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November 15, 2005

Document Dump

French Intellectuals Break Silence, Revert To Incessant Jackassery

Know why those Youths of Undetermined Ethnic Extraction rioted in France? Not as a sign of a separation from French culture, but as a declaration they had embraced it:

French intellectuals have maintained their silence, despite more than 6,000 burnt-out cars, wrecked schools and vandalized creches and the one death resulting from the riots that have raged since October 27.
Now at last the philosopher Andre Glucksmann has spoken out with a provocative thesis: The disturbances are not the result of alienation but a sign that the young rioters are becoming integrated.

'They are integrating themselves by the very act of setting cars alight, even by the fact that they are setting people alight,' he told the German newspaper, the Franfurter Rundschau.

According to Glucksmann, negation is a typical form of French integration.

'All parties in France, business, the workers and so on, believe that something can be achieved by violence,' he told the leftist daily.

By this view, young people are integrating through their behaviour. Glucksmann believes that a 'nihilistic atmosphere' predominates currently in France and extends well beyond the banlieus.

Ah. I see. Rioting as a love letter.

This just in: Osama bin Ladin confesses he blew up the World Trade Center "just to get Jodie Foster's attention." "I found her so captivating and natural in Nell," the alleged terrorist mastermind explained. "I was just going to send flowers and candy, but she strikes me as the sort of woman who appreciates grand gestures."

Mr. bin Ladin says that his attempts to attract Ms. Foster have thusfar failed, and he's now very keen on Catherine Zeta-Jones. "She strikes me as a very sensual, very strong woman," he explained. "I think I'll saw off the heads of a dozen Christian schoolgirls and send them to her. I imagine she would appreciate the 'classy approach.'"

Saddam Had Enough Enriched Uranium To Produce Enough Weapons-Grade Fuel For One Atomic Bomb

Just one, though. Not like you can do any serious damage with that.

Iran's Former President Lashes Out At "Extremists"

Iran's moderate former president Mohammad Khatami has hit out at Iranian extremists he says give "enemies the best excuse to attack Islam and Iran", the student ISNA news agency reported on Monday.
Khatami, replaced by hardliner Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, criticised those who "think that belief in democracy, freedom and progress tarnishes the revolutionary image of our country in the Islamic world and try to compete with the Taliban by advocating violence and committing extremist acts, which are at odds with the religion".

"These groups should not forget they will never be able to replace Osama bin Laden and the Taliban, but will only be at the end of the line," Khatami was quoted as saying.

Chirac, Reeling From Riots, Seeks To Emulate Steady, Confident Approach of Jimmy Carter

President Jacques Chirac said Monday in his first televised address to the nation since rioting erupted more than two weeks ago that the violence reflected a "profound malaise" in France.

He also said he'll implement racial quotas to help reduce racial disparities.

Seriously-- Europe is always pretty much exactly thirty years behind us.

Global Warming Will Also Cause Plagues

Famine, pestillence, death-- pretty soon they're going to link global warming to war (Study Shows War Most Common During "Sticky Heat" Season) and the left will finally have its own safely-secular One Horseman of the Apocalypse.

In related news, Al Gore just had his first orgasm in 27 years. His last was during an episode of Little House On the Prarie in which Mary and Nell got into a hair-pulling fight.

Ecstacy May Cause Brain Damage

The drug ecstasy reduces the brain’s defences, reveals a new study of rats, leaving it vulnerable to invasion by viruses and other pathogens.
The researchers behind the study warn of "clinical considerations which may apply to the treatment of people who abuse MDMA". For example, anaesthetics could find it easier to penetrate the brain, "greatly increasing the risk of unwanted sedation". And they say infections could cause permanent damage to brain cells or alter the ability of the brain to function normally.

The brain is protected by a fence of tightly packed cells, called the blood-brain barrier. This prevents all but the smallest molecules from passing through. But the new experiments show that MDMA – the chemical name for ecstasy, or “e” – somehow forces open that barrier, allowing larger molecules access to the brain.

Andrew Sullivan was unavailable for comment, as he was out in his garden planting murdered hobos. "I'll have a lovely blooming by spring," he said, and then used a hoe to smash in the skull of one hobo clinging to life.

