really mean that ALL OF US peasants should conserve, don'tcha Joe?
Ever look in a mirror, buddy?

Posted by: lauraw on November 16, 2005 11:51 AM

Drilling in BMMR (the Bazerkley Multi-culti Moonbat Refuge) is out of the question; we'd be disturbing thousands of acres of pristine moonbat habitat, virtually untouched by reality.

No, the answer is to conserve our dwindling supplies of crazy, while learning to exploit alternative sources of insanity, such as delusion and maniacal hatred. If we could just exploit the vast pools of hatred in the Middle East, then the region could supply most of the world's needs...

On second thought, let's not do that again.

Posted by: utron on November 16, 2005 11:54 AM

I'd been looking all over for that pottery shard.

Now, has anyone seen my head?

Posted by: Goliath on November 16, 2005 11:56 AM

Look, I understand the value of conservation. It has a place. I remember when the crazy tankers were anchored off shore, and people lined up for hours to get their crazy on even/odd days. You don't want that shit again.

The Strategic Crazy Reserve would get us through maybe 2 months, unless it's a really really harsh winter. Then, 30 days, tops.

But slamming crazy companies for 10% profits is not a serious argument.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 16, 2005 11:56 AM

This whole fuckin' thread is just fuckin' crazy. Y'all are just fuckin' crazy exploitationers.

Posted by: Sticky B on November 16, 2005 12:00 PM

Maybe I am not making myself clear, I originally posted with the intent that maybe, just maybe, we could try reality for awhile. Some societies have gotten by quite well with an austerity program based on reality.

For example, would it be so hard to read a Steyn article instead of a crazy guzzling Krugman (BTW, Lauraw, I hardly ever take the Kurgman off the bookshelf these days. And I make my servants get me cheap Iranian caviar while using a VanDeHei. Its more of a lie than crazy, but it gets the job done). Its not like I am asking you to read a Luskin.

Posted by: joeindc44 on November 16, 2005 12:01 PM

I've heard that we could extract some form of crazy from clinical depression shale, is this true? If so, Seattle has untapped reserves that could keep us going for another entire century.

Posted by: Sue Dohnim on November 16, 2005 12:21 PM

Oh, and don't forget the hamsters.

Posted by: Sue Dohnim on November 16, 2005 12:23 PM

we could try reality for awhile.

*chuckling*
Hey, if you want to live like the Amish, never dreaming and never hearing voices inside your head, nobody's stopping you.

I just want to repeat: we'll never, ever run out of the stuff.

So telling people they shouldn't inflate their scrotums and march naked at a protest rally just seems like prying to me. The man is paying the price associated with that behavior; none of my business.

Posted by: lauraw on November 16, 2005 12:24 PM

"Two years ago, we started off with Americans giving all the training. American drill instructors did all the training through interpreters."

I wonder how "I'm gonna rip off your head and shit down your neck" translates into Arabic?

Posted by: cus on November 16, 2005 12:28 PM

I don't want to be dismissive of terrorism but the decline in world crazy production has to be a bigger problem. (That and the decreasing size of the McRib sandwich.)

Look, people, I'm pumping all the crazy I can, but someone is going to have to jump in here and help when you have SUV-types like Howard Dean wastefully splurging precious crazy on faux Rebel yells.

You think the Republicans are going to do it? Well we've been waiting on the McCain - Lansbury "Queen of Hearts" plan for how many years now?

Until some of these risky crazy schemes pan out, I suggest we hoard all available crazy and put it in a lock box underneath Tipper's ass.

Posted by: Al Gore on November 16, 2005 12:44 PM

I don't understand this ANWR debate. Anybody ever been there? From what I can tell, even if you wanted to go see it you can't without hiking 800 miles. Why is it so important to leave a chunk of pristine land for the next generation to ignore?

Posted by: scott on November 16, 2005 12:53 PM

"Drilling in BMMR (the Bazerkley Multi-culti Moonbat Refuge) is out of the question; we'd be disturbing thousands of acres of pristine moonbat habitat, virtually untouched by reality."

Hey!

We're not *all* moonbats in Berkeley!

...

Well, okay, we are. Some of us are moonbats on the right, though.

Posted by: Knemon on November 16, 2005 01:01 PM

We're not *all* moonbats in Berkeley!

Fair enough, Knemon. You have my apologies. And, of course, my deepest sympathies.

Posted by: utron on November 16, 2005 01:07 PM

Can we get crazy from drilling the caribou?

Posted by: Bart on November 16, 2005 03:23 PM

Can we get crazy from drilling the caribou?

No, you're thinking of blindness.

Posted by: BrewFan on November 16, 2005 08:25 PM

Refined crazy is down to $1.97/gallon at some stations in Assachusetts.

Posted by: Bart on November 16, 2005 09:55 PM

Assachusetts

Isn't that where that prestigious university, Bendover, is located?

Posted by: BrewFan on November 16, 2005 10:08 PM

Brew, you must be thinking of Bendover Academy. I believe GWB attended Bendover Academy.

Posted by: Bart on November 16, 2005 10:33 PM

That's the one! Don't they have a cheer that goes something like: "Spread, thrust, and pound! Give a guy a reach around! Go Team!"

Posted by: BrewFan on November 16, 2005 10:57 PM

All this crazy talk reminded me of something...oh, yes -- Carter:

That path leads to true freedom for our nation and ourselves. We can take the first steps down that path as we begin to solve our crazy problem. Crazy will be the immediate test of our ability to unite this nation, and it can also be the standard around which we rally. On the battlefield of crazy we can win for our nation a new confidence, and we can seize control again of our common destiny.

In little more than two decades we've gone from a position of crazy independence to one in which almost half the crazy we use comes from foreign countries, at prices that are going through the roof. Our excessive dependence on OPEC has already taken a tremendous toll on our economy and our people.

Posted by: cthulhu on November 17, 2005 01:10 AM

Continuing with Carter, who can forget:

What I have to say to you now about crazy is simple and vitally important.

Point one: I am tonight setting a clear goal for the crazy policy of the United States. Beginning this moment, this nation will never use more foreign crazy than we did in 1977 -- never. From now on, every new addition to our demand for crazy will be met from our own production and our own conservation. The generation-long growth in our dependence on foreign crazy will be stopped dead in its tracks right now and then reversed as we move through the 1980s, for I am tonight setting the further goal of cutting our dependence on foreign crazy by one-half by the end of the next decade -- a saving of over 4-1/2 million barrels of imported crazy per day.

....and we all know how well THAT worked out.

Posted by: cthulhu on November 17, 2005 01:13 AM

Well, yeah, Carter and crazy just did not work well, did it? My parent's had to ration their crazy, which was hard, as my mom worked at a university. It reminds me now of how Soviet coal miners got one bar of soap a month. Those were tough days indeed.

BTW, you win on the crazy caption contest. bravo.

Posted by: joeindc44 on November 17, 2005 01:17 AM

clap

clap...

Posted by: joeindc44 on November 17, 2005 01:18 AM

What I want to know is what this will do to the price of bananas.

Posted by: Sortelli on November 17, 2005 02:18 AM