Zarqawi Erred By Killing Muslims Rather Than Americans: Jordanians Take a "Nuanced View" of Mass Murder

Like many ordinary Jordanians, Hassan Eid prays for God's vengeance against his one time hero militant Abu Musab al-Zarqawi when he watches television images of bloodied victims from the country's first suicide bombings.
"He is no longer a true warrior against U.S. occupation. Zarqawi has gone too far. This cannot be justified in any way," said Eid at his grocer's shop near downtown Amman, adding only Islam's enemies were benefiting from random killings.

"He is not killing Americans, he is killing Muslims."

Wonderful.

Forget democratizing the Middle East. How about humanizing them first?

Alito Papers Reveal Him To Be... An Actual Conservative

Also breaking: Bears Continue To Prefer Forests For Waste Elimination

Supreme Court nominee Judge Samuel A. Alito Jr. is a lifelong Republican committed to federalism and other key conservative ideals, according to documents released yesterday by the White House.
In one memo, Judge Alito urged President Reagan to veto a federal bill to require used-car dealers to keep track of the mileage of cars, saying that such a law would infringe upon states' rights.

...

And, unlike many nominees to the federal courts who have hidden their personal views behind those of their clients, Judge Alito embraced conservatism.

"I believe very strongly in limited government, federalism, free enterprise, the supremacy of the elected branches of government, the need for a strong defense and effective law enforcement, and the legitimacy of a government role in protecting traditional values," he wrote in a 1985 essay accompanying his application to be deputy assistant attorney general.

In that same essay, Judge Alito said the courts have overtaken much of the role reserved for elected officials.

"In the field of law, I disagree strenuously with the usurpation by the judiciary of decision-making authority that should be exercised by the branches of government responsible to the electorate," he wrote.

Once again: you're welcome.

Believe It Or Not, MSM Got Another Katrina Scare-Story Wrong

It may have been the most disturbing story of death that emerged after Hurricane Katrina pummeled New Orleans and its suburbs. A week after Katrina hit, Knight Ridder and other media outlets reported on Sept. 5 that 22 bodies had been found tied to a single rope near Violet, La., in devastated St. Bernard Parish. The parish, or county, is east of New Orleans.
The story was sent around the world. Knight Ridder moved two stories on Sept. 5 that quoted Sheriff Jack Stephens saying rescuers had found the bodies tied with rope and wrapped around a pole.

The next day, residents of Sydney, Australia, read the newspaper headline, "Ring of 22 bodies found lashed around a pole."

The reports contained no details about how these victims ended up tied to the rope.

Last week, St. Bernard Parish Fire Chief Tom Stone said the reports were not true.

"It's a hurricane urban myth. It's fictitious. It never happened. Thank God," he said.

Mary Mapes immediately lashed out at Chief Stone for "bowing to political pressure from internet partisans" and claimed she had "experts" confirming the death-rope "may have" existed.

Nuke Plant May Have Been Target of "Australian" Terrorists

Relax. It's a fictitious threat:

Police stopped and questioned three recently arrested terror suspects near Australia's only nuclear reactor last December, according to a police document released Monday.
Eighteen terror suspects were arrested in Sydney and Melbourne last week and charged with planning an attack. Police have not identified the likely target.

A police fact sheet, provided during a court hearing last week and released publicly on Monday, alleges that three of the eight Sydney suspects were stopped in their car by New South Wales police near the nuclear facility in southern Sydney in December 2004.

The men also had an off-road bicycle and claimed they were there to ride, the document said, noting that all three gave different versions of the day's events to police.

Police inquiries revealed the lock of a gate to a reservoir of the reactor had recently been cut, the document said.

The three - Mazen Touma, Mohammed Elomar and Abdul Rakib Hasan - along with five other Sydney men, have been charged with conspiring to manufacture explosives in preparation for a terrorist act.

Rabid Dog Bites Man: Iranians Blame Jordan Bombings On... Well, You Know Who

Goddamn, no wonder Jews control the world. Who can keep up with them?

If the Zionist conspiracy to control the destiny of the earth takes this much fuss and bother, I say let the Jews run things. 'Cause, personally?, I needs me my me-time.

posted by Ace at 01:27 AM

Comments

The Lucas Heights reactor is a teeny-tiny little thing used for research and producing radioisotopes for medicine and industry. Its power output is 10MW compared to 3200MW for the Chernobyl-4 reactor.

Naturally the Greens want to shut it down.

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 15, 2005 06:36 AM

Jews.

Is there anything they can't do?

Posted by: Sortelli on November 15, 2005 06:45 AM

I like this format, Ace. Very Taranto-esque.

Plus the bit about planting murdered hobos-- priceless. I've got visions of Sully starring in a remake of "Motel Hell," only it's set at a lovely B&B in P-town, and instead of curing jerky, he's looking to produce the most delectable foie gras.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on November 15, 2005 08:27 AM

Ace,
In his speech on Friday and again last night Bush said that, in his opinion, people who questioned his use (or misuse) of intelligence in the run-up to the Iraq war were "deeply irresponsible."

Perhaps if he had a better grip on reality he would understand, as you do, that 57% of Americans believe that he misused the Iraq intelligence for the purposes of justifying his decision to go to war.

I'm aware of your contention that Bush is not desperate, but what is it if not desperation that causes a president to accuse the 57% of Americans who disagree with him of being "deeply irresponsible?"

Do you agree with the president's characterization of 57% of your fellow countrymen as irresponsible? Do you believe that it is appropriate for a president to characterize the clear majority of Americans who disagree with him in this way?

Posted by: phil on November 15, 2005 09:31 AM

Yeah, the formats nice yo.

I'd dig up my Grandmothers bones and feed them to a pack of wild dogs before I'd feed that troll.

Posted by: spongeworthy on November 15, 2005 09:35 AM

Jews.

Is there anything they can't do?

Yes, they haven't recovered my share of the Jew gold.

Posted by: Sue Dohnim on November 15, 2005 09:46 AM

Phil, Phil, Phil. What's deeply irresponsible is continuing to spew a statement you know to be false. Bush said nothing of the sort. This is what he said...a simple google search, 10 seconds, would have shown you the same thing.

As president and commander in chief, I accept the responsibilities and the criticisms and the consequences that come with such a solemn decision.

While it's perfectly legitimate to criticize my decision or the conduct of the war, it is deeply irresponsible to rewrite the history of how that war began.

What Bush is calling irresponsible is people who are accussing him of manipulating evidence which I am pretty sure is a treasonous offense last I read. If someone called me treasonous with zero evidence I might be willing to call them something other than irresponsible. Make no mistake, they are making these accusations with ZERO proof. He is stating quite clearly that after multiple investigations demonstrating that the information was not "cooked" by the administration and also being quite clear that those crying foul now had the same access to information (even if they were too lazy to get it) and are trying to find an excuse to now say they were tricked into war and want to blame everything on the President.

Admit it, you and those like you never supported the war and are now looking for a way to damage the President regardless of the affect it has on our troops or the war in general. At least be honest and then we can debate the merits of the war.

Posted by: JackStraw on November 15, 2005 09:51 AM

I'd dig up my Grandmothers bones and feed them to a pack of wild dogs before I'd feed that troll

me too. but I'd be respectful about it, being your grammy's bones and all.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 15, 2005 10:12 AM

::Applause::

ps, the hobo part was really scary.

Posted by: SarahW on November 15, 2005 10:45 AM

Gee, that Australian nuke threat story seems awfully familiar...

Posted by: Harry Callahan on November 15, 2005 10:50 AM

That philosopher guy may actually have a point about the riots in France being a "sign that the young rioters are becoming integrated."

In many ways, they're hewing closely to the hallowed traditions of their French hosts. As Mark Twain once noted:

"For 1,000 years this savage nation indulged itself in massacre; every now and then a big massacre or a little one. The spirit is peculiar to France—I mean in Christendom—no other state has had it. In this France has always walked abreast, kept her end up with her brethren, the Turks and the Burmese. Their chief traits—love of glory and massacre."

Posted by: David C on November 15, 2005 11:25 AM

I still can't figure out why it's taken so long for the White House to respond to all this nonsense. The only reason that inflated 57% number gets thrown around is because Bush has been inept at striking back at people like Kennedy & Rockefeller. Use their own words against them already.

The feeble-minded (like Phil) would believe it regardless, it's the people who only know what's being spun by the NYT, WP, etc. who I'm interested in.

Posted by: RDub on November 15, 2005 11:30 AM

Don't you understand, we got 57% to agree with us! I mean its over, its a fact now. 57%. spin that, bitches. 57 means its true and there is no going back, because time stops right now-there's no need for more debate or more information. What, you think that 57% of Americans could be wrong? I don't think so because if you disagree with 57, then you are unamerican and possibly a catholic.

57575757575757
ahahahahahshshahahha

whew, I need a kleenex.

Posted by: joeindc44 on November 15, 2005 11:38 AM

I am ashamed to read a blog that makes light of Global Warming, the Enviroligon's Doom's Day, the ur Chinvat Peretum.

Let's summarize what Global Warming will do once man's sins against the Gaian Virgin Planet, earth, has placed us beyond the redemption of Gorbo, the Great Recycler:

It gets hotter.
It gets colder.
It rains a lot.
It hardly ever rains.
Species will become extint
The earth will become overrule as the flora and fauna propser in the heat.
Glaciers will melt
Glaciers will advance.

As you can see, there is literally nothing that Global Warming won't do to us.

For you non believers, if you want proof, just look out your window, if it is raining, dry, cold, hot, windy or calm, chances are that Global Warming has or will have had done that.

Posted by: joeindc44 on November 15, 2005 11:52 AM

Gee, that Australian nuke threat story seems awfully familiar...

Harry:

Yeah, I've also read that story before. Must have been some blogger that Ace never reads. Did we see that story over at Garfield Ridge or something?

Posted by: Michael on November 15, 2005 12:03 PM

French Intellectuals Break Silence

That's the saddest headline I've read in a long time.

And the worst part is, it implies the French were waiting with bated breath for these intellectuals to weigh in.
And their brilliant analysis is as back-asswards as you'd expect.
What does it take to become a French philosopher?

Is it because they were too stupid to make pastry? Too socially inept to wait tables...in France? Too insensible to objective reality to be a French politician?

Posted by: lauraw on November 15, 2005 12:09 PM

An old Jewish joke that I can’t resist sharing:

A Jewish man goes into a coffee house in 1930s Vienna. He sees a friend of his, also Jewish, and he’s shocked to notice that his friend is reading a Nazi newspaper. “Herschel,” he says, “ how can you bring yourself to read that filth?”

“Hey,” says his friend. “When I read the liberal papers the news for Jews is terrible, simply terrible. Why should I depress myself when I can read this paper, which tells me that we’re all brilliant, we’re all rich, and we rule the world?”"

Posted by: utron on November 15, 2005 12:32 PM

The french do have a thing for rioting. I use to go there every June (what was I thinking!) and was caught up in a few. They also like to torch cars and buses when they riot. Very french. Hey, what do I care? It's in france. It is their problem. Pure schadenfreude here. I can't deny it. :) :) :)

Posted by: on November 15, 2005 12:36 PM

And a true story about French intellectuals:

Back in the 1970s, I think, Michel Foucault went to a lecture by Jacques Derrida. He sat through the lecture in silence and left without making a comment. Finally a friend asked him what he thought of Derrida's presentation.

"That guy gives bullshit a bad name," Foucault said.

Posted by: utron on November 15, 2005 12:59 PM

Do you want to read some crazy? Think tubino makes too much sense? Looking for some batshit, mind-bending, the sky is down and the ground up nonsense?

That post on French intellectuals fits the bill. Ayn Rand had a line in A.S. about how an intellectual is someone who will believe anything that is wrong. So, let's get ready to soak in this line of crapulence:

"'All parties in France, business, the workers and so on, believe that something can be achieved by violence,' he told the leftist daily. "

Something can be achieved by violece? Except for keeping Germans and Islamist welfare recipients out of their country, I guess.

What an abdication of a country's grip on reality. I guess this is the nihilism of Europe that will lead to the United Islamic States of Europe.

Posted by: joeindc44 on November 15, 2005 01:49 PM

the left will finally have its own safely-secular One Horseman of the Apocalypse.
Priceless, Ace! I feel sorry for the other three. Maybe Sauron will employ them. Upgrade to twelve Nazgul!

Everyone blames the Jews for everything, but how do they coordinate? They must have us all fooled, what with "take three Jews and you get four opinions" and all that. Heck, Jews can't even agree who's a Jew or not. And yet they rule the world.

Posted by: Muslihoon on November 15, 2005 02:02 PM

Actually, it would be 13 Nazgul as evidently the Left fired War, replacing the four with Global Warming. Ah well, what an American thing to do anyway. Go Sauron and the 13 Black Riders!

Posted by: Muslihoon on November 15, 2005 02:05 PM

You've gotta love the 57 percenters. I mean, these are the same people who we last saw bemoaning the "fact" that a majority of Americans supposedly thought that Saddam had something to do with 9/11. And all we heard was how ill-informed that majority was--"They get all their information from Faux News! The rubes!"

Then, a majority of the voters put Chimpy McBu$Hitler back in office, and what did we get? The "sorry, everybody" crowd apologizing to France that, well, the 48-49% of smart Americans (who don't live in "Jesusland") voted the way they would've. Sigh. If only the majority wasn't so stooooooopid.

Now, all you hear about is how 57% think the Iraq war was bad bad bad, and after all, a majority of Americans couldn't be wrong.

Typical.

Posted by: Sean M. on November 15, 2005 02:06 PM

I think Bush is a genius for getting the Jews, who control him, and the Saudis, who pay him, to get along. How often do these two groups have the same interests. Yet, Bush is able to serve both masters, and his rich oil buddies.

Posted by: joeindc44 on November 15, 2005 02:08 PM

This Glucksmann guy has his head screwed on right, at least compared to other French intellectuals.

He wrote a book called "The Gourmet and the Cannibal" (La cuisinneur et la mangeur des hommes) in the 70s, partly about the GULAG - basically repeatedly pimp-slapping the rest of the French intelligentsia with Solzhyneitsyn's cock ... of course, being French, he had to talk shit about America too, but at the time it was a big step.

Posted by: Knemon on November 15, 2005 02:13 PM

So, will the rioters integration into French society be complete when they've sent Chirac to the guillotine?

Posted by: epobirs on November 15, 2005 02:45 PM

Who cares what the troll did for a living. People in the military can have different opinions.

Posted by: joeindc44 on November 15, 2005 02:50 PM

sorry, wrong post.

Posted by: on November 15, 2005 02:51 PM

It doesn't seem to me that Glucksmann meant to be complimentary when he said that the rioters are becoming integrated through their nihilism.

I could be wrong, but that is how I read his comment.

Posted by: SWLiP on November 15, 2005 03:02 PM

NEWS FLASH: Ecstasy May Cause Brain Damage...

pssst... (alcohol DOES)

Right. Forgot that.

Posted by: Sherard on November 15, 2005 03:13 PM

Everyone blames the Jews for everything, but how do they coordinate?

Look, I'm only going to tell you this one more time, because I put everyone in danger here by exposing this. You know how we cover our heads with scarves and hats? In medieval times, people thought it was because we had horns.

They're not horns. They're antennae.

Posted by: Sue Dohnim on November 15, 2005 03:24 PM

You did not end your Document Dump with a story that a dummy like me can respond to:

Terrell Owens is still an asshole AND the Iggles blew it lastnight against the incompetent Drew Bledsoe and the Cowgirls

Posted by: Bart on November 15, 2005 05:04 PM

Anyone who's taken Ecstacy knows in their gut that it probably causes brain damage.

Nothing that feels that good comes without a price.

When you're coming down, you can sorta feel little bits of your brain flickering out like a bad bulb.

Posted by: Knemon on November 15, 2005 06:39 PM

This thread has gotten out of control. Focus, people.

WHO WON THE POETRY CONTEST?

Posted by: Michael on November 15, 2005 08:52 PM

Ah. I get it now. Thanks, Sue Dohnim!

They say we Latter-day Saints also grow horns. Now I know they probably mean antennae. Either way, mine haven't come out yet. Could it be because I don't pay tithing? I should get a job soon so I can pay tithing so I can be connected to the Hive's central communication network. I think the Queen lives in the Salt Lake Temple.

Posted by: Muslihoon on November 15, 2005 09:47 PM

...he was out in his garden planting murdered hobos.

I haven't seen as many squeegee guys lately...

Any chance we could get Andrew to take a crack at some stray cats instead? My neighborhood is being overrun.

Posted by: Purple Avenger on November 16, 2005 01:42 AM

I have to get this off my chest.
Will someone please tell Byron York that his Jackie Kennedy hair-do looks ridiculous.

Posted by: Bart on November 16, 2005 02:28 AM

he does sport a mane.

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